The Horses Know (The Horses Know Trilogy Book 1)

by Lynn Mann

  It was not so pressing an issue to him but he felt it nevertheless, Infinity informed me.

  What was?

  All will become clear.

  For the love of light Infinity, can’t you just tell me?

  I could. Learning by experience will be more thorough.

  ‘Aaaaagh!’ I exclaimed. Rowena and Oak both jumped. ‘Sorry, it’s just that Infinity knows what Oak was missing, it’s to do with the problems that she and I are having, I think, but apparently I will learn it more thoroughly by experience.’

  Rowena sat up straighter and I felt the flutter of Oak’s communication with her. ‘We’re going to have to watch all of your riding lessons, this is the start of something, Oak can feel it!’ she said. Oak developed a very definite spring in his step and Rowena laughed at his exuberance.

  I laughed along with her and we chatted excitedly until we reached the river. There, I sat down on a large boulder as Oak kicked up his heels and then thundered off along the riverbank. Rowena’s black hair flowed behind her as she crouched low on Oak’s back. I could feel Infinity fighting her instinct to follow them.

  Go Infinity, go! I urged her.

  I felt her fleeting regret that she couldn’t take me with her, then she launched into a flat-out gallop, following in Oak’s enormous hoof prints. Her feet pounded the ground wildly and her tail streamed out behind her as she forced her way through the cool autumn air. It wasn’t long before she caught up with Oak’s heavier pace and then slowed to match his speed and gallop beside him as they tore off into the distance. How I longed to be with them. But what if I never learnt to ride well enough for her to be able to carry me? Now the following day’s riding lesson couldn’t come soon enough.

  Twelve

  Difficulties

  I rose the following morning with an air of determination; I wanted to ride well, I wanted my horse to be able to carry me without harm to herself and I wanted some answers as to how to achieve both of those things today. My resolve faltered slightly when I found I couldn’t walk properly as a result of the previous day’s lesson, but as I moved around and my muscles stretched and eased, my focus returned.

  During my first session with Adam, as he and I worked through my herb journal so that he could see the gaps in my knowledge, I was distracted. When my attention wandered for the third or fourth time, he banged my journal shut, chuckling as I jerked out of my reverie. He asked good-naturedly to know what was on my mind. I told him what had happened the previous day and what I had resolved to ensure in today’s session with Feryl.

  ‘I understand your distraction,’ he said kindly, ‘and I think in light of it, you may consider yourself excused from the rest of your morning’s session with me.’

  I felt awful. ‘But we’ve barely started on my journal, I’m sorry Adam, if I try really hard to concentrate, could we carry on?’

  ‘You’re a sweet girl Amarilla and your previous Master can’t rate your abilities highly enough, but you must understand that as a Herbalist, people and animals will come to you for help and that puts you in a position of responsibility. When you’re on duty, it is of paramount importance that you are able to concentrate your mind so that you can tune in to your patient’s condition and the herbs that will help, to the best of your ability. I’m afraid there’s a rule that I expect both my Apprentices and myself to follow most stringently: If it’s not possible to leave personal problems at the door of the healing room, then for the sake of your craft, do not enter it.’

  If anyone else had spoken his words to me I might have considered myself rebuked, but from Adam the message got through to me in the gentlest, nicest possible way. I promised both him and myself to adhere to his rule from the following day onwards and then donned my cloak and left the healing room, feeling guilty. Adam had left the home he had made for himself since Peace died, and returned to The Gathering to help me. True, he had told me that any of the other Herbalists in residence would have been happy to take me on and it was his curiosity over what Infinity had in store for me that had led him back here, but the fact remained that he had been extremely kind to me and in my first session with him, I had let him down.

  You indulge yourself once more with the emotion that serves no purpose, Infinity informed me as I made my way to her paddock.

  Indulge myself? I’m not enjoying feeling this way, I protested.

  Then feel differently.

  I can’t just change how I feel because I decide to.

  That is a falsehood and you have believed it for too long.

