Stay Beautiful

by Perry Matlin

  I notice then, that Aimee is also here in the back of the class, and she is smiling at me as well. This is going to be a little awkward. Aimee and I dated many times in middle school, but now... now everything is so different for me. I don't see her in that way, which is kind of a relief. Maybe now my feelings have changed, we can get around to being good friends.

  "How are you guys?" I ask, and they both turn to eagerly talk to me. Aimee tells me about the boyfriend she had this summer, and it got a little steamy. Coral, and Christine did some things too, but she’s already told me all of this on the phone. I sit listening to my friends' tales of romance, and sexual escapades, not wanting to encroach on their accomplishments with my two sexual partners. I’m a little nervous to start admitting all of that to people anyway.

  "What happened during your summer Lucas?" Aimee finally asks, and I decide I do want to tell her, even if I am nervous. I launch into my story. She doesn't seem to expect much, which brings a smile to my face, as I begin. Little does she know…

  "Me and Max broke up over the phone back in May. Like literally two days after school ended" I say, and she goes to say something apologetic, and Coral stops her with a snort of laughter. Aimee looks to her, before turning back to me.

  "I met a guy that lives down the street from me, or he did. Well we started hanging out, and then we ended up getting drunk and making out one night." I begin again, and she interrupts me once more.

  "You made out with a guy?" she blurts, causing a girl to my left to turn to stare at us. I fight back a smile, before turning back to my friends. I can feel the heat, as a blush creeps up my face.

  "Aimee, would you let me finish? Jeez!!" I tell her, before continuing. I'm well aware that the girl is now listening, but for some reason I just don't care anymore. So, I continue. I let my story loose, like some wild animal caged for too long.

  "Well we talked about it the next day and ended up deciding to go out. Well we dated, for a while, and then one day we were making out, and we kinda..." I trail off, aware of our growing audience, as a guy turns his head slightly. I feel myself blushing, as Aimee catches my drift. To my dread, Aimee blurts it out again. This girl does not know when to shut up apparently.

  "You had sex?" she almost screams, three other people turning to look back into our corner. I put my head down in embarrassment. I’m vaguely aware of our math teacher, continuing to introduce us to her policies, as we have our little story time in the back corner of her classroom.

  "Yes, we had... sex" I say, as my audience takes in my every word. Usually, I'd be mortified by now, which I am, but I don't want to stop. I want to get this off my chest, no matter how many people are listening.

  "Well we were um hanging out a lot, multiple times a day actually, but then his family moved across town" I continue, as another girl joins into the listening party. The way everyone is turned to me, it reminds me of going to the library for story-time in first grade. I smile at that.

  "Then what happened? Did you guys break up?" the girl in front of Aimee asks. I blush, wondering how she got the nerve to join in on the conversation. I laugh, before continuing.

  "Not at first, well we were still seeing each other, but he started having me like walk to his house, and when I got there, pouring down with sweat he'd be gone. He ditched me. Well other problems began to come up, until we broke up about a month ago." I say, stopping for dramatic effect. I look around to find seven people facing me. I cannot believe this is happening right now. I feel myself blush again.

  "I was on the phone with Coral the same day, and a random guy walks up. He lives behind me apparently, but anyway. He asks me out…" I go to continue, but the bell rings. I look around, confused. Did I really talk that long?

  I bid the listeners goodbye and vow to finish the story tomorrow, before heading to my next class. The day goes by without a hitch. I meet a couple new people in some of my classes, never really knowing what to say. It's as if in a flash I find myself at lunch. The cafeteria is big, and the food smells delicious. Apparently, they cook actual food here, instead of the crap we had in middle school. I'm sitting beside Coral and Aimee at the lunch table, when I see him. It's from a distance, but I see him, nonetheless. Michael and one of his friends is walking along the side of the pavilion, when they turn around, I search for what they're looking for. Then I see the old man, guarding the gate on the opposite side. A student approaches him, and just as he turns away from Michael and Nate, they run for the gate. I see them run around the building, out of sight, just before the man turns back to the crowd. What are they doing?

