The Monikins

by James Fenimore Cooper

  CHAPTER XXX. EXPLANATIONS--A LEAVE-TAKING--LOVE--CONFESSIONS, BUT NOPENITENCE.

  A night of sweet repose left me refreshed, and with a pulse that denotedless agitation than on the preceding day. I awoke early, had a bath, andsent for Captain Poke to take his coffee with me, before we parted;for it had been settled, the previous evening, that he was to proceedtowards Stunin'tun forthwith. My old messmate, colleague, co-adventurer,and fellow-traveller, was not slow in obeying the summons. I confess hispresence was a comfort to me, for I did not like looking at objects thathad been so inexplicably replaced before my eyes, unsupported by thecountenance of one who had gone through so many grave scenes in mycompany.

  "This has been a very extraordinary voyage of ours, Captain Poke," Iremarked, after the worthy sealer had swallowed sixteen eggs, an omelet,seven cotelettes, and divers accessories. "Do you think of publishingyour private journal?"

  "Why, in my opinion, Sir John, the less that either of us says of thev'y'ge the better."

  "And why so? We have had the discoveries of Columbus, Cook, Vancouver,and Hudson--why not those of Captain Poke?"

  "To own the truth, we sealers do not like to speak of our cruisinggrounds--and, as for these monikins, after all, what are they good for?A thousand of them wouldn't make a quart of 'ile, and by all accountstheir fur is worth next to nothin'."

  "Do you account their philosophy for nothing? and theirjurisprudence?--you, who were so near losing your head, and who didactually lose your tail, by the axe of the executioner?"

  Noah placed a hand behind him, fumbling about the seat of reason, withevident uneasiness. Satisfied that no harm had been done, he very coollyplaced half a muffin in what he called his "provision hatchway."

  "You will give me this pretty model of our good old 'Walrus,' captain?"

  "Take it, o' Heaven's sake, Sir John, and good luck to you with it. You,who give me a full-grown schooner, will be but poorly paid with a toy."

  "It's as like the dear old craft as one pea is like another!"

  "I dare say it may be. I never knew a model that hadn't suthin' of theoriginal in it."

  "Well, my good shipmate, we must part. You know I am to go and see thelady who is soon to be my wife, and the diligence will be ready to takeyou to Havre, before I return."

  "God bless you! Sir John--God bless you!" Noah blew his nose tillit rung like a French horn. I thought his little coals of eyes wereglittering, too, more than common, most probably with moisture. "You'rea droll navigator, and make no more of the ice than a colt makes ofa rail. But though the man at the wheel is not always awake the heartseldom sleeps."

  "When the 'Debby and Dolly' is fairly in the water, you will do me thepleasure of letting me know it."

  "Count on me, Sir John. Before we part, I have, however, a small favorto ask."

  "Name it."

  Here Noah drew out of his pocket a sort of basso relievo carved in pine.It represented Neptune armed with a harpoon instead of a trident; thecaptain always contending that the god of the seas should never carrythe latter, but that, in its place, he should be armed either with theweapon he had given him, or with a boat-hook. On the right of Neptunewas an English gentleman holding out a bag of guineas. On the other wasa female who, I was told, represented the goddess of liberty, whileit was secretly a rather flattering likeness of Miss Poke. The face ofNeptune was supposed to have some similitude to that of her husband. Thecaptain, with that modesty which is invariably the companion of merit inthe arts, asked permission to have a copy of this design placed onthe schooner's stern. It would have been churlish to refuse such acompliment; and I now offered Noah my hand, as the time for parting hadarrived. The sealer grasped me rather tightly, and seemed disposed tosay more than adieu.

  "You are going to see an angel, Sir John."

  "How!--Do you know anything of Miss Etherington?"

  "I should be as blind as an old bumboat else. During our late v'y'ge, Isaw her often."

  "This is strange!--But there is evidently something on your mind, myfriend; speak freely."

  "Well, then, Sir John, talk of anything but of our v'y'ge, to the dearcrittur. I do not think she is quite prepared yet to hear of all thewonders we saw."

  I promised to be prudent; and the captain, shaking me cordially bythe hand, finally wished me farewell. There were some rude touches offeeling in his manner, which reacted on certain chords in my own system;and he had been gone several minutes before I recollected that itwas time to go to the Hotel de Castile. Too impatient to wait for acarriage, I flew along the streets on foot, believing that my own fieryspeed would outstrip the zigzag movement of a fiacre or a cabriolet tieflace.

  Dr. Etherington met me at the door of his appartement, and led me to aninner room without speaking. Here he stood gazing, for some time, in myface, with paternal concern.

