The Case Manager

by Latoya Chandler

  “I am so sorry, Nakita. I truly am. Make sure at your next session you inform your therapist of this. I am no counselor, but it sounds like to me you feel as if your sister’s death is your fault and you’re afraid to lose anyone else you love. We are all afraid of death, but the anger that you have attached to it is scary.”

  “You’re right, and until now, I never thought about it that way.”

  “You never know how much talking helps. You’re able to see things differently and it allows room for healing. I do think there’s a little more in there that needs to come out, but your therapist will help you bring it out.”

  “Maybe you’re right. On another note, you say you’re not a therapist, but you just counseled me like one, Ms. Jasmine.”

  * * *

  Upon entering the room, the smell of paint and new carpet greeted us. The conference room had been adorned with comfortably upholstered chairs arranged in a square. After greeting Mr. Bartlett, we took our seats on the opposite side of the table from him.

  He opened the folder in front of him. “Offic . . . Mr. Palmer-McGivney’s attorney and the DA made an offer for a plea deal.”

  “And what does that mean? What offer?”

  “For starters, Dr. Binet confirmed our plea of temporary insanity. She urged the courts to consider in-patient care, as she feels it will do you more harm than good to have you sentenced to a prison cell. With the fact that the weapon hasn’t been found and now with the new allegations and charges surrounding the abuse in Hope House, the district attorney didn’t put up a fight. Mr. Palmer-McGivney confessed and confirmed the abuse as well. More than likely, he won’t be seeing daylight for a long time. The state is going to make an example out of him.”

  “I am sure they are going to cover their asses. Caseworkers were supposed to be on top of everything moving in and out of that house. They should have known, and they rarely went by. They left it all up to Ms. Nancy, and she was a piece of . . . I apologize. Let me calm myself down,” Ms. Jasmine said.

  “We can talk about that later, Jasmine. I think the girls have a case on their hands.”

  “What does in-patient care mean exactly?” I questioned.

  “In-patient care, in this case, means you would be sentenced to two to three years in a facility.”

  “A nuthouse? Is that what you’re trying to say?”

  “Nakita, calm down. This will help in so many ways. You have to look at the bigger picture here,” Ms. Jasmine cut in.

  “What picture, Ms. Jasmine? The one he just painted shows me sitting in a padded room with drool coming out of my mouth. I am not going to no one’s crazy house. I am not crazy or some kind of crazed lunatic.”

  “You are not any of those things. However, some sort of intervention is needed. We just finished talking about the anger that has festered inside of you. If this is going to help channel that and prevent you from sitting in someone’s jail cell, I say it’s a win.”

  “Ms. Jasmine, you cannot believe me being in a nuthouse is a win.”

  “It’s either the nuthouse, as you call it, or a jailhouse. Which one would you prefer?”

  I couldn’t even respond. I was unwilling to admit just how much Ms. Jasmine’s words had stung. There was no way I would agree to go to a crazy house. However, it sounded a lot better than a jail cell. Deep inside, I knew I couldn’t make it in there.

  “Ms. Mathews, are you all right with the offer?”

  “No, but I have no other choice.”

  “Ms. Binet agreed to continue seeing you as well. I think this will help significantly in the long run.”

  “I guess.”

  “I will be in touch with you in a few days with the specifics. Again, Ms. Mathews, this is a great win for you.”

  “Thank you, Mr. Bartlett,” Ms. Jasmine cut in.

  My fate had been placed in the hands of a mental hospital? How and why had it come to this? I knew I had to suffer the consequences of my actions. It was just processing the consequences that had me stumped. From what I’ve seen on television, most of those places had people all doped up, and I didn’t want to have that experience. I prayed Dr. Binet stuck to the meds she prescribed me and didn’t allow them to turn me into a space cadet.

