The Fussy Virgin

by McGarvey Black

  “Your family was very nice. Sunny, what did your mother mean when she said my ‘last girlfriend moved to London?’”

  “Oh, my mom says a lot of things. Nobody pays attention to half of what she says.”

  “C’mon, Sunny. What was she talking about?”

  Sunny stared up at the bright full winter moon and then looked back at Patrick. She let out a breath that hung in the cold air. “Lorenzo told me about that woman you met on the phone and how you were obsessed with her,” said Sunny. “I tell my mom almost everything, so she knew we had our ups and downs. When things started to turn around for the better, she asked me what had changed. I told her your old girlfriend was finally out of the picture. I couldn’t tell her you were obsessed with someone you never met, could I?”

  “But how did your mother know she went to London?”

  “I guess Lorenzo told me that.”

  Patrick thought for a moment as he unlocked the car door. “Lorenzo couldn’t have told you that. I never told him, I only said it was over.”

  “You must have,” said Sunny dismissively. “How else would I know that?”

  With a combination of disbelief and clarity on his face, Patrick stared Sunny down.

  “What?” she said stepping backwards.

  “I never told Lorenzo or anyone the details because I was so mortified and embarrassed. I felt so foolish that I couldn’t even tell my best friend. Sunny, did you write that message?”

  Sunny, eyes wide and mouth open stared at Patrick.

  “Don’t lie to me,” said Patrick.

  Sunny pursed her lips. “I was only trying to help you,” she said. “You were stuck on that crazy fantasy and frankly, it was ruining our relationship. I sent that message to set you free so we would have a real chance. And I was right: these past two months have been incredible.”

  “She didn’t get married?”

  “No,” said Sunny, hanging her head.

  “And she didn’t move to London?”

  “No.”

  Patrick shook his head. “I’ve seen you lie and connive numerous times about unimportant things and even some big things like the Jim Bauer fiasco, all so you could have it your way. But this…”

  “You’ve got to believe me,” said Sunny. “I only did it for us.”

  “There is no us anymore.”

  With that one last comment he got in his car, started the engine and pulled away from the curb, leaving Sunny sobbing on the sidewalk.

  77

  December 2018

  A week later, still reeling from the deception Sunny had orchestrated, Patrick wandered aimlessly along Amsterdam Avenue on his way home from work. When he realized he was going in the wrong direction, he looked around to get his bearings and noticed a bookstore lit up across the street. Seeing the shop reminded him Dr. Scoville had asked him to read Imagination Run Wild before their next session.

  He pulled the piece of paper with the author’s name on it from his wallet, reached for the long vertical brass handle on the bookstore’s wooden door and opened it. A gust of cold air blew as he entered, causing the young female clerk behind the register to look up. “Good evening. Can I help you?” she whispered.

  “I hope so,” said Patrick whispering back, following her lead.

  “What are you looking for?” whispered the clerk again.

  “A book. Why are we whispering?” asked Patrick.

  The clerk pointed to the back of the store where about twenty women and a few men were seated. A petite young blonde woman stood to the side as another older woman spoke to the group.

  “It’s local author night,” whispered the clerk. “We got this book in a few weeks ago and the bookstore owner likes to support debut authors. Funny title, The Fussy Virgin’s Guide to Happily Ever After.”

  “What did you say?”

  “The Fussy Virgin by Caledonia Swan. Have you heard of it?”

  Patrick turned and looked over at the very pretty blonde woman standing on the platform. His adrenaline started to pump.

  “Is it all right if I go back and listen?” he asked, eyes fixed on the blonde.

  “Yes, but be quiet, they’ve already started.”

  He walked over to the group and took a seat in the back of the room as the store owner glowingly introduced Callie to the audience.

  Smiling, Callie stepped up to the podium and looked over at her friends and family. Lavinia and Peter Swan were seated in the front row next to Virginia Lovejoy and her husband Geoffrey. Behind them were Jess, Henry, and George with what appeared to be a date, as well as Fiona and Mike and several others from Callie’s writing group.

  “Thank you all for coming tonight. I’m so honored. Before I tell you how this book came to be, I’d like to thank my parents, my writing group and my friends,” she said, nodding to Jess, “for all their support. I’d also like to give special thanks to my literary mentor Virginia Lovejoy, the bestselling romance author, for all of her guidance and advice.”

  Virginia blew Callie a kiss and the young author began her talk.

  As Callie spoke, Patrick listened to the pitch and timbre of her familiar voice. Her vocal tones had been embedded in his head and heart for nearly two years. He had finally found his Mystery Woman and she was more beautiful than he had ever imagined.