  "She expects you, Jack, and believes that you rang the bell."

  "So much the better, dear sir. Let us not lose a moment; let me fly andthrow myself at her feet, and implore her pardon."

  "For what, my good boy?"

  "For believing that any social stake can equal that which a man feels inthe nearest, dearest ties of earth!"

  The excellent rector smiled, but he wished to curb my impatience.

  "You have already every stake in society, Sir John Goldencalf," heanswered--assuming the air which human beings have, by a generalconvention, settled shall be dignified--"that any reasonable man candesire. The large fortune left by your late father, raises you, in thisrespect, to the height of the richest in the land; and now that you area baronet, no one will dispute your claim to participate in the councilsof the nation. It would perhaps be better, did your creation date acentury or two nearer the commencement of the monarchy; but, in thisage of innovations, we must take things as they are, and not as we mightwish to have them."

  I rubbed my forehead, for the doctor had incidentally thrown out anembarrassing idea.

  "On your principle, my dear sir, society would be obliged to begin withits great-grandfathers to qualify itself for its own government."

  "Pardon me, Jack, if I have said anything disagreeable--no doubt allwill come right in heaven. Anna will be uneasy at our delay."

  This suggestion drove all recollection of the good rector's social-stakesystem, which was exactly the converse of the social-stake system ofmy late ancestor, quite out of my head. Springing forward, I gave himreason to see that he would have no farther trouble in changing thesubject. When we had passed an antechamber, he pointed to a door, andadmonishing me to be prudent, withdrew.

  My hand trembled as it touched the door-knob, but the lock yielded. Annawas standing in the middle of the room (she had heard my footsteps), animage of womanly loveliness, womanly faith, and womanly feeling. By adesperate effort, she was, however, mistress of her emotions. Though herpure soul seemed willing to fly to meet me, she obviously restrained theimpulse, in order to spare my nerves.

  "Dear Jack!"--and both her soft, white, pretty little hands met me, as Ieagerly approached.

  "Anna!--dearest Anna!"--I covered the rosy fingers with kisses.

  "Let us be tranquil, Jack, and if possible, endeavor to be reasonable,too."

  "If I thought this could really cost one habitually discreet as you aneffort, Anna?"

  "One habitually discreet as I, is as likely to feel strongly on meetingan old friend, as another."

  "I think it would make me perfectly happy, could I see thee weep."

  As if waiting only for this hint, Anna burst into a flood of tears.I was frightened, for her sobs became hysterical and convulsed. Thoseprecious sentiments which had been so long imprisoned in her gentlebosom, obtained the mastery, and I was well paid for my selfishness,by experiencing an alarm little less violent than her own outpouring offeeling.

  Touching the incidents, emotions, and language of the next half hour,it is not my intention to be very communicative. Anna was ingenuous,unreserved, and, if I might judge by the rosy blushes that suffusedher sweet face, and the
manner in which she extricated herself from myprotecting arms, I believe I must add, she deemed herself indiscreet inthat she had been so unreserved and ingenuous.

  "We can now converse more calmly, Jack," the dear creature resumed,after she had erased the signs of emotion from her cheeks--"more calmly,if not more sensibly."

  "The wisdom of Solomon is not half so precious as the words I have justheard--and as for the music of spheres--"

  "It is a melody that angels only enjoy."

  "And art not thou an angel?"

  "No, Jack, only a poor, confiding girl; one instinct with the affectionsand weaknesses of her sex, and one whom it must be your part to sustainand direct. If we begin by calling each other by these superhumanepithets, we may awake from the delusion sooner than if we commence withbelieving ourselves to be no other than what we really are. I love youfor your kind, excellent, and generous heart, Jack; and as for thesepoetical beings, they are rather proverbial, I believe, for having nohearts at all."

  As Anna mildly checked my exaggeration of language--after ten years ofmarriage I am unwilling to admit there was any exaggeration of idea--sheplaced her little velvet hand in mine again, smiling away all theseverity of the reproof.

  "Of one thing, I think you may rest perfectly assured, dear girl," Iresumed, after a moment's reflection. "All my old opinions concerningexpansion and contraction are radically changed. I have carried out theprinciple of the social-stake system in the extreme, and cannot say thatI have been at all satisfied with its success. At this moment I am theproprietor of vested interests which are scattered over half the world.So far from finding that I love my kind any more for all thesesocial stakes, I am compelled to see that the wish to protect one, isconstantly driving me into acts of injustice against all the others.There is something wrong, depend on it, Anna, in the old dogmas ofpolitical economists!"

