She nodded. “I’ve got an idea for a lavender cupcake. Can we try it? I brought some lavender in today.”
“Sounds lovely.” I pushed away all my concerns and focused on helping Libby create a lavender cupcake.
29
Cyrus
When I reached the sidewalk after leaving Petal, I was agitated. It felt wrong to leave her. She was carrying my child. She looked exhausted, and I was probably an asshole to confront her like that considering how worn-out she appeared. But I couldn’t get past the fact that she’d kept something this significant from me. It went against everything I thought about her.
How the fuck did this happen, anyway? I’d used a condom. Well, most of the time. But she hadn’t said anything about not being on the pill. Had she done this on purpose? I couldn’t imagine why. I wasn’t her last hope for a family. There were plenty of men on that dating site that could have given her that. I supposed it was an accident. It was that witch’s outfit that short circuited my brain. Sweet Petal in that sexy naughty dress. And now we were going to be parents. As angry as I was that she hadn’t told me about the baby, we were going to have to learn to navigate parenthood together.
I considered returning to her place because I had more questions, but she was fatigued and she needed her rest. Stress probably wasn’t good for her or the baby. So I pulled up my Uber app on my phone, and ordered a car to take to my house. She didn’t seem particularly interested in moving into my house, but I’d look it over to see what changes it might need for a child. I’d have to keep it so I had a place to visit if I didn’t return here. I’d have to try again and convince my mother to move here unless I could get Petal to move, but since we weren’t making any commitments to each other, and her business and life was here, it seemed like a lot to ask of her.
As I rode in the back of the Uber, I replayed the conversation with her in my head trying to understand why she’d keep the news from me. My brain skidded to a halt when I recalled her saying my mother told her I was out with Lora. No, not Lora. With my fiancé.
Fuck. I could totally see my mother saying that even though it wasn’t true. But even if it was true, it was a shitty reason for Petal to keep my child from me. Although if it was true, Petal was right in that it would have been shitty of me to move from a relationship with her to Lora so quickly. I’d told her I wasn’t seeing anyone else, but she apparently didn’t believe me. Then again, my mother told her otherwise. I realized I hadn’t corrected her on her assumption that I was engaged again to Lora. But what did it matter now? The tenuous line between us was broken.
I took a quick walk through my house when I got home, and made a list on the note app of my phone of areas to childproof. Then exhausted myself, I went to bed since I was taking the first flight back to Chicago tomorrow. I considered staying another day and going into the office, but I couldn’t face Jude. Not yet.
I was up early and on the flight just as the sun was coming up. I did some work on the plane and began to consider making my move to Chicago more permanent. I’d hinted at that with Petal. Then again, maybe I needed to return to Bismarck to be closer to the child. Except I didn’t know how long my mother was going to need help. I was being torn in two emotionally and physically.
I put my work away, and researched family law attorneys to talk to to find out about my rights and what I needed to do to protect them. I wasn’t married to Petal, so I wondered if I needed to take a paternity test. Jesus. I was going to be a father.
I arrived home, parking next to Lora’s car in the driveway. I wondered if she’d still want to reconcile with me if she knew Petal was pregnant. Wasn’t that one of the reasons Petal gave for not telling me? That it would ruin my relationship with Lora?
I walked into the house and was glad to see my mom was up in her recliner.
“Cy! Goodness you gave me a scare. Why did you leave like that?” my mother said.
Shit, another reason to feel guilty. I should have at least left her note or called her. “I had something I needed to take care of. I’ll tell you in a minute.”
Lora appeared from the kitchen. “You’re back. Do you want coffee? I have half a pot still.”
“That would be great.” Then I needed her to leave so I could tell mom about the baby. But I’d take a minute to readjust to being home again. “I’ll be right back, mom.” I followed Lora into the kitchen. “Is everything okay?”
“She’s fine, Cy. Just the usual. She was upset to wake up and find you were gone. I didn’t know what to tell her so I said it was business.”
“Fuck. I’m sorry I put you in that position.” I leaned back against the counter and rubbed my hands over my face.
“It’s okay. But don’t treat her like she’s so fragile.”
I took the coffee mug Lora handed me. “She is fragile.”
“She’s mentally strong, Cy. She birthed a man who became a SEAL. She must be a strong woman.”
I laughed. “I never thought of it that way.”
“Don’t underestimate her.” She pressed her hand to my cheek. “You, on the other hand, look like shit.”
“Gee thanks.”
Her hand slid down to my chest. It was a familiar, almost intimate gesture that had me stepping away from her because it felt wrong. Not because Petal was having my baby. But because it bothered me that Petal thought I’d gone from her bed to Lora’s.
“I need to talk to my mom,” I said hoping Lora would take the hint.
“I’ve to run. But if you want me back later, give me a call.”
I walked her out and then grabbed a chair and pulled it up next to my mom. I reached over for the remote and turned off the talk show she was watching.
“Ut oh. This must be serious,” she said as I took her hand.
“I’m sorry I ran off like that.”
“I’m sure you had a good reason,” she said, squeezing my hand. I could see her motherly instinct grow in her eyes.
