Queen Bee

by Dorothea Benton Frank

  “Good evening, everyone! I know what you’re thinking. No, I’m not Cher. I’m Char, her identical twin sister! Isn’t that insane? I’ll bet she doesn’t even know she’s got one!”

  The whole club was totally mesmerized. Even the club manager leaned against a wall to watch and the bartenders stopped taking drink orders. Char had them right in the palm of her hand.

  She explained how her evil twin stole all her music and said that now, she was going to give us the real lyrics to “I Got You Babe.”

  She was so damn good, I had tears running down my face. So did Momma, and Suzanne was about to pop out of her cocktail dress, her chest was rising and falling so fast. People were screaming and cheering, and when the song was over there were calls for more.

  “Encore! Encore!”

  “Oh, darlin’ little precious gems! I didn’t come here with just one story. Do y’all want to know who the real tramp in the family was?” Everyone laughed. “Uh-huh. You heard it from me! And how about the original lyrics to ‘Bang Bang’? Are we ready?” The lights went low and Char lip synced the Cher version but they had cut Char’s changes into the song so that it sounded like Cher singing Char’s song.

  “How did they do that?” I asked Suzanne.

  “I wouldn’t know, but then, there’s a lot of magic out here. Smoke and mirrors.”

  When it was all over, the crowd stood and roared with applause and whistles. We clapped so hard, our hands stung.

  Momma said, “Well, y’all, a star is born.”

  “Honey never goes bad. Did you know that?” I asked.

  Ted said, “I want to hear all about honey bees.”

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Ding-Dong

  Ted was picking me up at six. I didn’t have the good sense to be nervous about having a date. I just told myself I was going out with a friend, because in my mind that’s what he was. Nonetheless, I did all the things to prepare that I’d watched Leslie do in our youth. The date ritual. Shower, hair, shave, moisturizer, and a measure of cosmetic enhancement. I wore a simple sundress and flat sandals that were a natural color. I borrowed one of Leslie’s purses and a spritz of her cologne.

  Promptly at six, the doorbell rang, and I wouldn’t say I sprinted to the door, but I got there quickly. I didn’t wait the suggested three beats that Leslie did, like her three rings on the phone before answering. What was the point in delaying the fun?

  “Hey!” I said. “Don’t you look nice?”

  “You, too! Are you ready to go?”

  “Yep! So, what’s the plan?”

  “Dinner at the Shem Creek Bar and Grill, watch the sunset, and then I don’t know. We’ll see how late it is, I guess?”

  “That sounds lovely,” I said and locked the door to the house behind me.

  “Great!” he said and held my car door for me, closing it when I was comfortably seated with the skirt of my dress neatly tucked under me.

  Ted’s car was precious—a Japanese import, red and loaded with gadgets. The lights were on at Archie’s house and yes, I had a moment where I hoped he could see me going out with someone. That’s right, Archie! I have a date!

  Now, that whole southern thing about gentlemen holding chairs and doors for ladies might seem dated to some people, that the fair sex couldn’t manage a chair or a door for themselves, bless their sweet little heart-shaped peach kernels. To me it said a mouthful of other things—that your momma raised you right, that you had respect for women and deferred to them by allowing them to enter a home, a store, a restaurant, et cetera, before the man and then to take their arm and fold it over yours to ensure steady footing, and finally, it was just a tiny bit of refinement that wasn’t hurting anyone and made you both seem like you didn’t grow up in a barnyard, even if you did.

  We were passing over the causeway and couldn’t help but notice the water on either side was almost even with the road. One more inch and the causeway would be a washout. Then, for a moment, I felt overwhelmed, as though something terrible was all around me, something as dark as death itself. I must have gasped.

  “You okay?” Ted said.

  “Yeah, I’m fine. Just sometimes I get these weird premonitions and I have to figure out what they mean.”

  “Such as?”

  “Oh, Lord, if I start telling you this stuff you’re going to say, well, now I know why she’s not married!”

  “No, I won’t! I love all that spiritual business.”