  After twenty minutes of describing her writing journey, Callie concluded the talk. Everyone applauded and the audience was invited to ask questions. Hands shot up around the room as the curious group of mainly young women peppered Callie with questions about dating, romance and love. She handled each one with sensitivity and humor and the crowd loved her.

  A young hipster woman with short red hair streaked with purple raised her hand. “In the process of writing this guide, did you find your happily ever after?”

  “Not yet, but I will. You can’t put a time limit on these things,” said Callie with confidence. “It will happen when the universe is ready.”

  There was a murmur of agreement from the audience.

  “Any other questions?” Callie asked, looking around the room.

  Patrick’s hand shot up. Callie nodded at him and he stood.

  “I have one. What do you think is the biggest problem with our government today?”

  Callie cocked her head to one side. There was something familiar about the sound of his voice.

  “That doesn’t have anything to do with this book,” interrupted the confused bookstore owner.

  “But I’d really like to know the author’s opinion on this subject,” said Patrick, his eyes never leaving Callie’s.

  Callie felt warm and her breath quickened. “I-I-I would say that our biggest problem is that there are no term limits for politicians.”

  “That’s what I thought you might say,” said Patrick with a big smile.

  Callie smiled back at him. “What would you say is the most magical city in the world?” she asked and held her breath.

  “Prague.”

  “And what’s your opinion on Cheetos?” she said, her eyes widening and her heart starting to pound.

  “I like them,” said Patrick, grinning, “but only if they are…”

  “…Flamin’ Hot,” they both said at the same time, leaving the other people in the room bewildered.

  “If you were going to test the literary proficiency of a writing critique group,” said Patrick as he walked slowly towards her. “What would you read to them, Hemingway or Salinger?”

  “Definitely Hemingway,” said a smiling Callie, tears in her eyes.

  “I don’t freakin’ believe it,” whispered Jess to no one in particular. “It’s him.”

  “Last question,” said Patrick, standing directly in front of Callie, now only feet apart. “How important is it to always be right?”

  Callie smiled from ear to ear. “I hear it’s highly overrated.”

  “Before we lose power or are consumed by locusts, my name is Patrick James Walsh. I’m an attorney with The Vindication Project and I live on W
est 110th Street,” he said as he looked directly into Callie’s teary green eyes.

  “Oh my God,” whispered Virginia to Callie’s mother as the two women hugged. “It’s the Mystery Man. He’s here.”

  “I’m Callie Swan, author and polling statistician with Ariom Marketing Research and I live on West 109th Street,” said Callie, holding his gaze as a single tear trickled down her cheek.

  “I was wondering,” Patrick said as he extended his hand to her, “would you join me for a coffee?”

  “I’ve been waiting to hear that for a long time,” said Callie, taking his hand, electricity shooting through her arm and down to her toes. Oblivious to everyone else in the room, the couple walked towards the front door of the store.

  “I’ve been looking for you for almost two years. I trolled writing groups on the Lower East Side trying to find you,” said Patrick.

  “I loitered in every Starbucks in Manhattan making small talk with any man over five foot ten,” said Callie.

  “I’m fairly certain I’m permanently banned from the Museum of Modern Art,” said Patrick, making Callie laugh.

  “I wrote an article for The New York Times about the night we met,” she said, squeezing his hand.

  “Ben Huston made an announcement about you at his Central Park rally,” he said, returning the squeeze and looking into her eyes.

  “You were there?” said Callie breathlessly, another tear running down her cheek as he nodded.

  A thirty-something woman in the audience turned to the woman seated next to her. “Did you see what just happened?” she whispered. “That Caledonia Swan got asked out on a date by that gorgeous man and she didn’t do anything! I am totally buying her book.”

  “Me too,” said the other woman enthusiastically.

  Callie’s parents and most of her friends cheered and hugged each other as they watched the couple leave.

  “I always knew this would happen. I told Callie the universe would take care of everything,” shouted Virginia Lovejoy, gripping her husband’s hand. “Can you feel it, Geoffrey? This room is simply brimming with amour.”

  Everyone in the room was talking and laughing, except for Henry, who had a look of confusion on his face. He knew nothing about the Mystery Man saga and had only shown up at the bookstore to give his ex-girlfriend some moral support. “I don’t understand,” he said to Jess. “What’s happening? Why did Callie leave with that guy?”

  Jess took a deep breath and faced him, her chin up. “Henry, would you like to go out with me tonight?”

