Not Dead Yet

by Jenn Burke

  “I want to make this work.” Evan’s voice was raspy and hoarse.

  “Hmm?”

  “Being a vampire.” He rolled his head toward me and offered a small smile. “If I’d gone through with my plan, that would have been it. No do-overs, no opportunity for second thoughts. This? It’s my second chance. I don’t want to waste it.”

  I squeezed his hand. Second chances—I knew all about those. I was living mine. “I died in 1933.”

  His smile fell away. “That’s, uh. What?”

  “You mentioned second chances, and...” I blew out a breath. “I just want you to know you’re not alone, okay? You and me—we’re lucky. So lucky.”

  “You’re not a vampire, though...right?”

  “No.”

  “Tell me what happened?”

  I sat up and folded my hands in my lap. Looking at my fingers was easier than looking at Evan as I told him how I’d gotten kicked out for kissing a farmhand I wasn’t even attracted to. I’d just wanted to know what it was like. “I was sixteen, and I ended up moving from town to town, trying to find work. When the Depression hit, things got rougher. Harder. I managed to get some steady work in a town that seemed to be doing okay, and that’s where I met Michael Aster.”

  Big, broad-shouldered Michael. He had medium-brown hair a little too long on top with sun-bleached streaks. And glasses—the glasses were what intrigued me. They gave him a scholarly look at odds with his muscular build.

  Our romance built slowly. I first ran into him on his parents’ farm, and we chatted. Then, on a rare free day, I saw him at the library. We talked some more and just...clicked. After that, we saw each other as often as we could, and eventually, he kissed me.

  Unlike my first kiss with the farmhand, that kiss was seared on my brain. I suddenly understood what men meant when they spoke of the women they’d been with—the desire, the want. I hungered for Michael, for his kisses, for his touch. Thinking about him made me ache.

  “We fell in love, so damned hard, and made so many promises. How we’d run away together, how we’d live as bachelors somewhere no one knew us—in one of the big cities to the east.”

  “Like Toronto?” Evan asked with a smile.

  “Like Toronto.” I sighed. “Deep down, I knew none of it would come true.”

  And I’d been right. Michael’s parents announced he was going to marry the daughter of a rich farmer. My heart broke when I heard the news. I wanted to talk to him about it, but Michael refused to see me for two weeks. Then he asked me to meet him during the day in an empty store in town.

  “I walked in and he had—had two guns.”

  “Oh shit.”

  This was the part I hadn’t told anyone. Not April, not Lexi, not Hudson. They knew Michael had killed me, but not the details. No one needed to know, not until I’d met this kid whose story was so similar to mine.

  I swallowed and fought hard not to fall completely into the memory. “He said he knew only one way he could get out of marrying Martha and we could be together.”

  “You agreed.” Evan grabbed my hand and held on.

  “We got all set up...except I couldn’t pull the trigger.” I closed my eyes. “So Michael did.”

  “And did he...”

  I blinked away tears. “No. I don’t... I don’t know if it was all a ruse, if he wanted to get rid of me so I couldn’t tell anyone what we’d shared, or if he was in shock after shooting me and that’s why they found him standing over me, or if he couldn’t bring himself to pull the trigger, like I couldn’t.”

  And I’d never know. Michael hung himself while awaiting trial.

  I tried not to think about it—the details, the true circumstances. If I let it, not knowing the truth—the fact I’d never know the truth—would eat me alive. It almost had.

  “So you were dead. Like, dead dead?”

  “As a doornail.”

  “Holy shit. Then how did you—”

  “Michael’s sister. She was a witch.”

  Michael was a rare male child in a matriarchal family of witches. He didn’t have any magic but his sister April did. She hadn’t been able to accept what her brother had done and, by her own admittance to me later, she’d become obsessed with restoring my life. She’d researched, and researched some more, then cast the spell that brought me back. It hadn’t been without cost—it weakened her constitution considerably, and she never completely recovered, which was the main reason her first and only pregnancy was so difficult. But every time I’d told her I wasn’t worth the price she paid, she smacked my ear. She’d been the one to hold me together when the questions Michael left behind overwhelmed me. When I confessed to her a few months after she brought me back that Michael and I had been lovers, she simply nodded and told me she’d suspected as much.

