The Bastard

by V. K. Ludwig

  A tiny limb pressed against my palm and released hundreds of butterflies inside my stomach. I couldn’t wait to feel for movement on my baby bump.

  “Wanna feel it, too?” She turned towards River.

  He flung his hands up as if someone pointed a gun at him. “No can do.”

  “Oh come one,” Bry said. “It’s just so you can feel the baby.”

  I placed my hand back on her bump and waved him closer with the other. No chance. He wouldn’t move and instead took a sidestep.

  “I won’t tell anyone,” I said.

  Even with the combined prodding, River refused, and Bry and I gave up. This no-touch law sucked. I get they wanted to protect their women. But the innocent touch of a palm on the arm, or a palm on a mother’s belly? Ridiculous.

  “I will take this sweet girl for a chat.” Bry hooked her arm into mine. As we meant to stroll off, River placed himself in front of us.

  “Rowan ordered me to stay with her at all times,” he said.

  “Bullshit!” She continued on her path, well knowing that River would dodge her to avoid all contact. “Relax a little, would you? Stress is bad for the baby. We’re gonna talk women stuff. Like how I peed my mattress last week and woke up thinking my water broke.”

  River swallowed a chuckle. “Holler if you need me. And stay on the property, or I’ll go snitch on you when I see Einar.”

  At that, he walked away whistling a tune while Bry and I settled on two fluffy armchairs in the corner. The name River mentioned. Einar. Wasn’t he the guy on my list of potential donors?

  She pushed her legs to the side and leaned in close. “Everyone knows I’m a pretty blunt person, so I better get you used to it right away. I’ve never met someone from the Districts, and I am way too curious. Is it true you really don’t have any desire?”

  “No,” I said. “Our enhanced water was part of my diet ever since I was a little girl. I wouldn’t even know what it feels like. The entire concept of desire is… strange. At least to us.”

  “And your men?”

  I gave a shrug. “The same I guess. But I never actually talked with any of our men about it. It’s not really a subject that comes up a lot since it plays no role in our lives.”

  “I see.” A cloud of thoughts settled around her face and as if under a spell, she rubbed her belly in circular motions without a break.

  “But I understand how it works.” I pointed at the child inside her. “They teach sexual education in schools, though they concentrate on the benefits of why we should not do it that way.”

  “And those are?”

  “For one, artificial impregnation helps us to improve the human genome. We’ve been cancer free for two generations now.” I sat up straighter. That was something to be proud of, right? I couldn’t even imagine the healthcare costs when that terrible disease was still around.

  Bry tapped my knee. “And?”

  “Our IQ’s are improving,” I continued. “And there are no rapes in the Districts.”

  “Because of the water,” she said.

  “Uhu.”

  “I hate to ask you this,” she blurted, “but I am a desperate woman.”

  She pushed herself up to peek around the corner and settled back into the chair with an oomph. “See, I am rounder than the moon. Einar is a good guy, and I enjoy our lovemaking, but I need a break until this one is out.”

  “Einar is your…”

  “My husband.” She giggled. “They told me you don’t have marriages anymore. A husband is —”

  “I understand,” I said. “My mom and dad were married, so I know a thing or two about it. Back then it wasn’t illegal yet.”

  Dark memories pushed into my mind and made my entire body tense up under the rage inside me. Dad. I had called him that, but he never wanted that title nor did he deserve it. It didn’t matter. Ever since I decided that I wanted a child, I promised myself I’d do better.

  “Well…” She took a deep breath. “I warned you. I’m pretty damn blunt, so here it is. Might I have some of your water? Not just some but, well, you know… enough for a six foot five inches man. Only until after the baby is born, and only if you have enough.”

  Her chest rose and fell under her nervous breathing. So the rumors were right. The desire of the men overwhelmed women.

  “Do you have enough?” she asked once more.

  Her glassy eyes begged and tucked on my soul. I had enough. As a matter of fact, she could have it all. “I think I can spare some.”

  “That is very sweet of you. But please tell no one, or the men will make a fuss about it. Is he treating you well?” she asked and flung her eyes to River’s shadow in the doorframe.

