Renewing Love

by Linda Ford

  Determined not to let his attitude affect her, she fell in at his side. “I was wondering how I would get it to the house.”

  “I’ll bring you the meat. Then I’ll dispose of the carcass. I don’t want it around to attract scavengers.” Seems he felt he must make it clear that his intention was not to help her but to prevent predators from hanging around the place.

  Leaving so abruptly more than two years ago had lodged firmly in her brain the fact that he no longer cared about her, though she could not think what had changed. She didn’t want to care either, but a stubborn part of her did. She would have at least expected an explanation. But that was in the past. Over and done with. She had no intention of bringing it up.

  “The ladies are set on helping me. Your mother says she can cut the meat into smaller pieces and Aunt Alice says she’ll put it in the jars.”

  “They like to feel useful.”

  “I’ll let them help all they want.” She could think of nothing else to say after that. The strain between them would require a stick or two of dynamite to shatter. Or it might only be her feeling it. In which case, the best thing she could do was ignore it.

  They reached the house. He took the meat into the kitchen and set it on the worktable. The boiler was on the stove. She knew it would take time for the water to reach the boiling point. The jars were clean and ready to go.

  Cole left, which made it easier for Eve to relax and enjoy herself. The two ladies were fun.

  Eve stood beside Aunt Nancy, who had rolled her chair as close as possible and locked the wheels. She had to edge forward and lean toward the table, but Eve had decided to let the woman set her own pace. After all, she’d been dealing with her limitations for years.

  The two of them cut the meat into pieces.

  Aunt Alice chattered as she put it into jars. “You know that Cole arranged for us to live in a boardinghouse while he was gone?”

  “I heard that. How did you like it?”

  The two women exchanged looks.

  “Everybody was kind,” Aunt Nancy said.

  “They wouldn’t let us do anything,” Aunt Alice added. “A body gets tired of being ornamental. I never was good at it. All I had to do was look in the mirror to know I better find something useful to do. You remember, Nan, how Papa always said if we can’t be ornamental, we better be useful. Couldn’t do either one at the boardinghouse.”

  “But we got two very large cross-stitch pictures worked,” Nancy said.

  Eve realized Nancy was doing her best to look on the bright side of things.

  “Where are those pictures?” Aunt Alice asked.

  “Likely in one of the boxes yet to be unpacked.”

  Eve had a stack of boxes on one side of her bedroom. “I’ll get to work on them as soon as I get a chance.”

  “No rush,” Cole’s mother said. “We’ll be here a long time.”

  “Forever, according to Cole.” Aunt Alice paused to look around. “And I, for one, am not complaining. At least we can do what we want, when we want, now.”

  “So long as Cole doesn’t mind,” Aunt Nancy warned.

  Aunt Alice waved away the idea of Cole protesting. “I know how to handle that young man.”

  Eve turned away to hide her amusement.

  Cole stood in the doorway with two more buckets of meat. His eyebrows reached for his hairline.

  “You ladies are talking about me.”

  Aunt Alice laughed. “Can’t think of a more interesting subject.”

  Eve pressed her lips together to keep from laughing at Cole’s discomfort.

  Aunt Alice continued. “I was telling Eve how happy we were when you came back and told us we were moving west. West.” She sighed dramatically. “I thought I was too old for such adventure. About all I hoped to do was read about it.” She tipped her head toward the bookshelf. “Now I’m living it. Maybe I’ll write a book. Once my arm heals.”

  Eve retrieved a good-sized piece of meat from one of the buckets. “I might as well cook a roast while the stove is hot.” She seasoned it and set it in the oven.

  “You could open the windows and doors and let the air flow through.” Cole did so, and a cooling breeze wafted through the kitchen.

  “You are such a thoughtful boy,” Aunt Alice said. “Isn’t he, Eve? I’m sure you learned that before. You know, back in Verdun.”

  Eve opened her mouth but closed it again without saying anything. Cole might be thoughtful with his aunt and mother, and she appreciated him bringing the meat to the house. It saved her many treks back and forth. But two years ago, he’d not shown her thoughtfulness.

  She met his gaze across the table. His eyes were hard. His mouth drawn into a tight line.

  As if he blamed her for his sudden departure from Verdun.

  A burning sensation pressed the inside of her ribs. She wished her hands were clean, so she could massage her chest in the hopes of easing the discomfort. Instead, she forced herself to look at the meat before her.

  “I’m just about done out there.” Cole took an empty bucket and hurried from the house.

  It was several minutes before Eve could suck in air that didn’t feel overheated despite the breeze blowing through the windows and doors. She understood the heat came from inside her.

  Cole returned before Eve had settled her thoughts. “That’s the last of it.”

  “Thanks for your help,” she managed.

