by Lory Lilian
“Oh no, no,” she answered with a haste that embarrassed her. She felt she was behaving like a silly girl without manners. Her composure was gone, and words seemed difficult to find.
“I mean…I should return home now. It will soon be time for breakfast. I do not want to keep you if you have other business,” she finally replied.
“Not at all. I would be happy to accompany you back to Longbourn.”
They started to walk slowly, his horse obediently following at a distance.
Elizabeth’s enjoyment was tempered by her distress. Her heart beat unsteadily, and she could feel the warmth of his closeness. They were alone, far from everything and everyone else. He said nothing, and she did not trust herself to speak.
Then suddenly, she stopped to face him, and the words escaped her mouth before her mind could censure them.
“Mr. Darcy, I can go no longer without telling you what should have been said long ago. You must allow me to thank you for your extraordinary kindness and generosity toward my poor sister Lydia. What you did for her has saved our family from years of torment, and I assure you that—”
She saw his face turn pale, then crimson. He averted his eyes and shifted from one leg to the other.
“Miss Bennet, I beg you would stop. I am deeply saddened that you were given information that was not meant to be revealed. And I am a little disappointed…I trusted Mr. and Mrs. Gardiner’s discretion…”
“I beg you—do not blame my aunt. It was Lydia who told me about your presence at her wedding and about her meeting you several times. And from that moment on, I had no peace until I discovered the entire truth. I may say I forced my aunt to tell me, and I am pleased with my success as it allows me to offer you at least my deepest gratitude—”
“Miss Bennet, receiving your gratitude is what I feared the most. I did nothing but my duty. It was my fault, my mistaken pride that allowed Wickham the liberty of deceiving young ladies who trusted his appearance of goodness. If I had exposed him earlier, if I had told the truth... It pains me that I feel Miss Lydia will not be happy with him, and that leaves me with the disappointment that what I did was not enough…”
“Sir, you are too severe upon yourself. How can you not see that you have saved our family? Without you, Lydia would not have been found in time, and she certainly would not be married now. And her unworthy husband would not have had employment without your help. Words cannot express how grateful I am, and if my family knew, they would certainly join me in thanking you.”
Darcy hesitated a moment before continuing with increased uneasiness. “Is Mr. Bennet aware of this situation? His questions seemed to imply that.”
“No—this matter was never discussed with my father openly, but he might suspect something. He was worried about my uncle paying the large sum for Mr. Wickham’s debts; then he became intrigued by the obvious closeness between you and my relatives. As happened with me, my father greatly misjudged your character when he last met you, and the notion of your visiting a family near Cheapside might be too much…”
She attempted to lighten her tone and add a trace of mockery to their distressing discussion, but his countenance remained severe.
“I am relieved that he was not told the truth. Your father judged my character based on my own manners; if he misjudged me, I am to blame.”
“You are too hasty in blaming yourself and too reluctant to accept our gratitude. However, I insist on thanking you, and if you wish to keep the secret from my father, I accept your choice. But only if you accept my attempt to thank you—twice.” She continued to smile, but her eyes became heavy with tears.
His face softened and warmed.
“If you wish to thank me, do it only on your behalf. If there was an inducement beyond my own duty, certainly it was related to you alone. I shall not deny that my wish of seeing you unburdened of the deep sadness I witnessed at the Lambton Inn urged me to Town that very evening. But to me, the perfect thanks would be never to discuss these circumstances again. As I said, your gratitude is neither wanted nor necessary.”
He took a step closer. Her heart beat rapidly, and she forgot to breathe. His expression changed, and his eyes searched hers with obvious concern, deepening into her soul. She waited. He wished to say more; she could see that. She hoped and prayed that he would.
When the wind blew through her hair, she realised her bonnet was in her hand. The coldness of the air and the heat inside fought for control of her body and her heart. She waited. He moved closer.
