The name of Snow
Page 37
CHAPTER TWENTY THREE
Zu held Jay’s hand firmly, clenching every now and then as she spotted old sand stone buildings, citrus trees and aqueducts in the dark. The one hour bus journey from Treviso airport had otherwise passed in near silence. She had been so excited when Jay told her they were going on a weekend trip, guessing that they would be taking the ferry to France or maybe Holland. She could hardly contain her excitement when she realised they would be flying to Venice.
Jay and Zu walked down the cobbled walkway towards the river bus terminal. Even at eleven o’clock at night there were people everywhere, walking alongside canals and eating outside cosy cafes in the warm pre-summer air. They boarded a large yellow boat moored alongside a canal bus stop. The canal bus set off down a broad stretch of water, passing by newly renovated buildings and others in the process. Barges filled with cement and rubble were parked alongside like water-borne tipper trucks. Shiny black gondolas bobbed up and down in the water, riding the wake of the river bus. The Rialto bridge came into view as they rounded a bend, in floodlit white marble splendour. Jay recognised it from a search he had done on the Internet. The river bus pulled in, allowing Jay and Zu to disembark. They pulled their flight cases onto the cobble stones and began their intrepid walk through narrow alleyways and across small bridges towards their hotel.
Their hotel was somewhere in the area but the map which Jay had printed out at work was not of much help. They walked backwards and forwards, past souvenir shops, sweet shops and restaurants until they returned to a jewellery shop they had passed on at least two previous occasions. People crossed recklessly in front of them in varying degrees of inebriation. Jay decided to ask a man in a nearby kiosk for help. The shopkeeper had obviously given directions for their hotel several times before, rattling off lefts and rights in an uninterrupted stream of broken English. Jay tried to recall what the man had said as they sauntered down a dark and narrow alley, squeezing past empty hand-drawn rubbish carts and couples walking in the opposite direction. A sign jutted out from one of the buildings in front of them showing a dancing bear and a gondolier hat.
The hotel was simple and with no elevator. There were only four or five rooms as far as Jay could make out. The hotel owner greeted them with a smile at the top of the stairs and showed them quickly to their room. The room was large and simply furnished, consisting of a bed, a chair and a table. Small tiles covered the floor in the form of a mosaic. Window shutters kept most of the street noise out but also kept the heat in. Jay pushed the shutters open to get some air and pulled the curtains closed.
Jay and Zu woke up the next morning to the sound of bustling street noise. Jay drew the curtains back, allowing a stream of sun to warm his bare chest. A waft of fresh bread came in from the local bakery. They got dressed quickly and ate a light continental breakfast before venturing out into the fresh sea breeze which blew through the alleyway.
“This is sooo exciting!.. I can’t wait!” proclaimed Zu as soon as they had closed the hotel’s door behind them. Jay looked less enthusiastic, scratching his bare forearms until they started bleeding.
“Have you been bitten Jay?” asked Zu looking concerned.
“Yes.. but only about twenty times”
“You poor thing!.. Let’s go and find a pharmacy.. We can get you something there”
“I’ll be alright Zu.. Let’s just get out into the sun”
They walked fifty metres or so until they reached a hump-backed bridge crossing a turquoise-blue canal. A shiny black gondola conveyed tourists beneath them, promising mystical labyrinths and secret places ahead. Jay and Zu walked on through a winding network of alleyways, emerging at a sun-drenched spot between high buildings. Zu put her arms around Jay’s waist and attempted to kiss him. Jay pulled back.
“Kiss me!” demanded Zu.
Jay bent his head down and kissed Zu dutifully on the lips.
“Thank you!” barked Zu, obviously irritated.
“You’re welcome” replied Jay quietly, not really paying any attention.
“What’s up Jay?”
“Nothing Zu.. nothing’s up..” Jay surveyed the area around him “..I’m just trying to take it in..” He pulled his sunglasses down over his eyes “..Come on.. let’s find this square shall we?”
Piazzo San Marco was already heaving with tourists. Many stood in line to enter the Doge’s Palace, others snapped away with their cameras, taking pictures of statues, buildings, chair-pushing waiters, other tourists and anything else worth boasting to their friends about. Pigeons hovered optimistically overhead, defecating with deference on passers-by.
Zu tugged at Jay’s shirt-tails “Ohhh.. this is sooo nice!.. Don’t you think so darling?”
“Yes.. if you like being part of an Alfred Hitchcock movie.. I suppose it is”
“Why are you being so negative Jay?.. It’s lovely here!.. Are you tired?.. Didn’t you sleep well?.. Are the mosquito bites annoying you?”
Jay pulled Zu closer to him by her elbow and gave her a long hug.