“Remember when you told me that Lora mentioned I’d been seeing a woman in Bismarck?”
“Yes.” All of a sudden, a brow arched. “Is she pregnant?”
I laughed. “How did you get that from what I said?”
She shrugged. “I suspect all mothers worry that their son’s will accidently impregnant a woman.”
I looked down as it was the first time that I was made to feel like maybe I’d fucked up. This baby wasn’t planned, but I hadn’t considered that it was a mistake.
“Cy?”
I lifted my head. “Well, you’d be right.”
She gasped, but instead of disappointment, her face lit up. “Oh? I’m going to be a grandma.”
I nodded.
“Well, where is she? I have to meet the woman carrying my grandchild. Are you getting married? Is she moving here?”
I shook her hand slightly. “One thing at time mom. She’s in Bismarck, and no, we’re not getting married. And no, she’s not moving here. She has her own business.”
“Oh, an independent woman. I like that. So, you’ll be moving back to Bismarck?” Her voice was strong but I could hear the disappointment.
I let out a breath. “I don’t know what’s going to happen mom. The thing is, we’re not a couple. We never were. Not really?”
Her brows furrowed. “What?”
I swallowed. “We were friends and on occasion we…you know…” Fuck was I really talking to my mother about sex?
“I see. Well, it’s still your child. Is she saying otherwise or trying to keep it from you?”
“She says it's mine, but she didn’t tell me. I heard about it from Jude. That’s why I left abruptly last night. I had to see her to find out what was going on.”
My mother looked horrified. “She wasn’t going to tell you. What sort of woman is this? Why would you even be with a woman who’d do that?”
I laughed derisively. “I’m not sure if you’ve noticed mom, but I’m not a good judge of women. Lora is proof of that.”
“Lora is a good per
son who lost her way a bit.” My mom’s eyes rounded. “Oh goodness, what is she going to say when she learns about the baby? Oh Cy, she might not like that.” Now she was disappointed, proof that she was putting a lot of stock in a future between me and Lora. I realized I should have been more insistent that I wasn’t going to be with Lora.
“That’s not my worry mom. And by the way, you shouldn’t be telling people that Lora is my fiancé.”
“I didn’t—” She stopped short. “I don’t think I did. Who would I have said that to?”
“Petal says she called her to tell me about the baby and you answered the phone telling her I was out with my fiancé.”
“Petal? That’s her name. Is she British? That’s such an English name.”
“She’s not from there, if that’s what you’re asking.”
“Maybe her parents?”
“I don’t know.” I had a flash of guilt over that. I really didn’t know a lot about Petal’s family except they’d moved to Florida to escape the brutal North Dakota winters. “Mom. The point is, Lora and I aren’t getting back together. I know you want it. She says she wants it but it's not happening.”
“Well, not if you’re in love with Petal, it won’t. If you’d just told me you loved someone else, I wouldn’t have pushed you and Lora.”
“I’m not in love with her.” My stomach churned like acid was burning a hole it. “And you shouldn’t be pushing anyone on me.”
“You’re not going to marry her?”
Hadn’t I answered that already? My mother wasn’t ever a traditionalist. Afterall, she’d never married my father, whoever he was. But she sure was insistent on me getting married all of a sudden.
“No. But I’m going to be in that child’s life mom. And you are too. I’ll make sure of it. I have a list of attorneys to call.”
She brought my hand to her lips and gave it a kiss. “I’d still like to meet her. There must be something about her that appealed to you. Is she like Lora? Gorgeous?”
I sighed. “She’s…like the sun, mom.”
My mom’s face scrunched up into intrigue. “That’s quite a statement.”
“She’s bright and lovely and sweet…at least…she was.”
“Are you sure you’re not in love with her?”
I swallowed because I couldn’t deny it a second time, which was unsettling. “When you’re well, I’ll see if I can arrange for her to come visit you.”
“If she has her own business, can she take the time?”
“Or I’ll bring you there. Somehow, you can meet her,” I reassured her.
My mother smiled. “How are you, Cy? Are you alright with this?”
I nodded. The ramifications started to sink in deeper. “I’m going to be a dad.”
My mother laughed. “Yes, you are. And I hope you have a son as wonderful as the one I had.”
30
Petal
I was glad to have April and Maya over, although it didn’t ease my pain or guilt about Cy. I understood why he was angry. I’d have been too. I did try to call, but after that, I clearly hadn’t tried hard enough. At the time, my reasons made sense. But he was right in that I shouldn’t have been making those decisions about what he could manage or how a baby would impact his life.
“Petal, look at my fingernails.” Maya held up her hands and wiggled her fingers.
“Oh look, a different color on every finger. How psychedelic.” I smiled, although I didn’t feel any sense of happiness.
“Mama has red and green for Christmas.”
April waggled her fingers at me. I looked down at my hands. I’d managed a blue that at the time I thought would fit for winter, but now I realized it was for my mood.
They’d shown up a couple of hours ago with pizza, ingredients to make cookies, and spa items for pedicures and manicures. We were sitting on the floor after doing our toenails, finishing up our fingernails.