  “Sometimes it’s useful, but most of the time it’s just ether garbage, floating around.”

  “What was on your radar just then?”

  “It was pretty dark, I mean dark like death, and this overwhelming feeling of, well, pressure on my chest and not being able to breathe.”

  “How awful.”

  “Must be a full moon,” I said.

  “Yes, tonight is the peak. It’s also when all the nuts come out of the woodwork and do crazy stuff.”

  “Like what? Howl?”

  “Exactly. I wouldn’t be surprised if your new neighbor was outside spinning around and howling at midnight.”

  “Let me just tell you, Ted. That woman is bat shit crazy, sorry for the foul language.”

  Ted threw his head back and laughed.

  “I love that you’re apologizing for saying a bad word! And, by the way, I think she’s probably delusional.”

  I did not tell him that I had seen my bees leaving her house. That they had been in her house and that she didn’t make it up. Sharon was not someone I wanted anyone to hold in any kind of esteem.

  “I don’t know if she’s delusional, but she does other things that border on cruelty.”

  “Really? Such as?”

  “She’s made Archie’s boys miserable in every way she can.”

  “Why would she do that?”

  “Because she’s incredibly selfish and puts herself ahead of everyone. And she never wanted kids.”

  “Whoo-hoo! I touched a nerve here, didn’t I?”

  “Ted, did you know Carin? Archie’s deceased wife?”

  “I didn’t know her, but I knew of her. I mean, I remember that she was very pretty and she loved her family. She was always at the oyster roast and she decorated her golf cart with the boys for the Fourth of July parade. Her Halloween house was a favorite stop on the island. You know, that sort of thing.”

  “Yes, she did all those things, but Carin was also the most loving mother I have ever seen. The loss to these boys is so horrible. And this Sharon is Halloween every day of the year.”

  “That’s too bad for the boys. Poor little guys. Give me an example.”

  Then I thought it wasn’t good to talk about Sharon like this. “Listen, I could tell you a pile of stories about Sharon, but it won’t change anything.”

  “It might,” he said.

  “It would just be hearsay,” I said. “But it wouldn’t hurt anybody if the Sullivan’s Island Police Force kept an eye on her.”

  “I will make a note of that.”

  We pulled into the parking lot of the Shem Creek Bar and Grill and got out of the car.

  “I love this place,” I said as I crunched along the gravel. “Best hush puppies ever.”

  “I could eat a truckload of them, that’s for sure. But I’m partial to those little bitty crab cakes they make.”

  “Love them, too! And the oysters! I don’t know where they come from, maybe the May River, but oh, man, I love them on the half shell. Do you love oysters? And clams?”

  “I do!” Ted said. He stopped and held me at an arm’s length. “Holly Jensen?”

  “What? What did I say?”

  “Nothing. You’re just a breath of fresh air,” Ted said. “That’s all.”

  “Oh. Gosh. Thanks!”

  We had to wait a few minutes for a table, but then we were seated in the back room over the dock. The restaurant was bustling, as it always was. A waiter with a tray loaded with platters of fried seafood passed and suddenly, I was ravenous.

 
We were looking at the menu and there were so many great choices, I couldn’t decide.

  “If I don’t get some food right now I’m going to start crying,” I said and then looked up at him. Ted was staring at me. “Not really.”

  “It’s okay. My stomach is growling like an idiot and I’m starving, too.”

  “It’s the smell. There is nothing on this planet better than the smell of fried shrimp that were swimming this morning.”

  “Except for a perfectly grilled steak,” he said. “I know red meat’s bad for you, but oh, momma, there’s nothing better than a big old bone-in ribeye.”

  He had said, oh, momma. Really? Oh, momma? He was definitely a nerd like me. I started smiling and thought, Wow, I like him a lot.

  “You know, I make chicken that’s so good it borders on the obscene, but I never really got into grilling.”

  “Well, I’ll tell you what. Next time we get together, I’ll show you how to grill a steak to perfection, and the time after that, you can make your badass chicken, pardon the language, and I mean badass in a good way.”