  I looked up as he stepped back inside, his hands pushing and pulling on his neck in pure desperation. He was in pain, all because of that scene I made last night. If I could only touch him, I’d give him an extra long massage to make up for it.

  I nodded. “He’s alright, I guess.”

  As I finished my sentence, the corners of his mouth tucked into a devilish smirk.

  Chapter 11

  Payback

  River

  Oh boy, she had another thing coming, I would make sure of that. First, I poked my knuckles into the side of my neck. When that didn’t work, I rubbed the tip of my thumb up and down in circular motions. In the end, I punched my fist into that god damn knot that tormented me ever since I woke up. Nothing worked. That pity apology she offered in the morning didn’t help either. Not fucking surprising.

  I stretched my arms behind my back and down my sides before I glanced into the corner where Bry still sat with that freaking banshee.

  Our eyes met for a brief moment, then she lowered her head and whispered, “He’s all right.”

  All right? My blood boiled hotter than a pot of chili over an open fire. That’s what I was? All right? I stepped on the brakes for a bunch of deer and almost deployed the airbag. Well, that’s not entirely true. I stopped because her touch surprised and terrified me at the same time. But even so, I stopped, and she had the chance to stare at the male with that thing on his head.

  I woke up with a white layer of frost on my hair and my throat burnt as if I had swallowed a hedgehog. All because a chair had poked her in the ass. I don’t get how I would actually think she’s kind of nice when we picked her up.

  And what about my favorite quilt? All night I had drooled all over it without noticing. I didn’t feel bad at all when I draped it around her this morning.

  She seemed so friendly and open-minded at first. Really to learn how we contributed to their program, too!

  Shame crept up on me. Son of a bitch, how could I be so naïve? She wasn’t nice, and she wasn’t interested in learning about how we really are. Well, except for Adair. She sure had an interest in him!

  The two women exchanged one last smile. Bry gave me a look of satisfaction, heaved herself out of the chair and waddled off.

  Ayanna walked over to stand beside me. A loud gurgle came from her stomach.

  “Hungry?” I asked.

  Red-cheeked, she placed a hand on her belly and nodded.

  “Well,” I said and headed towards the door. “I got just the place to solve that issue. We will have to take the ATV from the shed though. It’s much quicker that way.”

  She smiled. I smiled. But my inner demon laughed his ass off.

  I pushed the machine out of the shed, hopped on and clicked the key into the ignition.

  “Put that helmet on and hop up there,” I said and pointed at the seat behind me.

  When Rowan suggested I showed her the protein farm, I shrugged it off as a terrible, terrible idea. What can I say? Waking up with my balls frozen to the rocker somehow changed my mind.

  I took the long route along the outer mountain ridge. At the bottom of it, all lay Wolf Lake. The red and orange rock formations, spruces and firs reflected on the surface of the calm water. From the other side of the lake, a pack of wolves kept their amber and golden-green
eyes on us.

  The cold fog clung to my skin, and I tasted the wetness on my tongue. We rambled over the trail, the air filled with nothing but the smell of wet dirt and coldness that reminded me of fresh spearmint.

  I held my arm up and pointed at the wolves, hoping Ayanna would see them too. If deer freaked her out, how would she react if she saw a real wolf? Maybe this time, she would fling her arms around my hips and… Whoa! Stop it, River. I didn’t want her to touch me. I wanted her to gag.

  When we approached a slope which led back into the forest, I slowed down and followed a short path to the protein farm. The gray big pored concrete blocks had never been painted, but the roof gleamed blue underneath the cloud covered sun. Heavy, thick smoke sputtered from the chimney. I spotted Jasper in one of the metal barns behind his home.

  The roar of the engine announced us. I pulled the key and flung my hand up. “What’s up, man!”

  Ayanna took her helmet off, and strands of her dark brown hair clung to the fine mist of sweat on her temples. She untangled her hair, moving her lips to silent curses if she ever learned any.