  I still missed her.

  Evan held my hand even harder than before. “So, you said I’ve got you? You’ve got me too. We can be a family of freaks.”

  “Family of freaks.” I smiled and let the humor and warmth in his words chase away the crappy memories. “I like that. I like that a lot.”

  Chapter Seventeen

  “What the—”

  I cracked open a bleary eye at Hudson’s imposing form in the doorway. Evan was a little spoon to my big spoon, warm and cozy and comfy, and if Hudson woke him... “Shh.”

  “‘Shh’?” He came into the room, his movements less than graceful, but at least he’d lowered his voice. “I said to keep him company, not—” He waved a hand at us.

  “We’re cuddling,” I whispered.

  “Jesus Christ.”

  “What?”

  “I expected you to be friendly, not jump straight to foreplay,” Hudson whisper-shouted, his arms crossed and his expression thunderous.

  “Honey, you’ve gotten too used to back alleys if you think this counts as foreplay.”

  The only response I got to that was narrowed eyes.

  I sighed. “It’s platonic. We’re wearing underwear, and—you know me.”

  A smidgen of the tension in Hudson’s frame eased, proving he did know me. “Nothing?”

  I held his gaze. “Not for him.” I swept the covers up from behind me, and patted the mattress. “Come here.”

  He hesitated, but his eyes were filled with longing and I thought for sure he’d capitulate—right up until he threw a hand in the air and strode out of the room. His stomping feet sounded like a herd of elephants rushing up the stairs, but the noise didn’t wake Evan. After a moment of arguing with myself about the lure of the warm, comfortable bed versus a grumpy vampire needing reassurance, I lurched out of bed and followed Hudson upstairs.

  I found him in the guest room I’d stayed in, pulling the shades down, and paused in the doorway. “Will that be dark enough?”

  He looked over his shoulder. “A bit of indirect sunlight won’t hurt. It’s not going to reach the bed, anyway.”

  “You can go back to your bedroom, if you want. I can sleep up here.” To support my words, I moved over to the bed and crawled in. It lacked something to cuddle, but this bed was otherwise just as comfortable as the downstairs one. I closed my eyes.

  I fully expected Hudson to retreat to the basement but after a few minutes I felt the covers tugged back and the mattress dip. I was shocked when he did his best impression of an octopus and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me close.

  Not that I was complaining.

  “You bonded, I take it?” His words tickled my ear and I caught a hint of his toothpaste—I must have lost more time than I thought, if he’d gone downstairs to brush his teeth.

  “Yeah.” I needed to tell Hudson the whole story, because he had a right to know how on the edge Evan had been. Maybe still was, though I think our heart to heart helped. I hoped it did, anyway. But in whispers before dawn was not the time. “He’s so alone, Hud.�
�

  Hudson nuzzled the spot beneath my ear. I wasn’t sure he knew he was doing it, but god, I’d take it. Being held in his arms, feeling like I was treasured—it filled something in me I hadn’t realized was empty.

  “He’s not alone,” Hudson murmured. He was talking about Evan, but there was an unsaid layer to his words.

  You’re not alone, either.

  * * *

  When I woke up, I knew exactly where I was and exactly whose arms were around me. I’d gotten up a couple of times to use the bathroom, because I had the bladder of an elderly man even if the rest of me looked like a college student. Each time I crawled back into bed, enjoying the heat Hudson emitted—enough to keep me warm but not enough to make me overheat—he pulled me close and held me tight.

  So waking up with my face mashed into his chest and our legs intertwined was not a surprise. The fact that I was rubbing my morning wood against his thigh? That was a little more shocking.

  But damn, it felt good.