  “Of course,” I said and giggled. “But what makes you so sure there are more dates in our future?”

  “Because I can tell you like me,” Ted said and grinned at me. “Don’t you?”

  I couldn’t stop smiling.

  “Maybe,” I said and turned red. “Maybe not.”

  “Okay,” he said. “We’ll see what we see.”

  Our server appeared and Ted ordered two Corona lights with lime and cold mugs, and two fried seafood platters, basically enough food for four people.

  “Beer! What a great idea!”

  “What do you usually drink?” he said. “I’m sure we can change the order.”

  “No, beer’s great. Really! But that’s a lot of food, don’t you think?”

  “So we’ll take it home. Tell me the truth. How come you’re not married yet?”

  “I don’t know. You’d think someone as cool as me would’ve been snatched up the minute I graduated from college, right? How about you?”

  “The same. Did you ever have any serious boyfriends?”

  “Nope. Not one.”

  “How can that be?”

  “I think I’m too shy or something. How about you and women?”

  “I dated a girl in college for a long time, but she and I just wanted different things out of life.”

  “Like what?”

  “You’re pretty nosy, aren’t you?” He was smiling, so I knew he didn’t mean it.

  “Yeah, maybe. So tell me what she wanted that you didn’t.”

  “She liked television, I like to read. I like to cook at home. She liked to go out all the time. I’m a dog person. She was a cat person. When we went somewhere in the car, she had to listen to the oldies station and sing along with every single song.”

  “That’s the worst! It’s like being held hostage and if you say anything, you’re the jerk, not them.”

  “Ah! It sounds as if you have some experience in this area?”

  “Yeah, my brother-in-law.”

  “What’s he like?”

  I leaned back against the well-worn leather booth and considered his question. I wasn’t required to answer every single question in detail, and I liked Ted. So I gave it a moment’s consideration and threw what I thought was a pretty sassy answer out there for him.

  “Ted? When I’m sure you’re desperately and hopelessly in love with me, I’ll tell you all about Charlie. In the meanwhile, let’s talk about you.”

  “There’s not much to tell, ma’am. Not much at all.”

  The waiter delivered our beers and we poured them into our chilled mugs. We toasted each other.

  “I know that you sat behind me in English class and that you were a sensitive young man. I remember your poetry.”

  “Oh, now I’m blushing! My poetry was terrible.”

  “That’s why it’s so memorable!” I laughed and reached across the table, giving him a little push on his arm. “Just kidding!”

  “Oh, Lord,” he said. “Hey, here comes our food.”

  “Good thing, I was about to faint.”

  “Don’t worry, Holly. I can give mouth to mouth. It’s all part of the job.”

  Mouth to mouth. Oh, God! Was I expected to kiss him? How was that going to go? To say that I began to feel some stress would not do my shaking body any justice at all. I was coming undone. Why hadn’t I gone out with any of the ugly boys who’d asked me to go on a date, so I wouldn’t be such a newbie? Why had I saved kissing a boy until now? He wasn’t even a boy and I wasn’t even a girl. We were well into adulthood!

  “Hey, are you okay?” he said.

  “Um, sure,” I said. “I’m fine.”

  “No, you’re not. You’re all flushed. Did I say something stupid?”

  He reached over and put his hand on the back of mine.

  “No, not at all. I’m the stupid one,” I said.

  “Your hands are like ice, Holly. Tell me what’s wrong. Please.”

  “Oh, hell, I may as well tell you.” I took a deep breath and a big sip of beer. “When I told you I’ve never had a serious boyfriend, I wasn’t exaggerating at all. In fact, I’ve never had a boyfriend, period. I know that seems crazy, but there are reasons why, other than me being picky and shy. But there it is.”

  It was his turn to lean back in the booth and take a deep breath. And he got awfully quiet for a while. Then he leaned across the table.

  “Holly? Are you a virgin?” he whispered.

  “Yeah, sorry.”

