Defend Me: A Frazier Falls Novel

by Collins, Kelly

  She literally beamed. If I thought she was attractive before …

  “I work for a magazine called Flair. I love it, but it’s a high-stress job, and I haven’t had an opportunity to take a vacation in years. I guess there’s never a right time to take off when you work for a magazine like that. It’s good to be home for longer than a couple of days. God knows my mom is loving having me back. Although …”

  “Although?”

  She blushed furiously as she looked away from me. “She keeps trying to insist the two of us go on a date.”

  I let out a bark of laughter. “Be lucky this is the first time she’s ever said such things to you. I’ve been hearing it from her for years now.”

  “No way. You never declined? Or, I don’t know … told her you hated me?”

  “I always changed the subject. Seemed a little callous to tell her I wasn’t a fan of her one and only child.”

  She laughed. “I guess I should thank you on her behalf. That’s nice of you not to ruin her epic fantasy of seeing the two of us together.”

  “I think she wants me as her son-in-law so she can guiltlessly have me help her with everything until the end of time.”

  “I wouldn’t put it past her.”

  We laughed a little at that before settling into a comfortable silence.

  I didn’t want to admit I was having a good time with Rose, and yet, here I was, having fun like it was the most natural thing in the world.

  Some part of me knew such feelings spelled disaster for me, but for now, I didn’t care.

  Chapter Ten

  Rose

  It was something out of an alternate universe to be sitting behind my high school bleachers, talking to Paxton as if we’d been the best of friends for years. Or at least friends who hadn’t seen each other in a lifetime. Maybe even friends who had grown apart and were now reconnecting.

  But he and I both knew we had never been friends. Not back then. In all honesty, even though he was speaking to me, I couldn’t see how we could be friends now. Despite all of that, I was having a good time talking to the man he’d become. More than a good time, if I was being honest. I hadn’t been this comfortable talking to anyone since I first met Nick. Not once had I been able to speak with James this easily. Not during the entire time we dated. There was always a disconnect. Was it because of me or him? More than once, Paxton insinuated I was less than authentic, and I knew he was right. I’d adopted the personality of every girl I wanted to be, hoping that, along the way, I’d find myself. I never had. I hid behind Prada bags and high-end cosmetics. Labels and brands that said more about me than my own personality could.

  And yet, here I was, laughing and joking with a man who’d spent most of his life knowing exactly who I was and justifiably hating everything about me.

  “You said you like it here now that everyone has grown up,” I said after a minute of silence. “Is that true of everyone?”

  He eyed me warily. “I take it this question is about one person in particular?”

  I nodded. “Brady Huck.”

  Paxton failed to suppress a shiver; his expression twisted into something similar to disgust. I didn’t like seeing his handsome face marred by displeasure. I risked placing a hand on his arm, my fingers touching his skin below the hem of his T-shirt sleeve. Even though it wasn’t the time or place or person for such a reaction, my heartbeat thumped wildly inside my chest.

  “You don’t have to answer the question,” I ended up saying, suddenly feeling nervous. “It was a crappy question.”

  He glanced down at my hand on his arm but didn’t move away from it. He lifted his eyes to look at me. Under the light of the moon, the deep blue of his irises appeared almost purple.

  “It’s fine,” he murmured. “I avoid him. Eli and Owen sometimes go to Huck’s for a drink, but I never join. I have no idea if he’s grown up at all and in all actuality, I don’t care.”

  “Owen and Eli don’t know?”

  He laughed somewhat bitterly. “Eli knows some. Given his predisposition for collecting gossip, I’d be surprised if he didn’t know everything that happened in Frazier Falls.”

  I smiled. “He would definitely have an opinion if he did.”

  “It’s precisely why I don’t bring it up. What would be the purpose of saying anything? It’s not as if telling them would change what happened. The past should be left in the past.”

  “It sure would be gratifying to watch all three of you take revenge against Brady.”

