“Ah that would be Owen's idea. He said that he doesn't want Hunter seeing Emme and he doubts you do either. So Owen's going to walk with Tony and Emme to the shop. We’re to text him when the coast is clear.”
I don't know whether to be happy or annoyed that he decided for me. “Are you going with them?” hoping he is as I don’t want anyone else around as I’ve a feeling this could get ugly.
“Yeah, if that's okay?” he asks looking unsure.
“Of course it is. Do me a favour, tell Owen to get me a packet of cigarettes. I'm going to need them after this.” Even though I bought a packet when I was in town with Emme.
“Will do.” and he’s off running after Emme and Tony. Just as we approach our block of flats I see Owen talking to Hunter, I take in a deep breath, put on my big girl knickers and get ready to have it out with Hunter.
“Upset her and you’ll have me to deal with.” I hear Owen say to Hunter as I approach. He then quickly turns to me, “do you need anything from the shop?”
“I’ve already placed my order with Si. You lot better not be long, I've to make dinner yet.” At least now I’ve an excuse to get away if things get too intense with Hunter. Owen just nods at me and walks off, not before giving Hunter a warning look.
“What the hell are you doing here Hunter? Harassing my family?” I might as well start as I mean to go on. I’m not taking any of his bullshit.
“To see you, I thought I made that pretty obvious.” the cheeky wanker says.
“Hmm but you’re pretty vague about what you want. Other than to see me. It's been nearly six years and I’ve had the pleasure of not seeing you at all. Then it seems my good luck ran out as I’ve seen you three times in two weeks.” I’m being a bitch and I know I am, but right now, it's the only way I can be.
“Funny. Tell me Jess, why is it that I hate you but even to this day, you're all I can think about?”
“How the hell do I know? Up until last Thursday, I hadn't thought of you in a long time.” I’m totally lying, but I’m not telling him that.
“Why Jess, why did you do it? We had agreed. So why did you change your mind?” He asks angrily; spit flying from his mouth narrowly missing my face.
“Me? What the hell is wrong with you? I did what I thought was best and I’m grateful I did. It was the best decision I ever made” I'm so close to crying right now.
“There's something wrong with you. You know that? What about what I wanted? Didn't that matter?” he is actually deranged.
“No it didn't matter. In fact you stopped mattering the day you sent your Mother around here to do your dirty work for you. Now, do us both a favour and leave me the hell alone.” I tell him and start to walk away. He grabs me by the arm and tries to kiss me, I push him away mad that he even tried.
“Tell me Jess, did you enjoy killing my child?” The anger coming from him is immense, but I have no idea what he’s talking about. “Did you hate me that much that you took it out on an innocent person?”
“I’m only going to say this once. Stop being an arsehole, stop talking out of your backside and leave us the hell alone.” This time I do walk off, leaving him outside the block.
I creep into the house, hoping that Owen is fast asleep. I just managed to dodge his questions after he got back from the shop with the kids. I know that I won’t get through tomorrow without him wanting to know what Hunter said to me and I really do wish that he wasn’t so bloody nosy. I get that he’s just looking out for me, but it’s hard. For the past five years, I’ve been looking out for myself.
Making my way out onto the balcony, I light up a cigarette, take a seat and look at my phone, there’s a picture on this phone that no one knows I have. It’s a picture of the last time Hunter, and I were together, we look so young and naïve. Both only kids at this stage, but we looked like we could conquer the world. I know now that isn’t true. There’s something about this picture that I can’t bring myself to get rid of it. It’s followed me with every change of phone I’ve had. I used to look at this image and look at how in love I was - hoping that Hunter may change his mind and we’d be happy like we were in this picture again.
“You ready to talk yet?” I hear through the silence, and I instantly lock my phone and look toward the kitchen door to see Owen standing there. He must have waited up for me. “What did Hunter say?”
“Do we have to do this right now?” I’m tired and emotional, seeing Hunter again, it knocked me, and I don’t want to have to drag it back up.
“Yeah, we do, so what did he say?” He asks as he makes his way onto the balcony.
