“No.” I scooped up my eggs, shoving them in my mouth even though I wasn’t hungry.
“Why not? You had no trouble telling Lora you loved her when you were with her.”
That wasn’t totally true. It had taken me some time to get the guts to tell her. “It’s different. Petal is my friend. Our lives are complicated—”
“You’re a coward.”
I flinched at the pain my mother’s words caused me. I looked up at her.
She leaned forward. “You’re a Navy SEAL, Cy. You’ve faced men who wanted to kill you, and you can’t tell that sweet woman who’s carrying your child, who, incidentally loves you, that you love her?” My mother shook her head. “I raised you better.”
“How do you know she loves me? Did she tell you?”
My mother rolled her eyes. “It’s as plain as the nose on her face. She flew here—”
“That was for you—”
“That was because she knew it was important to you that I be happy. She brought you cupcakes—”
“That’s her business—”
“Cy! She looks at you with longing and love.” My mom picked up her fork and poked her eggs and took a bite. “So, what are you going to do about it?”
I put my fork down and scraped my hands over my face. “I feel like I’m being torn in two. I have responsibilities to you both, and I can’t meet them. When I’m here, I’m failing Petal and the baby. If I’m there, I’m failing you…” God I sounded like a fucking pussy.
“Cy.” My mom’s eyes went soft. She stood and came over to me, wrapping me in her arms. “You know I’ve been on a leave from work.”
“Yes. For your treatment.” I didn’t know why the topic changed, but I was glad because I didn’t want to have a breakdown in front of my mother. I was supposed to be strong for her.
“Before I left, we talked about my being able to work from home some until I was fully ready to come back,” she said.
That’s easier said than done, I thought. I was having a hell of a time working from home and caring for my mom.
“You have a great boss, mom.”
“I do. I’m going to call them and see if I can work from Bismarck.”
My head tilted back so fast it was a wonder that it didn’t fly off my head. “What?”
“You talked about me moving there already.”
“You said you didn’t want to leave your home.”
She smiled sweetly. “That was before I knew I had a grandbaby in Bismarck.”
“Mom…I can’t ask you to move now. You’re still in treatment.”
She held my face in her hands. “I finished the first rounds, and if all goes well, I’ll have a few months of a bit more to make sure it’s all gone, then I’ll be in maintenance mode. With my job, I should be able to keep my insurance and I’m sure they have fine cancer treatment in Bismarck.”
She bent over and kissed my forehead. “So, I’ve put one side of you back together. It’s up to you, to fix the other side. Then you won’t be torn. Think of it, Cy. You could have it all.”
36
Petal
I never understood why movies and TV shows dressed redheaded women in red. It really wasn’t a great color on us. That’s why at Christmas, I always wore green. Green wasn’t just a better alternative to red, but also it looked fantastic on redheads. Not that I was going for fantastic. For April and Jude’s party, there was no sexy elf costume. I learned my lesson at Halloween. Instead, I wore a velvet green dress with long sleeves and a modest scoop at the neckline. I wore my hair down, taming some of the crazy waves with a little product. I put on blush, mascara and tinted lip gloss. I wanted to look put together but not like I was trying too hard.
With a box full of cupcakes, I drove over to April and Jude’s house, determined to have a lovely time. I was sure Maya had some sort of new invention or science project she could show me. I’d hold Bertie to get some practice. August had a new girlfriend that apparently was serious enough that she’d be there. I was curious about the woman who’d been able to reach a very private and reserved August.
“There’s the cupcake lady,” Jude said when he opened the door. “Let me help. I know it’s Christmas, but tell me there’s limoncello in there.”
I laughed. “There’s limoncello.”
“You’re my favorite cupcake lady.” I followed him to the kitchen where April was moving around like a whirling dervish getting food ready.
“Can I help?” I asked.
She stopped and came to give me a hug. “Yes. And, tell me you’re staying the night, right?”
I brought my bag when she first mentioned it, but I wasn’t sure I wanted to spend Christmas morning with them. We were close, but I wasn’t family. Not even August was staying the night.
“We’ll see.”
She gave me a face. “You’re my sister, Petal.”
“Hey Petal.”
I looked up to see August in the doorway. “August. Hello.” I went over and gave him a hug.
“This is Beth. Beth this Petal, April’s longtime friend,” he said.
Beth was similar to August. Unassuming. Shy. Plain but still pretty.
“Hi Beth,” I said, extending my hand. “It’s so nice to meet you finally.”
“You too,” she said.
“I came to grab more wine,” August said.
“Here,” Jude said, handing him two bottles. “Can you put one on the table. Try not to drink the other too quickly.”
August made a face at Jude. At one time, they’d been best friends. Now, the distance was there, but it was closer now than it had been last year. Would that be the case for me and Cy? Overtime, would our friendship mend to what it had been before we slept together and I’d kept the baby from him too long?
August put his arm around Beth and led her out of the kitchen.
“She’s perfect for him,” April whispered to me. “I bet they have the quietest sex ever.”
“April!” I laughed.
“Tell me you don’t think about your brother having sex,” Jude said as he snuck a cupcake.
