De Turkey and De Law
Page 3
not to be outdone here he go trying to shoot turkeys--wild turkeys
mind you, 'ginst Dave.
JOE CLARKE
I God, I hope he finds 'em too. If he get to killin turkeys maybe
he'll stay way from my hen house. I God, I done lost nine uh my best
layin' hens in three weeks.
(General Laughter)
WALTER
Did Jim git em?
CLARKE
I ain't personatin' nobody but I been told dat Jim's got uh powerful
lot uh chicken feathers buried in his back yard. I know one thing if
I ever ketch his toe-nails in my chicken yard, I God, he's gointer
follow his pappy and his four brothers. He's got to git from dis town
of mine.
(Enter a little girl right, very neat and starchy. She runs up to Rev.
Sims.)
GIRL
Papa, mama say send her dat witch hazely oil she sent you after right
quick.
LINDSAY
Whuss matter wid Sister Sims--poly today?
SIMS
She don't keep so well since we been here, but I reckon she's on
de mend.
HAMBO
Don't look like she never would be sick. She look so big and portly.
CLARKE
Size don't mean nothin'. My wife is portly and she be's on de sick
list all de time. It's "Jody, pain in de belly all day. Jody, pain in
de back all night.
LIGE
Besides, Mrs. Simms ain't very large. She wouldn't weigh more'n two
hundred. You ain't seen no big woman. I seen one so big she went to
whip her lil boy an' he run up under her belly and stayed up under
dere for six months.
(General laughter)
WALTER
You seen de biggest ones. But I seen uh woman so little till she could
go out in uh shower uh rain and run between de drops. She had tuh git
up on uh box tuh look over uh grain uh sand.
SIMMS
Y'all boys better read yo' Bibles 'stead of studyin foolishness. (He
gets up and starts into the store. Clarke and the little girl follow
him.) Reckon Ah better git dat medicine. (The three exit into store)
HAMBO
Well, y'all done seen so much--be y'all ain't never seen uh snake big
as de one Ah seen down round Kissimnee. He was so big he couldn't
hardly move his self. He laid in one spot so long he growed moss on
him and everybody thought he was uh log layin' there; till one day Ah
set down on him and went to sleep. When Ah woke up ah wuz in Middle
Georgy.
(General laughter. Two women enter left and go in store after
everybody has spoken to them)
LINDSAY
Layin' all sides to jokes now, y'all remember dat rattlesnake Ah kilt
on Lake Hope was 'most big as dat one.
WALTER
(Nudgin' Lige and winking at the crowd) How big did you say it was, Joe?
LINDSAY
He mought not uh been quite as big as dat one--but jes' bout fourteen
feet.
HAMBO
Gimme dat lyin' snake! He wasn't but fo' foot long when you kilt him
and here you done growed him ten feet after he's dead.
(Enter Simms followed by the girl with an all day sucker. Simms has a
small package in his hand.
SIMMS
(Gives the package to the child and resumes his seat.)
Run 'long home now. Tell yo' ma to put on uh pot uh peas.
(Child exits right trotting and sucking her candy.)
WALTER
They's some powerful big snakes round here. We was choppin' down de
weeds in front of our parsonage yistiddy and kilt uh great big ol'
cotton mouf moccasin.
SIMMS
Yeah, look like me or some of my fambly 'bout to git snake-bit right
at our own front do'.
LIGE
An' bit by uh Baptist snake at dat.
LINDSAY
How you make him out uh Baptist snake?
LIGE
Nobody don't love water lak uh Baptist an' uh Moccasin.
(General laughter)
HAMBO
An' nobody don't hate it lak de devil, uh rattlesnake an uh Meth'dis.
(General laughter. Enter Joe Clark from store. Stands in door)
SIMMS
Dis town needs uh cleanin' in more ways than one. Now if this town was
run right, when folks misbehaves, they oughter be locked up in jail
and if they can't pay no fine, they oughter be made to work it out on
de streets--chopping weeds.
LINDSAY
How we gointer do all dat when we ain't got no jail?
SIMMS
Well, you orta _have_ uh jail. Y'all needs uh whole heap of
improvements in dis town. Ah ain't never pastored no town so way back
as this one here.
CLARKE
(Stepping out before Simms) What improvements you figgers we needs?
SIMMS
A whole heap. Now for one thing, we really does need uh jail, Brother
Mayor. Taint no sense in runnin' people out of town that cuts up. We
oughter have jails like other towns. Every town I ever pastored had
uh jail.
