De Turkey and De Law

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De Turkey and De Law Page 4

by Zora Neale Hurston

You mean its right _now_. (looks up at sun to tell time) Lemme go git

  ready to be at de trial--cause I'm sho going to be there and I ain't

  goin' to bite my tongue neither.

  SISTER THOMAS

  I done went and crapped a mess of collard greens for supper--I better

  go put em on--cause Lawd knows when we goin' to git outa there--and my

  husband is one of them dats gointer eat don't keer whut happen. I bet

  if Judgment day was to happen tomorrow, he'd speck I orter fix him a

  bucket to carry long.

  (She moves to exit right)

  SISTER TAYLOR

  All men favors they guts, chile. But whut you think of all dis mess

  they got going on round here?

  SISTER THOMAS

  I just think its a sin and a shame before de livin justice de way dese

  Baptis' niggers is runnin' round here carryin' on.

  SISTER TAYLOR

  Oh they been puttin out they brags ever since Sat'day night bout whut

  they gointer do to Jim. They thinks they runs this town. They tell me

  Rev. Singleton preached a sermon on it yesterday.

  SISTER THOMAS

  Lawd help us! He can't preach and he look like 10c worth of have-mercy,

  let lone gittin' up dare tryin' to throw slams at us. Now all Elder

  Sims done was to explain to us our rights--Whut you think bout Joe

  Clarke running round here takin' up for those ole Baptist niggers?

  SISTER TAYLOR

  De puzzle-gut rascal--we oughter have him up in conference and put him

  out de Meth'dis' faith. He don't blong in there--Wanta run dat boy

  outa town for nothin'.

  SISTER THOMAS

  But we all know how come he so hot to law Jim outa town--hits to dig

  de foundation out from under Elder Sims--

  SISTER TAYLOR

  What he wanta do dat for?

  SISTER THOMAS

  Cause he wants to be a God-knows-it-all an' a God-do-it-all and Simms

  is de onliest one in this town whut will buck up to him.

  (Enter Sister Jones, walking leisurely)

  SISTER JONES

  Hello Hoyt, Hello Lucy.

  SISTER TAYLOR

  Goin' to de meetin'?

  SISTER JONES

  Done got my clothes on de line and I'm bound to be dere--

  SISTER THOMAS

  Gointer testify for Jim?

  SISTER JONES

  Naw. I reckon--Don't make much difference to me which way de drop

  fall--Taint neither one of 'em much good.

  SISTER TAYLOR

  I know it. I know it, Ida. But dat ain't de point. De crow we wants to

  pick is, is we gointer set still and let dese Baptist tell us when to

  plant and when to pluck up?

  SISTER JONES

  Dat _is_ something to think about when you come to think about it.

  (starts to move on) Guess I better go ahead--See y'all later and tell

  you straighter. (Enter Elder Simms right, walking fast, Bible under

  his arm, almost collides with Mrs. Jones. She nods and smiles and

  exits.)

  ELDER SIMMS

  How you do, Sister Taylor, Sister Thomas.

  BOTH

  Good evenin', Elder

  SIMMS

  Sho is a hot day

  SISTER TAYLOR

  Yeah, de bear is walkin' de earth lak a natural man.

  SISTER THOMAS

  Reverend, look like you headed de wrong way. It's almost time for de

  trial and youse all de dependence we got.

  ELDER SIMMS

  I know it. I'm trying to find de Marshall so we kin go after Jim. I

  wants a chance to talk wid him a minute before court sits.

  SISTER TAYLOR

  Y'think he'll come clear?

  ELDER SIMMS

  (proudly) I _know_ it! (shakes the Bible) I'm going to law 'em from

  Genesis to Revelation.

  SISTER THOMAS

  Give it to 'em, Elder. Wear 'em out!

  ELDER SIMMS

  We'se liable to have a new Mayor when all dis dust settle. Well, I

  better scuffle on down de road.

  (Exit Sims left)

  SISTER THOMAS

  Lord, lemme gwan home and put dese greens on. (looks off stage left)

  Here come Mayor Clark now, wid his belly settin' out in front of him

  like a cow-catcher. His name oughter be Mayor Belly.

  SISTER TAYLOR

  (akimbo) Jus' look at him! Trying to look like a jigadier Breneral.

  (Enter Clarke hot and perspiring. They look at him coldly.)

  CLARKE

  I God, de bear got me! (silence for a moment) How y'all feelin'

  ladies?

  SISTER TAYLOR

  Brother Mayor, I ain't one of these folks dat bite my tongue and bust

  my gall--Whuts inside got to come out! I can't see to my rest why you

  cloakin' in wid dese Baptist buzzards ginst yo' own Church.