“Miss Bennet, now it is I who can go no longer without speaking. You are too generous to trifle with me…”
One step closer, the wind blew stronger—and they were startled by the horse whinnying behind them, a dog barking, and a cheerful voice shattering the peaceful surroundings.
“Darcy, here you are! I wondered when I would find you; your dog ran like crazy the moment I released him. Why on earth did you lock him in the barn? Oh, Miss Bennet! What a surprise. Are you well, I hope?”
Elizabeth smiled in embarrassment as she tried to put on her bonnet. “I am very well, thank you. I usually take this path when I need a little exercise. And today I happened to meet Mr. Darcy.”
“Oh. I see. Very well…so what are you doing now?”
Darcy cleared his throat, glancing at Elizabeth. “I offered to accompany Miss Bennet back to Longbourn. We were about to return.”
Bingley dismounted and joined them.
“Good, good…I shall join you. I know it is very early, so we shall not disturb your family before breakfast. But I was in no disposition to stay at home, especially since Darcy was not there.”
“My family will be happy to have you stay for breakfast, sir,” she offered kindly, and Bingley’s smile widened.
“Good—excellent.”
After some minutes, Elizabeth’s heart finally returned to its steady beat. Countless questions were spinning in her mind: What was he about to say? How could Mr. Bingley have such poor timing? Might they find another moment of privacy later—maybe tomorrow morning at the same spot? Would he remember that she said it was her favourite path?
As they walked together with Elizabeth in the middle, she did not look at Darcy—nor did he address her directly—but his strong presence was overwhelming.
A few steps later, the dog wriggled around them, and Elizabeth’s foot almost slipped. Both gentlemen hurried to offer their support, but she thought not an instant before taking Darcy’s arm. She blushed, ashamed by her gesture, and wondered what her companions would think of her.
She had never held his arm before. He did take her hand when they danced, and then at Pemberley when he helped her into the carriage, then at the inn as she cried over Lydia. But the strength she sensed through his thick winter coat made her shiver. And then, her hand warmed with a most delicious feeling when his large palm covered it gently. They still had not looked at or spoken to each other since Bingley’s arrival, but suddenly, words appeared useless.
“Miss Bennet, would you not prefer to ride? The ground is slippery, and it is getting rather cold. I can offer you my horse, and I shall hold the reins,” Bingley asked kindly.
Elizabeth laughed nervously, all her thoughts centred on the spot where Darcy’s palm covered her hand.
“I am not a good rider, sir. Jane excels at it, but I am fonder of walking. And on slippery ground, I would rather count on my own feet than trust a horse. But I thank you for your care nevertheless.”
“You must not worry. I shall take care of Miss Bennet,” Darcy said suddenly, and his voice made her quiver.
“I am glad,” Bingley replied joyfully. “Very glad indeed. I could wish for nothing more than to know you two have overcome your past misunderstandings. There is no one I value more than Darcy, and I know how close Jane is to you, Miss Elizabeth. If you two could be friends, it wou
ld make both Jane and me very happy.”
A stolen glance was exchanged between Elizabeth and Darcy before he responded.
“Of that, you may be certain. Bingley. I hope Miss Bennet has forgotten and forgiven all my bad behaviour and ill manners.”
“I have forgotten nothing, sir, and there was nothing to forgive,” Elizabeth replied. “On closer examination, neither of our behaviour was beyond reproach. But I trust we have both gained in civility and wisdom since then.”
After another stolen glance and matching smiles, they heard Bingley’s slightly worried voice.
“Miss Elizabeth, speaking of forgiveness, do you think Jane has forgiven my outrageous departure and the torment she had to bear because of my foolishness? I know I do not deserve her…”
Elizabeth looked at him and smiled. “If you still doubt Jane’s feelings, indeed you do not deserve her, Mr. Bingley. I trust that is not the case.”
“Oh no, I do not doubt it, I just…I cannot believe I deserve such happiness. I am such a fool, am I not?”
“That is a question that best remains unanswered,” Darcy concluded, laughing.
