by RJ Scott
Deon and Dog settled in right next to Gideon as if they were protecting him, and just like that they finished the walk, talking about snow, and Christmas, or rather Rowan and his sister were chatting about that, Gideon just listened. Rowan’s voice wasn’t Rowan. He was edgy, too bright, clearly worried about Gideon. Rowan would stop talking every so often to check on him. Rowan was worse than one of his Collies as he herded Gideon back to the house. The reason why he was so intent on getting back to the house became obvious as soon as they got inside.
“Mom, Bear wiped Gids out!” Rowan guided Gideon to the kitchen and made him sit on a chair. “Mom knows first aid.”
“I know first aid,” Gideon protested.
“Oh goodness.” Gill appeared at the kitchen door and just as quickly disappeared the way she came, only to pop up shortly after with a huge box. She laid it on the table and opened it. Inside was everything from bandages to Band-Aids to cough syrup to…wait, was that needles?
“I’m fine—”
“Hold still and let me look.” She tilted his chin, shone a light in his eyes, and checked his pulse. “I remember Bear sitting on me when he was only a year old, he’s a huge bundle of love and weight all rolled into one. Now does anything else hurt? Are you in any pain?”
“No. Thank you.”
She startled the hell out of Gideon when she pressed a kiss to the top of his head, but then she leaped back in horror.
“Oh my God, I’m sorry. I’m so used to kissing the booboos better with all the kids that…”
“No, don’t be sorry.” He wasn’t going to go as far as to say that it was a good feeling to have the mom-kiss from Gill, something he sorely lacked in his own upbringing. But Ava holding onto Bear as if the dog was going to launch himself at Gideon again, now that felt nice. Not to mention Rowan was standing so close that Gideon could feel his body warmth. He didn’t need to be protected. He could look after himself. But this family was cocooning him, and it felt so weirdly good.
He took his Advil as instructed by Gill and iced his knee. He only ached a little by the time dinner came and went and felt positively lighter in his heart by the end of the night. Deon hadn’t left his side, not just demanding belly rubs but resting his head on Gideon’s lap. He was the best of good dogs, and Gideon’s fingers were tired from belly rubs. Tonight he’d met siblings and their kids. It was loud, chaotic, and funny, and he’d had a good time. Everyone seemed caring. The kids asked him about his knee, and one of them, Clara he thought, drew a picture of him with a crutch, at least that is what she said it was. Then there was Rowan—seeing him like this was a revelation. At work, he could be sarcastic, bordering on disrespectful as a PA, but he could turn it off in an instant to be effortlessly professional with clients. Gideon never told him how much he loved that disrespectful side, those times that Rowan pushed Gideon to the edge before smiling and yanking him back. Gideon would never admit how much he loved having Rowan as a PA. Without Rowan, Gideon’s workspace would be a dark and officious place with no laughter or teasing.
Here with his family, Rowan was funny, and every so often he would slip and call Gideon Gids or lean on him whenever he made a joke. It was telling that Gideon didn’t correct him once. Rowan was chilled and excited to be home, and it was a new side to Rowan that Gideon was growing to love. By the time the two of them arrived back to the cabin Gideon was mellow from the company, but he knew for sure that tonight it would be a lot easier to sleep in that same bed. Because now he’d seen Rowan like this, he knew even more that he wanted to keep him as his PA. He needed Rowan in his life, to keep him from fucking up and to keep him sane, and there was no way he was messing that up by fooling around and acting on the lust growing inside. He just had to ignore the fact he had a hard-on at the thought of being in the same bed as Rowan. Easy. They could be grownups about this, and he didn’t have to recall the warmth of Rowan’s hands on him in the snow, or the way in the middle of last night Rowan had rolled into the middle, the barrier of pillows meaning nothing as he had half-spooned Gideon from behind. That would never be talked about.
Gideon was never going to act on any kind of attraction.
Ever.
So why was it such a crushing blow to step inside the cabin, only to find that someone had separated the two beds into singles, with a cabinet between them?
