“What I need mom, is for you to take care of yourself and get better. Are you not eating? Drinking?” I thought back to the several unfinished meals. I believed she’d eaten enough. She told me she was full.
“I’m just not hungry a lot,” she said.
“Doesn’t matter mom. You need to eat to keep your strength up.” I didn’t want to force feed her, but I would if that’s what it took to keep her with me.
“Was your dinner nice?” she asked.
I growled hating that she was more focused on making sure me and Lora were together than her own health. “Mom. Focus. You need to do what you can to stay strong.”
“He’s right, Jane. You need to take care of yourself so you can be around a long time. You don’t want to miss anything in Cy’s life, do you?”
My mom shook her head. “I’d like to see him get married. I’d like to become a grandma.”
Jesus fucking Christ. The two of them were plotting my future when they should be focusing on my mom’s health.
“To do that, you need to eat and drink enough liquids,” Lora said gently.
My mom nodded. “Yes, of course.” She looked at me. “But I don’t have forever, so you need to pick up the pace, Cy.”
I wanted to tell her I wasn’t getting married and having kids just to give them to her. At the same, if it made her eat and fight for her life, I’d consider it. I glanced over at Lora. Content.
I shook my head. I didn’t want content. I wondered if Petal would be willing to move to Chicago? Or maybe I could convince my mom to move if I added a marriage and kids to it.
Holy shit, what was I thinking? I didn’t even know if Petal loved me much less would marry me and have kids with me. I was a fucking mess.
“Why don’t you rest a little bit, Jane, and we’ll take you home once we can get you discharged,” Lora said.
My mom nodded. “I’d like to go home.”
It was well past midnight when I got my mom home and settled into bed, and Lora in the guest room so she could be near my mom tonight, and not have to drive home so late.
As I settled into my bed, I wanted so badly to call Petal, but it was late. Or worse, she was on a date. Or a man was in her bed.
I growled under my breath. How did my life get so complicated?
I punched my pillow and turned to my side, hoping a dreamless sleep would carry me away.
26
Petal
Normally, I loved the time after Thanksgiving. The holidays with its bright lights, merry sounds, and delicious scents fill me with joy. But fatigue, depression, and a sense of uncertainty were making it difficult for me to go through the motions of life. Normally I was a take action type of woman, but I couldn’t figure out what action was the right one to take. I’d even convinced myself that maybe the tests were wrong, but the trip to the doctor proved they’d been right.
The best I was able to muster was putting one foot in front of the other, taking my life one minute at a time as I went through my normal routine…up early, bake, sell, bake, and home. I did manage to hire a young woman, Libby, who earned her AA in culinary arts and had real skills in cake decorating that I thought could add some additional appeal to my cupcakes. Training her was a nice distraction, at least for the part of the day she was with me.
The week following Thanksgiving, April showed up at the shop alone. “I thought I’d get some cupcakes for the office party.”
“It’s still several weeks until Christmas.” For a moment, I wondered if Cy was returning for a visit. I still hadn’t told him about the baby. It felt wrong not to and yet, I didn’t want to complicate his life more than it was.
“Yes, but Conner will be heading home for the holidays soon, so Jude thought they should have it early.”
“Where’s Bertie?”
“I left him with a sitter.” She gave me a pointed look. “I want to talk to you. Do you have a minute?”
Concerned that something was wrong, I called my assistant from the back to come out.
April’s eyes widened. “You hired someone finally? Now I know we need to talk. How did I not know this?”
“Libby, this is my best friend in the world, April Mason. April this is Libby Tanner, my new assistant.”
“Hi and I’m so glad you’re here to help,” April said with a genuine smile.
“I’m glad to be here,” Libby said.
“I’m going to take a break to talk with April. Can you manage the front for a bit?” I asked Libby.
“Yes, of course.”
I left Libby to it, on her own for the first time, and went upstairs with April to my apartment. I made some tea for me and coffee for her.
“Have you heard from Cy?” she asked as she sat on the couch.
“No. I imagine his life is busy with his mom.” And his fiancé. “How about you or Jude?”
“I haven’t. Jude says they’ve communicated by email, but it sounds like his mom had an accident or something right after Thanksgiving so, he’s been a bit preoccupied.”
Her news only made my life more difficult. What did I do now?
“Is that why you’re here?” I asked.
“Actually no. I’m here because I’m worried about you,” she said, taking the coffee I handed her.
With my tea, I sat on the other end of the couch. “Worried? Why?”
Her brows furrowed as if she was trying to scan my brain with x-ray vision or something. I looked down at my tea in case my expression gave anything away.
“Since Thanksgiving you’ve been aloof. I haven’t seen or talked to you.”
“Your life is busy, April. I’ve been here the whole time, like I’ve always been.”
She shook her head, like she was searching for the right words. “I can’t explain it, but something is off about you. Is it Cy? Do you miss him?”
I swallowed. April was my best friend and I could really use a friend. But she was also Cy’s partner and I didn’t want to put any additional strain on their relationship. Cy didn’t need April and Jude mad at him when he already had so much going on.
“Petal. Come on. I know something is up. Please tell me. Give me the chance to repay you for all the years of friendship and support, and a shoulder to cry on.”