  Jasper froze at the sight of her, then squared his chest and hurried down the gravel drive. I didn't blame him. The go-to reaction of every unmarried man in our territory. We strutted our chests and flexed our muscles. Our courtship plumage, so to speak.

  Jasper reached out his hand and flashed a huge smile.

  I walked up and slapped his hand to the side. “A nod should do.”

  Even under his bronzed skin, his cheeks turned peachy. He rubbed his palm over his five-o'clock shadow and diluted his embarrassment. What a fool! He didn’t know it yet, but I’ve done him a favor. I never heard of any guy desperate enough to take on a bitch like her.

  I swung one arm around his neck and pulled him into a manly half-hug. “Ayanna, meet Jasper. He operates one of our three protein farms. Rowan thought you might be interested to learn where your protein powder comes from. I think that was a great idea. What do you think?” I gave Jasper a wink.

  He plunged his hands into his pockets. “Guess I won’t get to practice that hand-kiss I saw in a movie last week.”

  I didn’t care for his joke, but he noticed my death stare and arched brow right away.

  “Come on, River,” he said. “I’m just messing with you. You can follow me to that red metal barn over there. I just finished feeding them, so they should be busy. I hate when they escape. Not sure if there’s anything that puts me more on edge than a constant chirp at night when they sneaked in the house.”

  A line etched between Ayanna’s brows. “If what sneaks out?”

  Jasper flicked his gaze toward me, his jaws clenched. Before he said anything, I pointed toward the oversized shed. “You’ll see!”

  I let her enter the building first but followed behind as close as the law allowed. Four neatly arranged rows of aluminum boxes stacked man-high in the center, and the sides. The floodlights struggled to illuminate the room, and flickers of light reflected from the brushed metal.

  “You either need a bigger battery bank,” I said, “or more panels. I should come out next week and measure your sun exposure. If you keep running this system without enough juice, you’ll fry it in no time.”

  “It’s that huge pine right next to the other barn. Beautiful tree. Just takes way too much sun away, especially on gray days like this one.”

  He patted one of the boxes. Muffled tock, tock, tock’s scurried inside and disappeared into a rustle of shredded magazines and paper-thin wood chips. The stench of moldy onions and foul eggs spread through the room.

  All color drained from Ayanna’s face, and she pressed her hands onto her cheeks. Oh, this is gonna be good!

  “I take it she has no clue,” Jasper said.

  A wash of pity came across his eyes. He felt a lot more sorry for her than I did. But that’s because he had no idea what a pain she was. I answered him with a wide grin.

  I pulled one drawer out. Supporting the bottom with my arm, I bent over and held the box right underneath her nose.

  She hesitated at first, but eventually looked down and into the box.

  “Is that a bad joke?” she asked. “That is just a bunch of paper, sawdust, carrots, wet leaves and —”

  “Oh, my bad!” I hammered my fists against the bottom.

  Green and blue iridescent thoraxes crawled up from underneath the compost, carried by black fuzzy legs. Without warning, one bug pushed his hind wings out trying to buzz off.

  Ayanna shot backward, her scream bouncing from one sheet of metal to the next. “Yuck!”

  I released the deep rolling laugh which I had bit back for at least half an hour and slapped my hand onto my thigh. Jasper darted towards the box and grabbed it, fearing I would drop myself to the ground and roll around red-faced.

  “W-what is that?” she asked and crossed her arms in front of her chest.

  “That, little princess,” I said, “are your breakfast, lunch, and dinner. You gotta get your protein from somewhere, right? But the council says animal agriculture is bad for the environment —”

  “Which it is,” Jasper added.

  I flew my hand in a dismissive wave. “Well, yes. But that’s beside the point here. Not to be mean but… you guys have been eating crushed insects for at least, um. Jasper?”

  He rubbed his fingers over his stubble. “Around fifty years?”

  Her furious eyes shot point blank to my face. “You are an asshole!”

  “Oh.” I held my sides and laughed. “I am… I am horrified. That’s a very ineffective way to communicate, do you know that? Isn’t there a better way for you to handle those unwanted emotions?”