“God, can’t you just leave it alone? He’s gone, and hopefully, he won’t be back.” I’m such a liar, if he were to walk through that door right now, and tell me he made a mistake, I’d take him back in a heartbeat.
“Tell me what he said,” Owen asks for the third time, his patience wearing thin.
“You do realise that the more you ask, the less I’m inclined to tell you.” I don’t want to tell him, I still can’t believe the shit that was coming out of Hunter’s mouth.
“Please Jess, what did he say to you?” he asks, and I just want to sleep. I’ve been awake since seven, after not coming home until half two and have been out most of the day with Emme. Only to come home to listen to Hunter spewing shit at me. “Please Jess.”
“Fine. He asked why I changed my mind, he also said did I enjoy killing his child. Can I go to bed now?” I ask, and I hear the tremor in my voice, just thinking about the shit Hunter spewed at me, makes me want to cry.
“Yeah, Jess. Goodnight and sweet dreams.” The pity in his voice feels like a slap in the face.
I want to say I doubt it, but I don’t. “You too, night Owen.” As I walk into my room, I see Emme has taken the position of a starfish, like she does most nights. I crawl in beside her, kissing her forehead as I do, knowing that as much as I hate her dad, I love him just as much too.
Chapter Eleven
“Jess I’m just going out, do you need anything? I’ll be back before lunch.” Owen shouts from the hallway and I want to smack him, it’s half seven on a Monday, I’m sitting in the bloody kitchen; there was no need to shout. “Oh there you are, I thought you were in the bathroom?”
“Yeah, I’m here, that would be Si in the bathroom, he takes longer than I do to get ready., and no thank you, I don’t need anything, I’ve to do shopping this morning.” I say as I reach for a cigarette, hating myself that I’ve let Hunter stress me out so much that I started smoking again. Emme and Tony are sitting at the table eating their breakfast, so I take this opportunity to go onto the balcony.
Owen follows behind me and I hope that he doesn’t mention anything about yesterday, I don’t want to talk about it, but of course he does. “Jess, I wanted you to know, I’m going to see Hunter, he has no right in talking to you like that.”
“Owen, do what you want. I’m tired and I’m sick of having him mess up my head. While you’re there, tell him to go back to Devon and stay there.” I light up the cigarette and love that I get a straight hit of nicotine.
“Okay. I’ll be back later.” He walks over to me and kisses my forehead, before leaving the balcony, that’s when the tears spring to my eyes. Why is everything getting so messed up? I was happy before. I hear the front door shut, just as I take the last drag of the cigarette.
“Mummy, where’s Uncle Owen going? I thought he was going to take me to school?” Emme shouts so loud that I’m pretty sure Owen heard her and he’s already left.
“He’s going to see a friend. He hasn’t seen him in a long time, but he’ll be there when we collect you okay?” I call out to her as I put out the cigarette. I hear the front door open, Owen must have forgotten something.
“Nanny.” Emme screeches, oh fuck, my mum’s here. I quickly make my way into the sitting room by using the balcony door, thankful that you can get to the balcony from either the kitchen or the sitting room. I go to my bedroom, quickly getting dressed. I can hear both
Tony and Emme asking mum questions. I take the money I made over the weekend and put it down my bra, I know its extreme but I need that money and I know that if she’s here, then she needs money.
Just as I put my boots on, the bedroom door opens and I was right, standing there looking shocked to find me here is my mum. “Emme said you were on the balcony.” Cheeky cow.
“I was, but now I’m here. I needed to get dressed, I’ve to take the kids to school. What are you doing here mum?” Why, is it always one thing after another?
“I wanted to see my children, I thought they would be happy to see me, but that doesn’t seem the case. In fact, they seem to be disappointed I’m here.” She’s trying to act all innocent, I can’t be arsed with this shit. “Jess, where’s Owen?”
“You’ve just missed him. You can hardly be surprised that we’re not excited to see you. We hardly ever see you and when we do, you’re either pissed and then pass out on the sofa, or your only here for a little while, but hell, you manage to make sure we’re skint by the time you leave.” She’s picked the wrong day to come for a visit, I’m not in the mood to play nice.