Nine
Rowan
With a groan, Rowan sat up in bed. Somehow, he’d had a worse night’s sleep than the last. He wasn’t sure why, but he’d found himself even more aware of Gideon than before, despite being in separate beds.
A bang in the bathroom drew his attention. “You okay?” he called and scraped back his hair. There was no answer. “Gideon?”
“I’m fine. Just dropped the…thing,” Gideon called back, his answer muffled slightly by the sound of the shower.
“Need a hand?” Rowan asked. He drew up his legs and rested his chin on his knees. “Just kidding,” he added for himself.
“I’m fine,” Gideon said for a second time.
Was he really?
He hadn’t said anything, but it was easy to see Gideon’s knee was a little swollen and the faint glow of a bruise was forming, and though he had faced the morning as normal, it seemed his stoicism was slipping. Soft grunts had escaped from his tight lips when he got to his feet and moved about.
Maybe I should cancel the plans for today? It wasn’t as if he’d arranged something particularly special for Gideon’s birthday and there’d be the usual Christmas Eve drinks and snacks later that evening, but still, people had put in the effort. It would be sad to see them go to waste. I’ll ask them what they think.
He rested his forehead on his crossed arms, closed his eyes, and listened to the sound of running water. It was strange. His mind filled with Gideon. Rowan had always considered him to be attractive. Gideon, on the surface, was everything he wanted in a lover—mature, strong, kind. Rowan had always avoided coming across as needy, put up the façade that he was fine by himself—and he was. He wasn’t a useless person, his job as PA proved it.
Proved it to whom exactly?
To himself? To those he thought might abandon him when he was no longer useful to them?
What am I thinking about?
His childhood anxieties reared in his chest. Ached.
Haven’t felt like this in a while.
He gently stroked his chest with the back of his hand. When he was a child, about five years old, his real mom left him alone. Sometimes he wished she’d been a terrible mother, but in the end, she’d just been ordinary. A regular, flawed human being. His father had died when he was a baby and Rowan, from the bits he remembered, didn’t feel his childhood had been anything but normal, or at least until that one day when his mother came to his bedside, told him to be a good boy, and that she would be back soon. Soon, however, turned into days then into almost two weeks. When she did show up, neighbors had already called social services. He didn’t remember much else from back then, but the look of relief on her face was forever burned into his memories. He’d reached out to her, but she never took his hand. She let him go.
Rowan breathed in deeply and lifted his head when the water shut off. Obsession or indifference. He was a people pleaser who went all out or someone who kept people at a distance. For the longest time he thought why put the effort into something that would come to an end eventually? His life swung in one direction or the other. It wasn’t until working at Bryant & Waites, he found himself capable of walking the line between the two.
What about the job had caught his interest?
It was certainly a tangent to his time working in the pharmaceutical industry. Several years ago, he’d taken a timeout, traveled around India, hoped for the brochure-type promise of finding himself, finding a direction. Maybe become one with the earth, find love for his fellow man, some inner peace, try meditation, be Zen or whatever was fashionable back then. In the end, all he’d wanted was for something to change. In a way, it did, but not for hi
m, not directly, but for Darcy instead, and while Rowan had chosen to leave his career, Darcy was forced from his, and his thoughts were shifted from himself to his friend.
On returning to New York, Rowan took a chance, applied for the PA position, and even surprised himself with how diligently he took to the role. Was it Gideon’s influence? Or maybe Darcy’s new circumstance had finally made him realize something about himself? Whatever the reason, for the first time in his adult life, Rowan was content, comfortable, but also strove to do his best, to properly be part of something.
And in the end, I even roped Darcy into working there.
“Are you all right?” Gideon was standing beside his bed, a large bath towel wrapped around his waist, coming just below his knees. He brushed back his wet hair. Droplets ran down his cheeks and fell over his shoulders and chest.
Broad shoulders. Nice skin. Twin moles on his collarbone.
Rowan smiled. “Yep. I’m fine. Are you? Did the warm water help?”