“Not in detail no. But just knowing them—”
“I’m happy for him,” I said. I didn’t know how serious they were, but he looked happy and that was something because August had never looked happy after his parents died, except maybe around Maya.
Speaking of Maya. “Where’s your little scientist?”
“She’s doing something with Christmas ornaments and lights,” April said, pulling a salad out of the fridge and handing it to me. “Toss.”
“I hope she doesn’t burn the house down,” Jude joked.
I took two large salad spoons and tossed the salad. “Someday she’ll invent a cure for cancer.” That made me think of Jane. I knew Cy was going to do all he could to give her a nice Christmas. He wouldn’t say it, but I suspected he worried this could be the last one. My heart broke for him. I hoped that the baby would be able to help him cope if that was the case.
Then again, Jane, as weak as she seemed, didn’t look like a woman that would go gently into the good night. She was going to fight to live. For him and for the baby. She’d told me that.
Jude’s phone rang.
“No work tonight, Jude,” April admonished.
He looked at the screen. “Not work. Give me a minute.” He blew her a kiss to appease her. It was sweet, even if I felt a little envious. He left the room to take the call.
“Does he work a lot after hours?” I asked.
“Nah. But it’s Christmas Eve and we have family here,” April said putting her arm around me. “How is Blossom?”
“Blossom?” I arched a brow.
“You’re Petal, so I’ve named your baby Blossom. Or Stamen. That’s the male part of a flower, did you know?”
I laughed as I recalled the conversation with Lyle at the Halloween party about flower parts.
“Everything seems fine. The cramping and bleeding haven’t happened again.”
“
Good. You know, you should make plans to see Cy again. Pretty soon, you’re going to feel horny.” She waggled her eyebrows.
I snorted. “I don’t need a man for that.”
“Yes, well, it’s better with a man, don’t you think?”
“What’s better with a man?” Jude asked coming back into the kitchen carrying Bertie.
“Sex,” April said.
He grinned. “Are you sure? Should we test it?”
“Gag. You two are disgusting. Now give me that baby,” I took Bertie from Jude. “We’re going to where there’s more enlightened conversation.” I carried Bertie to the living room.
I sat in the rocking chair and joined in August and Beth’s conversation about growing up in the house. They sat on the couch; Beth nestled against him. I had another wave of envy. With a baby of my own, I wondered how hard it would be to find a man that would accept my child. Then again, I wasn’t sure I’d ever find anyone I loved like I loved Cy, baby or not, so it probably didn’t matter.
I held Bertie in my arms, cooing at him as he gripped my finger and brought it to his mouth. There was a knock on the door.
“Who else is coming?” August asked.
“I don’t know,” I said, smiling down at Bertie. “Do you know who it is, Bertie?” I cooed at him.
“It’s Cyrus.”
My head jerked up and my heart stopped as Cyrus stood in the living room, looking so handsome, his dark eyes staring intently at me.
37
Cyrus
Under normal circumstances, I’d have never left my mother on Christmas Eve to fly to Bismarck. But the one thing she wanted for Christmas was for me to have it all, and for that to happen, I had to have Petal. When it was finally crystal clear to me that I needed Petal in my life, I didn’t want to wait to go to her, and yet, I couldn’t leave my mother so close to the holiday.
My mother was insistent though that I go now. “All I want for Christmas, Cy, is knowing you’re happy. My illness is a reminder that we can’t wait. So, you go now.”
Although she wasn’t at full capacity, she was stronger now that she was done with her first phase of treatment. We would find out next week if it worked. That was the second thing I wanted for Christmas; to know my mom would get better. Was it too much to ask for Petal’s love and my mother’s good health? I didn’t know. I didn’t care. I was going to do everything I had to do to have it all.
The plane was already flying west to North Dakota before I stopped to consider whether Petal was at home for the holidays. Maybe she’d gone to Florida to be with her parents. Maybe her parents had come to North Dakota and I was going to be crashing their visit. Oh well.
I nearly ran through the airport and got a car that took me to Petal’s shop. Looking up at her windows from the street, her apartment was dark, which didn’t bode well for my plans to rush and sweep her off her feet. But I rang the buzzer. After about five minutes I realized she wasn’t there, so I called Jude, who told me she was at his place for a party. I didn’t wait for him to invite me, I told him I was coming over.
When I first stepped into the living room, I had a flash of my future and it made my heart swell in my chest. Petal sat in a rocking chair smiling that beautiful smile at baby Bertie. In a few months she’d be doing that with our baby. The thought of it was like heaven. I had to make her see that she and I could be happy. God, I hoped my mom and Lora were right and that Petal loved me.
“Do you know who it is, Bertie?” she cooed at the baby.
“It’s Cyrus,” I said.
Her gaze shot up to mine. Her eyes widened but I couldn’t tell if it was a good surprise or not. Taking a breath, I readied to launch into the speech I’d planned on the plane. The only problem was, I couldn’t remember it. All I could do was look at her with longing in my heart.
“Cyrus,” she said softly.
I nodded and found my voice. “I like cupcakes and coffee,” I started.
Her head cocked to the side and it occurred to me that was an odd way to start a pitch for her to spend her life with me.
