“I told him this morning that if he needed me, that he could drop in.” Stef tries to whisper to me but fails.
“It’ll be here in fifteen minutes.” Owen tells us and I pull Stef into a hug. “I’ll leave you two to do your girly stuff.”
I pull Stef into hug, “Are you going to be okay?” I’m worried about her, I don’t like the thought of her being alone.
“I’m going to be okay, because if I’m not I have you to call and then I will be.” she smiles but it doesn’t reach her eyes and I can’t fault her.
“You will be chick, just take it one day at a time.” It’s the only thing I can say to her that didn’t sound stupid in my head.
Chapter Nine
“Right, I’m off. Emme, where are you?” I shout as I walk down the hallway. It’s that time of the week again and I hate it, I really should look into getting my GSCE’s and try and find another job, but then I think of all the bills and know that I’ll never find a better paying job.
“Mummy, Owen said he’s looking after me tonight.” She sounds upset, I honestly thought she’d be over the moon at hearing that. “I want Si to.”
“Si will be here too baby, he’s not going anywhere.” Poor thing, she’s had to adjust to the change of having Owen here.
“Yay, okay. Si, you’re looking after me.” She runs into his room screaming like a banshee.
“I thought she’d be happy that I was watching her.” Owen says sounding upset.
“Look, she’s adjusting to having you here, give her time okay. I’ve really got to go otherwise I’m going to be late.” I tell him and look at my phone, eight twenty three, damn it, I’m already running late. “Emme, I’m going!” I shout, hoping she’ll come give me a kiss goodbye.
Luckily, Si’s on hand and gives Emme a piggyback ride to me. “Mummy, I love you.” She puckers up her lips waiting for a kiss.
I kiss them making a loud smacking sound against them, making her giggle, “Love you baby, I’ll see you later, Si, go to sleep tonight, Owen’s here okay?”
“Okay Jess,” Thank God, now he can get a decent sleep.
“Right, I love you all lots and I’ll see you later.” I tell them, “Bye Tony, be good.” I shout to Tony who’s in his bedroom doing homework, even though he’s on mid-term break.
“Bye Jess.” He shouts back distractedly and I swear mum must have been given the wrong child in the hospital.
I power walk towards the tube station, mad at myself for even running late, I wanted to get in a bit early to talk to Saff, to see how the date went. I get to the station and I can see the train at the platform so I leg it down the stairs only for it to pull off just before I hit the platform. FUCK! I look up at the board and see the next train is in three minutes. I hate waiting, it makes me antsy.
Finally the train arrives and just my luck, it’s packed. Fuck, I forgot its match day; a European football match is on tonight, so people are heading for the city centre. I get on the tube and have to stand, and just my luck, I’m standing beside some smelly fucker. It’s so bad that I’m having trouble breathing, his arm is holding onto the top bar and his armpit is level with my face.
I’m seriously going to pass out if I don’t get some fresh air soon or if one of us doesn’t move. Every stop seems to be one or two getting off and none near me so I can move, and loads getting on. Finally, we’re coming up to Leicester square; I don’t think I’ve ever been so happy to get off a train before. The train comes to a halt and the smelly man is off balance, his dirty, smelly, filthy armpit gets shoved into my face. The doors of the train open and I shove past everyone trying to get away.
I make it to work, quicker than I think I ever had, I power walked to the club. Once I’m in I scrub my face raw. Ugh, having that manky pit in my face, was disgusting.
The door opens and Saff’s staring at me, looking concerned. “You okay?”
“Me? I’m fine, spill it! How was your date?” I ask excitedly.
She smiles coyly and I know that she’s definitely had a good date. “It was… Oh Jess it was perfect!” She gushes at me. “He really is a gentleman.”
“So did you guys kiss?” I need all the details, I mean, she is the only one with a love life.
Her smile brightens, giving me the answer. “Yes,”
“Is that all you did?” happy that my girl, finally has a smile on her face.
“No. Jess, I slept with him. Was that wrong?” She bites her lip, like she’s done something scandalous.