“How dare you? You’ve stopped giving me an allowance, yet I still let you stay in this flat.” She says with a raised voice and I know that she’s going to piss Si off.
“Ha, you expect me to continue to give you money? Even with me paying off your debt? I can’t afford to look after Emme, Tony and Si along with paying your debt and giving you money, I’m barely making ends meet. So I had to make a choice.” I tell her not giving a shit if it upsets her.
“You made a choice? That choice was to make me starve?” She pushes my shoulder. She actually pushes me? It didn’t hurt but that’s not the point, she actually put her hands on me. “What am I supposed to do?”
“I don’t know and to be honest, I don’t care either.” I grab my phone of the bedside cabinet, and put it into my pocket.
“You cheeky bitch. Look at everything I’ve done for you.” She shouts at me. I decide to take the high road, I walk out of my bedroom and into the hallway, I look and see that Si is standing in the doorway to the kitchen, probably making sure that Emme doesn’t come out. “I’m talking to you.” Mum screams, she’s getting louder and louder.
I ignore her, “You had breakfast yet Si?” He shakes his head, “well, chop - chop, it’s ten past eight, we’ve got to leave soon.” I feel her hand on my arm, her fingers digging into my skin, she pulls hard and I spin around to face her.
“Don’t you dare ignore me.” she spits angrily and I can smell the alcohol off her, she’s pissed, great. “You’re lucky I don’t call social services on you. Getting all those benefits yet earning more than most that aren’t on them.”
That’s it, I’ve had enough, and she chose the wrong day to start her shit. “Hmm, you call them, what’s going to happen when they realise that I’ve been the one looking after the kids? What’s going to happen when they realise that you’ve been getting money from them for the past four years but you don’t even live here?” I instantly feel guilty, I’ve never spoken to her like that before.
“You’ll lose everything Jess, your brothers, your money and your precious bastard child.” She’s spewing so much shit that I’ll never be able to forgive her. “What are you going to do then Jess? Sell yourself for real? Might as well, most people think you’re a whore anyway.”
“Get out of here mum, and don’t think of coming back! I’ve had enough of your shit. You’re poison and I don’t want you around my kids.” I’m so mad right now, I just want her out of this flat.
“Your kids? You’ve only one. Instead you’re playing mum to mine. How pathetic can you be?”
“They are my kids, every single one of them in that kitchen. I’ve raised them for the past five years. Hell, they were never yours you daft bat, because before I started looking after them, Owen had them. So don’t you dare stand there and tell me they’re not mine. They’re more mine than they are yours.” I scream at her. Her palm connects with my cheek, before I even know what’s happening, the sting makes tears come to my eyes, I bring my hand up and gingerly touch where she slapped me.
“You stupid cunt. I wish you were never born.”
“ENOUGH!” The roar has me turning around and seeing Hunter standing in the doorway. “Sharon, it’s time for you to leave.” He looks like he wants to hit her.
“Funny seeing you here. I thought your mum put an end to that?” Mum says confusing me.
“You knew about that?” He’s fuming, but I’m so confused. What the hell is he even doing here?
“Jess, it’s nearly half eight and Emme’s not even dressed.” Si tells me as he walks among the madness.
“Shit, Emme, come on. You’re going to be late if we don’t get a move on.” My little monster comes running out of the kitchen with chocolate smudged across her face. “Si, Tony, make sure you’ve got everything ready.”
“Mummy, are you okay? Your face is red.” Emme asks me as she takes my hand, I take her to the bathroom and clean her face, I can’t believe that she slapped me! “Mummy are you okay?” My poor baby, she looks so frightened.
“Yeah baby, mummy’s just upset that you might be late for school.” I tell her trying not to cause any more upset.
“Okay mummy, don’t cry.” I can’t believe my baby’s telling me not to cry, I’ve always been able to keep it together when I’m around her. “Love you.” She puckers up her lips and I bend down to her, she makes a big smacking sound as she kisses me.