Soon Elizabeth’s laughter joined his, and the mere gesture of shared amusement increased her sense of their closeness. To hide her own apprehension, she offered some comfort to her future brother.
“You most certainly deserve all the happiness that you will build in your marriage, Mr. Bingley. Despite some past disturbances, you will find your way toward felicity.”
“Yes, yes…Miss Bennet, may I dare ask…forgive me for this delicate inquiry…is Jane troubled because of Louisa and Caroline? I know sometimes they are…I do not want her to be distressed…”
“Mr. Bingley, I am sure you will do everything in your power to avoid any distress for my dear Jane. She is truly the most wonderful person, and she deserves nothing less,” Elizabeth answered with some hesitation.
“Bingley, your wife will be the mistress of the house. Whoever distresses or disturbs her in any way should not be allowed to remain. I believe it is as simple as that,” Darcy said, and again Elizabeth felt the pressure of his palm on her hand increasing.
“It is simple indeed,” Bingley responded, suddenly appearing lost in his thoughts.
For a few moments, there was silence as their steps brought them closer to Longbourn. Elizabeth’s thoughts slowly became less disturbing as her trust returned. He would find a way to tell her what he started; she was certain of that. His words, his glances, his warmth, his touches—all confirmed it.
But questions remained, as well as the hopes and fears.
The main gate of the house was before them, and she still held his arm tightly. His palm still covered her hand with the protective warmth of his strong fingers. She could not leave nor let him depart.
“Mr. Bingley, Mr. Darcy, would you please come in? I am sure breakfast will be more pleasant with your company.”
The acceptance came eagerly, so their steps continued. A servant took the horses and the dog, and they entered the main yard, her hand still on his, his presence still inches from her.
The family must surely see them by now, so she knew she had to withdraw her hand. But she did not.
It was Darcy who slowly released her, gently lifting his palm then lowering his arm. She felt suddenly cold and lonely although he remained beside her.
They finally entered, and the din of voices startled them. Jane immediately arrived to greet them, followed by the Gardiner children. The dining room was full and noisy, and the guests were received with joy while Mrs. Bennet asked Elizabeth where she had been and where she found the gentlemen.
Food was enjoyed, conversation flowed, and opinions were shared. The only intimacies Elizabeth and Darcy could share were glances and tentative smiles. His statement would be left unfinished, at least for that day. She would have to practice patience so her mind might keep her heart under good regulation.
There was time for neither privacy nor conversation; Elizabeth knew that.
And her thoughts became certainty two hours later when two large carriages stopped in front of the house and more unexpected guests stopped on their way to Netherfield.
Chapter 4
Caroline Bingley, as well as Mr. and Mrs. Hurst, arrived one day after Darcy and, surprisingly, they were accompanied by Colonel Fitzwilliam.
That gentleman’s presence brought a stir to Longbourn. A colonel and the son of an earl, he instantly became the favourite of Mrs. Bennet. His pleasant manners, easy ways, and ready conversation made him a most desirable companion, even to Mrs. Gardiner and Jane. Mrs. Bennet expressed her admiration for the uniform and the men who served their country, Kitty chuckled frequently, and Mary was more silent than usual.
Mr. Gardiner and Mr. Bennet considered Colonel Fitzwilliam a pleasant addition to the gentlemen’s circle, as his manners were not the extremes of the perpetually cheerful Mr. Bingley or the silent Mr. Darcy.
To Elizabeth, the colonel’s company was as pleasant as before, but she gave it less consequence as her whole interest lay elsewhere. Countless times, she thought of her discussion with Darcy and wondered about the meaning of his interrupted confession, but there was little hope that it would continue for the present. There would be no time for long walks or a single moment when they could be alone.
She felt something had changed in their relationship since that conversation, but to what extent, she feared to consider. The stronger her desires became, the more enigmatic his seemed to be. She did remember clearly that he admitted having thought of her when he interfered in Wickham’s situation. He confessed he did everything for her. But the nature of his interest remained unspoken.