  * * *

  The instant we arrived back to Ms. Jasmine’s place, Candice rushed us with questions. I was mortified to tell her I had been sentenced to a padded room. I had heard what Ms. Jasmine said but refused to accept it. I had a feeling that I was being sentenced from one institution to another: Hope House and soon a mental hospital. How could I have forgotten the imprisonment I’d been held captive in while at Mr. Frankie’s? I hadn’t ever experienced a normal life. I’d always had a structure where I’d been told what to do, when to do it, and how to do it. Therefore, the hospital may end up having me feel as if I were home. Someone would still be in charge of my comings and goings.

  It wasn’t the life I dreamed of but it was the one that been handed to me. The look in Candice’s eyes displayed worry and concern. However, her words contradicted her looks.

  “Nakita, isn’t that better than going to prison?”

  “It is, but I am not crazy.”

  “You’re not, but we all need help. We’ve been through too much not to. You have to look at the bigger picture, Nakita. We cannot help anyone else until we fix ourselves. Besides, we will be here for you every step of the way. You’re not in this alone. We will be able to come visit you without sitting behind plexiglass as well. This is great news.”

  “I am so tired of these pictures everyone keeps trying to paint and throw in my face.”

  “You’ll be fine, Nakita. After you think about it and process everything, you will see.” Candice kissed me on the cheek, smiling from ear to ear.

  “Candice and Nakita, can I speak with you two privately?” Jenna requested as she joined us in the living room area.

  “Sure, what’s up?”

  “Can we go upstairs and talk?”

  “This sounds serious. Ms. Jasmine, the kids are playing. Can you keep an eye on them?” Candice solicited.

  “Sure thing, honey. Jenna, are you sure everything is all right? Can I help with anything?”

  “Yes, everything is fine, Ms. Jasmine. I think I should talk to them in private first, if you don’t mind?”

  “I don’t mind at all.”

  I had no idea what she had to say in private that would concern me and Candice. She had me a little nervous right now.

  “I think you two should sit down,” Jenna suggested after closing the door behind us.

  “I don’t want to sit down,” I declined. “Spit it out.”

  “I think I may need a seat, because at the rate things have been going lately, I might pass out again. What’s up, Jenna?”

  “I have a question. Nakita, what is your dad’s name?”

  “Why? He passed away a long time ago. Why are you asking?”

  “I know he did. I just want to know his name.”

  “His name was Jasper Mathews. Why are you asking?” My heart raced.

  Closing her eyes and shaking her head, Jenna stated, “This is so crazy.”

  “What’s crazy? You have me over here stressing. What the hell is going on?” I became agitated.

  “Please calm down, Nakita. I am about to tell you.”

  “Please spit it out. You’re going all the way around the block with whatever it is you have to tell us, and it is stressing me all the way out.”

  “I just got off the phone with dad. He is still locked up. I don’t know how, but he called my cell phone collect.”

  “I guess you can do that these days, but what does that have to do with what you need to tell us?”

  “I am getting to that. Dad asked me who you were, Nakita, and I told him you were like a sister to Candice and that you two met at Hope House. He then asked me what was your dad’s name and I said I didn’t have a clue. Dad then told me to ask you if your dad’s name was Jasper Mathews.”

  “He
knows him?”

  “Very much so. Your dad and our dad are brothers. Your dad has his father’s last name, but our dads have the same mother.”

  “So what are you saying exactly?”

  “It looks like we are cousins, so a future for you and me is no longer possible.”

  “You just dropped that bomb on us and you’re joking.” Candice became agitated.

  “That is not a bad thing, Candice. It just means the bond we have wasn’t an accident. That’s a bond of blood.”

  “I guess you have a point.”

  “So I have a question, Jenna.”

  “What is that?”

  “Why are we just finding this out? Why didn’t we know about one another as kids?”

  “I have no idea.”

  “Oh, shit!”

  “What?” Candice’s eyes widened.

  “The day that Aunt Sophia was taking Shakita, I remember my mom’s words verbatim: ‘Girls, please know we tried to find a place where the both of you could stay, but your father’s prejudiced sister-in-law couldn’t imagine . . .’ She was talking about that prejudiced witch of a mother of yours, Candice. This shit is beyond crazy.”