  MAYOR CLARKE

  I ain't cloakin' in wid _none_. I'm de Mayor of dis whole town.

  I stands for de right and against de wrong. I don't keer who it kill

  or cure.

  SISTER THOMAS

  You think it's right to be runnin' dat boy off for nothin?

  MAYOR CLARKE

  I God! You call knockin' a man in de head wid a mule bone nothin'?

  'Nother thing--I done missed nine of my best-layin' hens. I ain't

  sayin' Jim got 'em--but different people has told me he buries a

  powerful lot of feathers in his back yard. I God, I'm a ruint man! (He

  starts towards the right exit, but Lum Rogers enters right.) I God,

  Lum, I been lookin' for you all day. It's almost three o'clock. (hands

  him a key from his ring) Take dis key and go fetch Jim Weston on to de

  church.

  LUM

  Have you got yo' gavel from de lodge-room?

  CLARKE

  I God, that's right, Lum. I'll go get it from de lodge room whilst you

  go git de bone an' de prisoner. Hurry up! You walk like dead lice

  droppin' off you! (He exits right while Lum crosses stage towards

  left)

  SISTER TAYLOR

  Lum, Elder Simms been huntin' you--he's gone on down bout de barn.

  (She gestures.)

  LUM

  I reckon I'll overtake him. (Exit left)

  SISTER THOMAS

  I better go put dese greens on--my husband will kill me if he don't

  find no supper ready. Here come Mrs. Blunt. She oughter feel like a

  penny's worth of have-mercy wid all dis stink behind her daughter.

  SISTER TAYLOR

  Chile, some folks don't keer. They don't raise they chillen, they

  drags 'em up. God knows if dat Daisy was mine, I'd throw her down and

  put a hundred lashes on her back wid a plow-line. Here she come in de

  store Sat'day night (acts coy and coquettish, burlesques Daisy's walk)

  a wringing and a twisting!

  (Enter Mrs. Blunt left.)

  MRS. BLUNT

  How y'all sisters?

  SISTER THOMAS

  Very well, Miz Blunt, how you?

  MRS. BLUNT

  Oh so-so.

  SISTER TAYLOR

  I'm kickin' but not high.

  MRS. BLUNT

  Well, thank God you still on prayin' ground and in a Bible

  Country--Me, I ain't many today. De niggers got my Daisy's name all

  mixed up in diss mess.

  SISTER TAYLOR

  You musn't mind dat, Sister Blunt. People just _will_ talk. They's

  talkin' in New York and they's talkin' in Georgy and they's talkin' in

  Italy.

  SISTER THOMAS />
  Chile, if you talk after niggers they'll have you in de graveyard or

  in Chattahoochee one. You can't pay no tention to talk.

  MRS. BLUNT

  Well, I know one thing--de man or woman, chick or child, grizzly or

  gray that tells me to my face anything wrong bout _my_ chile--I'm

  going to take _my_ fist (rolls up right sleeve and gestures with right

  fist) and knock they teeth down they throat. (She looks ferocious.)

  Cause y'll know I raised my Daisy right round my feet till I let her

  go up north last year wid them white folks. I'd ruther her to be in de

  white folks kitchen than walkin' de streets like some of dese girls

  round here. If I do say so, I done raised a lady. She can't help it if

  all dese men get stuck on her.

  SISTER TAYLOR

  You'se telling de truth, Sister Blunt--that's what I always say--Don't

  confidence dese niggers, do they'll sho put you in de street.

  SISTER THOMAS

  Naw indeed. Never syndicate wid niggers--do--they will distriminate

  you. They'll be an _anybody_. You goin to de trial, ain't you?

  MRS. BLUNT

  Just as sho as you snore, and they better leave Daisy's name outer dis

  too. I done told her and told her to come straight home from her work.

  Naw, she had to stop by dat store and skin her gums back wid dem

  trashy niggers. She better not leave them white [Corrected missing

  space.] folks today to come praipsin over here scornin her name all up

  wid dis nigger mess--do, I'll kill her. No daughter of mine ain't

  going to do as she please long as she live under de sound of my voice.

  (She crosses to right.)

  SISTER THOMAS

  That's right, Sister Blunt--I glory in yo' spunk. Lord, I better go

  put on my supper. (As Mrs. Blunt exits right, Rev. Singletary enters

  left with Dave and Deacon Lindsay and Sister Lewis. Very hostile

  glances from Sisters Thomas and Taylor towards the others.

  ELDER SINGLETARY

  Good evening, folks.

  (Sister Thomas and Sister Taylor just grunt. Sister Thomas moves a

  step or two towards exit. Flirts her skirts and exits.)

  LINDSAY

  (Angrily) Whuts de matter, y'all? Cat got yo' tongue?

