by Lory Lilian
She swallowed more water as she heard her mother complaining.
“Lizzy spoke little of her visit in Kent. But then again, she rarely tells me anything.”
“Perhaps she did not consider it worth mentioning,” the colonel continued. “Miss Elizabeth might not have enjoyed herself. The estate is beautiful, but there is little entertainment there. It was probably quite boring for a young lady who enjoys company.”
Elizabeth struggled to form an answer that was reasonable for her family and meaningful to Mr. Darcy.
“My visit to Kent was one of the most special times in my life in countless ways that I shall never forget. And it was a great pleasure to make your acquaintance, Colonel.”
“Oh, do you know that your aunt was here a few weeks ago?” Mrs. Bennet informed the colonel. Elizabeth turned to Darcy, and their eyes met briefly.
“Lady Catherine? Here? What business could she have had?” The colonel sounded incredulous.
“She only spoke to Lizzy. She appeared to be in a great hurry. Did her ladyship tell you what she was doing in Hertfordshire, Lizzy?”
“No, Mama. It seemed she travelled with some specific purpose in mind, but I am not sure it was accomplished as she desired,” Elizabeth said.
From her right side, Darcy intervened again with perfect composure, his words meant particularly for her.
“Aunt Catherine informed me of the reason for her journey and the conversation with Miss Elizabeth; indeed, she accomplished little of what she intended. I hope that she will consider more thoroughly when she next makes such plans. Bingley, speaking of travelling, do you have news about when the others will arrive for the ball?”
“A day or two prior to the ball. I am still stressed about this entire affair, but I admit I look forward to dancing with Jane. Now I shall not have to mind how many sets I am allowed to dance with her.”
Darcy’s masterful change of subject put Elizabeth at some ease. She attempted a smile then hurried to support the new conversation.
“I believe we all look forward to the ball, Mr. Bingley. I am sure your distress will be worth the final success. We all appreciate it.”
“I hope so, Miss Elizabeth. And speaking of effort, I am counting on you, Darcy, to make an effort and dance, unlike your usual habit. It is your duty as a friend—and as the one who suggested this utter madness—to help me entertain the young ladies so none of them will feel neglected. In Colonel Fitzwilliam, I have complete trust to behave at his best.”
“I would gladly do everything I can to help you, Bingley,” Darcy replied between sips of wine. “For example, I shall take this opportunity to ask Miss Elizabeth for the honour of the first set and Miss Bennet for the second. That is, if they are not otherwise engaged—and, of course, if they can bear my company for half an hour. I know I am not always a pleasant companion, so I should easily understand a refusal.”
Mrs. Bennet dropped her fork on her plate; Mr. Bennet and the Gardiners stopped eating, while Elizabeth felt her cheeks burn and a cold trembling run down her spine. The prospect of dancing the first set with Darcy—with all its implications—was equally astonishing and puzzling. The surprise also disturbed her. She had secretly hoped that he would ask her to dance. But to address such a humble invitation in front of everyone? And to ask for the first set? For all the London guests, as well as the people of Meryton, that would raise countless questions and speculations.
She could see that the effect upon her own family was immediately powerful. Was he aware of that? Or did he merely ask her due to his friend’s demand?
She was turned from her musings by the colonel’s intervention.
“Well, well, Darcy, this is astonishing. I intended to address the same invitation to Miss Elizabeth and Miss Bennet. I never thought you might surpass me in the matter of dancing.”
“Things might change in the most unexpected ways,” Darcy replied with a trace of a smile that Elizabeth sensed. “However, you may be confident that I shall never enjoy large gatherings as much as you do. It is a flaw that I cannot overcome.”
The conversation had turned lighter, and Darcy moved slightly. His arm brushed Elizabeth’s, but she was sure it was unintentional.
“I am not engaged, sir.” She turned to him. “I shall be delighted to dance the first with you. And Colonel Fitzwilliam: it would be my pleasure to stand with you for any other set.” The distance between them was so slight that she barely held his dark gaze.
“As would I,” Jane said.
“I am grateful to you both,” Darcy concluded.
“As am I,” the colonel added. “Now Bingley, I do not want to ruin your mood, but you do realise this will be your last chance to dance with your wife as you please. Once you are married, the rules will change. It is a delicate matter to dance with your own wife,” the colonel teased the soon-to-be groom.
Bingley’s expression changed. “I know…and I find this to be ridiculous etiquette, which I shall gladly break whenever I can.”
“I agree,” Mr. Gardiner said. “I have suffered many times from not being able to dance with my wife as much as I liked.”
“It is especially unfair to young married women,” Mrs. Gardiner intervened. “A married gentleman is encouraged to dance as much as he likes but with women other than his wife.”
“There are several ridiculous rules,” the colonel agreed. “And yes, men have more freedom to break them than ladies. Quite unfair.”
“I find this one rather convenient,” Mr. Bennet said. “But then again, I might be partial to anything that permits me not to dance. I have never been a skilful dancer nor fond of large gatherings.”
“It is fortunate that your daughters took their inclination from me, Mr. Bennet! They are all excellent dancers, would you not agree, Mr. Bingley?” Mrs. Bennet inquired.
