Fragments

by Teg

  “I have another couple of days. I really can’t stay longer than that.” Despite being encouraged by the progress in their developing relationship, Georgiana couldn’t help feeling a little bit anxious about Elizabeth’s more fragile

  emotional state since her parents had arrived. Sooner or later there would be a crisis to face and she hoped that Will could handle it on his own for it was likely to happen while in his company. “I wish I could but I’m still the junior of our practice team so the rest of the holiday period is mine to cover.”

  “I remember having to work the holidays when I first started my job, too.”

  Elizabeth’s voice was slightly wistful.

  Georgiana reached over to place a hand on her friend’s arm. “You’ll be

  working again, Elizabeth. Don’t lose hope of that happening.”

  “Thanks.” Elizabeth nodded with confidence. “You’ve given me another goal

  to aim for.”

  As she sipped her wine, thoughtfully turning over what little George had told her of his history with Will, she considered the mystery of the man himself. He was not what she’d been led to believe, nor was he what she had originally thought; selfish, thoughtless and vain. Watching him stand silently near the doors leading back out to the deck, she shook her head in bewilderment.

  George had lied. That was nothing new but it only served to make her more annoyed with herself for believing his slander about Will, for she had no doubt it held not a grain of truth.

  She moved around the room, carefully keeping others between herself and where George was standing. Occasionally she could feel his gaze burn across the exposed skin on her shoulder but refused to let it stop her.

  She saw Will leaning against the door frame, looking out into the darkness of the night. With his back toward her, she could study him without fear of discovery. She watched the rise and fall of his chest as he breathed, the way he fingered the stem of his wine glass before taking a sip, and observed with interest the expressiveness of his facial features reflected in the glass. Though not relaxed, his shoulders did not convey the uneasiness that she was feeling at inspecting him so closely. Should George realise her fascination..... but no, he would not be so insightful. She had come to understand just how self-centred he really was, despite all appearance to the contrary.

  She raised her eyes once more, discovering that Will had turned and was now looking in her direction. He did not meet her gaze, however, for his was focussed beyond and his bearing was no longer unaffected.

  “Ah, you see how it is, don’t you?” The voice grated on her. “But he doesn’t dare do anything to me here.”

  Her head bowed, eyes closed. “Maybe we should go home.”

  “Not a chance!” George placed a hand on her shoulder, his other arm taking her by the waist. “It’s his problem, not mine. If he doesn’t like seeing me here then he can leave.” His lips left a wet mark on her cheek.

  She tried not to look up as George propelled her across the room. A brief glance informed her that Will had not lingered once the other man’s intent was made known. She heard her companion laugh.

  “What did I tell you? The guy’s a loser.” George spun her around toward himself. “You need a strong man, Lizzy. That’s why you’ve got me. I don’t need to tell you that, though, do I?”

  “No,” she listlessly replied. “You’ve told me too often already.”

  “What?” His fingers dug into her arm.

  She pasted a weary smile on her face. “That Will Darcy is a loser. You know, if you tell me too many times I might end up feeling sorry for him.” The

  explanation proved sufficient for he let go of her and laughed loudly. She berated herself for resorting to such a means of escape but it was too soon to make the break. All was not yet prepared and she could not risk angering George before she was ready.

  “What are you doing still up? Don’t tell me you are working!” Georgiana stood in the open doorway, hands on hips. “Will, you spent the entire day relaxing.

  You should have let it stay that way and just gone to bed.”

  He shook his head, half amused and half annoyed. “I’ve left this too long. It has to be done and I don’t want to do it when I have the chance to be with Elizabeth.”

  “Why aren’t you with her now, then?”

  Putting down the pen in his hand, Will let out an impatient sigh. “Georgie, you know why. Contrary to what you may think, nothing has happened between us

  while she’s been here. Having said that I’ll admit that I have no desire to see her go back to Jane’s once their parents have gone home. I’ve enjoyed our time together here. I don’t want it to end.”

