Afraid to Hope (Secrets & Seduction)

by MJ Nightingale

  “That’s right. You have a dog. You mentioned that before. Maybe next time I take you out, we will include her in the outing. I like dogs, and don’t like to see them cooped or caged all the time. What kind of dog is she?” he asked hoping it wasn’t a snapping, yapping Pomeranian, girly dog, but didn’t think Lou was the type to have a pocketbook poodle.

  “Oh, I would never cage her. She’s a Labrador Retriever, a golden,” Lou announced.

  “Nice. Great dogs. Good with kids, too,” he added.

  “Yeah, they are. That’s why I got her,” Lou confessed. Jay’s eyes widened at her words. “I have a daughter.” His eyes got bigger and he took a step back she noticed, His head tilted to the side. “She’s in college now, in Maine.” He relaxed a bit.

  “Sorry,” he apologized seeing her face contort by his reaction. Covering quickly he added, “It’s just you never mentioned a kid before, and college really? You must have had her young.”

  “Yeah, I was young,” Lou stated still trying to process Jay’s reaction.

  But before she could ponder upon it, he quickly unhooked her helmet from its restraint and handed it to her. “Come on, let’s go eat, Lou. I’m starved,” and with eyes crinkling in the corner he added, “and not just for food.”

  Lou swallowed the dryness that suddenly struck her throat, and pushed back any small niggling doubts to the back of her mind. She was ready for a night out on the town, one where she wasn’t the third wheel to Ana and Teddy. She was ready to let her hair down, and have a little fun. She hadn’t gone out like this in a long, long time.

  Dinner was at a local steak joint on U.S. Nineteen, a place called Cody’s steakhouse. The food was great, and the atmosphere relaxed with country music playing in the background to drown out the din of the crowd and the kitchen and wait staff. In semi-darkness Lou and Jay munched on raw peanuts, throwing the shells on the floor which was the practice in this particular restaurant.

  Knowing he had screwed up in his reaction to her revelation about her daughter, Jay made to rectify the situation right away with a frank apology. He didn’t want her brewing, or stewing on the matter, whatever the case might be. He wanted to enjoy the evening, get to know her better, and then really get to know her. All of her. Every inch.

  When they were waiting to be seated with the Friday night crowd, he apologized again. “Sorry, Lou. I don’t want to put this wrong. I was shocked that you had a child because you don’t seem thirty five, you’re so small, you look a lot younger and you didn’t mention it. That’s all. Really. I saw your face, and I could tell it bothered you. I am not judging you. I’m not like that.” He watched her face and saw the wheels turning. Having a daughter so young, he realized on the drive here, she must have faced some scrutiny, some judgment from her small town, and maybe even her family. His pulling back, well, he didn’t want her reading more into it than that. Yes, it had shocked him. He had a hard time being around kids for reasons of his own and it had nothing to do with her having one. And the fact that her daughter was older, ironically, made him feel better about it. Having little ones around, well he didn’t know how he could deal with that. He was just getting his own life back under his own control. He didn’t want to throw too many hot irons into the fire all at once. But these were things to talk about later, when he knew her better, and only if this thing between them lasted.

  Her facial expression revealed to him that she accepted his apology. He noticed the tension lines in her face disappear, and her manner lightened. “Okay, fair enough,” she smiled. “I’ll forgive you.”

  His smile was all teeth and sexiness as his hand went through his longish sandy brown hair. The faint shadow of stubble added to his rugged sexiness. How could she be upset when he looked like that, looked at her like that?

  Just then the hostess signaled over to them that their table was ready. Tossing the shells in her hand on the floor, they followed the young blonde to a small booth for two in a secluded alcove.

  They ordered right away, both having already examined the menus while waiting and sipped on their drinks while Jay asked questions about her daughter showing her that her having a daughter did not displease him at all. She told him about Veronica and he could see and hear the pride she had for her daughter’s accomplishments in her eyes, and in her voice. She even pulled out a picture of her daughter from her purse, showing Veronica in her cap and gown from high school. Veronica was a dirty blonde version of her mother with one long pink highlight in her hair. He smiled and handed the picture back to Lou as she was shrugging out of her jacket. “She’s beautiful, and looks a lot like . . . ,” he stated and stopped mid-sentence while handing her back the picture.