“Sorry Zu.. I’m fine.. I’m just not very good at switching off I suppose.. I’ll be ok once I’ve had a coffee”
“Good!.. Let’s get one of those then!”
Zu pulled Jay over to a nearby cafe and sat him down before he could complain. She caught the attention of one of the waiters “Due cappuccinos per favor!”.
“Due cappuccini?” replied the waiter, waiting for Zu to nod back in aknowledgement “Subito!”
“Aren’t you impressed Jay?.. I remembered how you ordered the coffees in Camden”
“Yes.. You are very clever Zu..” Jay quickly scanned the menu on the table “..but just wait until you see the prices!”
“That’s ok Jay.. You’re paying my darling!”
“Thank you Zu!.. What ever happened to equality?”
“We are dividing your money equally..” Zu winked at Jay “..Hey!.. Did that waiter call me ‘stupido’ by the way?”
“No.. he said ‘subito’ which I think means ‘coming right up’ as far as I remember ..but I wouldn’t blame him for calling us stupid!.. Only stupid people would plonk themselves down at a table in Saint Marks Square in Venice without looking at the prices first!” Jay stabbed the menu repeatedly with his index finger to emphasise the point.
“Relax Jay!..” Zu tapped Jay’s knee lightly “..We’re on holiday darling”
Zu and Jay set off on their explorations once again after they had finished their coffees. They walked hand in hand past the Doge’s Palace out towards the open sea. Boats of all shapes and sizes traversed the wind-swept waters between the islands which dotted the horizon. Gondoliers swayed, unwillingly moored to the quay, but not daring to venture out into the agitated waves.
“Do you recognise that Zu?” Jay pointed to a bridge which connected two buildings.
“Wow!.. That’s the Bridge of Sighs isn’t it.. the real one?”
“Yes.. it is”
“It’s beautiful.. but it’s sad to think of how it was used”
“Yes.. prisoners got their last glimpse of freedom looking out of those windows up there”
They spend the rest of the day walking alongside canals and crossing bridges, looking for somewhere to have lunch and trying to find a pharmacy. By dinner time they were almost too tired to eat. They decided that they would find a restaurant close to their hotel. One in particular looked especially appealing, with a balcony jutting out over the water which was just big enough to fit a table and two chairs. The floodlit water below glowed like fluorescent aquamarine. Jay asked the waiter if they could eat at the table. The waiter told him that the table had been booked for the entire evening. Jay asked if he could book the table for the following evening. He couldn’t. The waiter told him that they only accepted bookings on the same day. Jay wondered how they managed to run a restaurant with that type of attitude, but agreed with Zu that the table could basically command any price, and probably any attitude. They headed off somewhat disappointed but found another small resta
urant down a nearby side street. They comforted themselves with the fact that all the other guests seemed to be locals, and the food was very good.
An alleyway led down to a small loading area, nestled away at the back of the restaurant. Judging by the empty cardboard boxes, it appeared to be used to bring in supplies by canal. Jay sat down at the top of some steps and held Zu’ s hand. There were no bridges, no gondolas, no sounds, no people. Just the lazy lapping of water against darkened buildings. Jay thought of his dad, and wondered how he had felt when he died. Maybe he had heard the same melancholic rhythm when he took his last breath? Zu clenched Jay’s hand and ran her fingers through his hair.
They woke early the next morning to rays of sun shining through gaps in the bedroom shutters. Zu wanted to take advantage of the weather and almost chased Jay out of bed. They threw on their clothes, grabbed some croissants and headed towards Saint Mark’s Square. They walked past the restaurant with the balcony where the waiter from the previous evening was in the process of receiving vegetables from a delivery man. Jay seized the opportunity and asked if they could book the balcony table for that evening. The waiter told him to come back later as they weren’t officially open. Jay thanked him with thinly disguised sarcasm.
They decided to take the first available river bus and visit one of the Venetian glass islands. Most people seemed to be disembarking, probably going to work, so the river bus was almost empty when they boarded. The boat headed off quickly with bus-like punctuality, passing several small islands before stopping at Murano. The sun lit up the main street with a warm early morning radiance, highlighting the small shops which overlooked the path. They held hands as they walked, avoiding tourist traps strategically positioned at irritating intervals to catch the unwary. Their bare legs soaked up the heat reflecting off the pavement as they continued alongside the canal, stopping regularly to admire glass artwork in shop windows. A man stood on the path and handed out leaflets, enthusiastically informing people of a glass-blowing exhibition nearby. Zu took a leaflet, folded it neatly in half and placed it in her handbag. They walked on until they reached the end of the main street where they bought ice-creams from a local grocery shop. They sat down with their legs dangling over the canal and contemplated which of the numerous restaurants they should visit for lunch.