  Chapter Thirty-six

  Guilt: A Blessing and a Curse

  Candice

  Things had gotten crazier and crazier. On the plus side of things, the news reporters hadn’t been hanging out front every day like they started out doing. To be on the safe side, we still entered through the lovers’ path. Ms. Jasmine and Mr. Derek hadn’t confirmed their love connection, but we could see right through them. I was happy for her. We weren’t created to be alone, although she did have all of us now. Eventually, we were going to have to be grown-ups and move out. Samantha, Tracy, Simone, and Judith said they didn’t plan to ever leave Ms. Jasmine’s place. Ms. Jasmine was perfectly fine with it. I had my own dream and that was to make a home for my kids one day. Don’t get me wrong, I’d enjoyed staying at Ms. Jasmine’s place. I just wanted my own one day. Jenna asked me to move in with her when Nakita left, but I declined. We couldn’t impose on her. Her place wasn’t a place for kids. I’d feel out of place.

  Each of us had been attending counseling. My therapist said a lot of the things that Ms. Nancy used to say. My therapist’s words had a whole different feel and meaning to them. For instance, when Ms. Nancy counseled me, I had to hide the abuse by Paul and Anthony behind the mistreatment from Mother. This time I had been able to talk about it all, and honestly, the release felt good. My therapist was the same therapist Nakita had, Dr. Binet. She was probably overwhelmed with our stories. I knew I would have been. However, she was a professional, and I wasn’t. Dr. Binet said that freeing myself from the emotional baggage was crucial, because dwelling on the past prevented me from participating in the present, which was the only place in which I could experience love, happiness, fulfillment, and miracles. I wanted to be free and no longer walk around like a wounded puppy internally.

  It was Nakita’s last night with us before she was to be admitted to the Yale New Haven Psychiatric Hospital for two and a half years. She would be gone from us for approximately thirty months: 21,900 hours, 912.5 days, 131,400 minutes, 78,840,000 seconds, 130 weeks. I would count every second that she was away from us and love on Adrianna as she would until she was to return.

  We were at Jenna’s place, waiting for her to come back from the store. She had put together a girls’ night out for all of us to party with Nakita before she left. Tracy, Samantha, Simone, and Judith turned down the invite even though Ms. Jasmine volunteered to keep the kids. She said she and Mr. Derek would be able to handle it. The kids would have been asleep by the time we were to head out. Regardless of the in-house sitters, the other girls declined. They all agreed that they were not ready for a public outing.

  At first, I too became hesitant about it. After talking to Dr. Binet a few weeks ago, she helped me realize I missed out on what was known as a normal childhood and teenage years. I had gone from one prison environment to another, which explained my mechanical life. All of us had been like that, actually. Being at Ms. Jasmine’s, we had freedom and space to live freely, unlike how it been at Hope House. However, we still functioned like we had at Hope House. I hadn’t even mentioned the outing to Dr. Binet, because I already had my mind set on not going. I thought if I said it out loud to her, I was going to decline. I decided to do the opposite—not talk about it and just do it. It had been out of my “norm.” From there on out, I refused to be boxed in like a prisoner.

  Jenna said she had outfits picked out for us and would do our hair and makeup before she introduced us to the night life. Like meeting a stranger or going on a blind date, I’d become extremely nervous. It was so new to me and unfamiliar that my nerves jumped all over the place.

  “Candice, are you over there thinking what I am thinking?” Nakita pulled me from my thoughts.

  “I am a nervous wreck right now if that’s what you’re thinking.”

  “You’re not alone. I am too. We could use this though. Just think, we haven’t done anything besides take care of the kids, therapy, shopping here and there, and that’s pretty much it. We never went to the movies like normal people either. Instead we had in-house movie night. Our lives are so structured that it’s nauseating. It’s as if we were hypnotized.”