  “Wait a minute. Don’t apologize for that. Are you kidding? You know, sometimes I have night duty and I get the pleasure of riding around the island and tapping on the car windows of couples engaged in, you know, having sex. Can I just tell you how many of those are the same people all the time except they’re with somebody else?”

  “Good Lord,” I said.

  “Yeah, it sort of cheapens the whole thing, doesn’t it? There’s nothing forbidden anymore. People are doing drugs, getting drunk, full of road rage, and generally acting like there are no rules. And those are the people my parents’ age! You go on the Internet and there are oceans of people filled with hate, saying things I’ve never wanted to even think. And to perfect strangers! I think it’s totally gross.”

  “Yeah, it’s pretty disgusting,” I said. “It all makes you wonder what ever happened to having morals and integrity. Or kindness. Not to bring up my lovely neighbor again, but kindness toward these boys? She doesn’t have an ounce of it.”

  “Holly, when I said you were a breath of fresh air, I wasn’t kidding.”

  “Really?”

  “Yes, and don’t worry. I don’t have any crazy expectations.”

  “Well, that’s good, because I wouldn’t have the first clue how to meet them.”

  “Can we eat now?” he said.

  “Please! And let’s change the subject.”

  He had this smile. One that was going to be stuck in my head. And those eyes. He had those translucent blue eyes. And he had my number. Boy, did he ever.

  Dinner was so much fun. Once we changed the topic of discussion to other things, we found an easy rhythm. He thought my stories about my mother, the queen bee, were hilarious, and I thought his stories of the old island residents were wonderful. I told him about my stupid job that I loved at Publix and he told me about the summer he learned to surf.

  On the way home, we drove down to the tip of the island to look at the sky all streaked with red and then purple and then pink and marveled at the power of nature and we watched the sky become dark and the stars come out, countless stars twinkling all around and above us. And yes, of course, that’s when he kissed me. It was not what I expected, but if it had not happened then I knew it never would.

  “I knew you couldn’t resist me,” I said, still trying to catch my breath.

  “You were right,” he said. “Let’s get you home.”

  When we turned on my block at Station
Twenty-three, there was an ambulance and a fire truck at the end of the block. My heart was in my throat. Had something happened to one of the boys? I couldn’t bear to think about it.

  “I’m on it,” Ted said and stomped on his gas pedal, screeching to a halt in front of Archie’s house. “Stay in the car.”

  “Okay,” I said.

  Please don’t let it be the boys! I thought and prayed. I waited while he went inside and I worried, praying like I had not prayed in my life.

  Soon, two EMS workers came around from my backyard with a body in a body bag on a gurney. It was an adult.

  At the same time, Ted came out of Archie’s house and walked up to the side of our car and leaned inside.

  “Sharon’s dead. They think she was stung to death by your bees. Archie found her in your backyard.”

  “Oh, my God! That just can’t be!”

  “Bees gorged with honey are less likely to sting,” I said. “My hives are full of honey.”

  Ted said, “There’s going to be an autopsy. It’s going to be what it is, Holly.”

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Bee Cool

  Ted went back inside Archie’s house to be sure Archie and the boys were okay for the night. He told me Archie was terribly upset and it would be best if I stayed in the car and didn’t make contact with them.

  I called Leslie on my cell. Leslie put me on speaker.

  “You’re not going to believe what’s happened here.”

  I quickly told them the story and they were horrified.

  Momma said, “Her family’s going to blame you, you know. Get ready for a lawsuit.”

  “Momma! Don’t say that! How can they sue me? On what grounds? And what would they get? Three hundred pounds of honey?”

  Then Leslie told me about Charlie’s huge success in his showcase, which of course I was happy to know, but given the weight of the moment, I couldn’t get too excited. My mind had been racing while she was going on and on about Charlie and Cher and now Char, and I finally had to stop her.

  “Leslie, listen to me. I might be in huge hot water. Sharon’s death might be ruled a negligent homicide or involuntary manslaughter, and then what?”