  Lou noticed his reaction right away. He was tongue tied. His jaw literally dropped open at the sight of all that exposed flesh. Her breasts, Double D’s, on her petite frame often got that reaction from men, but she was most assuredly excited to see that reaction from Jay. He was practically panting, as she took Veronica’s picture from his trembling hand.

  Holy shit, mother fucker, God damn! He wanted to lean over the table and run his tongue along the tops of those big fucking beautiful tits, run his tongue down her décolletage, rip her shirt and bra off her with one hand, and then shove his lubed up cock in between them while she gripped the sides of them pushing them together. He wanted to fuck her tits while she licked the head of his beast as it popped out from between those amazing orbs. She was like a brunette Dolly fucking Parton. The fantasy immediately brought his cock to raging life. Not half-mast. He was harder than the fucking rock of Gibraltar.

  “Nice . . . shirt,” he managed to grind out. His voice was gravel, like sandpaper. His mouth was dryer than the fucking Sahara desert and he reached for his beer. Taking long swallows, he downed half the bottle to quench the sudden thirst.

  “You like,” she teased shifting from side to side giving him different views and varying angles of her profile. Like! He wanted to fuck her tits!

  “Like! Fuck Yeah! I’ve got a God damn boner so fucking hard under the table right now, that if it wasn’t bolted down it would be wobbling on my cock right now.”

  Lou shocked at first by the description, soon found herself laughing at the image his words created. This man did speak his mind. He had warned her that he often didn’t have a filter when it came to his thoughts, and now she knew he meant it. “Okay,” she laughed giving him a sideways glance. She resisted the urge to yank up her shirt a bit.

  Jay laughed. “Sorry again, Lou. I’ve got quite the active imagination.” But, then a little lower, a bit more discreetly, “There are a lot of things I’ve imagined doing with you, and I hope you’re game, Lou.” His eyes flashed fire, but she saw the earnestness there as well.

  Lou, who had never had anything but bland vanilla sex, didn’t even know where to begin with her imagination. Her books gave some details. But if last night was any sign of what was to come, she wanted, needed to experience more. She blushed and the blush spread down her neck to her breasts. Jay’s eyes lit up at the sight and to take the focus off of them, she spoke. “I think so.”

  “Wonderful,” he grinned from ear to ear and saluted her with his empty bottle of beer. At that moment the waitress arrived, and brought their food. Two filet mignons, topped with mushrooms. She had ordered the green beans while he had gotten a loaded baked sweet potato. He asked for water, but ordered her another margarita, which she happily accepted. The mango margarita was something she had never tried before. Sweet, cool, and delicious. In fact, everything was delicious and she enjoyed it immensely, though with her stomach in such turmoil, she could barely make a dent in her food. Jay polished everything off. He was a monster of a man, and probably could consume twice that without putting on an ounce. She had never had to worry about her weight fortunately, but she was never much of an eater anyway.

  When they left, Jay paid the check, but gave her a dirty look as she tried to help pay. She and Carmine had often taken turns paying the bill. She wasn’t used
to this dating thing, and shrugged her apology. “I am not loaded, but I asked you out. You’re my date.” She could tell her gesture had upset him.

  “Gotcha,” she teased giving him the thumbs up sign as he held out her helmet in the parking lot. Still scowling, he proceeded her onto the bike, and offered her his hand. To clear the air, she admitted, “I’m sorry, Jay. I don’t have much experience with dating. I . . . I have had only two real relationships, if . . . if you can even call them that,” she admitted blushing at her naiveté and lack of experience. Seeing him smile again, she felt relieved and rushed on, “One was my ex, and we were young and stupid, him especially, and then Carmine and I never went out much.”

  “Only two,” he teased. When she blushed, he added, “Two is an admirable number, nothing to be ashamed about. I am just sorry that they didn’t treat you like the lady you are.” His words were meant to lighten the mood, but it made something in her heart clench. Years wasted with the wrong men had left its mark.