“You make everything better you know that?” I smile at her goofiness, as she twirls around the tiny bathroom trying to brush her teeth.
“I know, it’s because I’m the best.” Nothing like having a vain child. “Done.” She sticks her tongue out and shows me that she’s finished brushing her teeth.
“Good girl, now come on let’s get you dressed and then we can leave.” Thankfully everyone has left the hallway so I usher Emme into the bedroom so we can get her dressed.
“Mummy, where are my pink boots?” Oh god, I gave them to a charity shop last week, she outgrew them but wouldn’t for the life of her get rid of them.
“Baby, you can’t wear them to school, you know you have to wear your black shoes.” I watch as she tries to put on her tights, but manages to put both legs into one of the openings.
“Oh here baby, you put one leg into each,” I correct her legs, I start pulling them up, lifting her off her feet as I do, making us both laugh.
“Finally, Emme you take ages to get ready.” Tony says and I know he’s joking as he winks at her, although she doesn’t know that he’s joking.
“No I don’t. You’re being mean. Mummy tell him.” The screeching is too much and my head starts to pound.
“Get your bags, we’re leaving.” I snap at them, god, I’m such a mess. I see Owen standing in the doorway to the sitting room, and I can’t believe that he brought Hunter here. “I’m taking the kids to school and then I have shopping to do, I want those two out of my house by the time I get back.” I don’t wait for his response, I leave fuming that it’s not even nine in the bloody morning and I’ve had to deal with that shit.
None of the kids talk to me on the way to school, although Emme does hold my hand as she talks to Tony, that isn’t unusual as she’ll talk to me once we leave the boys. What is unusual is Si just walking beside me, usually he’s full of chat. “What’s wrong with you?”
“I’m just mad. Jess you know that I really appreciate everything that you’ve done for me don’t you?” He looks worried.
“Hey, what’s going on? There’s no need to be talking like that. I know you appreciate me and I’m a lucky woman, but Si, you and Tony are my family. That’s all that matters.” I know that Tony’s listening to this conversation as he hasn’t replied to Emme.
“I know Jess, but you didn’t have to.”
“I know I didn’t have to, but I wanted too. Now what is this about and don’t tell me nothing!” I demand, I ha
te the thought of him being upset.
“Are we going to be taken away from you?” He sounds so frightened.
“No, I would never let that happen to you. Any of you, if I thought for one minute that would happen, I’d be gone. I’d take you all and leave the country. No one is taking you from me. Do you understand?” I can’t believe that any of them would ever think that. I blame that useless mother of ours for making them think that.
“Yes, Jess. I love you, you know.” Si says and I smile, yes I do know, but it sure is nice to hear it. “Come on Tony, if we hurry, we won’t be late.” He’s lying but there’s nothing they can do about it, they’ll be about five minutes late.
“Be good and stay out of fights!” I say as they start to run. I look down at my baby girl who is smiling at the retreating backs of her uncle’s. “Come on you, we’ve fifteen minutes to get you to school or you’ll be late. Thankfully Emme’s school doesn’t start until nine whereas the boys start at ten to nine.
“Mummy, I forgot to bring my Meerkat.” Oh shit.
“That’s okay baby, you can bring it with you tomorrow and if anyone asks, tell them that it was having a lie in.”
“That’s silly mummy.” At least she’s still smiling.
We make it to school with three minutes to spare and as per usual, she walks straight in without looking back. I miss the days she would hold on to me not wanting to leave me. Where has the time gone?
I called Stef, as soon as I left Emme off at school. I told her what happened with mum and Hunter and that I was going shopping. Stef, not one to pass up the opportunity to shop tells me she’s going to meet me. We went shopping for a lot longer than I usually do. I just couldn’t face the thought of seeing Hunter again. Luckily my mum hijacked that meeting, but I’m still mad at Owen, I mean what the hell was going through his mind to even believe that it would be okay to bring him into my house?
The Secrets Of Life (The Working Girls Book 1) Page 10