  "I know little of these things, Sir John, but to one ignorant asmyself, it would appear that the most certain security for the righteousexercise of power is to be found in just principles."

  "If available, beyond a question. They who contend that the debased andignorant are unfit to express their opinions concerning the public weal,are obliged to own that they can only be restrained by force. Now, asknowledge is power, their first precaution is to keep them ignorant; andthen they quote this very ignorance, with all its debasing consequences,as an argument against their participating in authority with themselves.I believe there can be no safe medium between a frank admission of thewhole principle--"

  "You should remember, dear Goldencalf, that this is a subject on which Iknow but little. It ought to be sufficient for us that we find things asthey are; if change is actually necessary, we should endeavor to effectit with prudence and a proper regard to justice."

  Anna, while kindly leading me back from my speculations, looked bothanxious and pained.

  "True--true"--I hurriedly rejoined, for a world would not tempt me toprolong her suffering for a moment. "I am foolish and forgetful, tobe talking thus at such a moment; but I have endured too much to bealtogether unmindful of ancient theories. I thought it might begrateful to you, at least, to know, Anna, that I have ceased to lookfor happiness in my affections for all, and am only so much the betterdisposed to turn in search of it to one."

  "To love our neighbor as ourself, is the latest and highest of thedivine commands," the dear girl answered, looking a thousand times morelovely than ever, for my conclusion was very far from being displeasingto her. "I do not know that this object is to be attained by centringin our persons as many of the goods of life as possible; but I do think,Jack, that the heart which loves one truly, will be so much the betterdisposed to entertain kind feelings towards all others."

  I kissed the hand she had given me, and we now began to talk a littlemore like people of the world, concerning our movements. The interviewlasted an hour longer, when the heaven. "You never yet were so unkind toone who was offensive; much less could you willingly have plotted thiscruelty to one you regard!"

  Anna could no longer control herself, but her cheeks were wetted withthe usual signs of feeling in her sex. Then smiling in the midst ofthis little outbreaking of womanly sensibility, her countenance becameplayful and radiant.

  "That letter ought not to be altogether proscribed, neither, Jack. Hadit not been written, you would never have visited Leaphigh, norLeaplow, nor have seen any of those wonderful spectacles which are hererecorded."

  The dear creature laid her hand on a roll of manuscript which she hadjust returned to me, after its perusal. At the same time, her faceflushed, as vivid and transient feelings are reflected from the featuresof the innocent and ingenuous, and she made a faint effort to laugh.

  I passed a hand over my brow, for whenever this subject is alluded tobetween us, I invariably feel that there is a species of mistiness, inand about the region of thought. I was not displeased, however, forI knew that a heart which loved so truly would not willingly causeme pain, nor would one habitually so gentle and considerate, utter asyllable that she might have reason to think would seriously displease.

  "Hadst thou been with me, love, that journey would always be rememberedas one of the pleasantest events of my life, for, while it had itsperils and its disagreeables, it had also its moments of extremesatisfaction."

  "You will never be an adept in political saltation, John!"

  "Perhaps not--but here is a document that will render it less necessarythan formerly."

  I threw her a packet which had been received that morning from town, bya special messenger, but of whose contents I had not yet spoken. Annawas too young a wife to open it without an approving look from my fondeye. On glancing over its contents, she perceived that I was raised tothe House of Peers by the title of Viscount Householder. The purchase ofthree more boroughs, and the influence of my old friend Lord Pledge, haddone it all.

  The sweet girl looked pleased, for I believe it is in female natureto like to be a viscountess; but, throwing herself into my arms, sheprotested that her joy was at my elevation and not at her own.

  "I owed you this effort, Anna, as some acknowledgment for your faith anddisinterestedness in the affair of Lord M'Dee."

  "And yet, Jack, he had neither high cheek-bones, nor red hair; and hisaccent was such as might please a girl less capricious than myself!"

  This was said playfully and coquettishly, but in a way to make me feelhow near folly would have been to depriving me of a treasure, had theheart I so much prized been less ingenuous and pure. I drew the dearcreature to my bosom, as if afraid my rival might yet rob me of herpossession. Anna looked up, smiling through her tears; and, making aneffort to be calm, she said, in a voice so smothered as to prove howdelicate she felt the subject to be:--

  "We will speak seldom of this journey, dear John, and try to think ofthe long and dark journey which is yet before us. We will speak of it,however, for there should be nothing totally concealed between us."

  I kissed her serene and humid eyes, and repeated what she had just said,syllable for syllable. Anna has not been unmindful of her words;for rarely, indeed, has she touched on the past, and then oftener inallusion to her own sorrows, than in reference to my impressions.