  He sat on the bike and held out his hand, “Come. Let me show you how a man should treat a lady.” She put her helmet on, and crawled up behind him. Warmed by his words, she scooted close, firmly clasping her arms around him and after he had the motor roaring she pressed herself firmly onto his back. “Mm,” he growled, “A man could get used to this. Let me take you out, show you off, and then I’m taking you home.” He paused and made the turn out of the restaurants parking lot, and she felt his chest shake with amusement. “To my place.”

  On U.S. Nineteen, he let the throttle out, and she clung to this man that was doing all kinds of crazy things to her libido, her head, and she feared her heart.

  Just ten minutes later they were pulling into a dive further down the same highway. “It was a place called Bobkatz, smack dab in front of a Super Wal-Mart. When he parked beside a half dozen motorcycles, he stopped the engine and let her get off first. He took her helmet, as she perused the outside of the bar.

  “It’s not much, and Bob, the guy who owns it has been running the place for thirty-five years. Refused to sell the space to Wally World when they offered to buy it for a million bucks. He said he wouldn’t know what to do with himself if he sold. He’s a cool dude. A cracker like Pete. It doesn’t look like much, but it’s fun, and I like the people and the atmosphere.” She had never been in a place like this and had some doubts about the characters that would attend such an establishment. It was a wooden structure, which was rare in Florida, most buildings being constructed out of masonry to last through the Florida sun. The building was ramshackle to say the least, and looked rundown. That, and it was painted a pale shade of grey with maroon trim.

  Jay regarded her, and laughed. “Come on,” he stated firmly still seeing the doubt in her eyes and mistaking it for that. To Lou it was a matter of fear, and reticence, because she was not used to hanging out in any clubs, let alone beer joints like this. She plastered a smile onto her face and gave her his hand. She didn’t want him to think she was a coward. He smiled down at her and they began to walk towards the entrance of Bobkatz.

  Just as they neared the double front entryway, one of the doors suddenly burst open expelling two very large, hairy bikers. Both in jeans, and black t-shirts stating their preference in motorcycles. They came out laughing, but stopped short when they saw Jay.

  “Jay-Dog, my man,” the older fellow with the grey grizzly beard called out reaching over to clap Jay on the back with resounding exuberance. “We haven’t seen you in a while.” The younger man nodded at Jay briefly but his smile was directed at Lou as he scrutinized her with evident appreciation in his coal black eyes.

  “I have been busy,” Jay said hurriedly.

  “I can see that,” the older man stated giving Lou a wink. He then smiled and reached out to shake Lou’s hand. “I’m Mike, Big Mike, and this is Mikey,” he indicated the younger man with a nod towards him. “Mike Junior,” he added in clarification. Lou looked from one to the other and then recognized the similarities as the older man pumped her arm vigorously.

  Junior finally piped in. “Yeah, I’m Junior. I can guess why you’ve been busy Jay-dog,” he added, his black eyes never leaving Lou’s body. She felt herself tense as the twenty-something biker ogled her chest. She resisted the urge to say, ‘Eyes up here, moron.’ She didn’t know these men, and did not want to embarrass Jay.

  Jay felt Lou tense, and his ire went up. He was not the jealous type, but it rankled that Junior was clearly ogling Lou, and making no attempt to hide it. He could sense that Lou’s hackles were up.

  Louisa sensed the change in Jay as well. She knew it when she felt his hand tighten around hers and he pulled her closer so that she was practically leaning into him.

  After a slightly exaggerated delay, Jay finally responded to the greeting from the two directing his first comment towards Big Mike. “I’ve been a bit busy . . . with school,” he responded and at Junior’s snicker, his attention was directed at the younger man. “Yeah, school, ass swipe, so get the fucking smirk off your face. And stop eye fucking Lou. It’s damn rude.”

  At Jay’s dead calm statement, though menacing in tone, both men paused, startled, then laughed and Jay relaxed slightly. Junior got the message and stopped staring, and looked Jay apologetically in the eye. “Sorry man, it won’t happen again. I couldn’t help myself.” His laugh this time was more subtle.

  “Well, you got more than an eyeful. Don’t let it happen again.” Jay’s voice was lighter in tone, yet it brokered no argument as well.