Gideon sat on the end of the bed and winced. “A little.” He leaned forward and pulled up the towel. “Looks worse than it is.” His cheek twitched. “Well, maybe.” He chuckled and leaned back, holding himself up on his arms. “I guess Bear lives up to his name.”
“Yeah, sorry.”
“It’s not your fault.” Gideon yawned.
“Tired?”
“Mmm. A little.”
Rowan eyed Gideon’s upper body. What would it feel like holding that body to his own? Firm in parts, soft in others. The feel of hot smooth skin and his fingertips running through the patch of chest hair. What was Gideon like in bed? What position did he prefer? Rowan was used to taking on whatever role his partners desired.
You should be a little more selfish. Who had told him that?
If I was to be selfish? He chewed on his fingernail. I’d probably want to top. Have Gideon hold onto me, wearing a desperate expression. Though the opposite was just as an enticing image, and if he was being honest, his imagination had, at times, wandered in that particular direction while at the office—Gideon pressing him up against the filing cabinets, having him straddle him in his chair, or taking him over his desk, papers scattering everywhere.
Yeah, I could go for that too.
Rowan lifted his hips. His thoughts were affecting his lower half. He squeezed his legs together.
But if he was truly being selfish, then it would be to stay at Gideon’s side, and the best way to do that was as boss and PA.
Wasn’t it?
Rowan dragged himself to the edge of the bed, grateful for the baggy pajama bottoms. “Shower,” he said and headed to the bathroom.
“Sure,” Gideon said as he passed.
Rowan locked the door then stood over the sink. He gripped the edge of the basin with one hand and pressed his other palm to his erection.
“I’m an idiot.”
He stripped and stepped into the shower, hoping the water was enough to muffle the sound of him jerking off.
Idiot.
“Here. It’s blueberry.”
Gideon stared at the muffin. “It’s warm.”
“Freshly baked.” Rowan smiled and dropped down in the chair beside the bed. “Do you feel up for an adventure this afternoon?”
Gideon folded down the napkin and cupped the muffin in his hands. “Depends on the adventure.”
It was now after lunch. Gideon had stayed in the cabin for the morning with his leg up on the bed, resting his aching body away from the chaos that was already unraveling in the main house. Kevin’s kids and the family dogs had worked each other up into a bouncing ball of Christmas excitement.
“A drive. Thought I could live out my dream of being a tour guide and point at things, tell amusing anecdotes as we cruise on past.” He shrugged. “Only if you want to. If you’d prefer you can stay here and rest, prepare yourself for later. This evening will be a bit hectic since Kevin’s wife and kids are here, and later Sarah and her family will be showing up and staying over.”
As much as Rowan loved the idea of hiding out here in the cabin with Gideon, it was Christmas and this was his family. He had no intention of skipping out on them. But this was a chance of a little bit of quiet time, just the two of them. It would also give the rest of the family a chance to finish setting up for Gideon’s birthday surprise.
Surprise? A bunch of balloons and a cake, was that much of a surprise?
“…wan. Rowan.”
“Huh? Oh, sorry. What?”
“I said a drive sounds good.”
“Great. I’ll tell Mom we’re taking the van.”
Gideon raised an eyebrow.
“Or do you want to be squashed in the Lotus with your knee like that?”
“Ah.” Gideon lowered his head and smiled. “You’re always thinking ahead.”
Rowan jumped to his feet. “Part of my job after all. Okay, eat up and get ready. I’ll head over and tell everyone our plans.”
Ten minutes or so later they were in the large van. Rowan settled behind the wheel, and the passenger seat pushed back as far as it could go to leave space for Gideon to stretch his legs, with snacks on the back seat.
“Right.” He wiggled his butt in the seat, checked the distance to the pedals, and touched the mirror. “Been a while since I drove this thing.” He glanced over at Gideon whose brow furrowed. “Relax. It’ll be fine.”
“You say that, but I never did hear the whole story about you or Kevin or whoever crashed a car.”