CLARKE
(Angrily) Now hold on uh minute, Simms! Don't you reckon uh man dat
knows how to start uh town knows how to run it? You ain't been here
long enough to find out who started dis town yet. (Very emphatic,
beating of his palm with other fist) Do you know who started dis town?
(Does not pause for an answer) Me! I started _dis_ town. I went to de
white folks and wid _dis_ right hand I laid down two hundred dollars
for de land and walked out and started dis town. I ain't like some
folks--come here when grapes was ripe. I was here to cut new ground.
SIMMS
Well, tain't no sense in one man stayin' Mayor all de time, nohow.
CLARKE
(Triumphantly) So dat de tree you barkin' up? Why, you ain't nothin'
but uh trunk man. You can't be no mayor. I got roots here.
SIMMS
You ain't all de voters, tho, Brother Mayor.
CLARKE
(Arrogantly) I don't hafta be. I God, it's my town and I kin be Mayor
jes' as long as I want to. (Slaps his chest) I God, it was _me_ dat
put dis town on de map.
SIMMS
What map you put it on, Brother Clarke? You musta misplaced it. I
ain't seen it on no map.
CLARKE
Tain't on no map, hunh? I God, everytime I go to Maitland de white
folks calls me Mayor. Otherwise, Simms, I God, if you so dissatisfied
wid de way I run dis town, just take yo' Bible and flat foots and git
younder cross de woods.
SIMMS
(Aggressively) Naw, Ah don't like it. You ack lack tain't nobody in de
corporation but you? Now look. (Points at the street lamp) Tain't but
one street light in town an' you got it in front of yo' place. We pays
de taxes an' you got de lamp.
CLARKE
I God, nobody can't tell me how to run dis town. I 'lected myself and
I'm gonna run it to suit myself. (Looks all about) Where is dat
Marshall? He ain't lit de lamp?
WALTER
Scorched Daisy Blunt home and ain' got back.
CLARKE
I God, call him there, some of you boys.
(Lige steps to edge of porch left and calls "Lum! Lum!" Lum's voice at
a distance: "What!" Lige: "Come on and light de la
mp it gittin dark.")
SIMMS
Now, when I pastored in Ocala you oughter seen de lovely jail dey had.
HAMBO
Thass all right for white folks. We colored folks don't need no jail.
WALTER
Aw, yes we do too. Elder Simms is right. We ain't a bit bottern white
folks. (Enter the two women from the store.) You wimmen folks been in
dat store uh mighty long time.
MRS. LULU
We been makin' our market.
HAMBO
Looks mighty bad for some man's pocket. But y'all ain't had no treat
on me. Go back and tell Mrs. Clark tuh give you some candy.
LINDSAY
Have somethin' on me too. Money ain't no good lessen de women kin help
you use it. (Hollers inside) Every lady in there take a treat on me.
MRS. JENNY
Ain't y'all comin' in tuh help us eat de treat. Come on, Elder Simms!
HAMBO
(Getting up quickly. Lindsay and Joe Clarke also get up. They go
inside laughing.) Here, lemme git hold of somebody. (Grabs one of the
women by the arm as they exit into the store.)
LIGE
(Pointing his thumb after the women) Ah wouldn't way lay nothin' lak
dat. Too old even tuh chew peanuts if Ah was tuh buy it.
WALTER
Preach it, Brother. But they's all right for mullet heads like Lindsay
and Hambo. (Sings)
When they git old, when they [Note: corrected missing space.] git old
Old folks turns tuh monkeys
When they git old.
(Looks off right) Lawd! They must be havin' recess in heben! Look at
dese lil ground angels! (Yells off right) Hello Big 'Oman, an' Teets
and Bootsie! Hurry up! My money jumpin' up and down in my pocket lak
uh mule in uh tin stable. (Enter three girls right, dressed in cool
cotton dresses. They are all locked armed and giggling)
LIGE
Hello, folkses.
BOOTSIE
(Coquettishly) Hello yo'self--Want uh piece uh corn bread look on de
shelf. (Great burst of laughter from inside the store)
LIGE
(Catching Bootsie's arm) Lemme scorch y'all inside en' treat yuh.
BOOTSIE
(Looks at the other girls for confirmation) Not yet, after while.
WALTER
Well, come set on de piazza an' les' have some chat.
TEETS
We ain't got time. We come tuh git our mail out de postoffice.