  His sister stepped into the room and closed the door. “Will, nothing has to end but Elizabeth should go back to the Bingleys’. Both of you are too tempted here. I didn’t say anything earlier but Elizabeth has been having bad dreams.

  I’ve been up a couple of times with her.”

  “Why didn’t you wake me!”

  “I truly think it was better this way. She needed a woman’s ear. There are matters she isn’t ready to face with you, yet. They will come, though.” She couldn’t say any more, not without breaking a promise of confidence.

  Georgiana could tell he wasn’t happy with her answer. He wanted to know

  more but knew better than to ask. “Get some sleep, Will. Put away your work and go to bed.”

  “Yes, mother.” He stuck out his tongue in a very juvenile manner as his sister departed.

  The room was dark. Unfamiliar with the arrangement within, Elizabeth could only stand in the doorway and call his name. She heard his breathing change and she said it again. “Will?”

  Eventually there was a sleepy response. “Lizzy? What’s wrong?”

  A shadowy figure approached and Elizabeth reached out with relief. In the

  warmth of his embrace she snuggled into him, letting out a long sigh. “I’m sorry,” she mumbled against his chest.

  “What’s this?” Will lifted her chin so that he could see her face. “Why are you apologising?”

  “I’ve been such a fool,” she said, her voice hesitating.

  “Lizzy, Lizzy.” Kissing her brow, Will led Elizabeth to a chair then sank to the floor in front of her, holding her hands firmly. “You are not a fool and there’s no need to apologise. I love you. I’m not going anywhere. I won’t leave you.”

  He pressed her hands to his lips, softly kissing her fingers.

  She raised eyes filled with pain to stare imploringly into his. “I don’t want to be alone. Please, stay with me tonight, Will. I’m....,” her voice trailed off to a whisper, “scared.”

  “Scared! Lizzy, what frightens you here?”

  “I can’t do it anymore, Will. I’m coming apart.” She was trying hard to keep her voice steady. “He’s there when I sleep. Sometimes he’s there when I simply close my eyes. Help me, please! Let me stay with you. I’m safe when you’re near me.”

  Will’s expression reflected her torment. ‘Lizzy, I can’t protect you from your dreams. Lord knows I would if it were possible! You’ve been holding it in for too long, though. Have you spoken with Dr. Wendell about them?”

  Elizabeth shook her head, fighting to keep the tears at bay. “Will, why didn’t you tell me about your sister and George?”

  Guilt stabbed at him and his eyes closed briefly. “It was years ago. It wasn’t the same. I’m grateful only that she escaped without being harmed. With

  Georgiana it was all about money. He wanted control of her money. I was able to lock it away from his clutches until Georgie saw him for what he was.”

  Pressing his forehead against Elizabeth’s, Will said, “I wish I had done

  something to spare you.”

  “Oh, Will. It explains so much.” Tears finally found their release. Elizabeth clung to him, unable to speak, unwilling to even think about what needed to be said. Will held her tightly, the tears of pain and anguish continuing to flow. She m
umbled incoherently, her throat tight and tongue uncooperative. He could do nothing but soothe with soft words and rock her gently to and fro. It was quite some time before Elizabeth was exhausted and her sobbing slowed.

  “Lizzy, how do you feel now?” he asked when her breathing sounded almost

  normal again. “Would you like me to get you something?”

  Elizabeth shook her head, pushing herself away and trying to collect her

  shattered emotions. For a moment she felt her head spinning and leaned back against the chair, staring intently at a spot on the far wall to regain her equilibrium. Then she began to shake, tremors coursing through her, and

  Elizabeth wrapped her arms around herself.

  “Let it all out, Lizzy. Go on,” Will urged.

  Try as she might, though, Elizabeth could not get the words out. She felt angry, frustrated, cheated; all that George Wickham had taken from her and she

  couldn’t even curse him aloud! She gave in, producing a strangled cry and waving her fists for emphasis.