“It was Kevin, and it was the family car. We were supposed to just be sitting in it as it warmed up before Momo came out to clear the ice off the windshield.”
“Supposed to?”
“We were kids and Kevin liked showing off so he was pretending to drive but…he ended up releasing the handbrake. The car was on a slope so…”
“So, what?”
“The car rolled down the slope. Kevin panicked and couldn’t find the brake pedal. I thought it was cool because Kevin looked as if he was properly driving, and we hit the tree on the opposite side of the street.”
“Wow,” Gideon said.
“Not what Momo said.”
Gideon cleared his throat with a laugh. “I bet.”
“Anyway.” Rowan gripped the steering wheel. “Ready?”
Gideon rested his elbow on the door. “As I’ll ever be.”
“Meanie,” Rowan uttered through a grin.
The drive was filled with comfortable, meaningless conversation, mostly about other playful escapades of Kevin and the other children.
“The Ewok? She really thought it was called Widget?” Gideon laughed.
“The guy she was dating at the time was a big Star Wars fan, and she embraced her inner geek for a while. It was probably more for show to impress him, so I think she’d only watched the movie once. Ava had been calling the dog Widget for weeks before anyone corrected her. In the end, it was for the best. He dumped her the following month.” Rowan turned his head, searching for a place to park. “She really does have no luck at all when it comes to men…” he trailed off as he focused his attention and pulled into the roadside space and straightened the vehicle.
“Here we are. You up for a short walk? Thought we could get some ocean air.”
“I can manage for a while.” Gideon opened his door and got out onto the sidewalk with a small grunt. “Cold,” he muttered and pulled his coat more tightly about him.
“It’s sheltered a little up ahead, there’s a bench.” He leaned into the back and grabbed a Tupperware container. “Do you want to borrow some gloves? I brought a spare pair.” He tucked his scarf in his jacket and pulled the zipper higher then got out.
Gideon shook his head, fishing a pair of his own from his coat pockets. “I’m fine.”
Rowan locked up and walked around the van to join Gideon. He briefly hugged Gideon’s arm, squeezing him tightly. “Come on,” he said and tugged at his sleeve before letting go.
The viewing area was a few minutes from where th
ey had parked, backed by hedges and surrounded by plants that dulled the briskness of the salty air blowing in over the ocean.
Rowan sat and brushed the seat beside him while Gideon arranged the bottom of his coat.
With a sigh, Gideon joined him. “Cold,” Gideon said for a second time.
Rowan laughed and rested his hands on the plastic tub.
“What’s in the box?”
“Oh, something.” He was vague, and Rowan could tell that Gideon really wanted to ask for more information. “There’s a bakery not far from here. Our moms would buy us pastries when we were kids, and we’d come up here to eat them.”
“So it’s a pastry.”
“Yeah.” He looked out at the rolling waves, lost in memories.
“Do you like coming to the ocean?” Gideon asked gently.
Rowan shrugged. “I don’t mind it. I think it’s more the family memories I appreciate about the place rather than the ocean itself.”
“Your family means a lot to you doesn’t it?” There was something solemn, lonely in Gideon’s words.
“They do.” He nudged Gideon’s arm. “My friends too. Hired or otherwise.”
“You’re still saying that?”
Rowan smiled. “I didn’t want to be presumptuous. I mean you’re my boss first, and I’m your PA.” He looked at Gideon, meeting his dark gaze. “But if it’s okay with you, I wouldn’t mind calling you a friend.”
Gideon turned to look at the horizon. “I think that’s fine. If I can do the same.”
“For you,” Rowan said and pushed the tub against Gideon’s chest.
Gideon tilted his head. “Me?”
“Just take it.”
Gideon took the tub and narrowed his eyes.
“As I was saying, there’s a bakery, but I wasn’t sure if it would be open what with it being Christmas Eve today, so this is the best I could do. Or rather Mom did because I can’t bake to save my life. She made a batch for breakfast. But I did do the icing.”
“Okay.” Gideon removed the lid and carefully folded back the napkin. “This is…”