  “Sorry,” Junior mumbled barely glancing in Lou’s direction. “Lou is it?” Junior directed his comment to a spot on her forehead instead of at her chest. “We came out for a bit of air, but we’ll buy you a drink when we get back in. No offence meant, Lou.”

  “It’s not necessary,” Lou chimed in. The younger of the two Mike’s seemed sincere enough. And, she didn’t want this to put a damper on the evening.

  “Nope, we insist,” said the older man, winking at Lou, and giving his son a slight punch on the arm. “Go on in, Jay. Everyone will be glad to see you. The twins are here though. Just saying,” he added when Jay gave him another menacing glare. Jay hesitated, but then nodded at both of them. The older man stood aside for them to pass, and each of the men clapped Jay on the back. Junior made a wide berth around Lou recognizing now that Jay had laid his claim on her.

  “Sorry, I lost my cool a bit,” Jay murmured when the two men were far enough so as not hear. He gave Lou a tentative smile. He hoped she didn’t ask about the twins. He hoped they also kept their distance as well. But leaving now would make it a bit awkward and yet another thing he would have to explain. He also sensed his little outburst had made her feel uncomfortable and he wanted to bring the earlier jovial atmosphere they had established since leaving the restaurant. When he saw her relax and drop her shoulders, he gave her a quick peck on the forehead as he swung open one of the massive oak doors.

  Lou was determined not to let this ruin the evening as well, even though she was now wondering about the twins comment, but she didn’t want to ask. Instead, she gave him a sincere smile and gave his hand a little squeeze to let him know she was okay.

  Inside the bar, it took a few seconds for their eyes to adjust to the smoky dimness. Jay saw the twins at the end of the bar, and turned Lou in the opposite direction. Hopefully they would steer clear of him if they saw Louisa was him.

  Music pumped out of an old jukebox at the end of the bar which ran nearly along the entire far wall. This place was a real biker bar as evidenced by the crowd. The men, all wore biker shirts, or metal bands concert shirts, and she saw an assortment of skull caps, and bandanas as well. There was plenty of leather, and hell of a lot of tattoos. Jay, even though he had worn a simple blue shirt with an army logo, clearly fit in. His arms bulged and sported tattoos of his own. She had meant to ask him about them, especially the length of ivy that ran all the way down to his forearm, nearly his wrist.

  Lou hadn’t realized that she had stopped
mid stride in her perusal, and Jay tugged on her hand to stop her from staring. Many faces were now looking their way, some nodding and a few waving, but others just stared back. Jay pulled her behind him to stop the crowd from ogling her, and saw an empty booth near the jukebox and made his way towards it rather than sit at the bar where there was plenty of room. It was the only empty booth available and it would afford them a little privacy.

  Following behind him Lou noted the two pool tables down on the left, with a couple of games going on, and some dart boards as well. There were a few wooden tables with barrel chairs all the way to the right of the long bar. She also noted some doors that probably led to the back store rooms and possibly bathrooms. There was also a small dance floor in the direction they were going. The booth Jay selected was small, could only seat two, and therefore, they had to sit across from one another rather than beside each other. Jay made sure she faced away from the twins. He wanted to keep an eye on them. They had noticed his presence, and were looking his way, and he just shook his head. Tania pouted, and Tina gave him the finger. Then they turned and went back to the group playing darts, ignoring him. He let out a little sigh of relief. Hopefully, they would give him a wide berth tonight, and he didn’t plan on staying long.

  As soon as they sat, a waitress appeared. She was an older woman, who asked Jay, “Hey sweetie, couple of beers?”

  Jay looked to her and she nodded her assent. To the waitress he added, “Sure, Betsy. Budweiser for me? You?” Jay asked and Lou nodded that she would be okay with that as well. Betsy bobbed her head once and turned without writing anything down. In fact, she didn’t even have the proverbial pad and pencil.

  “So . . .” Lou said trailing off not knowing what else to say after the awkward moments they had experienced outside.

  Jay’s grey eyes were alight with laughter, and crinkled deliciously at the corners at her sudden loss of speech, and he reached across the table to grasp her hand and held it comfortingly. “So . . . You like pool, Lou? Want me to get us the table later?” he asked. His thumb began to do things to her already screwed up senses. It was like little shocks of electricity.