“Of course I would, ma’am; they are worthy of admiration in everything they do.” The gentleman looked adoringly at his betrothed.
The conversation continued to focus on balls and parties. While everybody seemed to have a pleasant time, Elizabeth remained somewhat distressed. Earlier that day, they had met alone in a secluded spot. She thanked him for saving Lydia; he wished to confess something to her. Now, less than a day later, he sat by her side, his overwhelming presence and brief touches giving her heat and chills. And he asked her for the first set at the ball.
Should she dare guess his intentions? Could she put her fears away?
Darcy continued to speak lightly and with steady calmness. He appeared to enjoy the meal, the drink, and the company and to ignore the repeated and insistent glances of both Elizabeth’s parents.
He was still less voluble in comparison to his friend and cousin, but his smiles and even brief laughter became normal. Elizabeth spoke few words to him directly, but she could feel the distance between them gradually disappear—the visible distance as well as the one that could only be sensed. The small, accidental touches troubled her less and less, and the mix of warmth and coldness began to suit her.
When dinner ended, Mr. Bennet invited the gentlemen to the library. They all rose from the table, and Elizabeth immediately missed his closeness.
He also appeared unwilling to depart as he lingered at her side as they left the dining room and whispered, “I hope my invitation to dance, though unexpected and publicly expressed, was not wanting. It was a hasty and improper gesture.”
“Not at all…” She smiled genuinely. “It was surprising and hasty but not improper. However, you must realise that my parents were surprised by your invitation, and the guests will be even more so—especially for the first set.”
“I do realise that, Miss Bennet. For me, it is a chance I could not miss. Is the notion unpleasant to you?”
“No…not at all…”
“I am glad to hear that.” They walked a few m
ore steps together before he asked again with genuine concern, “Miss Bennet, do you think Miss Catherine and Miss Mary felt offended? They are about my sister’s age…should I have asked them to dance too?”
Elizabeth stared at him in disbelief then released a laugh and quickly pressed her fingers to her mouth.
“You are very thoughtful, but I beg you would not do that! They are rather frightened of you.”
She immediately regretted her words. Although spoken in jest, her statement sounded hurtful, and he did not miss it.
“Are my manners so horrible, that I frighten those around me?” he asked with apparent concern.
“No…no indeed, sir. I apologise for my inappropriate joke. What I meant is that your presence is a little intimidating—especially for those who do not know your true nature.”
“I see…I thank you for your careful choice of words, Miss Bennet.”
“Not as careful as I would like, Mr. Darcy.”
A smile washed away the frown from his handsome face as he bowed politely and finally separated from her, following the other gentlemen to the library.
In the drawing room, subjects of ladylike conversation were unrestrained.
Elizabeth preferred the solitude of the settee by the window. Her feelings remained unsettled, and her thoughts were centred on only one subject. Each word, small gesture, or change in his voice could mean so many different things. But his last statements about dancing at the ball seemed to clarify everything. His words and her own heart implied the truth. Somehow, her mind still feared to accept it.
She startled when her mother came and sat by her side. Mrs. Bennet had a cup of tea and a strange smile, addressing her second daughter carefully.
“Lizzy my dear, am I disturbing you?”
“Not at all, Mama. May I help you in any way?”
“No, no. I just wanted to speak to you. I know we do not always get along, and we talk less than you do with your father.”
“Would you like to discuss something particular? Is anything wrong, Mama?”
“Thank the Lord; everything is fine. I was just curious…you and Mr. Darcy seem to be on very friendly terms. This is very surprising. He asked you for the first set. Who would have imagined that last year when he refused to even dance with you? He first called you ‘tolerable,’ and now he wishes to stand for the first set with you. If I did not know better, I would presume he has come to admire you…”
“Is it so strange that a gentleman admires me?”
“It is strange for a man like Mr. Darcy to admire you or any other woman below his situation in life. He barely spoke to anyone last year. This is rather shocking I might say…I wonder what his intentions are, though. What does he mean by doing that?”
“Dear mother, I doubt he has any intentions other than behaving properly at a ball hosted by his friend, to the people who will soon be his friend’s family. Is that so difficult to accept?”
“To be completely honest: it is difficult. I thought I did not hear him properly. But now that I think on it, I recollect he did dance with you last year at Netherfield too. Did he not?”
“Yes… “
“And now, the first set…and we believed that he would never ask you, and if he did, you would never agree to dance with him. Did we not say that?”
“We did. Are you displeased that I accepted his invitation?” Elizabeth was intrigued and slightly worried by these endless questions. Her mother’s interest and curiosity could not have a positive outcome, nonetheless.
“Displeased? Not at all! I mean, he is Mr. Bingley’s friend, and we must be nice to him. But he is rather nice to us too, is he not? I assume you managed to know each other better when you were in Derbyshire. Your opinion of him seems to have improved too…”
“Mama, please let us be calm. Mr. Darcy and I improved our acquaintance when we met at Pemberley, and yes, I had the chance of knowing him better. He is an excellent landlord and honourable man. Everybody praised his character. My aunt and uncle also value his friendship, as you have seen. I am ready to admit that I misjudged him when we first met, but it was based on his past manners. I trust that we both have gained some wisdom since then.”