The sun baked their skin for a further twenty minutes or so until Zu decided that they should visit the glass-blowing exhibition. Jay joked that it was probably cooler in there anyway as they headed back towards the central part of the high street.
The exhibition was being held in a surprisingly large workshop which was tucked away in a back-alley, twenty metres away from the main street. A crowd of eager tourists stood around a man wearing a dirty white apron. He seemed ambivalent of both the onlookers and the heat as he confidently pulled a molten blob of glass out of a furnace and rolled it carefully on an anvil. He blew occasionally down a pipe which the blob was attached to and rolled the blob in coloured powder before returning it to the furnace. After a couple of repetitions of this exercise and a few minor adjustments the man snapped the finished product free of the pipe. The tourists gasped in genuine admiration and clapped their hands in unison as a glass swan was born.
Zu decided that she wanted to go into the shop which was tagged onto the workshop, and which sold items from the exhibition. Jay followed but dragged his heals behind him, not wishing to appear uninterested but, equally, not wanting to be duped by hard-hitting salesmen. They were greeted by a man wearing an expensive suit who showed them everything imaginable in glass; from huge chandeliers and large sculptures to fragile miniatures of people and animals. Jay thanked the man for his time but added that they would just have a ‘look around’ for a while. The man walked off, annoyed but vigilant should they change their minds. Zu went to the ladies room leaving Jay to study some of the smaller items which were neatly laid out on a side table. Jay spotted a round paperweight made out of clear blue tinted glass. It measured no more than three centimetres in diameter and contained an intricate pattern of a snow flake. Jay lifted the piece up to look at the bottom, almost dropping it again when he saw the price.
Jay and Zu ate lunch at a sea-food restaurant which hung out over one of the canals. An hour and a half of fresh see breeze and light afternoon sun compounded the effects of good food and a bottle of wine and both had become tired. They took the next river bus back to the Doge’s Palace.
Jay had only just sat down when his telephone began to vibrate.
“Hi Paul!”
“Hi Jay.. Sorry to disturb you on your holiday”
“That’s ok.. We’re just sitting on a boat at the moment.. can hear me ok?”
“Yeah yeah.. no problem.. I just wanted to te..” the mobile reception fell out.
“Hello?.. Yes.. What did you say?.. Paul?..”
The boat sailed out into the main channel and began to bob up and down in the waves as the mobile signal slowly improved.
“Hello?.. Jay?..”
“Hi Paul?.. Where were we?.. You were about to say something?..”
“Ahh.. yeah.. Just briefly Jay.. Hope we don’t get cut off again.. Um.. Where should I start?..”
“At the beginning?” replied Jay, sounding slightly impatient.
“Yes.. yeah.. As you know Jay.. I’ve been keeping an eye on your expenses script?..”
“Yes.. Go on Paul.. I’m listening” Jay tried to think of what could have gone wrong.
“Well.. I think we’ve caught a bandit!”
“A what?..”
“A bandit.. you know.. a bad ‘un.. a villain.. a wrongdoer who shall be impeached..”
“Are you feeling alright Paul?..” asked Jay, relieved that he hadn’t done anything wrong.
“Yes yes.. Sorry matey.. I’m just getting a bit carried away that’s all..”
“That’s ok Paul.. you’re allowed a bit of excitement now and then.. just don’t tell Simon..”
“Aha.. you’re right there!” chuckled Paul.
“So.. who is it?.. Can you say?.. Is it anyone we know?”
“Oooh.. I think so!.. Does the name Ronnie Beck ring any bells with you Jay?”
Jay broke out in a broad smile. Zu was looking on and automatically started smiling with him without really knowing why.
“Who is it?” mouthed Zu to Jay.
“Yes.. yes it does!.. Bloody hell!.. Hang on a sec..” Jay covered the mouthpiece to tell Zu what was going on before resuming his conversation with Paul.
“What’s he done Paul?”
“Well.. he’s been fiddling his expenses Jay!”
“Yes yes.. I’d sort of worked that much out.. but how is the question?..” The mobile signal disappeared briefly “..Maybe you can fill me in when I get back?”
“Yeah.. no problem.. You will be amazed by his creativity that’s for sure.. But I just wanted to let you know.. Simon’s already preparing a case for HR.. he seems strangely happy about this one for some strange reason.. but anyway.. mum’s the word until it becomes official.. ok?”
“Of course.. and thanks for letting me know Paul!”
“No worries matey.. Enjoy the rest of your trip!”