  I don’t understand.

  You feel an emotion that has no purpose. You feel it when you have a realisation that you should have done something differently. Making a mistake is vital to learning. A young fox narrowly avoids being caught by a pack of dogs and he learns to avoid the area they patrol. A foal has a bitter taste in her mouth from chewing a particular herb and she learns to avoid it in future. A young human has her lesson ended prematurely because she is unable to concentrate and she learns to order her mind so that she can focus in subsequent lessons. Emotion such as you are feeling has no place in this process of learning.

  But how do I choose to feel differently?

  How did you choose what to eat for your last meal?

  I selected things I have eaten before and liked.

  It is the same.

  I frowned to myself. How could it possibly be the same? Could I really just choose a feeling I liked and then feel it?

  If you decide to.

  But I might have upset Adam’s feelings.

  You are not responsible for looking after the feelings of anyone else. He Who Is Peace can also choose how he feels and this he knows. He has chosen to see things merely as they are and he suffers not.

  Relief washed over me as I reached where Infinity waited for me at her paddock fence, and hopped up to sit on the top rail beside her; Adam wasn’t cross with me. I didn’t need to feel guilty.

  There will never be a need.

  But what if I cause someone to suffer and they don’t realise that they can choose how they feel about it?

  Then you will have been useful to them in highlighting that they yet have work to do on maturing as an individual.

  I felt uncomfortable. Was it really true that I could just say and do whatever I wished and not care how anyone felt?

  The only thing for which you are responsible is being the best version of yourself that you can be. You will make mistakes and there will be misunderstandings between you and those of both your and other species. Learn from your mistakes and allow others to learn from theirs but do not waste your life force worrying about how others perceive you, Infinity told me.

  I just don’t like the thought that someone is cross with me or doesn’t like me.

  And that is because you yet rely on the opinion of others as to whether or not you have worth. We have visited this subject before.

  I remember. The human need to feel special.

  When you can realise that every living being of every species has unconditional equal worth then you will be free of many of the restrictions that you place upon yourself.

  Equal worth? A thought occurred to me. Do you disapprove of us keeping livestock to kill and eat?

  Prey animals of several species are prepared to sustain humans with their flesh. This has nothing to do with their worth or lack of it. They require a standard of care that humans in present times adequately meet. They experience life in their chosen body and when their flesh is required they leave and then return at will in a different body at a time of their choosing.

  But we kill them so that we can live. Isn’t that making them of less worth than us?

  Make no mistake. They enter into their roles willingly. They know their worth as equal to yours and if the care they receive is less than required they will allow their bodies to sicken and die. You eat their healthy flesh not because they are subservient to you but because they permit it.

  Blimey — I recognised Ro
wena’s influence on my vocabulary and grinned to myself— so I needed to know my worth and be the best I could be, then I would have no need for guilt. I was going to find that difficult, I knew, but at least I understood it. Try as I might though, I was still struggling with the idea that I could choose how to feel.

  Halt yourself when you realise you are feeling something you would rather not and choose to feel something more pleasant, Infinity advised me. Much may be learnt from observing the conduct of He Who Is Peace.

  Adam. Is this what Peace taught him? To choose to feel peaceful instead of angry?

  That is for He Who Is Peace to tell you if he chooses.

  The wind had got up and was blasting its way across the paddocks to where I sat with Infinity. I had wrapped my cloak around myself, but the wind kept catching the edges of it and billowing it out around me, and I was cold.

  The weather changes, observed Infinity and as I rubbed my hands up and down her neck in an attempt to warm them, I noted how much thicker her coat was becoming. After hugging her and sending her a surge of warmth and affection, which was promptly returned, I left her and decided to go and sit with Rowena as she worked in the Tailors’ workshop. I wondered whether I could find the nerve to ask her to make another blanket for Infinity.

  When I got there, I was given a hot mug of nettle tea and offered a stool on which to perch next to Rowena’s workbench. Rowena passed a waxed garment along the bench to me. ‘Here you go Am, the Weather-Singers have warned that some nasty weather is coming and I couldn’t see Infinity go cold,’ she said.