  His eyes widened. “You don’t like him?”

  “No. You sound surprised.”

  “He was always hanging around you. I just assumed.”

  I grimaced. “He may have hung around me, but I didn’t hang around him. I didn’t like what he did to you.”

  “You didn’t like what he did to me?”

  “There’s a difference between childhood name-calling and what he did. And yet, you seem far more pissed at me. Why is that?”

  He looked away. “I don’t know. Maybe …”

  “Maybe what?”

  He sighed. “Maybe I expected more from you.”

  I hadn’t expected him to say that. The words stung, biting into my heart like an angry army of red ants.

  He stood up suddenly, making me jump in surprise. His eyes stayed fixed on me as he offered a hand to help me up.

  “It’s about time the two of us got home.” His expression held no negative emotions. His eyes were as clear and beautiful as they had been earlier—as they had always been.

  “My mom is probably waiting up for me, even though I told her not to.” I dusted off my shorts as we walked away from the high school campus.

  He chuckled softly. “She’ll still be drinking wine, knowing her.”

  “I wouldn’t be surprised in the slightest if she was.”

  Paxton knew my mother well. How was it that he could have become as familiar as family?

  When we neared the creek, I expected him to say his goodbye, but he continued walking along the water’s edge beside me.

  “Are you walking me home?” It somewhat thrilled me that he’d make sure I got home safely.

  “In a roundabout way. I live about ten minutes farther up the creek than your mom.”

  I hadn’t even considered where he might live. Somehow everyone had stayed the same in my mind. “It was a bit stupid of me to think you still lived in your parents’ house.” It was a foolish thought.

  “We sold it. None of us wanted to, but it deserved a family.”

  “You all live alone?”

  He glanced at me; his eyebrows knitted together in thought. “Have you seen us? We need our own places. Putting us together is like housing a dog, a cat, and a mouse and hoping everyone lives.” He stopped abruptly, which caught me off guard.

  “I imagine it would be tough living a lifetime with your siblings.”

  He shook his head. “It was tough living with them for as long as I did.”

  “Are you okay?” There was something quiet and contemplative about him. Not the silent Paxton I thought I knew but the thinking man I was getting acquainted with.

  “I’m fine,” he replied as we continued walking. “Just reflecting on all that we said tonight.”

  “We should have spoken sooner.” It was like a lifetime had passed in hours. So many hurts addressed and no solutions; only a half-assed apology that should have been more. Was it possible that was all he needed to heal his wounds?

  “I didn’t realize being a fashion editor lent itself to such deep and meaningful discussions.”

  “Very funny.” I rolled my eyes. “I was the top of my class in English at high school and college. Would it come as much of a surprise if there was a poet hidden somewhere deep inside me?”

  “Deep, deep, deep inside, hiding behind snarky nicknames and immature taunts, maybe.” His lips curled into a faint smile.

  “That’s … fair.” I realized there was no way I could argue the point. Not with him having been
on the receiving end of my worst me.

  He hummed tunelessly as we walked along the grassy bank by the creek.

  “You’re in a good mood,” I pointed out.

  “And?”

  “And I don’t think I’ve ever seen you in a good mood. Not when you’re around me.”

  “Very funny.”

  Paxton grasped onto the sleeve of my hoodie and turned me around unexpectedly, which set my heart hammering. “What are you doing?”

  He pointed over to the other side of the creek. “This is where Owen and Carla want me to build their floating wedding stage. From all the way over there to where we’re standing.”

  “That seems … grandiose.” I peered into the darkness to try and gauge how big the resulting platform would be.

  “I know, right!?” he exclaimed, enthusiastic in his indignation. “They want it to be large enough to use as the dance floor for the reception as well as the location of the ceremony. I’m dreading having to build it.”

  “I guess they wouldn’t ask you to do it if they didn’t believe you weren’t the best person for the job. I’d call that a compliment.”