  “Here,” said Will, grabbing a pillow. “Use that. Destroy it. Pretend it’s

  George.”

  Elizabeth stared at the pillow, tested the softness and concentrated. She filled her mind with images of George Wickham, felt her fear and loathing rise. Then she carefully put the pillow down and pushed it away, turning her gaze on Will.

  “No. I won’t let him have that power. I won’t,” she insisted, chin held high,

  “become him.”

  Will pulled her closer. “Venting your anger and pain by ripping apart a pillow would never make you like him. Never, Lizzy! You have every right to feel angry, you’re entitled to your feelings, to hate George Wickham if you choose.

  Lizzy, oh Lizzy,” he whispered, his own anger barely controlled. “He

  almost killed you!”

  Elizabeth felt the pain anew, this time not for herself, but for Jane and Charles, for Will and the agony they had suffered for so long, never knowing if she would live or die, or even continue on in that suspended state. She picked up the pillow again. When she spoke, her voice was quiet. “I do hate him. I hate him.” She pulled at the fabric but lacked the strength to do any damage to it.

  That served to frustrate her more and the pillow flew across the room.

  Elizabeth was on her feet after it, kicking repeatedly until something else caught her eye. In a flash she had the letter opener in her hand and was tearing into the pillow in a frenzy. The stuffing littered the floor around her; she was oblivious to everything until the rage dissipated and she was left drained once more, staring at the destruction around her.

  Will tentatively reached out a hand. “Elizabeth.” Although he barely whispered her name the effect was electric. She inhaled sharply, her body jerking to attention. Her skin was cold under his touch. Gently, he removed the opener from her grasp and put it on the desk.

  Elizabeth looked up, shadows of fear returning. “He hurt me.”

  Will was unsure what to do and so he simply waited.

  “I can’t make him go away,” she continued, her voice monotone, detached. “In my dreams he’s there. He’s always there. Sometimes he’s nice but more often he’s not.” Her expression grew puzzled. “You’re in my dreams, too. None of that is real; none of it happened, but I wanted it to.”

  “Elizabeth,” he said again, daring to take hold of her cold fingers. “Tell me about the dreams.” She shook her head. “Elizabeth,” Will insisted. “You can’t keep backing away from it. You’re so close! He’ll never go away until you get it all out in the open.”

  “But I’m scared,” she whimpered.

  “I’m here,” he assured her. “I’m here and I won’t let anyone harm you.”

  Without waiting for her to speak, Will returned Elizabeth to the chair and once again knelt at her feet. She seemed to be more composed, or perhaps she was just too exhausted to feel anymore. “Let’s face him together.”

  She nodded but still didn’t speak for several minutes. Finally the words began.

  “They start the same, moments from the past. Some are pleasant, some are

  cruel. Sometimes he turns into you and I am saved from having to relive the –.”

  She stopped, unable to finish that thought. “Other times you never appear.”

  “I should have done more. I’m so sorry, Elizabeth.”

  She continued as if she hadn’t heard him speak. “I wanted you. It began slowly but before long I knew George was evil and I had made a horrible mistake...

  and I wanted you. It was too late, though. I’d doubted you and you were gone.

  George was there but I wanted him gone. Then the dreams came. Nightmares,

  really. I could escape but only so far. George always managed to win in the end. Even when you appeared to save me in my dreams there was no happy

  ending.”

  Swallowing painfully, he asked, “What do you mean?”

  “The more I wanted you, the more he hurt me.”

  Will ground his teeth together forcefully. “It was the same in reality, wasn’t it?

  Anyone, anything you wanted brought out his sadistic impulses. He must be the sole desire or he becomes jealous of the attention going elsewhere.”

  “Will, don’t. Please don’t say anymore.”

  He got to his feet in one rapid movement and began to pace. “Oh, Elizabeth!

  What horrors did you suffer all those months!”

  “No, Will. It wasn’t what you think.”