  SISTER TAYLOR

  More matter than you kin scatter all over Cincinnatti.

  LINDSAY

  Go head on, Lucy Taylor, go head on. You know a very little of yo'

  sugar sweetens my coffee. Go head on. Everytime you lift yo' arm you

  smell like a nest of yellow hammers.

  SISTER TAYLOR

  Go head on yo'self. Yo' head look like it done wore out three

  bodies--talking bout _me_ smelling--you smell lak a nest of grand

  daddies yo'self.

  LINDSAY

  Aw, rack on down de road, 'oman. Ah don't wantuh change words wid yuh.

  You'se too ugly.

  MRS. TAYLOR

  You ain't nobody's pretty baby yo'self. You so ugly I betcha yo' wife

  have to spread uh sheet over yo' head tuh let sleep slip up on yuh.

  LINDSAY

  (Threatening) You better git 'way from me while you able. I done tole

  you I don't wants break a mouth wid you. It's a whole heap better tuh

  walk off on yo own legs than it is to be toted off. I'm tired of yo'

  achin round here. You fool wid me now an' I'll knock you into doll

  rags, Tony or no Tony.

  SISTER TAYLOR

  (jumping up in his face) Hit me! Hit me! I dare you tuh hit me. If you

  take dat dare you'll steal a hawg an' eat his hair.

  LINDSAY

  Lemme gwan down to dat church befo' you make me stomp you.

  (He exits right.)

  SISTER TAYLOR

  You mean you'll _git_ stomped. Ahm going to de trial too. De nex trial

  gointer be _me_ for kickin some uh you Baptis niggers around.

  (A great noise is heard off stage left. The angry and jeering voices

  of children. Mrs. Taylor looks off left and takes a step or two

  towards left exit as the noise comes nearer.)

  VOICE OF ONE CHILD

  Tell her! Tell her! Turn her up and smell her. Yo' mama ain't got

  nothin to do wid me.

  SISTER TAYLOR

  (Hollering off left) You lil Baptis haitians, leave them chillun

  alone. If you don't, you better!

  (Enter about 10 chidren struggling and wrestling in a bunch. Mrs.

  Taylor looks about on the ground for a stick to strike the children

  with.)

  VOICE OF CHILD IN CROWD

  Hey! Hey! He's skeered tuh knock it off. Coward!

  SISTER TAYLOR

  If y'all don't git on home!

  SASSY LITTLE GIRL

  (Standing akimbo) I know you better not touch me, do my mama will tend

  to you.

  SISTER TAYLOR

  (Making as if to strike her) Shet up, you nasty lil heifer, sassing

  me! You ain't half raised.

  (The little girl shakes herself at Mrs. Taylor and is joined by two or

  three others.)

  SISTER TAYLOR

  (Walking towards right exit) I'm going on down to de church an' tell

  yo' mammy. But she ain't been half raised herself. (She exits right

  with several children making faces behind her.)

  A BOY

  (to sassy girl) Aw haw! Y'all ol' Baptis ain't got no book case in yo'

  church. We went there one day an' I saw uh soda cracker box settin' up

  in de corner so I set down on it. (pointing at sassy girl) Know whut

  ole Mary Ella say? (jeering laughter) Willie, you git up off our

  library! Haw! Haw!

  MARY ELLA

  Y'all ole Meth'dis' ain't got no window panes in yo' ole church.

  A GIRL

  (Takes center of stage and hands akimbo shakes her hips.) I don't keer

  whut y'allsay. I'm a Methdis' bred an' uh Methdis' born an' when I'm

  dead there'll be uh Methdis' gone.

  MARY ELLA

  (snaps fingers under other girl's nose and starts singing. Several

  join her.)

  Oh Baptis, Baptis is my name

  My name's written on high

  I got my lick in de Baptis church

  Gointer eat up de Methdis pie

  (the Methodist children jeer and make faces. The Baptist camp make

  faces back for a full minute there is silence while each camp tries to

  outdo the other in face making. The Baptist makes the last face.

  METHODIST BOY

  Come on, less us don't notice em. Less gwan down to de church an' hear

  de trial.

  MARY ELLA

  Y'all ain't the onliest ones kin go. We goin' too.

  WILLIE

  Aw Haw! Copy cats! (Makes face) Dat's right, follow on behind us lak

  uh puppy dog tail. (They start walking toward right exit switching

  their clothes behind.)

  (Baptist children stage a rush and struggle to get in front of the

  methodists. They finally succeed in flinging some of the Methodist

  children to the ground and some behind them and walk towards right

  exit haughtily switching their clothes.)

  WILLIE

  (whispers to his crowd) Less go round by Mosely's lot and beat 'em

  there!