“Hey baby, why don’t you go see if those cookies we took out of the oven are ready to eat,” April said.
“’K.” Maya jumped up and rushed to my kitchen.
“Are we making it worse?” April asked.
“Worse?”
April sighed. “You’re not really with us. What can we do to help?”
“I’m sorry.” Crap, I was failing at being a friend too. “I just…I should have tried harder to reach him.”
“You know, Jude was angry at me when he found out about Maya. It was heartbreaking to see his pain and to lose him right when I was realizing just how much I still loved him.”
“Yeah, well, he loved you too. That’s why you’re together now and have Maya and Bertie.” I squeezed her arm careful not to smudge my nail polish. “I’m so happy for you.”
She put her arm around me, apparently not worried about her polish. “The point is, after a little time, his anger and pain waned and he forgave me. His love for us overcame that. Give Cy some time.”
I pulled away from her. “It’s not the same.” I stood and walked to the front window overlooking the quiet city street. “We were friends. He doesn’t love me.”
“I don’t buy it.”
I glanced over my shoulder at April, who leaned against the couch and sipped her wine. I couldn’t drink it so I gave it to her.
“I don’t know what to tell you, April. We’d agreed to friends with benefits—”
“I know what you agreed to. But you didn’t hold your part of the bargain, why would you think he would?”
“Because he left.”
She rolled her eyes. “His mother is seriously ill, Petal. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t care for you.”
“I didn’t say he didn’t care. I said he wasn’t in love with me.”
April pursed her lips. She looked like she was going to say something, but wasn’t sure if she should.
“What?” I demanded.
“Mama, the cookies are ready.”
I turned my attention back out the window to hide my annoyance at April from Maya.
“Can you put them on a plate and bring them to us?” April asked her.
“Yep.” Maya trotted off to the kitchen again.
April stood and came to stand next to me. “Cy isn’t a man to sleep with a woman he doesn’t care about.”
“I didn’t—”
“I know you said he cared but didn’t love you. But Jude doesn’t agree.”
I looked at her. “Jude knew about us?”
“No. Not until I accidently spilled the beans about the baby. But he did say he noticed changes in him.”
“He was worried about his mom.”
“Petal, every day since Jude and I got married, Cy has been to your cupcake shop. Do you really think it’s for the food? As good as your cupcakes are, do you really think, he wasn’t there to see you?”
I wanted her to be right, but I had other customers that came frequently.
“Or how about the fact that he nearly took Lyle and Jacob’s heads off at the Halloween party. The party where afterwards you two apparently made a baby. Come on Petal. You know Cy. He’s a guarded man who controls his feelings and urges, and yet, he couldn’t stay away from you. Surely that’s more than just lust or caring. He flew back here just to see you.”
“He was angry.” The memory of it still woke me up at night.
“He could have done it over the phone.”
“Cookies!” Maya came into the living room and set a plate of cookies on the coffee table.
“Oh, don’t they look good.” April gave my back a pat and then went to sit with Maya.
I took a couple of moments to gather my emotional control, plastered a smile on my face and joined them.
“This is the best one, Petal,” Maya said, handing me a snickerdoodle.
“Oh?”
She nodded. “It will make you feel better.” Maya’s eyes shone with sympathy. Had April told her about me and Cy and the baby? I didn’t think so. She was only eight. But she could probably tell I wasn’t my usual bubbl
y self.
“Thank you, sweetie.” I gave her a hug.
The topic of Cyrus was tabled until Maya’s eyes started to droop. We put her in my guest room, where she and April had lived for a short time when April made a stand against her brother’s controlling behavior and before she and Jude finally reconciled.
As she put Maya to bed, I cleaned up our spa items and put the cookies away. I made some tea and poured April another glass of wine.
“She had a blast. I feel bad we haven’t done this sooner. Then again, maybe you don’t like us invading your space,” April said as she came back into my living area.
“You know I enjoy having you both here.” I held up a glass of wine.
“Oh, such service!” She took the wine and sat on the couch next to me. “So, what are your plans?”
“I don’t have any. Bake, sell, bake, raise a baby, bake some more.”
“What is Cy going to do?” she asked.
I shrugged. “It sounds like he plans to stay in Chicago for the long run. He said he’d come back for doctor's appointments and visits with the child until it's old enough to go visit him.”
April made a face. “That could be years. I don’t think he gets just how hard it’s going to be to stay involved while living so far away. Maybe Jude could talk to him.”
“No. Until his mom is well, I don’t want him having to worry about all this.”
April made a face. “Isn’t your trying to make his life easier why you’re in this situation?”
“I guess. But it doesn’t change his situation. His mother is sick and he has a fiancé. The logistics are the same.” I looked down into my tea, realizing I wasn’t drinking it and it was probably cold. “He offered to let me move into his house. He doesn’t think this place is adequate for a child.”
“It will work for a baby, but eventually, you’ll want a yard. More space,” April said.
I rested my head on her shoulder. “I have time and I don’t want to talk about it anymore.”
“Okay. What should we talk about?” She tilted her head to rest on mine.
Friends to Lovers: A Secret Pregnancy Romance (Heart of Hope Book 6) Page 19