  “You’re absolutely right, because I feel like I think clearly now. I just need to work on accepting the fact that we are no longer at Hope House. I actually have a chance to make up for the lost time and be better to myself so that I can be what I need to be to and for the kids.”

  “Yes, you do.” Her voice cracked.

  “What’s wrong? Why are you crying, Nakita?”

  “I am scared, Candice. The last time I was separated from my sister, I never saw her again.”

  With tears in my eyes, I tried to look brave, reaching forward to wipe the tears from her eyes. “I am not going anywhere, Nakita. I swear I will be right here and visiting you with the kids every time you are permitted to have visitors.” My lower lip trembled.

  “Promise you won’t leave me?”

  “I promise you I am not going anywhere at all. Besides, who’s going to take care of the kids if the both of us aren’t around? You know I am not allowing anyone to take my place or our place in their lives.”

  “Oh, no! What happened?” Jenna cut in on our breakdown.

  “Nothing. We were having a moment.”

  “No more moments tonight. We are going to paint the town red. Are y’all ready?”

  “Yes,” we agreed.

  “That sure didn’t sound like it. Cheer up.”

  “We are fine, Jenna. Honestly,” I said.

  “You better be. How about you two follow me into my bedroom? I picked up the cutest outfits for the both of you.”

  “I think I am scared,” Nakita expressed.

  “Of what?”

  “She’s going to have us out there looking like handmaidens.”

  “You are too funny, but you know I’m no punk when it comes to looking good.” She twirled around. Her skin was smooth like freshly made caramel, and her five feet five frame was well proportioned. Jenna’s weight was distributed well, from her waist up to her breasts and down through her hips and thighs, making her curves stand out without being overweight.

  “Well, there is an old saying that says, ‘big butts and smiles aren’t trustworthy.’ So, how can we trust you?” Nakita jabbed.

  “Correction, that is a song, and you might not trust this big butt, but it will damn sure make you smile.” She snickered.

  “You two are insane.”

  “Birds of a feather, Candice.”

  “Hush, Jenna. Now where are these outfits? I hope you got my right size.”

  “That I did. Now feast your eyes on these bad boys,” she directed, pulling three beautiful black dresses from the closet. “Let me lay them out on the bed so you can get the full effect of these beauties.”

  “There isn’t one dress on this bed that w
ill fit me.”

  “This one is your size. I have a knack for sizing up women, so I know it’ll fit,” she said, handing me my dress.

  It was probably the prettiest dress I had ever seen. It was a black jersey dress detailed with shimmering jewel trim, a mock turtleneck, and a sexy keyhole, asymmetric mock wrap skirt.

  “Jenna, you’ve clearly lost your mind. There’s no way I am going to get my fat body in this dress.”

  “You’re far from fat. You know what? Don’t say another word. Go in the bathroom and put it on. Don’t think about it. Just put it on.”

  Entering the bathroom and closing the door behind me, I removed my clothes. With my back turned to the mirror, I sucked in my breath and slipped the dress over my head. I didn’t want to see it or think about it, because if I did, I knew I wouldn’t have gone through with it. It actually felt comfortable, like wearing pajamas all day long. The downside was the way that it clung to me body.

  “Candice, what are you doing in there? Let us see how you look,” Jenna inquired from the other side of the door.

  Shaking my head, I let out a deep sigh, opened the door, and exited the bathroom.

  “Oh, my God, no. Did you see yourself in there, Candice?”

  “No, I didn’t. I refuse to look. I told you it wouldn’t fit. You both know I don’t usually, nor would I ever think about dressing like this. Sweats and oversized shirts have been my dress of choice.”

  “Do me a favor. Turn around so you can see what we see.” Nakita teared up.

  “Why are you crying? Is it that bad?”

  “Just turn around.”

  I turned around as instructed to face the person I had hidden from most of my life, and I was almost knocked off my feet.

  “Where did this body come from?” I ran my hands up and down my physique as if I were frisking myself.

  “That right there is the goodness of the Lord.”

  “You cannot look at your sister like that, Jenna.”