“But I didn’t come to your shop everyday over the last year for the food, Petal. I came to see you.”
She let out a small gasp.
I stepped closer to her, wanting to see her green eyes even better. “You bewitched me long before the Halloween party. I wanted more between us. I always wanted more, but I meant it when I said I didn’t want to lose our friendship either.”
“Cy.” She said as she stood.
“Let me take Bertie,” April said, coming between me and Petal to take her son.
“But now I’m risking it because I don’t want to be just friends,” I continued.
Her eyes welled with tears and I hoped to hell they were happy ones.
With hope in my heart, I pressed on. “I have no idea how you feel about me—”
“I love you.”
Her words washed over me like a soothing wave. “And I love you. So much.”
She let out a sound that was a mixture of a laugh and cry as she rushed to me. I reached for her, and finally, finally, she was in my arms. I wrapped her up tight. I held her hoping she understood that I wasn’t ever going to let her go.
“Petal and Cy? I didn’t know they were a thing,” August said.
“Finally,” April said.
“You’re right, they totally make sense,” Jude said.
I pulled away from Petal enough to cradle her face in my hands. “I’m sorry I was so dense and a coward.” Then I leaned forward and kissed her. The taste of her lips fed my soul. I hadn’t realized just how empty I was until that moment when her essence filled my heart.
“Dinner is ready, if you’d like to stay Cy. Or maybe you two need some time alone,” April said.
I wanted to take Petal home, but I couldn’t very well pull her away from a party.
“I think it’s time for us to go,” Petal said.
I smiled. “Can you give me a ride? I had to Uber it over and he left.”
We said our goodbyes and Petal drove us back to her place. I stared at her the whole time.
“You’re making me self-conscious,” she said, her cheeks turning a lovely shade of pink.
“I’m just wanting to make sure this is real.” I had a real fear that all this was a dream. That I’d wake up and discover I was at home in my bed alone.
“Is it? I’m afraid I’m dreaming too.”
I took her hand. “Dreams can come true, Petal. Do you believe it?”
She glanced at me. “Yes. Yes, I do.”
We arrived at her apartment, and a part of me was desperate to kiss and touch her, but it was also important that she knew my desire for her wasn’t just a physical lust. She was necessary to my being. So instead of accosting her once the front door shut, I simply pulled her to me and held her again.
“Is your mom okay?” she asked as she wrapped her arms around me.
“She told me she wanted me to have it all for Christmas. The only way I could have that is if I had you.” I kissed her temple and then leaned back to look at her. “I’d like to fly back tomorrow early. Could you come with me? All we both want for Christmas is you, my sweet Petal.”
Her smile lit up my soul. “Yes.”
I kissed her then, still intending to take things slow. Petal on the other hand, had different ideas as she took the kiss deeper, hotter. Her body pressed against my erection.
“You’re doing it again,” I murmured against her lips.
“What?” she asked.
“Bewitching me.”
“April said I was going to start feeling horny soon. She was right.”
I laughed. “What?”
“Pregnancy hormones, I guess. Right now, I think it’s just regular hormones that are going wild around you. It’s always been like that.” She gripped my shirt and looked up at me with her beautiful green eyes. I hoped our child had those eyes. “The best part of my day, every day, was when you walked in for your cupcake and coffee.”
She nodded. “Me too.” She looked down for a moment and when she looked up, her expression was remorseful. “I’m sorry I didn’t try harder to tell you about the baby. I really did worry about you, but if I’m going to be honest, I think I was jealous of Lora. Not that I wouldn’t have told you out of spite. I was going to. I just—”
I gave her a quick kiss as it sounded like she was babbling out of concern that I was going to be upset by her confession. “Lora and I were never something that would happen again. And I forgive you. I hope you’ll forgive me for being such a jerk.”
“You’re not a jerk Cy. You’re the best man that I know.”
I felt like I was a million feet tall. “And you’re the most radiant, sweet woman I’ve ever met. You’ve lit me up in places that had gone completely dark.”
She smiled like I’d given her a gift. “Can we have make-up sex now, because I really need you to touch me, Cy.”
I laughed. “If you insist.” I scooped her up and carried her to her bedroom. “By the way, this dress is gorgeous on you.”
“It’s not like the witch dress,” she said as I set her down and undid the zipper.
“The witch dress short circuited my brain. So much so, I forgot the condom. I feel like I should apologize for that, but I can’t. The idea of making a child, of it growing in you,” I pressed my hand on her belly. “It fills me with awe.”
She smiled. “Me too.”
After that, we spoke through touch and sighs and love. I tugged the sleeves of her dress down, dropping to my knees and kissing her belly where our child grew.
When she was naked, I lay her on the bed and looked down on her, admiring her soft, warm creamy skin. Her red hair fanned out over the pillow. Her green eyes filled with love and desire. I was the luckiest man in the world.
I stripped my clothes off and lay over her. “I’m not using a condom now.”
She laughed as she ran her fingers through my hair. “It doesn’t matter now.”
Friends to Lovers: A Secret Pregnancy Romance (Heart of Hope Book 6) Page 23