She was right. Not only had we been good friends since we were kids, but I’d been there when she’d gotten together with Jude, and when he left and she found out she was pregnant. I’d been by her side when he came back and she was uncertain as to what to tell him about Maya. If anyone could help me navigate an unplanned pregnancy with an absent baby daddy, it was her.
“I want to confide in you,” I admitted.
She set her coffee down and moved to sit closer to me. “Then do it. You can trust me. I don’t know why you think you can’t.”
“It’s not that I don’t trust you. I just…”
“You’re worried because Cy is a friend of ours too?”
I nodded. I suppose it wasn’t strange that she figured out it involved Cy.
“You’re in love with him, is that it?” she asked.
“That’s part of it,” I admitted, looking down at my tea but having no interest in drinking it.
“He doesn’t feel the same? I guess he doesn’t since he left.” She wrapped an arm around me.
“I think he cares, but he has to choose his mom. I get that.”
“You always think of everyone else first, Petal. If you love him, you can fight for him.”
I let out a small laugh. “I’d lose. I can’t come between him and his mom…and…his fiancé.”
April frowned as she jerked back and stared at me like I’d spoken in tongues or something. “Fiancé?”
I nodded. “I called him a few days after Thanksgiving and his mom said he was out with his fiancé.”
April sat back on the couch, staring off like she was processing that. Then she looked at me. “Why didn’t he say anything to Jude? That doesn’t make sense. They’re like brothers. That’s something he’d tell
Jude.”
I shrugged. “I don’t know. But it does make sense. He was engaged to her before. Now that he’s home—”
“She fell for another guy while he was serving his country. Why would he take her back?”
“I don’t know, April. I just know she’s been helping with his mom and maybe they worked things out.”
“Oh honey, I’m sorry.” She pulled me close.
“There’s more.”
“More?” She leaned back and looked at me.
I blew out a breath, terrified to tell her what was going on. I wasn’t sure why. I knew she’d support me. I guess I worried what she’d do to Cy.
“I’m pregnant.”
Both her brows shot up to her hairline. “Pregnant.” She studied me. “What reaction should I give you? The one where I’m happy for you and that we’ll have kids close in age or the one where I’m concerned because it’s unplanned.”
I dropped my head to her shoulder. “Both I guess. I don’t know.”
“What did Cy say?” She leaned her head against mine and took my hand.
“He doesn’t know.”
She was quiet for a moment. Finally, she said, “He needs to know, Petal. I know he’s gone and moved on, but…he doesn’t just have rights, he has a responsibility too.”
“I know. I just don’t want to add more to his plate. His mom is sick. He’s just gotten his fiancé back. He’s having to navigate working away from the business he started with Jude.”
“So? What about you? Your life isn’t uncomplicated. You’ve got a business and now an employee. You’re carrying a child, which isn’t always easy.”
I laughed. “I’m exhausted.”
“Yes. You need to take care of yourself. And he needs to know. He’d want to know.”
“I know. I did try to call and tell him. That’s when I found out about the fiancé.”
She shook her head. “There’s something fishy about that.”
I lifted my head to look at her. “Can you not tell Jude about all this yet? I needed to tell someone…my best friends, but it adds more stress if I have to worry about what Jude will do or say?”
She nodded. “I won’t tell him for now. But you need to tell Cy. You know you do. I remember you telling me how I needed to tell Jude that Maya was his.”
“And you were worried about it. I’m worried too.”
She tugged me to her side again. “I know. But I’m here for you, Petal. Whatever Cy does, you can count on me and Jude to help you, just like you helped me with Maya. God, Maya will be thrilled.”
I managed a smile. I felt some relief at not carrying the burden on my own and knowing April had my back. But I was still not sure what to do about Cy? Did I arrange to go see him? Did I text him? I hadn’t tried to call since Thanksgiving break, but he hadn’t called me either.
“Tell me you’re going to call him tonight,” she said. “You were right about my telling Jude. I messed it up and it almost cost me this wonderful life I have.”
“I don’t think not telling him soon enough is going to cost me a happily ever after with him.” Tears sprang to my eyes.
“But he might be angry if you don’t tell him soon. Eventually it will get out and it’s something he needs to hear from you.”
She was right, of course. “I’ll tell him.” I wiped my tears. “I should get back to the shop. Libby hasn’t run it on her own yet.”
“Yes, of course.” She stood and picked up her coffee taking it to the kitchen. “I’d like to get a dozen cupcakes before I go.”
“I’ve got cupcakes,” I said.
She came out of the kitchen and gave me a hug. “No matter what, you’ve got me, okay? I’m here for you.”
I wrapped my arms around her. “Thank you.”
“Of course. Can I ask when you’re due?”
“August.”
She did the mental math. “So around Halloween or right after, huh?”
It had to be the witch costume. I remembered we didn’t use any birth control that night. I always thought I was smarter than that, but a little alcohol and a very, hot, sexy man, and things like birth control left my mind.
“Let’s just say I’ll probably dress up as Raggedy Ann next year.”