  She drove her heel into the concrete floor, then turned around and stomped off in a bee-line.

  “Man, that was mean.” Jasper pushed the drawer back into the aluminum frame. “She will starve herself to death once she goes back to the Districts. Most guys would try to come on to her while she’s here, and you chase her away with a hand full of insects like a preschooler.”

  I dropped my shoulders as quickly as I had lifted them. He could compare me to a three-year-old all he wanted. I would have paid to see that look on her face once more. Better yet in slow motion.

  “They would bark up the wrong tree, my friend.” I walked to the door and turned around once more. “That lady feels absolutely nothing. A slab of marble has more emotions than her. More curves, too!”

  I followed down the path and found her by the water’s edge. That radiant cinnamon skin of hers looked like someone had diluted it with a glass of milk.

  “Too much truth for one day?” I asked and kneeled beside her. Picking up a pebble from the tip of my boot, I let it skip across the surface of Wolf Lake.

  She let herself fall back on her behind and stretched out her legs. A long sigh escaped her mouth, and her breath rose up in a straight line.

  “I apologized in the morning, didn’t I?”

  Her soft-spoken words confused me. I waited for this moment all day, giddy with excitement. Why isn’t she lashing out?

  “Do you have any idea what I took to come here?” She grabbed a pebble and threw it onto the water’s surface, where it immediately sunk without a single skip. Her head dropped. “Everyone in my community home told me how crazy I was to volunteer. A friend of mine told me about how she heard things have changed in your clan. Even you. Didn’t you say you treated women with respect? Well, that back there… that wasn’t respect.”

  The river rocks crunched underneath my shifting weight. “I was freezing my ass off all night because of you.”

  “I was scared,” she whispered.

  Her breathed words punched me in the guts like a mule tied to a tree. I expected her to spit mean stuff at my face. Perhaps even argue me down with all the fancy words she learned over there. Talk me into the ground with reasoning. I would have shrugged it off.

  But her gentle voice rubbed me in a place I didn’t know existed. Some sort of primal cranny all th
e way back in my brain that made me want to punch the dude who did that to her in the face. The problem was, I did that to her. I could hardly punch myself, could I?

  My chest ached. I wanted to die in the spot. Shit! I acted like such a jerk today. I have to make this right.

  “Listen, Ayanna.” I took a deep breath. I had to man up. “I’m very —”

  Damn! What was that? River rocks catapulted through the air. I looked up. Ayanna dragged her ass backward, her eyes wide and bloodshot.

  “Wolf,” she shrieked and pointed her shaking hand at the shaggy mane in front of us.

  “No, that’s not —” Wait a minute! What’s even better than an apology? That’s right! Putting myself at risk to save her life. I am such a genius.

  I jumped up and placed myself between my dog and Ayanna, my knees bent, and my chest pushed out. Monk’s ears laid flat as if he wanted to say ‘What the hell dude, you gonna hit me now or what?’

  “Stay back, Ayanna.” I held my palms up to appease the wild beast who wiggled his tail.

  “No, River! He will attack you!”

  “Easy now, boy.” I kneeled down, my hands still at chest height in front of me.

  I whispered. “A wolf might not be a dog, Ayanna. But even they know better than to bite the hand that feeds them.”

  I pushed my hand deep into my pocket and rummaged for a piece of dry biscuit. It had slowly gone stale in there for the last week. As soon as Monk saw it pinched between my thumb and index finger, he threw himself onto his back. He wiggle-dragged his behind all over the rocks in excitement and offered his underside for a belly rub. Damn it!

  “Um.” Ayanna peeked over my shoulder. “Is that normal behavior for a wolf?”

  “Sh!” I threw the crumb as far as I could, and Monk leaped after it. Once he took it into his dangerous fangs, he disappeared into the forest with it.

  “Y-you saved me,” she stammered and slowly rose.

  “Oh please.” I stood up, turned towards her and brushed some wet pine needles off my pants. “That was nothing for someone like me. I pretty much grew up in the wilderness. Remember… I am your guard. I won’t let anyone or anything hurt you.”