Jay and Zu had a nap when they got back to the hotel, waking up with a jolt when they heard the sound of church bells ringing six times. They hurried to get themselves ready and dashed down to the restaurant by the canal. The waiter greeted them at the doorway with what could be mistaken for a smile.
“Can we have that table now?” asked Jay, pointing to the table and half expecting yet another rebuttal. The waiter nodded, grabbed a menu and turned to walk them over to the table.
“We got it!” exclaimed Jay as they sat down.
“Yes.. I can’t quite believe it myself.. Maybe it’s because it’s still early?”
“Maybe.. or maybe the waiter has been paid since last time we were here.. He looked almost happy”
“Yeah maybe..” Zu reached out to hold Jay’s hand “..What a
romantic place!”
“It is” replied Jay quickly withdrawing his hand so he could leaf through the menu.
“Are you sure you’re alright Jay?.. You seem a little distant”
Jay smacked the menu shut and looked over at Zu.
“I am fine Zu.. really!” Jay caught the waiters attention and ordered some white wine “Are you ok with Pinot Grigio Zu?”
“Yes.. that’s fine”
Jay hadn’t wanted to snap at Zu but he couldn’t cope with her constant questioning. He just needed some space as he felt unable to give her what she needed on demand. But just about everything going on around him seemed to compound his confusion. He didn’t understand what was happening to him any more than Zu did. Jay watched Zu as she gazed into her lap, pretending to straighten her napkin, bravely disguising her hurt.
Jay leant slightly forward “I think I’m having some sort of post traumatic experience Zu.. I think it’s a combination of various factors..” Jay looked into Zu’s eyes “..Don’t take it personally”
Rays of sunshine caught swathes of Zu’s hair as it had done the day they met at Kilburn Station. Jay remembered how happy he was then; totally and undeniably in love. Or was he? Was it in reality just an infatuation that would inevitably fizzle out into yet another uncontrollable heartbreak? He didn’t want to hurt Zu either, but something niggled inside him, making him restless and uneasy. He convinced himself that Zu felt the same way too, experiencing a complex cocktail of simple emotions, spanning from remorse to release. The paradox could only culminate with one logical conclusion; if he loved Zu, he had to set her free.
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They left the restaurant as dusk began to shed its dark shadow over Venice. Jay dashed into a little corner shop and came out carrying a plastic bag.
“What have you bought?” asked Zu.
“You’ll see.. all in good time”
Jay escorted Zu hurriedly through Saint Mark’s Square, past the Doge’s Palace and over to a waiting gondola.
The gondolier took Zu’s hand and helped her onto the gondola, guiding her to a seat with a large velvet cushion. Jay sat down beside her, still clutching the plastic carrier bag. The gondolier pushed the gondola gently out into the canal.
“Does this remind you of Cambridge Zu?”
“Yes.. I suppose it does in a way.. although this boat is perhaps a little bit more sophisticated”
Zu held Jay’s arm as the gondolier slowly stopped the gondola under a bridge. Jay turned to face Zu.
“Zu.. I know I’m not perfect.. but I’ve decided that.. if I can’t be your knight in shining armour then I can maybe give you a night of shining amour instead”
Zu shook her head, looking confused.
“It was French.. amour.. Get it?”
Zu continued to shake her head as Jay reached into the plastic carrier bag and took out a bottle of champagne and two glasses. He popped the bottle open and poured the champagne as the bells of Saint Mark’s Campanile started ringing.
Zu had only managed to take one sip before Jay interrupted her.
“Sorry Zu..” Jay removed Zu’s glass from her hand “..got to take that”
Jay kissed her softly on her lips.
“What.. err?” Zu looked perplexed as Jay handed her glass back to her.
“Do you know where we are Zu?”
“Yes.. Venice” replied Zu, not understanding what Jay was up to at all.
“Well.. yes.. we are in Venice.. but look up”
“It’s the Bridge of Sighs”
“Yes..”
Jay motioned the gondolier to turn around and go back. He handed the gondolier some cash as they climbed out of the gondola.
“That was a short trip Jay.. What are you up to?.. And where are we going now?”
“Rialto Bridge” replied Jay, almost dragging Zu along by the arm.
“What’s the rush?”
“I’ll tell you in a minute.. All will be revealed”
Rialto Bridge was crammed with people. Jay pushed a path across to the other side and walked Zu briskly through to the market square. Empty stalls lay waiting for the next day’s deliveries of fruit and vegetables. They walked over to a set of marble steps which led down to a wide canal. A blanket of tranquillity and darkness enveloped the area, with only the moon providing limited illumination. Jay put the plastic bag behind him and fumbled in his pocket.