  Coral keeps trying to talk to me, but I'm preoccupied by the scene I just witnessed. When I finally look away, she is irritated. I try to jump back into the conversation, but Michael is on my mind. Where did they go? What is he doing? I see him reappear, coming out of the cafeteria, which means he must've walked around. The bell rings shortly after that, and I jump up to throw my half-eaten food away, and head back to my science class. It's the third class today where I didn't know anyone. I find myself tuning out of the classes, even Sign language which I've been looking forward to all summer. I just look around, recognizing a few people, but not really enjoying the atmosphere. Finally, the bell rings for me to leave school for the day, and I almost run to the bus.

  I'm really looking forward to getting home, and just locking myself in the room to cry. I need to cry. I'm almost to my bus, when I pass by Michael. He doesn't see me, as he passes but I do notice one thing. As he steps past me, never seeing me there I catch a whiff of his scent. I can smell nothing, but the smell of cigarettes. I know his mom and dad smoke, but it's fresh, and too strong for secondhand. I turn away, hoping he doesn't see me. I can't believe he's smoking now. I turn up my nose.

  "Lucas, hey wait for me" Aimee calls from behind me. I turn to face her, and she smiles, before turning to walk in step with me. We head in the direction of our buses.

  "I'm really glad we're friends again. I was going to make up with you way earlier, but I didn't have your number" she explains. In that moment, I realize something. The reunion that I'm most thankful for is Aimee’s. I really missed her. I put an arm around her shoulder, as we near the bus ramp. Taking a single moment, a handful of heartbeats between us to thank my lucky stars that we are friends again. I wave goodbye to her, before running onto the bus. Finally, this day is over

  Chapter 17 Question

  I roll over, and realize it is way too early to get up, so I push my face down into the pillow, and begin to drift off again, but something keeps tugging at my consciousness. When I saw Michael yesterday, it felt so weird. He seemed so different, like he isn't even the same person I spent the summer with. He has obviously moved on pretty thoroughly. I lie there in my bed, my heart pounding with the image of him in my head. After about an hour, my alarm goes off. I sit up and look around my dark room. I feel exhausted, but right now all I can think about is him. He seems to be invading every corner of my being right now. I creep through my house, hoping to have another good morning, without him ruining it. I quietly eat my cereal and read by the light of my phone. Just as I'm turning the page, my alarm goes off to catch the bus. I jump to my feet, and head for the door.

  Just as I pull the door open, he pushes it from outside. Why was he outside at five o'clock in the morning? Antonio looks me up and down, before chortling under his breath. I roll my eyes, and try to move past him, but he snorts.

  "What the hell are you rolling your eyes at boy?" he says, much too loud for the time. I just shake my head, and attempt to walk past him again, but he grabs ahold of my backpack, and slings me into the wall of the carport. My shoulder collides with the wall, and an explosion of pain arises. I grunt painfully, but finally manage to get away from him.

  "Don't. Put your hands on me" I say, never turning back to him, as I make my way down the driveway, clearly in sight of many eyes, where he won't dare touch me. He glares after me, and I know I'll regret my comment later. I think of my words to him, as I head d
own the street, they remind me of Coral’s words from May. That day feels like a lifetime ago.

  I climb onto the bus, and sit down, reaching for my shoulder, before realizing the eyes on me. I go to scratch my face, as the bus aide moves to sit across from me in the opposite seat.

  "Everything okay sweetie?" she asks, worry in her eyes. I look away because currently my eyes are filling with tears. I love her so much. She and my bus driver are so sweet to me.

  "I'm okay, just really tired. My step-dad was yelling at me, when I was leaving. He probably just caused a headache for the entire day. I hate him so much" At least I didn't have to lie to them. I open my book, and begin to read, as we drive down the road. We soon arrive at the next stop. Rae comes bounding up the steps and sits down beside me. I don't look up because I'm really not in the mood for her games right now.

  "Hey Luke!" she exclaims, making my headache just a bit worse. I turn to her, forcing a smile on my face, and closing my book.