  “Seems to me it’s you helping us. Thank you.”

  Was it just her imagination making her think those words were forced through clenched teeth? Why should that be?

  “I’m going to clean up out there.” He was gone before she could squeeze a word from her brain.

  It was his mother who broke the silence. “Did he seem cross to you?”

  Eve wasn’t sure if the woman addressed her or Aunt Alice, but she had no intention of answering.

  Aunt Alice tsk-tsked. “Nan, it’s as plain as the nose on my face. He’s trying to convince himself he no longer has feelings for Eve, and he’s failing.” Aunt Alice leaned closer, tipping her head to peer into Eve’s face. “Could be Eve’s having the same problem.”

  Eve groaned. “Ladies, what was back then is over. But if you are going to keep pushing it on us, you are going to make us both uncomfortable.”

  “Well, we certainly wouldn’t want to do that,” Aunt Nancy said. “Would we, Alice?”

  Alice gave a gleeful chuckle. “Speak for yourself. After all those months in that boardinghouse, I am more than ready for a bit of excitement and entertainment, no matter what the source.”

  “Alice, shame on you.” Aunt Nancy tried to sound scolding, but Eve heard the amusement in her voice.

  Eve laughed. “You two are incorrigible.”

  “Why, thank you.” Aunt Alice preened.

  Eve glanced out the window at the sound of horse hooves and saw Cole ride away with two gunny sacks tied to his saddle.

  My, but that man looked good on a horse.

  Eve, she scolded herself. Remember, there is nothing between you and him.

  That didn’t mean she couldn’t be honest in her assessment.

  She watched until he rode out of sight past the trees, then she turned back to the task at hand. She salted each jar, filled it almost to the top with boiling water, screwed on a lid, and lowered each jar carefully into the boiler. The processing would take several hours. In the meantime, she would make use of the hot oven.

  She mixed up a batch of cookies and baked them.

  Tomorrow, she would make bread.

  “Do you expect Cole to be back for dinner?” Eve asked.

  Both women chuckled.

  Aunt Nancy spoke first. “I doubt he’s going to miss any of your cooking. Poor man has been doing his own for the past two years. We hoped to relieve him of that duty but then Alice broke her arm and me…well, there is only so much I can do.”

  Alice nodded. “We’re so glad to have you here. So is Cole, though maybe he isn’t ready to adm
it it.”

  Eve rolled her eyes. There was no point in trying to get Alice to stop. The roast was almost done, so she got potatoes from the bin in the pantry.

  “I can do those,” Aunt Nancy said. “Just put the basin on the table.”

  “You’ve worked hard today. I wouldn’t want you to overdo it.”

  “As Alice pointed out, after living in the boardinghouse, it’s a relief to have something to do.”

  The food was almost ready to serve when she heard a horse approaching and looked out the door to see Cole return. He paused at the well to bring up a bucket of water. He looked at the contents and shook his head.

  Eve had noticed that the water had begun to fill with sand. Seems there wasn’t a good water supply in the well. Too bad the river was so far away.

  Cole strode in, glanced to each one in the kitchen, his gaze settling on Eve last. “Tomorrow I am going to ride out and check the cows. I might be gone a few days.”

  She nodded. It would be a relief for both of them.

  Cole sat down, asked a brief blessing, then turned his attention to his food. He ate with gusto.

  Eve tucked away a tiny smile. What had Ma said about feeding men? The way to a man’s heart was through his stomach.

  Her smile fled. She had no desire to get anywhere near his heart.

  But she couldn’t deny pleasure when he cleaned his plate after a second generous helping and patted his stomach. “Good meal. Thanks.”

  “There’s more,” Aunt Alice said. “She baked cookies. Molasses ones. Your favorite.”

  Eve narrowed her eyes and stared at Alice. “You said they were your favorites.”

  “I like ’em fine.”

  Eve went to the cupboard to get the cookies.

  “Be sure and pile the plate high,” Aunt Alice said.

  Eve shook her head and added another dozen cookies. As she put the plate in front of Cole, he looked up. His dark eyes were steady. Full of warning.

  She mentally shrugged. She’d tried to stop Aunt Alice’s matchmaking, but the lady did as she pleased. In a way, Eve had to admire her for that.

  Cole took a handful of cookies and left the house.

  His mother and aunt stared after him.

  “He’s fighting it hard,” Aunt Alice said. “But the harder he fights, the harder he’ll fall.”

  Grateful that it was time to take the jars from the canner, Eve turned her attention to the task, determined to ignore Aunt Alice.

  The ladies helped clean the kitchen, then retired to their bedroom.

  “We need an afternoon nap,” Aunt Nancy said.