“Well, that is nice to know but still a little bit strange. Lady Lucas and Mrs. Philips will be so surprised!”
The conversation continued for some time. Mrs. Gardiner joined them in an attempt to offer Elizabeth some support, and that was an inducement for Mrs. Bennet to inquire further about Mr. Darcy. This examination ceased only when the gentlemen returned, and from that moment, she was content to mostly look and listen in silence until the evening ended. But her mother’s silence worried Elizabeth more than her inquiries.
***
Elizabeth met the dawn with restlessness and left the house when the sun was yet struggling to rise. She had little sleep but felt rested and lively. Her steps—increasing in speed—matched her heartbeat.
She had no agreement with Darcy, not even for a walk in the morning, but her hopes were alive. Perhaps he would come. Maybe he was as eager as she to meet again, far from curious eyes.
If not…she would bear the disappointment a little longer. The more guests that arrived at Netherfield, the rarer and more precious moments of solitude would be.
Her hopes were soon shattered; unexpectedly, a cold autumn rain began to fall, and the blowing wind turned Elizabeth from her desired destination. Grateful that she was still in sight of the house, she ran back. She could not fight the weather—or fate.
Returned to her chamber, Elizabeth changed her wet clothes and stirred the fire. Jane was still sleeping soundly, so she kept the silence and sat by the window, staring at the large drops falling against it. Wind shook the trees with a roar that made Elizabeth shiver. She was still cold, so she put a blanket around her. She tried to read with little success, and then counted the minutes that seemed to pass with painful slowness.
She prayed that he did not ride that morning—or, if he did, he had returned to Netherfield safely. But he was probably accustomed to cold weather at Pemberley.
Did the estate look as beautiful in winter as in summer? The lake must be frozen now—and sparkling in the light of the sun. Walking around the handsome building must be delightful…or perhaps a long sleigh ride? And then returning home and cuddling by the fire…to feel strong arms warming you…to lean your head against a protective torso and listen to a powerful heart beating…to hear soft whispers in your ears…
She had touched his hand and his arms…and his thighs…and his warm breath was so close that it almost burned her skin. His lips had been close to her, even if they were in large company…and how would it be to enjoy his closeness in complete privacy? She had a glimpse of how he might look in the intimacy of his rooms when she met him at Pemberley: wet, astonished, embarrassed, and more handsome than ever.
If she had accepted his marriage proposal, she would be his wife now. Nothing about him would be a secret to her. She would have felt his ardent love for many months now. She knew she had been right to refuse him. If she had accepted him, it would have been for all the wrong reasons. She had been oblivious to his true character, to his kind and generous heart. Now, she was deeply and painfully aware that he was worthy of ardent admiration and love. Her past feelings left little room for a blissful union even if she had married him. Her present feelings told her again and again that she would never discover true bliss without him. If only…
Jane’s gentle voice startled Elizabeth, and the blanket fell from her.
“Lizzy dearest, are you well?”
“Yes, yes I am. I am very well, my dear. I was thinking of the weather,” Elizabeth answered then blushed at her thoughts.
“Oh yes, it seems to get worse. There are only three days until the ball; the rest of the guests should arrive tomorrow. Charles was rather distressed.
I hope they will call on us later today. Colonel Fitzwilliam is such a pleasant gentleman, handsome and amiable. He is very much like Charles, is he not? I noticed he is rather partial to you. I now understand why you spoke so highly of him from your time in Kent. And Mr. Darcy appears so different from his old self, does he not?”
Elizabeth nodded but replied not a word. She smiled to herself while silently admitting she cared nothing about either Mr. Bingley or Colonel Fitzwilliam, despite their amiable and handsome features. As for Mr. Darcy, she knew that, in essentials, he was the same, but she—and many others—had failed to recognise it before. She hoped there was still enough time to remedy her mistake.
Chapter 5
The rain stopped after noon, and the gentlemen arrived soon after. There were only two of them as Colonel Fitzwilliam had some letters to complete.
“Mrs. Bennet, unfortunately we shall not be able to dine at Longbourn this evening,” Mr. Bingley said the moment he entered. “I have some arrangements to take care of, and my sisters insisted we should discuss them tonight.”
“I am very sorry to hear that,” Mrs. Bennet said, and Miss Bennet’s expression showed even greater regret.
“But I came to accompany Miss Bennet to have tea with Louisa and Caroline. Please rest assured that I shall also bring her home safely.”
“Lizzy, will you join me?” Jane begged her sister. Her sister’s desperate look amused Elizabeth and left her disconcerted for a moment. The invitation had been issued only for Jane. Tea with the Bingley sisters would give no pleasure to either them or Elizabeth. But how could she refuse Jane?
“Miss Elizabeth, you must come of course. I do not think my sisters would mind. I mean—they will be pleased to see you, I am sure.”
As if reading her thoughts, Darcy intervened, addressing Elizabeth with a deep voice and intense gaze.