  "How are you doing?" I ask her politely. I know it's coming. I just don't know how bad it'll be, until she actually speaks.

  "Not so good. My boyfriend was killed yesterday. Alekard." I force down my laugh of derision. I can only imagine where this is going because it gets more and more outlandish, every time we speak.

  "Oh no. Are you okay?" I ask, feigning shock. I know two years ago her boyfriend had his heart ripped out. It was a different one then, but still crazy.

  "Yeah, well he was one of many, but the Goddess won't be too thrilled. He was her son, and his body was torn apart by werewolves, which is awful in itself" she tells me. I frown, patronizing her tall-tales.

  At that moment we thankfully arrive at the school, and we rush off the bus. I scowl behind her back, as she tries to follow me. I want to be alone right now, and don't want to hear her fiction stories either.

  "Where are you going? I was gonna come with?" she says, and I pause to think for a second. How can I say this without pissing her off? I have to word it carefully, or she might bite me, knowing her.

  "I actually wanted to ask my teacher some questions, so I was going to head right to my class. Thanks for the offer though!" I say, convincingly. I smile, as she drearily turns to walk in the direction of the cafeteria.

  I hurry in the direction of my class, and even though I was lying at the time, the thought sounds so appealing. Just sitting in silence, reading my book.

  I sit down and open my book. I pull my phone out and see I have nearly thirty minutes, before the bell rings. I excitedly open my book and begin where I had left off. I eagerly speed through the paragraphs of utter perfection. I've read this book many times, and it still gets me to this day. I read, and I read. The words run through my head, and finally everything is normal, everything is me. I'm not obsessing over Michael. The memory of him implants itself then, as I continue to read. I try to concentrate after that, but the words don't flow freely. They stunt, and they stop suddenly. Every other word in my mind is Michael. Where is he? Is he okay?

  "Hey Luke, what are you reading?" Aimee says, as she moves over to sit beside me. I smile over at her, before showing her the cover. She nods, amused.

  "You look really tired. Are you okay?" she asks, and I shake my head, not able to lie to my best friend. As soon as I think the words, they ring true. She’s the most genuine friend I have. The one who has never directly betrayed me. I think of Madi then. She moved back to Germany over the summer. I frown at the absence of her. Why does everyone have to move? I close the book and turn to face her in my chair. She leans closer and grabs ahold of my hand.

  "Antonio and Michael" I say simply, and she understands suddenly. That's when the first bell rings, and I know class will start in about five minutes. I stand up, and excuse myself, before sprinting out of the classroom. I head over to the bathroom, and right up to the mirror. I stare at my own reflection, before bending down to splash water in my face. I leave the bathroom behind and walk over to the water fountain. I bend down to take a sip, and someone stops behind me. I continue to drink for a moment, before standing up to leave. As I turn, the person grabs ahold of my arm. I turn to find myself face to face with none other than Michael.

  "Can I talk to you please?" he asks, as I try to move past him. I frown, before pausing. Maybe I need this. Maybe I need the closure. I look at him, and he gives me that crooked smile, and I melt. I smile back, as we move out of the way for someone to stop at the water fountain. I back into the wall, and he stands there in front of me. I wait for him to speak, and notice a few things, as he begins to speak. He smells of cigarette smoke again. His eyes are bloodshot, and he looks as if he hasn't slept.

  "I've really been thinking about us um a lot. I really didn't mean to treat you like I did, and I do love you a lot, you know. I really don't want us to be over, if you know what I mean?" he asks me, and I look into his blue eyes. They eyes that mean so much to me already. I smile at him, before speaking.

  "Michael. You really hurt my feelings this summer, when you started ditching me, and being rude to me in front of your friends. It was something that really got to me. You know how hard it is for me at home, and how negative my life is, so when the other parts of my life start to go that way too, it really gets to me. I cannot and will not be a part of something like that anymore. You need to understand that" I tell him, and he smiles, knowing he's already won the battle. The bell rings then, but I don't move. Neither does he.