  Okay, no. I had to stop. He was still asleep, and rubbing one out using his incredibly hard and muscular thigh with the perfect amount of rough texture—no. Bad Wes. Consent. Gotta have it. I forced myself to stop and pull away—

  Only to have Hudson’s hand clap my butt and haul me back to where I’d been, my erection drilling into his leg.

  “Hud?”

  He grunted and pressed on my ass to get me humping again.

  I was only so strong.

  A moan escaped me as I rediscovered my rhythm, and all thoughts ceased, overwhelmed by the pleasure cascading out from my groin. I masturbated when I felt like it—not particularly often—and release always felt good. Except I’d forgotten how much better it felt to share this with someone.

  I couldn’t stop myself from nuzzling Hudson’s chest, rubbing my nose through his wiry hair. It was thickest between his muscular pecs, and I all but dove into it. He smelled so good—warm and earthy. Eventually my lips and teeth danced to one side to find his nipple, which I bit and sucked until he grunted again. His hips thrusted, hard, looking for friction, and I circled his boxer brief-covered dick with one hand, giving it to him.

  After that, it was a race to the finish. I kept licking and sucking the nipple I could reach, though what my mouth was doing became much, much less important than what my dick was experiencing. Trying to kiss Hudson was impossible, because of our height difference—it would break the rhythm we had going. My body shook, trembling on the precipice of release. I rubbed harder against Hudson’s thigh—harder—

  Then one of his fingers brushed against my underwear-covered hole, and that was it. I came, hard enough to steal my breath, hard enough to steal my vision. Hell, hard enough to steal the world. Everything around me ceased to exist—except Hudson, going rigid against me and letting out a low, almost pained groan as he climaxed too.

  The inside of my shorts was squishy, and cleaning up wouldn’t be fun, but damn. Worth it. I smiled and sneaked a finger past the waistband of Hudson’s underwear, wanting a little taste.

  Except he abruptly rolled away, taking not only his physical warmth but the pleasant afterglow I’d been nursing. I lifted myself up on one elbow. “You okay?” I asked, my voice pitched normally.

  “I’m good.” Hudson shot me a quick smile that didn’t reach his eyes as he made his way to the bathroom. Quickly.

  Almost running.

  I flopped onto my back and stared at the ceiling. Well, fuck. That didn’t go as planned. Not that I’d had a plan. I frowned. Did I need a plan for this, whatever this was? I wasn’t a planning guy. But maybe...maybe with Hudson I’d need a plan.

  For starters, I could figure out what the fuck I was thinking. Humping Hud’s leg without even a hint of conversation about whether we wanted to renew our physical relationship? Yeah, he’d wanted it, and I’d wanted it, but years of experience had taught me that wanting didn’t always equal right. And by Hudson’s reaction...

  Crap. Crap, crap, crap.

  * * *

  After Hudson left for work the next night, Evan and I headed out. We needed to get my car from the mall’s parking garage, and if I could find a cellphone place open late, a new phone for me. But first on the list of things to do was visit Lexi at work, because she hadn’t heard from me since I’d left to meet Iskander.

  No sooner had Evan and I stepped out of the elevator on Lexi’s floor of the hospital than I had an armful of angry-crying best friend.

  “You’re an asshole.” She squeezed me tight, and then pulled back to smack my upper arm. “What the hell? Why didn’t you text me back? I saw the news about the guy getting stabbed at the mall where you were meeting your client and—”

  I rubbed my arm—Lexi had a hell of a swing—and gave her an apologetic look. “It was my client. I found him.”

  Some of the fight and ire drained out of her. “Oh, Wes.”

  “You know anything? Is he okay?”

  “I’ll find out. What happened?”

  I gave her a summary of events—Iskander’s attack, how my phone had met its end, getting questioned by the cops, and staying at Hudson’s. With Evan. At that point in the story, I swung my arm over Evan’s shoulders and tugged him close.

  “Evan?” Lexi’s brow wrinkled as she eyed him. “What?”

  I cleared my throat and said under my breath, “Vamp Junior.”

  Evan shot me an annoyed look. “Really?”

  “Maybe we should take this talk out of the hall, huh?” Lexi said with a smile.