  But, while the subject of my voyage to the monikin region is, ina measure, forbidden between me and my wife, there exists no suchrestraint as between me and other people. The reader may like to know,therefore, what effect this extraordinary adventure has left on my mind,after an interval of ten years.

  There have been moments when the whole has appeared a dream; but, onlooking back, and comparing it with other scenes in which I have been anactor, I cannot perceive that this is not quite as indelibly stampedon my memory as those. The facts themselves, moreover, are so very likewhat I see daily in the course of occurrence around me, that I have cometo the conclusion, I did go to Leaphigh in the way related, and that Imust have been brought back during the temporary insanity of a fever.I believe, therefore, that there are such countries as Leaphigh andLeaplow; and
after much thought, I am of opinion that great justice hashere been done to the monikin character in general.

  The result of much meditation on what I witnessed, has been to producesundry material changes in my former opinions, and to unsettle even manyof the notions in which I may be said to have been born and bred. Inorder to consume as little of the reader's time as possible, I shall setdown a summary of my conclusions, and then take my leave of him, withmany thanks for his politeness in reading what I have written. Beforecompleting my task in this way, however, it will be well to add a wordon the subject of one or two of my fellow-travellers.

  I never could make up my mind relating to the fact whether we did or didnot actually eat Brigadier Downright. The flesh was so savory, and ittasted so delicious after a week of philosophical meditation on nuts,and the recollection of its pleasures is so very vivid, that I aminclined to think nothing but a good material dinner could have leftbehind it impressions so lively, I have had many melancholy thoughtson this subject, especially in November; but observing that men areconstantly devouring each other, in one shape or another, I endeavor tomake the best of it, and to persuade myself that a slight difference inspecies may exonerate me from the imputation of cannibalism.

  I often get letters from Captain Poke. He is not very explicit on thesubject of our voyage, it is true; but, on the whole, I have decidedthat the little ship he constructed was built on the model of, and namedafter, our own Walrus instead of our own Walrus being built on the modelof, and named after, the little ship constructed by Captain Poke. Ikeep the latter, therefore, to show my friends as a proof of what I tellthem, knowing the importance of visible testimony with ordinary minds.

  As for Bob and the mates, I never heard any more of them. The formermost probably continued a "kickee" until years and experience enabledhim to turn the tables on humanity, when, as is usually the casewith Christians, he would be very likely to take up the business ofa "kicker" with so much the greater zeal on account of his earlysufferings.

  To conclude, my own adventures and observations lead to the followinginferences, viz.:

  That every man loves liberty for his own sake and very few for the sakeof other people.

  That moral saltation is very necessary to political success at Leaplow,and quite probably in many other places.

  That civilization is very arbitrary, meaning one thing in France,another thing at Leaphigh, and still a third in Dorsetshire.

  That there is no sensible difference between motives in the polar regionand motives anywhere else.

  That truth is a comparative and local property, being much influenced bycircumstances; particularly by climate and by different public opinions.

  That there is no portion of human wisdom so select and faultless that itdoes not contain the seeds of its own refutation.

  That of all the 'ocracies (aristocracy and democracy included) hypocrisyis the most flourishing.

  That he who is in the clutches of the law may think himself lucky if heescape with the loss of his tail.

  That liberty is a convertible term, which means exclusive privileges inone country, no privileges in another, and inclusive privileges in all.

  That religion is a paradox, in which self-denial and humility areproposed as tenets, in direct contradiction to every man's senses.

  That phrenology and caudology are sister sciences, one being quite asdemonstrable as the other, and more too.

  That philosophy, sound principles and virtue, are really delightful;but, after all, that they are no more than so many slaves of the belly;a man usually preferring to eat his best friend to starving.

  That a little wheel and a great wheel are as necessary to the motionof a commonweath, as to the motion of a stage-coach, and that what thisgains in periphery that makes up in activity, on the rotatory principle.

  That it is one thing to have a king, another to have a throne, andanother to have neither.

  That the reasoning which is drawn from particular abuses, is noreasoning for general uses.

  That, in England, if we did not use blinkers, our cattle would break ournecks; whereas, in Germany we travel at a good pace, allowing the horsethe use of his eyes; and in Naples we fly, without even a bit!

  That the converse of what has just been said of horses is true of men,in the three countries named.

  That occultations of truth are just as certain as the aurora boreal is,and quite as easily accounted for.

  That men who will not shrink from the danger and toil of penetrating thepolar basin, will shrink from the trouble of doing their own thinking,and put themselves, like Captain Poke, under the convoy of a God-like.