LIGE
Youse uh Got-dat-wrong! You come after Dave an' Jim an' Lum. But Daisy
done treed de las' one of 'em. She got Jim and Dave out in de swamp
where de mule was drugged out huntin' her uh turkey. An' she got Lum
at her house. Thass how come de light ain't lit.
BIG 'OMAN
Oh, Ah ain't worried 'bout Lum. Ah b'lieve Ah kin straighten him out.
WALTER
Some wimmen kin git yo' man so he won't stand uh straightenin'.
LIGE
Don't come rollin' yo' eyes at me an' gittin' all mad cause y'all
stuck on de boys and de boys is stuck on Daisy. (makes a sly face
at Walter)
TEETS
Who? Me? Nobody ain't studyin' 'bout ole Daisy. She come before me
like a gnat in a whirlwind.
WALTER
(in mock seriousness) Better stop dat talkin' 'bout Daisy, do I'll
tell her whut you say. I think I better call her anyhow and see
whether you gointer talk dat big talk to her face. (Makes a move as if
to call Daisy)
LIGE
(keeping up the raillery, grabs Walter) Don't do dat, Walter. We don't
want no trouble round here. But sho nuff, [Note: corrected missing
space.] girls, y'all ain't got no time wid Daisy. Know what Lum say?
Says Daisy is a bucket flower--jes' _made_ him to set up on de
porch an' look pritty. I ast him how 'bout de rest an' he says "Oh de
rest is yard flowers jes' plant them any which a way.
BOOTSIE
I don't b'lieve Lum said no sich uh thing.
LIGE
You tellin' dat flat--Ah knows. (Looks off left) Here come Lum, now,
in uh big hurry jus' lak he ain't been gone two hours.
BIG 'OMAN
Less we all go git our treat! (They start up on the porch. At that
moment Hambo, Lindsay, Clarke, Simms, and the two women enter from
the store.)
CLARKE
(to Lige) Looks here, I God! Ain't Lum lit dat lamp yet? (Enter Lum
left hurriedly. Clarke stands akimbo glaring at him. Lum fumbles for a
match, strikes it and drops it. Gets another from his pocket and goes
to the lamp and strikes it.) Somebody reach de numbskull uh box.
(Walter hands Lum a box of the porch and he gets up on it and opens
the lamp to light it.)
LUM
(to Clarke) Reckon Ah better put some oil in de lamp. Tain't much in
it.
CLARKE
(Impatiently) Oh, that'll do! That'll do. It'll be time tuh put it out
befo' you git it lit, I God.
(Lum lights the lamp. The men have resumed their seats and the women
are on the ground and near right exit. Walter and Lige and the three
girls are at the door about to enter the store. Lum has the box in his
hand and is still under the lamp. He walks slowly towards the step,
box in hand. At the step he looks off left.)
LUM
Here come Dave. (All look left. Walter and Lige and the girls abandon
the idea of the treat and wait for Dave)
HAMBO
But ah ain't seen no turkey yet. Dat ole gobbler's too smart for Dave.
(Enter Dave with gun over his shoulder and holding his head. A little
blood is on his shoulder. He pauses under the lamp a moment then comes
to the step)
HAMBO
Whuss de matter, Dave? Dat ole turkey gobbler done pecked you in de
head? Whut kind of a huntsman is you?
(General laughter)
DAVE
Naw, ain't no turkey pecked me. It's Jim. Ah wuz out in de woods and
hand don squatted down before he got dere. Ah know jus' where dat ole
gobbler roost at. Soon's he hit de limb an' squatted hisself, Ah let
'im have it. He flopped his wings an' tried to fly off but here he
come tumblin' down right by dem ole mule bones. Jim, he was jus'
comin' up when Ah fired. So when he seen dat turkey fallin', whut do
he do? He fires off his gun an' make out he kilt dat turkey. Ah beat
him tuh de bird and we got tuh tusslin'. He tries tuh make _me_ give
him _mah_ turkey so's he kin run tuh Daisy an' make out he done kilt
it. So we got tuh fightin' an' Ah wuz beatin' him too till he retched
down an' got de hock bone uh dat mule an' lammed me over de head an'
fore Ah could git up, he done took mah turkey an' went wid it. (to
Clarke) Mist Clarke Ah wants tuh swear out uh warrant ginst Jim
Weston. Ahm gointer law him outa dis town, too.
SIMMS
Dat wuz uh low-down caper, Jim, cut sho nuff.
CLARKE
Sho its uh ugly caper tuh cut. Come on inside, Dave, an Ah'll make out
de papers. He ain't goin' to carry on lak dat in _my_ town.