  "How's Stephen, and your mom?" I ask him, but he just shakes his head, unwilling to broach the conversation of his own hard home life. I nod understanding, reaching for his hand. I see a brief hesitation, as he looks around. Then he grabs ahold of it, and I feel the joy of his hand in mine once more.

  "I've really missed you a lot these last few weeks. My mom came back, and he came back right after. It's like he never left at all. I feel like she might be the most selfish mother in the world" I tell him, as we stand there. He closes his eyes, as he backs against the wall as well, and we slide down to the floor together. I know we'll be found any moment and sent to class but for now he's here. For now, we're together, and I don't have to let go of his hand. I'm just about to break the moment, when he moves. I feel it happen, before opening my eyes to see him looking at me. I laugh slightly, before letting my face settle into seriousness again.

  "What are you looking at?" I ask, as he continues to stare at me. I see a glint in those blue eyes, I frown slightly, unsure of what the glint could mean.

  "I love you Lucas Cameron. You know that?" he asks, as I realize the glint is everything, he feels for me, and it's scary. He loves me. He truly loves me, and that's kind of scary actually. How could I have doubted that? How could I have let him go? Part of me recalls the reasons, the reasons that sounded good at the time. Part of me knows I just took him back way too easily, but most of me, most of me doesn’t give a damn about reasons, or rules. Most of me just gives a damn about Michael.

  "What are you two doing out of class?" A woman asks, as she rounds the corner. He drops my hand and stands to his feet. The teacher comes up to us, and stares down expectantly, as we look back in silence.

  "You two need to get to class right now" she says, her face hard, as she comes to a stop before us.

  "I'm sorry. I was having a rough morning, and my friend was just trying to calm me down. We'll go right now. I suffer with anxiety, and he was trying to prevent an attack." I tell her, laying it on thick. She softens, before smiling at us.

  "Just get to class soon, okay? Are you okay? Do you need the nurse?" she asks, but I shake my head.

  "No. I'm calmer now, we were just about to go back, if we could just have one more moment please" I ask her, making my lip quiver at the end. She nods, before turning back the way she came, and heading to the office. I smile sheepishly after her.

  "That was pretty good Luke" he says under his breath, noticeably not reaching for my hand again. I try to ignore that fact, but it seems to be blatant, bright and shiny in a storm of dark colors.

&n
bsp; "Anyway, I had a question to ask you, before we go back to class" he says, and I look at him again. He smiles, before standing up. He reaches down to pull me up, and I look around. An idea sprouts itself into life, as we stand there. I pull him by the hand, and into the bathroom, where there are no cameras, or people walking past. I then push him against the wall and lean up to press my lips to his.

  We stand there, as he kisses me back with vigor, until I hear someone outside the door. I push him away, and take three steps back, as he pushes the door open, and walks out. I follow after, and he comes to a stop just outside my class. Turning to look at me, he smiles, obviously happy with the kiss.

  "I was wondering if you'd accept the babysitting job my mom is going to offer you. It'll be watching Jessica, but you'll be alone with her, and I'll be there. We'll get to spend those times together because it's during her nap times. I really want to see you more" he explains, and I smile. This is perfect. This is an amazing opportunity.

  "Of course, I will babe!" I exclaim, reaching out, and giving him a quick peck on the cheek, before leaving him behind to head inside of my class. That was a good thing. I'm glad I heard him out. I’m glad I caved. I’m glad he came back.

  Chapter 18 Imitation

  "I love you more babe" he says. The sound of his voice sending shivers down my spine. I'm sitting on the floor, leaning against the metal frame of my bed, trying to drown out the sound of my mom and Antonio screaming through the door. My sister is gone with friends, and Alyssa went over to Danielle’s for the weekend. I'm here completely by myself, with nothing to distract me from the complete blow-out taking place outside of my room.

  "I wish you were here with me right now" I say, letting the sadness creep into my voice. He laughs slightly, but there is a silent agreement there. We both know how it feels to listen to the parental argument thing.