“Here Zu..” Jay handed Zu a small box “..No matter what happens to us.. I want you to have this”
“What?.. What do you mean by ‘no matter what happens to us’ Jay?.. What are you trying to say?”
“Shhh.. Just open it Zu”
Zu opened the box and took out a glass paperweight “That’s nice Jay.. But what is it?.. I can’t really see anything”
Jay shone the flashlight from his telephone over the paperweight.
“It’s a snow flake.. A reminder of how we met in Norway..” Jay got up and stood at the bottom of the steps with his hands in his pockets “..I think snow is in many ways just like love.. It’s a beautiful thing.. yet it’s terribly fragile.. And it can also leave you when you least expect it..” Jay turned to face Zu “..I want us to cherish what we have had together..” An unusually vibrant tone came into Jay’s voice as he sat down again “..After the death of my father.. and everything else that has happened to me.. I came to the conclusion that..” Jay hesitated for a second as he looked into Zu’s eyes ”..that in order to live life to the full.. you also have to have your freedom”
“What are you saying Jay?”
“Well.. Don’t you want to be free Zu?”
Zu squinted her eyes as she tried to fathom out the reasoning behind Jay’s question “I don’t want to feel ‘controlled’ if that’s what you mean?.. But I want to be in this relationship..” Zu tried to supress the tremor in her voice “..Don’t you?”
Jay looked away without replying. Zu stared at Jay, waiting for a reaction as a rogue tear fell from her eye “What exactly are you trying to tell me Jay?”
Jay shuffled his feet on a step “What I’m trying to tell you Zu is.. that.. that you never know what’s going to happen in life.. and that life is too short..“ Jay glanced across the water at a passing boat. He turned slowly back to look at Zu’s face “..The point is that.. that I don’t want you to be my girlfriend any more.. I..”
Zu raised a hand in the air, immediately stopping Jay in his tracks. She shook her head from side to side, unable to speak. Tears filled her eyes and began pouring down her cheeks. Jay tried to stroke Zu’s arm but she pulled away immediately from him.
“I mean.. I think.. I think that love should be a mutual thing Zu.. Something built upon mutual trust and understanding.. Something everlasting..”
Zu tried to block out the sound of Jay’s voice by holding her hands over her ears. She stared at her lap, hoping that the world would just disappear.
But Jay continued “..You know.. a Venetian legend says that lovers will be granted eternal love if they kiss under the Bridge of Sighs at sunset.. as the bells of Saint Mark’s toll?”
“What?!..” said Zu angrily. She looked up, the trails of her tears shining in the moonlight “..Shut up!.. Just shut up Jay!” Zu clasped her head in her hands and continued to sob uncontrollably.
Jay pulled a handkerchief from his jacket pocket and placed it in Zu’s hand. Zu dabbed her face with the handkerchief but felt something hard inside. She tried to make out what it was as Jay knelt down beside her and pulled a corner of the handkerchief away to expose a small velvet box.
“Zu..” Jay opened the box and smiled “..Will you marry me?”
“What?!.. What?!!.. What did you say?!”
Jay wiped a tear from Zu’s cheek and picked up her hand “Zu.. I never want to lose you.. I love you.. and I always will..” Jay kissed her hand tenderly “..I just need to know that you feel the same way”
“Well!.. You’ve got a very strange way of showing your ‘love’ Jay!” Zu wi
ped her nose with the handkerchief.
“I’m sorry Zu.. I didn’t want to push you into anything.. that’s all”
“What would you be pushing me in to Jay?.. I am capable of thinking for myself you know?”
“I know.. I know that Zu.. It’s just that.. I want you in my life.. I want to wake up with you in the morning.. and snuggle up in bed with you at night.. have kids with you.. grow old with you.. sit by the fire with you.. I hoped that you felt the same way too.. but it’s ok.. I’ll learn to cope with that..” Jay wiped a tear from his eye as he stood up “..God!.. I feel so stupid!”
“Good!.. I’m glad you feel stupid Jay!.. It wasn’t nice the way you said those things!”
“I’m so sorry Zu!”
“So you should be!” Zu wiped her nose before turning to face Jay full on “What was that question again?”
“Which one?”
“The one where you asked.. if I would do something or other?”
“If you would marry me you mean?”
“Yes.. that one.. Kneel down and ask again”
“What?.. Are you serious?”
“Just get on with it Jay!”
Jay knelt down beside Zu, catching a glimpse of her face in the moonlight and feeling slightly awkward.
“Zu.. my darling Zu.. Will you marry me?”
Zu looked up at the moon and waited several seconds before turning to face Jay again.
“Yes.. Yes you bastard!.. I will!!.. But only because I can’t live without you either!”
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THE END