(Exit Dave and Clarke into de store)
LINDSAY
(Jokingly to Sims) See whut capers you Meth'dis niggers'll
cut--lammin' folks over de head wid mule bones an' stealin' they
turkeys.
SIMMS
Oh you Baptist ain't uh lot better'n nobody else. You steals an'
fights too.
LINDSAY
(still bantering) Yeah, but we done kotched dis Meth'dis nigger an' we
gointer run him right on outa town too. Jus' wait an' see. Yeah, boy.
Dat Jim'll be uh gone gator 'fore tomorrow night.
WALTER
Oh, I don't know whether he's gointer be gone or not. We Meth'dis got
jus' as much say-so in dis town as anybody else.
LIGE
Yeah. You Baptis run yo' mouf but you don't run de town. Furthermo' we
ain't heard nothin' but Dave's lie. Better wait till we see Jim an'
git de straight of dis thing.
HAMBO
Will you lissen at dat? Dese half-washed Christians hates de truth lak
uh bed-bug hates de light. God a' mighty! (rising) Ahm goin' in an'
see to it dat de Mayor makes dem papers out right. (He exits angrily
into the store. Simms and all the men rise too)
SIMMS
Come on Walter, you an Lige. Less we go inside too. Dat po' boy got
tuh git jestice. An' 'tween de Mayor an' dese Baptists he ain't got
much chance. (They exit into the store)
1st WOMAN
Come on you young gals, whut y'all wanta be hangin' round de store an'
its way after black dark. Yo' mammies oughter take an frail de las'
one of yuh! Come along! (The girls come downoff the porch and join the
women. Loud angry voices inside the store)
2nd WOMAN
Lawd, lemme git home an' tell my husban' bout all dis. Umph! Umph!
(The women and girls exit as the men all emerge from the store. Lum
comes first with the warrant in his hand. Clarke emerges last.)
CLARKE
Can't have all dat fuss an' racket in my store. All of you git outside
dat wants tuh fight? (He begins to close up)
SIMMS
But Brother Mayor, I said it, an' I'll say it agin, tain't right--
CLARKE
(turns angrily) I God, Clarke [Hand written correction: Simms], Ah
don't keer whut you say. 'Taint worth uh hill uh beans nohow. Jim is
gointer be 'rested for hittin' Dave an' takin' his turkey, an' if he's
found guilty he's goin' way from here. Tain't no use uh you swellin'
up neither. (to Lum) Go get him, Lum, an' lock 'im in my barn an' put
dat turkey under arrest too. I God, de law is gointer be law in my
town. (Exit Lum with an important air.)
WALTER
Where de trial gointer be, Brother Clarke, in de hall?
CLARKE
Nope, it's too little. It'll hafta be in de Baptist Church. Ah reckon
dat's de bigges' place in town. Three o'clock Monday evening. Now,
y'all git on off my porch tuh fuss. Lige, outen dat lamp for Lum.
(The stage goes black. The crowd is dispersing slowly. Angry voices
are heard. The curtain is descending slowly. Off-stage right the voice
of Lum is heard calling Daisy.)
LUM
Oh Daisy! Daisy!
DAISY
(at a distance) What you want, Lum?
LUM
Tell yo' mama to put on de hot water kittle. I'll be round there
before long.
_CURTAIN_
ACT II
Scene I
SETTING: Village street scene. Huge oak tree upstage center. A house
or two on backdrop. When curtain goes up Sister Lucy Taylor is seen
standing under the tree trying to read a notice posted on the tree.
She is painfully spelling it out. Enter Sister Thomas--a younger woman
(in her thirties) at left.
SISTER THOMAS
Evenin', Sis Taylor.
SISTER TAYLOR
Evenin'. (returns to the notice)
SISTER THOMAS
Whut you doin'? Readin' dat notice Joe Clarke put up 'bout de meetin'?
(approaches tree)
SISTER TAYLOR
Is dat whut it says? I ain't much on readin' since I had my teeth
pulled out. You know if you pull out dem eye teeth you ruins yo' eye
sight. (turns back to notice) Whut it say?
SISTER THOMAS
(Reading notice) The trial of Jim Weston for assault and battery on
Dave Carter wid a dangerous weapon will be held at Macedonia Baptist
Church on Monday November 10, at three o'clock. All are welcome--by
order of J. Clarke, Mayor of Eatonville, Fla. (turning to Sister
Taylor) Hit's makin' on to three now.
SISTER TAYLOR