  She told her colleague she was taking her lunch a few minutes early and we headed out to the hospital’s front lawn. It wasn’t any more private than the hall, since a number of other hospital employees, visitors and patients seemed to think enjoying the mild late May night was a great idea, but street noise ensured our conversation stayed between the three of us.

  “Vamp Junior,” Evan muttered.

  “I had to call you something.” I bumped shoulders with him, and he bumped me back, so I took that to mean I was forgiven.

  Lexi eyed Evan with her medical-professional face on. “How are you holding up? Everything you’ve been through—it can’t be easy to adjust.”

  He shrugged, though I didn’t think it was ennui powering it—more shyness. “I’m okay. Better than I was before I met Hudson.”

  “Oh?” Lexi cast me a raised-eyebrow look. “That’s, uh...”

  “Life was shitty.”

  “I guess, if becoming a vampire was an improvement.”

  “It’s not so bad.”

  “Well, if you ever need someone to talk to, hit me up. Wes has my number.”

  I bit my lip. “Um...”

  “Oh, right. Your phone. Someday you need to memorize your contact list.”

  “Why bother, when I can just have you reprogram it for me?” I gifted her with a wide, bright smile, and she squinted at me, even as her lips twitched.

  “You don’t have any problem with the lock combinations at Hudson’s,” Evan pointed out.

  Sheepishly, I pushed up my sweater to reveal the numbers written in ink on the inside of my wrist.

  Lexi snorted and gestured for Evan to hand over his phone so she could enter her contact information. He did with a sort of bemused look on his face. I knew exactly what he was feeling. Lexi didn’t so much slip into your life as cannonball into it.

  “There. All set. Text me, call me, whatever.”

  He gave her a tentative smile as he tucked his phone away. “Thanks.”

  We paused at the edge of the lawn and with the cessation of movement, the chilly wind made itself known. I was glad I’d pulled on a hoodie before we’d left Hudson’s, and doubly glad I’d made Evan do the same.

  Lexi turned to face me, checking her watch. “So, my research. I couldn’t find anything on spells that have ghosts as a component. There were, like, zero hi
nts on the TWW. I chatted with my virtual coven and we all agree that if there is such a spell, it’s buried, and for good reason.”

  Evan held up a hand. “Sorry—sorry. But did you say coven?”

  I nodded. “Remember April? The witch who brought me back? Lexi’s her great-granddaughter.”

  “Oh. Sure. Right.” He smiled, but it was a bit shaky. “Sorry. I’ve never met a witch before.”

  “Don’t worry.” Lexi had an evil gleam in her eye. “I only turn people into toads when they really piss me off.”

  Evan’s smile slowly fell away.

  Before I could reassure him, Lexi chortled. “It’s a joke, just a joke.” She patted his arm and turned her attention back to me. “So yeah—using a ghost for a spell, someone’s soul or a piece of someone’s soul...it would be like sacrificing a living person.”

  “Jesus,” I whispered, and glanced up at Evan. He hadn’t quite recovered from Lexi’s humor—he was pale, paler than usual, and his hands were shoved in his hoodie’s pockets. “Sorry, kid, you’re not having the best introduction to the paranormal world, are you?”

  “Like yours was any better,” Lexi said softly, brushing a hand over my hair.

  Evan squared his shoulders. “I can handle it. Whatever it is. You’re gonna fill in the blanks for me, right?”

  I couldn’t help the smile that spread across my lips. Evan had said he wanted to make this new life work, and he was definitely doing that. “Sure.”

  “Wes, if you hear any more whispers on the otherplane, ignore them.” Lexi caught my hand. “Promise me.”

  “Done.”

  “Good.” She shivered. “I’ve gotta head back in. Be good, boys.”

  I laid a hand on her arm to halt her movement back toward the door. “Wait—something else for you to look for. Hudson confirmed that vampires older than a hundred can be up and about during the day.”

  Lexi’s eyes widened. “Really?”

  “Apparently. But his contact wouldn’t give him any information beyond that.”