  I unfolded the garment, to find a waterproof rug. The material was a deep purple and she had used a lighter purple for the binding and the fastenings. This rug also had an additional blanket stitched inside it for added warmth.

  ‘Thank you so much Ro,’ I said, at the same time as letting Infinity know what Rowena had done for her.

  ‘Just one of the perks of being the friend of a Tailor!’ she said.

  We chatted the rest of the morning away while Rowena worked and then we dashed out to put rugs on our horses before lunch, as there was a feel of rain in the air. Infinity was delighted with hers and whilst I fiddled with the fastenings, ensuring they were adjusted just right for her, she bathed me in a feeling of warm contentment. Our timing couldn’t have been better, as rain started to fall just as we were leaving the paddock, forcing us to run to the dining hall.

  We were among the first to arrive for lunch. We hung our wet cloaks in the lobby area, before dashing into the dining hall and to the food table. Shortly after we had sat down with our soup, we were joined by Adam, Shann and Justin. Now that Justin was away from his horse, my eyes could focus on him properly. He was taller than Shann and had short, curly, brown hair. He had a very defined brow over intense brown eyes and there was a sense of barely controlled energy about him. He constantly jigged his leg as he sat in discussion with Adam over the lack of progress of the healing of Gas’s knee; it seemed that Gas was refusing to take things easy while his wound healed and it kept splitting back open and bleeding.

  ‘If he would just consent to being in a paddock by himself for a few days instead of tearing around with Spider all the time,’ complained Justin, ‘or even with a quieter horse who’ll let him be so he can rest until it heals, but he won’t hear of it.’

  ‘I seem to remember having a similar conversation about you last winter when you had tonsillitis and refused to stay in bed,’ smiled Adam and Justin grinned and looked abashed. ‘Now I’m wondering about adding an extra herb to the unguent we’ve been applying to Gas’s wound, to make it more elastic and stop it drying to the firm crust that seems to be the problem.’

  I listened avidly to their conversation, keen to hear what Adam might come up with. Rowena and Shann began what I was coming to realise was one of their normal conversations, where Shann played the clown and Rowena was as rude to him as she could think how to be, so I shifted closer to Adam to better hear his ideas as he thought aloud. He finally settled on a couple of herbs that he wanted to try, and assured Justin that he would experiment with them after he had seen his last patient that afternoon. Fascinated, I asked Adam if I could watch him while he worked and he happily agreed just as Norieva sat down opposite him.

  Rowena said, ‘wotcha Norrie, tell Am that joke about the Weather-Singer who got stuck in the tree!’

  A small piece of mustard-smeared ham slapped against her face and stuck there. Shann erupted into laughter at his prank and Justin’s laughter was swift to follow. As Rowena removed the ham from her face while scolding Shann, I shrank back down into my seat as far as possible, waiting for Norieva’s reaction to Shann’s childish, albeit funny behaviour. To my astonishment, his girlish laughter joined Adam’s chuckles and he did indeed then proceed to tell some of his jokes.

  I couldn’t remember ever having laughed so much. Rowena’s description of Norieva was accurate; away from his office he was a sweetheart and he did tell absolutely the best jokes. The others laughed as much as I did, even though they’d heard his full repertoire many times before.

  ‘Well judging by the noise coming from over here, you’re settling in well and that’s always nice to see Amarilla, but don’t go spending too long in here, we don’t want you late for your lesson, do we? Lots to learn, no time to waste!’ Feryl said in a tone one might use to speak to a small child, as he made his way past our table to the exit.

  Justin looked at me and rolled his eyes and Rowena slammed the water jug down onto the table next to me. ‘If that man patronises you one more time Am, he’s going to hear the sharp side of my tongue,’ she said.

  ‘You mean there’s a soft side?’ asked Shann.