  “Yeah, I know. Doesn’t make the job any easier, though.”

  “Something tells me you won’t have a problem building it, Mr. Mensa.” I looked at him in the moonlight, taking in his tightly muscled arms, the bulk of his shoulders, and the abs I knew were hidden beneath his T-shirt.

  A lock of his hair had fallen across his forehead, and I resisted the urge to reach up and sweep it to the side.

  Damn, he looked good, I thought wistfully. Who would have thought?

  He watched me watching him. His eyes lifted. “Are you checking me out?”

  Even in the darkness, I knew he could see my face flushing scarlet. I didn’t have to see it to feel the heat that rose to my cheeks. “No. I’m not.”

  He laughed. “You are. You’re not even being subtle about it. Do I look that different from high school?”

  “Yes and no.”

  “That seems contradictory.”

  “Exactly. It’s confusing. You don’t slouch or keep your head down anymore, and you’ve finally grown into your height, but … you’re still the same, I guess.”

  “You guess?”

  “Look, as hard as it is for me to admit, you were always cute.”

  I looked up at him, expecting him to reply. Instead, he glanced behind me at the creek. I knew what he was going to do a split second before he did it. He reached forward and pushed me.

  The water bit into my skin like stinging frozen bees, a stark and shocking difference from the uncharacteristically warm May air. When I broke the surface, his laughter filled the air.

  “I h-hope you’re h-happy now,” I stammered, teeth chattering from the cold.

  He reached down to help me out of the water. “You know you deserved that.”

  “Y-you’re lucky I d-didn’t pull you in w-with me.”

  That only made him laugh harder. “As if you could pull me in. Come on. Your house is up ahead. Best not to make too much noise so you can run up to your room and get changed without your mom asking questions.”

  “I’m sure she’d love to h-hear about how you threw me into the c-creek at midnight.”

  “I’m sure she would.”

  When we reached my back yard, he stopped with me for a moment. “Thank you for apologizing.” His voice was quiet and sincere.

  “I—thanks for letting me apologize.” What else could I say?

  His gaze was locked on my face, his eyes searching for … something. My blood raced through my veins, its rapid path leading to dizziness.

  For a moment, it almost seemed like he would kiss me. And I think I almost wanted it to happen. But seconds passed, and he shook his head.

  “This was a bizarre night. Make sure to keep warm when you get inside, so you don’t catch a cold.”

  “I’m blaming you if I do.”

  “Completely fair.”

  “Okay … night, Paxton,” I said, a little awkwardly. It felt like we were supposed to hug or—I didn’t know—shake hands or something. Something to put a solid end to the evening.

  Instead, I gave him a final smile and walked through my back yard, opening and closing the kitchen door as silently as possible.

  The house was dark. If my mom was still awake, she had retired to her bedroom.

  When I looked through the window, Paxton was gone. It was as if he had never been there in the first place.

  Chapter Eleven

  Paxton

  Carla and Owen’s cocktail party was upon me before I remembered to make an excuse to miss it. I supposed Carla had attached Owen’s name to the party to ensure I went, so no excuse would work.

  Under ordinary circumstances, I’d probably end up having a good time. Alcohol was involved, and people I got along well with were present, but I had a Rose-shaped issue with the whole night.

  After our evening talking underneath the bleachers and the incident by the creek, the last thing I needed was to ply myself with alcohol and have her in my path.

  I was acutely aware that something had happened between us that night. I wasn’t sure what, but it had changed the dynamic.

  Now I was in a situation in which ‘doing something stupid’ seemed almost inevitable. The new cocktail bar Carla hired for the party—The Bobbly Olive—was sleek and well-decorated, with low lighting and music popular with twenty-somethings playing too loudly in the background. Add in deceptively strong cocktails, and you had a recipe for disaster.

  I hadn’t spotted Rose yet. In any other circumstance, her absence was a blessing. Now it was making me drink more in anticipation of her arrival.