  OTHERS

  All right!

  WILLIE

  (Yelling to Baptists) We wouldn't walk behind no ole Baptists! (The

  Methodists turn and walk off towards left exit switching their clothes

  as the Baptists are doing.)

/>   _SLOW CURTAIN_

  ACT II

  SCENE II

  SETTING: Interior of Macedonia Baptist Church, a rectangular room,

  windows on each side, two "Amen Corners", pulpit with a plush cover

  with heavy fringe, practical door in pulpit, practical door in front

  of church, two oil brackets with reflectors on each side wall with

  lamps missing all but one, one big oil lamp in center.

  ACTION: At the rise, church is about full. A buzz and hum fills the

  church. Voices of children angry and jeering heard from the street.

  The church bell begins to toll for death. Everybody looks shocked.

  SISTER LEWIS

  Lawd! Is Dave done died from dat lick?

  SISTER THOMAS

  (to her husband) Walter, go see. (He gets up and starts down the aisle

  to front door. Enter Deacon Hambo by front door.)

  WALTER

  Who dead?[Note: correction to e]

  HAMBO

  (laughing) Nobody--jus' tollin' de bell for dat Meth'dis gopher dat's

  gointer be long long gone after dis trial. (laughter from the Baptist

  side)

  WALTER

  Y'all sho thinks you runs dis town, dontcher? But Elder Simms'll show

  you somethin' t'day. If he don't, God's uh gopher.

  HAMBO

  He can't show us nothin' cause he don't know nothin' hisself.

  WALTER

  He got mo' book-learnin' than Rev. Singletary got.

  HAMBO

  He mought be unletter-learnt, but he kin drive over Sims like a

  road plow.

  METHODIST CHORUS

  Aw, naw! Dat's a lie!

  (Enter Rev. Simms by front door with open Bible in hand. A murmur of

  applause arises on the Methodist side, grunts on the Baptist side.

  Immediately behind him comes Lum Boger leading Jim Weston. They parade

  up to the right Amen Corner and seat themselves on the same bench, Jim

  between the Marshall and the preacher. A great rooster crowing and hen

  cackling arises on the Baptist side. Jim Weston jumps angrily to his

  feet.)

  (Enter by front door Rev. Singletary and Dave. Dave's head is

  bandaged, but he walks firmly and seems not ill at all. They sit in

  the left Amen Corner. Jeering grunts from the Methodist side.)

  SISTER THOMAS

  Look at ol' Dave trying to make out he's hurt.

  LIGE

  Everybody know uh Baptis' head is hardern uh rock. Look like they'd be

  skeered tuh go in swimmin', do they heads would drown 'em. (general

  laughter on Methodist side)

  (Enter Bro. Nixon with his jumper jacket on his arm and climbs over

  the knees of a bench full of people and finds seat against the wall

  directly beneath empty lamp bracket. He looks around for some place to

  dispose of his coat. Sees the lamp-bracket and hangs up the coat,

  hitches up his pants and sits down.)

  SISTER LEWIS

  (rising and glaring at Nixon) Shank Nixon, you take yo' lousy coat

  down off these sacred walls. Ain't you Methdis' niggers got no

  gumption in de house of Wash-up!

  (Nixon mocks her by standing akimbo and shaking himself like a woman.

  General laughter. He prepares to resume his seat but looks over and

  sees Deacon Hambo on his feet, and glaring angrily at him. He quickly

  reaches up and takes the coat down and folds it across his knees.)

  (Sister Taylor looks very pointedly at Sister Lewis then takes a dip

  of snuff and looks sneering at Lewis again.)

  SISTER TAYLOR

  Some folks is a whole lot more keerful bout a louse in de church than

  [Note: corrected missing space] they is in they house. (Looks

  pointedly at Sister Lewis.)

  SISTER LEWIS

  (bustling) Whut you gazin' at me for? Wid your pop-eyes looking like

  skirt ginny-nuts.

  SISTER TAYLOR

  I hate to tell you whut yo' mouf looks like. I sho do you and soap and

  soap and water musta had some words.

  SISTER LEWIS

  Talkin' bout other folks being dirty--yo' young 'uns must be sleep in

  they draws cause you kin smell 'em a mile down de road.

  SISTER TAYLOR

  Taint no lice on 'em though.

  SISTER LEWIS

  You got just as many bed-bugs and chinches as anybody else, don't come

  trying to hand me dat rough package bout yo' house so clean.

  SISTER TAYLOR

  Yeah, but I done seen de bed-bugs munchin' out yo' house in de

  mornin', keepin' step just like soldiers drillin'. An' you got so many

  lice I seen em on de dish-rag. One day you tried to pick up de

 

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