She snorted. “If you have a boy, can be Raggedy Andy.” She gave me another hug. “It will turn out okay, Petal. Whatever happens, you’ll be okay.”
From her lips to God’s ears, I thought.
We headed back to the bakery, and while Libby looked a little harried as she worked the espresso machine as a two-person line queued at the counter, all looked fine.
I helped her serve the customer and got April her dozen cupcakes and proceeded with the day.
That night, I ate dinner, worked on my bookkeeping making sure I’d be financially able to raise a child. Then I cleaned my house and tried to figure out how I was going to raise a baby in my little apartment. Basically, I was doing anything and everything I could to avoid calling Cyrus. Finally, I decided it was too late to call, and I went to bed. It was wrong, but I couldn’t bear to hear him be angry or upset.
As the week wore on, I still didn’t call. I was a coward. Or maybe I was hoping this was all a bad dream. Then I’d feel guilty about wishing the baby was a bad dream, because despite the complication of being pregnant, I was already attached to the little being growing inside me.
On Friday, I was in the middle of an afternoon rush, when my phone pinged in my pocket. I couldn’t check it then, but twenty minutes later, after Libby and I got everyone served their cupcakes and coffees, I checked the message. It was from April
Tell me you told Cy.
Ut oh.
Another text came in a few minutes later.
Petal! Answer the text. Did you call Cy like you said you would?
A few minutes after that one, came the last one.
Sorry. I wish I could see you. I’ve got Bertie and need to get Maya to piano lessons. Jude knows. I thought you’d told Cy. Jude said Cy was acting weird. I said maybe it was because of the baby. He asked Cy about it. He seemed surprised at the news.
I sank back on the stool in the kitchen as I felt my world start to crumble. Clearly there was no putting it off. I had to call Cy now.
I checked the number, making sure I wasn’t recalling his mom’s landline again, and dialed his cell phone number.
It rang four times. Each ring, my heart started thudding faster. Harder.
It’s Cy. I can’t talk. Leave a message.
What message did I leave? Hi Cy. I’m pregnant. Have a nice life?
Not sure what to say, I hung up. If he knew, why hadn’t he called me? Or had he? I checked my messages as well as the calls that had come in that I hadn’t answered. None were from Cy. So, either he knew and didn’t care, or he didn’t believe Jude.
I started dialing his number again, deciding to leave a message to call me when he had time.
“Petal? There’s a line,” Libby called from the front.
I’d leave the message later. I put my phone in my pocket and walked back out front to help Libby with the customers. Once again, I was putting him on hold. It was wrong, and I couldn’t help the sense of dread when he realized I’d kept the news of his child from him.
27
Cyrus
Taking care of my mother became an all-encompassing feat. I cooked, cleaned, and paid mom’s bills. I took her to her treatments and appointments, sometimes alone and sometimes with Lora. I read to her and went through old photos with her. It felt like I was caring for her from dawn to midnight. But I was happy to do it, because she was my mom and I couldn’t lose her. Plus, she’d give her days and nights to raise me alone.
I hated leaving so much for Jude to manage at the office, so I did what I could, working when my mother napped, when Lora stopped by to check on her, or late at night after she’d gone to bed. But I could feel that I was burning the proverbial candle at both ends. I’d missed a conference call because I’d fallen asleep while
reading Jane Eyre to my mother.
“I’d always wished I’d had a Mr. Rochester,” she’d said to me when I told her I’d read something to her. I guess she always had an affinity for the story since the leading lady was named Jane, just as my mother was.
“Mr. Rochester, huh?” I said. “He seems sort of dark, broody, and cynical.”
She smiled at me. “Like someone else I know.”
“Who me?” I gave her an affable grin.
She laughed. “Rochester also had a sense of humor, deep loyalty to his family and obligations, and he was a passionate man.”
“He locked his wife in an attic,” I quipped.
“In those times, he could have locked her in an asylum, but he kept her home and hired caregivers. It shows his strength of character not to toss her away as a crazy woman.”
“He was nearly a bigamist,” I pointed out.
She shrugged. “It can’t be easy to be legally attached to one woman, while loving another one.”
Lora and Petal came to mind. Lora and I weren’t legally attached, but my mother was still hopeful that would change. Meanwhile, Petal was still staring in all my dreams.
“Do you think Jane would have lived in sin with him if the wife was still alive when she returned to Thornfield?” I asked.
“It would have ruined her reputation,” my mother said.
“So? She had her own money now. She didn’t need to worry about a good marriage. Would she toss her piety aside to be with the man she loved? I mean, why did she go back anyway except to be with him.”
My mother smiled. “When I go to heaven, I hope to meet Charlotte Bronte and ask her that question.”
“Yeah, well, you’ll have to wait a long time for the answer then because you’re not going to heaven anytime soon.” With that, I started reading and eventually she fell asleep, as I did I, and missed the meeting.
I’d also been late on delivering a few reports, and on sending some of my business expense receipts to Dina.
Eventually, the call from Jude to check on me came. It was a Friday late morning and my mom was sleeping. I was just getting ready to run a background check for a client.
Friends to Lovers: A Secret Pregnancy Romance (Heart of Hope Book 6) Page 17