The previous year she was confident she understood the meaning of his gazes, smiles, and small talk. But she was proved to be completely wrong. Now, caution and fear of disappointment prevented her making any assumptions.
The next evening, the gentlemen again dined at Longbourn. Mr. Bingley’s sisters and brother-in-law remained at Netherfield, claiming exhaustion after the long journey. Even when the carriage had stopped at Longbourn’s gate, they refused to enter. They spoke little and made no effort to hide their unanimous disapproval of the upcoming wedding and ball. Though they invited Jane to call on them the next day, it was their only gesture of civility.
Their absence, however, was not missed. Despite Mr. Bingley’s obvious embarrassment when he conveyed his sisters’ regrets, the others quickly moved past the situation.
Even without them, the dinner table was almost too small for such a large gathering, and the places were tighter than usual. Mr. and Mrs. Bennet took their usual seats, while the others sat at their convenience. Mr. Bingley faced Jane, while Elizabeth was across the table from the colonel.
Astonished, she noticed Darcy approaching with her uncle. He looked around briefly then chose the place next to her, silently asking her approval. Startled, she nodded, so he settled to her right, between Elizabeth and her uncle. He was now next to her—by his own desire. Of that, there was no doubt. But perhaps he sat near her because there was no other free place. Or he simply preferred to speak to both her and her uncle, as he would do with any other close acquaintance.
Elizabeth cast her eyes to the right then suddenly became warm and thirsty. She picked up her water glass and drank eagerly, but her fingers trembled as she felt Darcy’s looks. She tried to ignore him and conceal her distress as he arranged his chair, his knee touching her under the table. She startled, hoping nobody noticed the incident, and both moved to increase the distance between them. Yet, their legs and arms were only inches away, making Elizabeth even more flustered.
“Miss Elizabeth, would you like some more water?” Darcy asked, leaning toward her.
“Yes …thank you,” she managed to reply, and he filled her glass.
Fortunately, everyone’s attentio
n was turned to the cheerful colonel, who addressed Jane with genuine admiration.
“Miss Bennet, allow me to tell that I am delighted and honoured to be here. And descriptions I have heard of your beauty did not do you justice.”
The soon-to-be bride blushed, looking at her betrothed for support.
“Thank you, sir. You are too generous,” Jane replied. “We are delighted and honoured to have you join us.”
“Indeed, sir, the pleasure is all ours. Mr. Darcy informed us you would arrive,” added Mrs. Bennet.
“You are very kind, ma’am. I hope I am not intruding by coming so early.”
“You are very welcome, Colonel,” Elizabeth finally said.
“I am glad to hear that, Miss Elizabeth. I confess I was very fond of the time we spent together in Kent. We did not have a chance to take proper farewells since you were not at home when we departed, so I looked forward to meeting you again—and the rest of the family, of course.”
“How kind of you to say that,” Mrs. Bennet responded hastily. “Lizzy, you should thank the gentleman,” she added while embarrassment coloured Elizabeth’s cheeks.
“I thank you, kind sir,” she replied with mocking obedience.
The colonel laughed. “I assure you it is I who must thank Miss Elizabeth. Her unexpected presence at Rosings made my visit much more agreeable. We usually visit our aunt later in April, but this year Darcy decided to go earlier. It was quite a fortunate coincidence.”
Elizabeth kept her eyes on her plate, willing away the recollections. Her heart raced when Darcy answered his cousin with perfect calmness.
“In truth, I must admit it was more than a coincidence. Lady Catherine wrote to me that Miss Elizabeth would visit Mrs. Collins, and I thought it would be nice to benefit from a larger party at Rosings.”
“Well, in any case, I had a lovely time,” the colonel continued, but Elizabeth’s thoughts were captured by Darcy’s extraordinary revelation. Did he just admit that he altered his visit on purpose? Did he come to Kent to meet her? He must have…he must have thought of her even after he left Hertfordshire. Otherwise, how could his feelings be so strong as to make him propose?