  “You mean like on a date?”

  “Yes, Henry, like on a date,” said Jess.

  “Okay,” he said, scratching his head and smiling.

  “Awesome,” she said, returning the smile.

  78

  The Fussy Virgin: Second Printing:

  Addendum, Additional Chapter

  Here’s what I’ve learned on my journey to Happily Ever After—

  Soulmates absolutely exist. The universe does have a plan for you, but you have to be open and pay attention and above all, be patient.

  Oprah Winfrey summed it up well. She said something about God dropping pebbles on your head before he drops a brick wall on top of you. You have to listen for the whispers. In this crazy, noisy, hectic world whispers can easily get drowned out.

  Valentine’s Day or any day of the year for that matter, is so much better when you’re with someone you love who also loves you. Settling for Mr. Wrong is simply—not right. Finally, stay the course unless it’s time to let it go. Be able to tell the difference.

  Believe me, there were plenty of times I had my doubts and nearly abandoned ship. But I ultimately figured out that you can’t rush these things. You will find each other only when you’re both evolved and ready. I found my happily ever after and now, this Fussy Virgin, though still rather fussy, is no longer a…well, you know.

  THE END

  Acknowledgements

  I’ve had wonderful beta readers for my other books, but this one had a small army ranging in age from 25-92. Every single, thoughtful comment helped shape the story and make it shine.

  I want to thank my wonderful husband, Peter Black, and equally wonderful sister, Diane McGarvey, who read my work in its rawest form and pointed me in the right direction. Next, my friend Marlene Pedersen a.k.a “The Confirmer”, who read the book twice and went through each chapter with a fine toothed comb letting me know what was funny and what wasn’t. She had a huge impact on the end result.

  Because the main character, Callie Swan, is twenty-nine and I’m…not, five wonderful twenty-something volunteer readers told me what felt real and what didn’t for their age group. A huge thanks to Heather Bellomo, Jackie Ciraldo, Kelly Huston, Kailey McGarvey and Danielle Noonan for helping me make it authentic.

  Also, big thanks to other early readers whose opinion and comments were deeply appreciated— Virginia Aronson, Jill Chaifetz, Susan Cox, Anne Fitzpatrick, Jamie Holt, Charles “Chuck” Kanganis, Reggie & Bob Turkington and Dody Wilhelm.

  And finally, my wonderful Zoom Sisters—Ellen Asmodeo, Brook Laffan Ciraldo and Laura Davidson who kept me sane every week on our Zoom calls during 2020 and cheered me on while providing really helpful advice on the story and characters.

  See…I wasn’t kidding….it was indeed a small army.

  I’d also like to thank the wonderful team at Bloodhound Books — my editor, Clare Law (this is our third collaboration) who edits with a light, thoughtful hand and comes up with ideas that improve the story immensely. Also thanks to Betsy Reavley and Fred Freeman who run Bloodhound Books with kindness and smarts and Tara Lyons who keeps everything running smoothly and on time while simultaneously calming author jitters. Last but not least, Maria Slocombe, our publicity and social media manager who is doing a bang up job.

  On a separate side note, I’d also like to thank Liz Dolan and the Satellite Sisters for their inspiration in coming up with the title. Also, I’d be remiss if I didn’t give a little shout out to Peter Burrows—the original creator of The Astonished Commandant.

  Finally, if you enjoyed The Fussy Virgin, I’d be very grateful if you would post a review on Amazon. It helps so much. Thank you.

  Book Club Questions:

  Do you believe in soulmates? Do you think soulmates will always find each other? Is there a lid for every pot?

  What did you think about the way both Callie and Patrick’s parents advised them?

  Both Jess and Lorenzo were dedicated best friends. Would Callie and Patrick be able to find each other if their best friends were not by their side?

  How did Patrick and Callie’s family’s impact their lives and choices?

  Was George really a good guy who had just been hurt?

  Did Sunny get what she deserved? Was she wrong to take advantage of Jim Bauer’s divorce situation?

  Is being right really that important?

  How has dating and mating changed much over the last 50 years? Has it really changed that much or do men and women still want the same things?

  How far would you go to find your soulmate?

  Did you ever meet someone and have an instant connection?

  A note from the publisher

  Thank you for reading this book. If you enjoyed it please do consider leaving a review on Amazon to help others find it too.

  We hate typos. All of our books have been rigorously edited and proofread, but sometimes mistakes do slip through. If you have spotted a typo, please do let us know and we can get it amended within hours.

  info@bloodhoundbooks.com

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