  ‘Um, Rowena, no don’t, please,’ I said. ‘I don’t mind how he talks to me if he can teach me to ride Infinity. Maybe he’ll speak to me differently when he gets to know me better?’

  ‘Don’t count on it Amarilla, the man’s a pig-headed cretin,’ said Justin.

  ‘Oh, now look here Justin,’ said Norieva, ‘Feryl had tremendous patience with me when I was learning to ride Dragonfly and you can’t deny that he knows what he’s talking about.’

  ‘Gas doesn’t think so,’ muttered Justin. An uneasy churning began in my stomach; I needed to believe that Feryl could help me and Infinity.

  ‘Oh, not this again Jus,’ moaned Shann. ‘Let it go, can’t you? It was ages ago now.’

  ‘What was?’ Rowena demanded.

  Shann said, ‘Justin and I arrived here within weeks of one another, so we were learning to ride at the same time. Feryl hadn’t long risen to his post of Master of Riding and I think it’s fair to say that Justin and Gas gave him a baptism of fire.’

  ‘What happened?’ I asked.

  Justin answered. ‘Not long into our first lesson, Gas began to get agitated. He began by grinding to a halt and refusing to move forward again when I asked him to. I asked him what was wrong and he couldn’t seem to tell me. There was something about being ridden that unhinged him to the point where I could feel he was using all of his concentration to hold himself together, so that he wouldn’t explode and throw me. I told Feryl and he told me to get off while we checked that the saddle was sitting properly, although I told him I didn’t think that was what it was. Everything was fine, so I got back on and tried to keep Gas moving forward again, but it wasn’t long before the same thing happened. Gas was in such a state that he couldn’t order his thoughts at all and I told Feryl I was getting off again. That was when Feryl and I had our first argument. The following day, the same thing happened and this time Feryl insisted on riding Gas to see if he could find the problem. Gas responded the same way with Feryl riding him, only Feryl wouldn’t back off. He pushed and pushed Gas and got him moving again for a short time before Gas exploded, throwing Feryl and then galloping around the paddock bucking like a mad beast. I could feel how stressed he was and I was furious with Feryl, and with myself for allowing it to happen.’

  ‘You were a bit scary mate,’
said Shann.

  Justin continued, ‘that was the last time I trusted Feryl’s opinion on what’s best for my horse.’

  ‘But you ride him now and he loves it, blimey you won the jumping at the last Friendly by miles!’ said Rowena.

  ‘Yes, well, Gas and I decided to go our own way for a while. Every day I’d put his saddle on and just sit on him, and if he wanted to move he would, and if not, he didn’t. Gradually he found a way to move with me on him that he could cope with, but I left it to him to decide how far he moved. When he needed me to get off, I did, immediately. When he was happier to move for longer, we had another lesson with Feryl to learn how to move together better, everything you guys have learnt, but I took things really slowly with him, everything at his own pace. Feryl didn’t like the fact that we did most of our riding sessions without him and he was a git to me in every lesson that Gas and I had with him. Eventually Gas could do everything I asked him to, but I always felt he was having to compromise something in himself to do it. Still do, but he either won’t or can’t tell me what it is.’

  ‘I never knew about that,’ Rowena said thoughtfully, ‘and I’ve always felt from Oak that he wanted more from our lessons, but like Gas, he doesn’t seem to know what exactly. Amarilla and I were talking about it yesterday.’

  I shook my head very slightly, hoping she would guess that I didn’t want her to tell our friends that Infinity and I might be able to help. Not yet. She gave a hint of a nod by way of a reply and promptly changed the subject.

  Soon after, Rowena and I donned our wet cloaks and ventured back outside to fetch our horses and get to Feryl’s lesson on time. The rain had stopped, but a blustery wind flung wet leaves into our faces as we battled against it. As we made our way to the teaching paddock, I couldn’t shake off the feeling of unease that I’d felt on hearing Justin’s account of his and Gas’s experience of being taught by Feryl. Infinity made no attempt to allay my anxiety, which concerned me even more.