“No. Hell no. Do you think you’ve done something wrong?” The bloody twat who made her feel so insecure and afraid, needs their arse kicked!
“No. Jess, it was so good. He is everything I’ve ever wanted, he made me breakfast yesterday and today. No one has ever done that for me before.” Jesus, no one has made her breakfast before?
“Did you talk to Damien?” I’d hate for them to not have a proper discussion of what’s about to happen between them and I hope that this isn’t just a onetime thing.
“Yes, I was worried at first in case that was all he wanted from me, but he made it clear that he wants a lot more from me. He told me that I’m it for him. He wants me to move in with him. I don’t know what to say to that?” She starts shifting from side to side.
Damien is so cute. I love how he knows what he wants and is going all out to get it. “Well what do you want?”
“Him.” She doesn’t even have to think about it.
“Okay, you’ve got him. How would you feel about living with him? Have you told him everything?” As much as I want to know everything that’s happened to her, if she’s going to be with Damien he’s the one that needs to know everything.
“Yes, I told him about my uncle and how he took all the money that my parents left me. Also Damien asked me if he hurt me. I didn’t want to lie to him so I told him that when I lived there, he used to beat me. Yesterday, my Uncle was rushed to hospital after his house was burgled and he was attacked. Do you think Damien did it?” She doesn’t seem to be worried if he did, I just think she wants to know the truth.
I’m thankful that she has finally opened up to me and I know that I have Damien to thank for that, and I also do believe that Damien had something to do with her Uncle, whether he actually did the attack or paid for it, I don’t know and I doubt we ever will know. “I don’t know, but, he deserved whatever he got.”
“Are you okay? Have you seen him again?” The smile that she had has gone and she's looking so serious. I know she's talking about Hunter.
“I'm okay,” she isn't convinced, she raises her eyebrow at me. "Yeah, I wasn't when I saw him, but I'm okay now. I just wish I hadn't have seen him at all, and no, I haven't seen him since." Which is probably a good thing since I'm still raging about him calling me 'conniving'.
“And the boys, are they okay?” She still looks concerned but right now, I need to get ready.
“Yeah, love, they’re fine. I had better get ready, we’ll be on soon.” I don’t want to talk about Hunter anymore.
I’m up on stage, letting the music flow through my body as I dance. I’m almost finished my set, when I feel someone staring at me, it’s not just the usual lust filled stare, it’s an intense stare. Just as I make my last twist, I see Hunter standing in the middle of the club looking at me. I can barely make out his expression, but It doesn’t take a genius to figure out what he’s thinking.
Thankfully the lights go off and I’m quickly gathering my clothes and tips. Grateful that I don’t have to see Hunter again. I can’t believe that he had the nerve to show up here. I make it off stage and run into the changing room, hoping that he’s gone by the time I’m ready to leave.
“Jess is everything okay? You look like you’ve seen a ghost. You ran off stage pretty quickly.” Saffron asks me as I walk over to my locker.
“Yeah Saff, everything’s fine.” It doesn’t sound very convincing, but she must buy it as she walks off, leaving me alone.
I get changed into a pair of tracks
uit bottoms and a tank top, I shove everything else into my bag, dying to get out of here. The one place I never expected him to be.
“Jess, want to tell me what’s wrong?” Damien’s voice brings tears to my eyes, why does everything have to be so difficult. “Jess?” He calls me again.
I turn around and shove a fake smile on my face. “There’s nothing wrong. I’m tired, and I think I may be coming down with something.” I see Saff standing beside him and I know that she went and said something to him.
“Jess…” Damien starts but I don’t want to listen to it.
“I’m going to head on home, I’m just going to get the tube, let you bring Saff home.” I don’t give them a chance to say anything, I just want to go home and not have to talk about the dickhead that is Hunter O’Shea. I walk out of the changing room and into the club itself, it’s empty, I was the last one on stage and once the entertainment is finished, everyone leaves.