  My collar tightened like a noose around my neck. I tugged and shifted the material enough to breathe.

  Carla had insisted we dress up for the occasion, which meant it had taken me far too long to get ready. I’d never debated ties or shirts in my life. I was a grab and go guy, but tonight I labored between white shirt and red tie, or gray shirt and black tie. I settled on black shirt and silver tie because the whole experience darkened my mood.

  I glanced over at Eli, who had flawless fashion sense, which no one would have guessed if they saw him on a construction site. Owen was more of a traditional dresser rather than fashionable—even now, he wore a shirt, sports coat, tie, and pants, which was more formal than the occasion required. Carla seemed to be relishing it since most of the time he was in jeans and a cotton shirt.

  My choice of black was wise. You could never go wrong with black, but I still felt unbelievably self-conscious wearing the damn tie. I downed my drink and headed to the bar, intending to move straight onto the next one.

  “Look who’s playing into the tall, sexy, and mysterious stereotype,” a female voice said to my left; it was Ruthie. Her naturally curly red hair perfectly straightened to compliment her clinging, scarlet dress. Almost everyone would agree that she was a pretty girl, but much cuter than she was sexy. Clearly, she was trying to go for the latter, and it was working well if the looks she was drawing were anything to go by.

  I smiled at her. “You look wonderful, Ruthie. Can I buy you a drink?”

  “Oh, look at that, my favorite barfly asking the barmaid if she wants a drink. I’ll have a Cosmo.”

  I parroted back the drink order to the barman, adding on an old fashioned for myself.

  “What’s with the all-black get-up?” Ruth asked as the barman prepared our drinks. “I can’t say I dislike it. It’s very … unexpected.”

  “I added a splash of color.” Once again, I tugged at my tie.

  “Gray isn’t a color.”

  “It’s different from black. I didn’t know what to wear. I haven’t been to a place like this since college, and even then, I preferred going to normal bars given the choice.”

  “You sound like an old man.”

  “That hurts.” A thump sounded when I hit my chest. “Is it so wrong to know what you like and stick with it?”


  She shrugged. “There’s nothing wrong with it, but then you might never take any risks that end up paying off. Like this dress, for example.” She turned around so I could take in the whole outfit. The dress was backless, like the blue one Rose had shown up to Frazier Falls wearing. Imagining Rose in Ruth’s dress sent a flare of heat to my groin.

  “What about the dress?” I asked innocently, desperately trying to keep my imagination in check and on Ruthie.

  She smirked. “It’s not my kind of dress, is it? But it looks great on me. If this place hadn’t opened in Frazier Falls, I might never have had the guts to buy it. But now I can see how many guys are looking at me, and I can’t wait to wear it the next time I go out with Dan.”

  “He’s the guy from the next town over you’ve been texting, right?”

  Her smile lit up the low-lighted room. “Sure is. It’s going well with him, thank God.”

  The bartender handed us our drinks, and as I took a welcomed swallow, Eli walked over, his face bright with amusement.

  “Guess who walked in, took one look at you laughing away with Ruthie, and grew a face like thunder?”

  I didn’t need him to answer the question for me. A few days ago, it would have filled me with glee to know Rose was pissed off seeing me easily talking to a woman, but now …

  I resisted the urge to shake my head. The two of us had cleared the air. Her seeing me talking with Ruth should have meant nothing. Instead, it made me feel uneasy like I’d done something wrong.

  Turning from the bar, I searched for her until a familiar head of blond hair by Carla drew my attention, but the crowded room prevented me from seeing her completely.

  “Should I be flirting outrageously with you all night?” Ruthie asked as Eli snorted in laughter.

  They both seemed surprised when I shook my head.

  “No. We’re a little too old to play games, don’t you think?”

  Eli raised an eyebrow. “I’d have to agree to disagree on that point, but do whatever you want.” He looked at Ruthie. “Want to buy me a drink, Ruthie?”