  “Then what was it?” he demanded, his anger getting the better of him. “What did George do that makes you so afraid, even of me? I can see it in your face sometimes. I don’t know what I’ve said but you shrink away and look so.....

  terrified.” He finished quietly, appalled at what he’d just done. “He knew. He knew you no longer wanted him and that’s why he did it.”

  “He didn’t know,” Elizabeth tried to interrupt but Will was too agitated to listen.

  “It was because of me.” He resumed pacing the room, his thoughts following another path. “George realised he’d reached the end of your patience and saw how I felt about you. He thought he could teach us both a lesson at the same time!” Will slammed his fist against his forehead.

  Elizabeth jumped up, concern overriding her own distress. “He didn’t know, Will!”

  “Oh, Lizzy, I’m sorry. I’m sorry!” Almost crushing her with the strength of his embrace, Will repeated himself again and again, begging her forgiveness as together their tears formed a bond that would eventually heal their wounds.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Daylight fell across the blankets. Elizabeth blinked, her eyes tired, the lids heavy from too little sleep and too much crying. She wondered if any amount of coffee would be able to make her feel human again.

  After the initial appraisal of her own state she shifted her attention to Will, only to discover that he was awake and watching her, too.

  “How long have you been staring at me?” she asked, wincing at the gravelly sound and sore throat.

  “Not staring, my dear, and not long. You know I would happily gaze upon you for hours.”

  “I look a fright this morning,” she complained. “My eyes must be all red and puffy. I feel awful.”

  “It would hardly make me love you less,” Will chuckled. He rubbed his thumb gently across her lower lip. “You’ll feel better after some breakfast and maybe we could go for a walk to get some fresh air.”

  She sighed heavily. “Even that won’t help me get through this afternoon. I wish I could just –.”

  “Shh, shh.” His arms tightened around her protectively, one hand cradling her head against his chest. “Don’t think about that, yet. See how you feel later and if you still don’t want to go to Jane’s we’ll figure out some excuse.” A muffled laugh sounded below his chin. “I am serious, Elizabeth. After last night I’m not sure you are strong enough to face them again so soon.”

  She raised her hea
d to look at him. “They’re leaving tomorrow. I didn’t see them yesterday. I can’t miss the dinner that Jane’s planned.” Tears threatened to spill over again. Elizabeth was amazed that it was possible. Her eyes felt dry, her emotions spent, when she had awakened but at the first disagreement it was as if everything had begun anew.

  “I won’t allow them to hurt you.” Will’s voice was firm.

  Indignation sparked. “I do not need protection from my family!”

  The words were on the tip of his tongue but Will swallowed them at the last second. “Forgive me, Elizabeth, but I can’t help feeling that you do. Even before they arrived you have been on edge, as if afraid.”

  “I’m not afraid of my parents,” she muttered. “They love me and I know they truly do. Not like George. He said he loved me but it was a lie. He only loved himself.”

  Will had to look away. “I have to admit that I just don’t understand your father.

  Your mother, on the other hand, is rather easy to figure out, but....”

  Elizabeth once again felt vulnerable. She chose to turn over, her back toward Will, and snuggle as closely as possible, shutting out his words. They had spent hours during the night, drawing out painful thoughts and memories, examining feelings and shedding more tears. Dolores and Ted’s involvement, or lack

  thereof in Will’s opinion, had only been lightly touched upon.

  Will’s frustration and anger had slowly waned. He could not maintain such a feeling with regard to Elizabeth but was more than willing to apply it to those who had let her down. At a time when she most needed them, her parents had walked away. He was equally willing to apply that criticism to himself despite the confusion which continued to surround his understanding of events. There were still some things left unsaid, details Elizabeth was reluctant to reveal, but the ground that had been covered in one night of passionate discussion seemed to imply that very little remained to explore.

  Once again Elizabeth tried to assure him that there was no danger in spending a few hours with her family and although he was far from believing it, Will

  agreed to be less stringent in his objections. Yet despite her determination, Elizabeth was apprehensive. Her mother was no longer a worry. Dolores had