The cold London air hits me as soon as I exit the club, I walk for a bit, not wanting to stand at the club waiting for Damien and Saff to come out and try and get me to talk again. As soon as I’m around the corner, I root through my bag until I find my jacket.
“So my brother was right, you take your clothes off for a living.” The coldness of that voice stops me dead. “I can’t believe I once loved you.”
I put my jacket on and close up my bag, Hunter the wanker has some fucking nerve. I spin around and finally say what I have always wanted to. “Fuck you Hunter. Don’t you dare! It’s because of you that I’m here. It’s because of you that I was destroyed and had to learn how to live again, but I got over that, hell I’m actually living and breathing. Don’t you dare stand there and tell me that you once loved me. I’m scum remember.” I turn around and start walking away from him, just like he walked away from me.
He doesn’t follow and he doesn’t respond, for which I’m eternally grateful for, because I don’t want him to know that he’s made me cry, yet again. I can’t believe he had the nerve to tell me that he loved me once. He’s full of shit, he just makes me hate him harder.
I make it home and the tears have subsided, but the anger is paramount. I put the kettle on and for the first time in years, I want a cigarette, I take one of Owen’s that was left lying on the counter. I walk out onto our balcony holding a cup of tea and a cigarette. Inhaling, the rush of nicotine hits me and I feel bliss, wondering why I even stopped smoking in the first place?
“Want to tell me, why you’re smoking Jess? I may not have been out for very long, but in that length, you’ve not had one cigarette. Hell, there wasn’t even a lighter in the house. What happened tonight? What pushed you over the edge to want one?” Owen asks as he joins me, he too with a cigarette in his hands.
“Hunter, he was at the club tonight.” The tears come again, and I let them. I’m home and he’s not here.
“What happened between you two Jess? When I left, you two were so happy, planning on spending the rest of your lives together.” Owen wants to know and I don’t blame him, he must be so confused.
I sit down on one of the deck chairs that are out here and Owen sits on the other. “I told him the day you went to prison that I was pregnant. I thought he was okay about it. He went on about how he was going to support us. I was so happy.” Just thinking back to that day, makes me tearful, I lost Owen and Hunter made me feel so much better when he told me he wanted us.
“Okay, so what happened after that? I don’t get it, if he was that happy about it, why is he not here now?” Poor Owen, so confused.
“The next day, his mum turns up here. She says that Hunter’s changed his mind, that he doesn’t want us, and that he wouldn’t want to have a baby with scum. That I was just an easy fuck. She told me that he wanted me to have an abortion.” I start crying, harder than I have since that night.
“Jess, are you sure that Hunter said that?” Owen sounds unconvinced and I don’t blame him.
“Yes, I’m sure. I saw him a week or so later, and he completely blanked me. If he did want us, don’t you think that he would have been round here wanting to know what the fuck was going on?” I take another cigarette out of his box and take a long drag as I light it.
Owen doesn’t answer me because there isn’t anything to say. Hunter made his bed and he has to lie in it. We sit in silence as we both finish our cigarettes and I finish my tea. “I’m dead on my feet, I’ll see you in the morning. Night Owen.”
“Night Jess, he’s a fool for letting the two of you go.” He tells me just as I’m walking back into the flat.
Chapter Ten
It’s been a long week; thankfully I haven’t seen Hunter again since that Thursday night. I’ve been in a foul mood since then, snapping at everyone including Emme, so to say sorry I’m taking her to the park and for some lunch. I asked the boys if they want to come, but I think they know what’s happening and said they’ll stay with Owen for the day. It’s been a very long time since Emme and I have done something on our own. Thankfully, they’re back to school on Monday, we’re now at the beginning of November and Emme’s birthday’s in a few days.
It doesn’t take her long to eat her McDonalds, she’s an animal. We walk to the park from there and she starts screaming with joy when she sees the park come into view.
“Yay, oh I want to go on the swings and the slide.” She starts skipping towards it, pulling my arm so hard that she nearly pulls it out of its socket.
For a Saturday, it’s really quiet here. I thought it would be busy, especially with it being such a nice day. I’m not complaining, this way Emme gets to play on everything without any older kids pushing her out of their way.