  That all our wisdom is insufficient to protect us from frauds, oneoutwitting us by gyrations and flapjacks, and another by adding newjoints to the cauda.

  That men are not very scrupulous touching the humility due to God, butare so tenacious of their own privileges in this particular, they willconfide in plausible rogues rather than in plain-dealing honesty.

  That they who rightly appreciate the foregoing facts, are People'sFriends, and become the salt of the earth--yea, even the Most PatrioticPatriots!

  That it is fortunate "all will come right in heaven," for it is certaintoo much goes wrong on earth.

  That the social-stake system has one distinctive merit: that of causingthe owners of vested rights to set their own interests in motion, whilethose of their fellow-citizens must follow, as a matter of course,though perhaps a little clouded by the dust raised by their leaders.

  That he who has an Anna, has the best investment in humanity; and thatif he has any repetition of his treasure, it is better still.

  That money commonly purifies the spirit as wine quenches thirst; andtherefore it is wise to commit all our concerns to the keeping of thosewho have most of it.

  That others seldom regard us in the same light we regard ourselves;witness the manner in which Dr. Reasono converted me from a benefactorinto the travelling tutor of Prince Bob.

  That honors are sweet even to the most humble, as is shown by thesatisfaction of Noah in being made a lord high admiral.

  That there is no such stimulant of humanity, as a good moneyed stake inits advancement.

  That though the mind may be set on a very improper and base object, itwill not fail to seek a good motive for its justification, few men beingso hardened in any grovelling passion, that they will not endeavor todeceive themselves, as well as their neighbors.

  That academies promote good fellowship in knowledge, and good fellowshipin knowledge promotes F. U. D. G. E.'s, and H. O. A. X.'s.

  That a political rolling-pin, though a very good thing to level rightsand privileges, is a very bad thing to level houses, temples, and othermatters that might be named.

  That the system of governing by proxy is more extended than is commonlysupposed; in one country a king resorting to its use, and in another thepeople.

  That there is no method by which a man can be made to covet a tail, sosure as by supplying all his neighbors, and excluding him by an especialedict.

  That the perfection of consistency in a nation, is to dock itself athome, while its foreign agents furiously cultivate caudae abroad.

  That names are far more useful than things, being more generallyunderstood, less liable to objections, of greater circulation, besidesoccupying much less room.

  That ambassadors turn the back of the throne outward, aristocrats draw acrimson curtain before it, and a king sits on it.

  That nature has created inequalities in men and things, and, as humaninstitutions are intended to prevent the strong from oppressingthe weak, ergo, the laws should encourage natural inequalities as alegitimate consequence.

  That, moreover, the laws of nature having made one man wise and anotherman foolish--this strong, and that weak, human laws should reverse itall, by making another man wise and one man foolish--that strong, andthis weak. On this conclusion I obtained a peerage.

  That God-likes are commonly Riddles, and Riddles, with many peopl
e, are,as a matter of course, God-likes. That the expediency of establishingthe base of society on a principle of the most sordid character,one that is denounced by the revelations of God, and proved to beinsufficient by the experience of man, may at least be questionedwithout properly subjecting the dissenter to the imputation of being asheep-stealer.

  That we seldom learn moderation under any political excitement, untilforty thousand square miles of territory are blown from beneath ourfeet.

  That it is not an infallible sign of great mental refinement tobespatter our fellow-creatures, while every nerve is writhing in honorof our pigs, our cats, our stocks, and our stones.

  That select political wisdom, like select schools, propagates muchquestionable knowledge.

  That the whole people is not infallible, neither is a part of the peopleinfallible.

  That love for the species is a godlike and pure sentiment; but thephilanthropy which is dependent on buying land by the square mile, andselling it by the square foot, is stench in the nostrils of the just.

  That one thoroughly imbued with republican simplicity invariablysqueezes himself into a little wheel, in order to show how small he canbecome at need.

  That habit is invincible, an Esquimaux preferring whale's blubber tobeefsteak, a native of the Gold Coast cherishing his tom-tom beforea band of music, and certain travelled countrymen of our own saying,"Commend me to the English skies."

  That arranging a fact by reason is embarrassing, and admits ofcavilling; while adapting a reason to a fact is a very natural, easy,every-day, and sometimes necessary, process.

  That what men affirm for their own particular interests they will swearto in the end, although it should be a proposition as much beyond thenecessity of an oath, as that "black is white."

  That national allegories exist everywhere, the only difference betweenthem arising from gradations in the richness of imaginations.

  And finally:--

  That men have more of the habits, propensities, dispositions, cravings,antics, gratitude, flapjacks, and honesty of monikins, than is generallyknown.

  THE END.