“Mummy, I want to go on the swings, push me.” She shouts as she slides down the slide head first, making my heart almost jump out of my chest.
“Okay baby, I’ll push you.” just thankful she’s off that slide. You know, everyone tells you how amazing parenthood is and you never knew what love was until you hold your baby in your arms. They are correct, but what they don't tell you is, you’re worried about everything. You turn into a nervous wreck. Heck Emme’s first cold I swore blind the poor child had Swine Flu and was going to die.
We’ve been at the park for over an hour and I honestly didn't think we'd get this long here. Usually she gets bored really easily, but today she’s happy as Larry. I think it’s because it’s practically empty.
“Alright Emme, it's time to go.” I shout and she starts to pout and I know I'm in for one hell of a tantrum.
“NO. I'm not finished yet.” she screams at me and throws herself to the floor.
I hate this. She does it every so often; I’m waiting for her to grow out of it. “Emme if you don't come now I’m not getting you that teddy.” yep blackmail is a godsend with this child.
“The Meerkat one?” she asks standing up, acting normal as though nothing’s happened.
“Yes, but play up once more and you’re getting nothing.” I’m a soft touch when it comes to her and she knows it. She sticks her tongue out at me as she runs ahead of me. “Emme, please don’t run off.”
She pouts at me, but stops and almost bumps into an elderly woman. She’ll be the death of me. I take her hand as soon as I reach her, “come on let's go to the market.”
We start to walk home; she's happily skipping beside me. The market was packed and it will only get worse the closer we get to Christmas. All I heard was ‘Mummy can I have this?’ and ‘Mummy can I have that?’ or it was ‘Mummy, Tony and Si would love this.’ I regretted bringing her with me, I hate telling her no all the time, it makes me feel shitty, like I’m not providing enough for her. I know I am, she’s just not spoilt, she has what she needs, not what she wants. She got her bloody ugly Meerkat teddy, the cheeky git wanted ten pounds each for them and Emme wanted two of them. Luckily the man said I could have the two of them for fifteen pounds, otherwise she was getting only one.
She talked the whole way home, about what the boys and her would like for Christm
as, funny enough most of the stuff the boys want is also everything that she would want. Luckily, she did let slip a few things the boys actually want, Si wants a new football top, and I know that it’ll cost about sixty pounds, so that’ll be his main present. Tony on the other hand wants a chemistry set. I’m going to get it for him as he wants to be a scientist when he leaves school. I’ll just have to make a few rules, like not using the chemicals and stuff without adult supervision and definitely keep it out of Emme’s reach.
We make it to the estate and Emme’s starting to slow down, she’s tired, she’s walked a lot today. “Jess.” I hear my name being shouted so I turn to see who it was only to see Si looking furious, running towards us with Tony following behind him.
“What’s going on? Where’s Owen?” I ask, starting to worry that’s something’s happened to him. They don’t answer me, instead Tony takes Emme’s hand and they start to walk ahead of me. I look at Simon who looks so angry, “What’s going on Si?”
He balls his hands up into fists, “Jess, Hunter’s outside our flat, we’ve not let him in and he says that he’s not going anywhere until he’s seen you.”
I can’t believe this. God, can’t this man leave me the hell alone? “Did he say what he wants?” I ask as my body starts to shake. I've had enough of the heartache and seeing him again, that's just adding more.
“No, the fucking wanker just said ‘I need to speak to Jess.’ like he has a right to demand to speak to you.” Si says angrily, redness creeping up his face from the anger.
“What’s Owen said to him?” I’m not looking forward to this at all, and I’ve got work later, so it's not like I can drown my sorrows after speaking with Hunter.
“He’s so mad Jess. He told Hunter that he’ll gladly do the remainder of his sentence if it means he stays away from you.” Si says with a grin.
“Is it weird that I find that sweet?” I glance at him and see that he is trying not to laugh. “So why is Tony running off with Emme?”
The Secrets Of Life (The Working Girls Book 1) Page 9