  Eve followed and stood close to the bed as the woman transferred out of her wheelchair. Eve lifted Aunt Nancy’s lifeless legs into place, the older woman lay back with a sigh.

  “You’re very adept at that,” Eve said once Aunt Nancy was settled.

  “I should be. It’s been ten years since I lost the use of my legs. And my husband.”

  “Dear, would you put a pillow under my arm?” Alice asked, and Eve helped her find a comfortable position.

  “Thank you. Now run along and have some fun.”

  Eve slipped from the room. She couldn’t unpack any boxes without the help of the two resting ladies. It was too late in the day to start bread. The house was still overheated from the canning. The outdoors called, and she stepped to the veranda on the west side of the house. The veranda extended along the south side as well.

  She stood drinking in the sight of the mountains, then made her way around the corner. The trees crowded close. She’d explore them another time. Today she wanted to look around the place. She stepped from the veranda and circled the house. A fenced area caught her attention, and she went that direction.

  “A garden!” It had already been planted. Rows were barely visible in the mat of weeds. A hoe hung over the fence. She slipped through the gate, took the hoe, and began an assault on the carpet of weeds.

  Cole watched Eve leave the house and turn her attention to the garden. Why wasn’t she with Ma and Aunt Alice? Yes, he knew they napped after dinner, but what if one of them needed something?

  He was being unreasonable and he knew it, but seeing her here, realizing she had lingered in the back of his heart despite his efforts to forget her, left him trying to find reasons to be annoyed at her when he was really annoyed at himself.

  She attacked the weeds with enough vigor to make him shudder. She went up and down the garden. Stubborn Irishwoman would probably work under the hot sun until she melted into a puddle at the end of a row. But far be it from him to suggest she should take a break. Go bake some more cookies. Or even sit down and relax.

  She paused and wiped her face on her apron, then leaned on the handle of the hoe and turned her face toward the sky, a look of bliss or worship or awe upon her face.

  He was sitting in church the first time he noticed her. Really noticed her. She was standing behind the pulpit along with two of her sisters as they sang a song. He couldn’t remember which sisters, nor what song they’d sung. But seeing her like this today brought back a clear picture of that day. She’d looked over the heads of those in the congregation, as if seeing something no one else saw. Her face had glowed. Her blue eyes had filled with shards of sky. Her dark hair framed her face in a shiny halo. She looked so beautiful, so happy, so content, and so full of joy that he couldn’t stop staring at her. And he promised himself he would get to know her better. He wanted to share that feeling with her.

  She was even more beautiful now than she’d been back then. The intervening time had been good to her. Added a mature beauty that would not fade.

  Eve returned to hacking at the weeds, and Cole headed for the river in distance-eating strides. He’d let himself believe things about her back then. Things he’d learned weren’t true. Oh sure, she was happy. So long as she was with her family. What was it she said to him? He pretended each word wasn’t seared on his brain.

  Nothing is more important to me than my family. I owe them my very life and will spend the rest of it making it up to them.

  The first time she’d said it, he’d thought she meant gratitude and kindness. Not continuing servitude. The very thing he meant to escape.

  When he could no longer deny the truth that she would never leave them for him, he knew he must go immediately if he wanted the freedom he sought.

  It had been the hardest thing he’d ever done.

  He stood at the edge of the river without any memory of having made his way to it and watched the waters tumble past.

  He’d achieved his dream—land of his own, and freedom. But one thing more he wanted…needed. Peace of mind. He could not hope to find that when every time he looked around, he glimpsed her. Going back and forth to the well, hoeing the garden, serving meals. Good meals for sure, and he would miss those.

  But for the sake of his heart, he would live on campfire cooking and sleep on the ground.

  Chapter 4

  Eve was beginning to think Alice was right in saying Cole was trying not to think of her. Only for a far different reason. Not because he still cared and didn’t want to admit it. No, because he found it hard to be around her. Whatever had driven him away two years ago, he still felt the same way. Not that she’d been hoping he’d moderated in his feelings.

  Except she had. At least enough for him to explain why he had left so hurriedly.

  Yesterday he had rushed in and out for the evening meal and uttered barely a dozen words, though he wasn’t rude. She would have said distracted, but she knew it was because of her, and the knowledge left a stinging wound.

  And then he again disappeared until dark when everyone else had gone to bed.

  This morning, he had grabbed a hurried breakfast, filled a sack with whatever food he could lay his hands on, and ridden out after informing his mother he would be gone several days.

  He’d said the same thing at least four times as if to make it clear to everyone—or simply Eve—that he didn’t care to be around the pla
ce. She knew what he didn’t say and didn’t need to—that he was avoiding her.

  Fine. It made it easier for her even if it pained her to think he still had this wish to escape her presence.

  She carried the cooled jars of meat into the pantry. Strange, she thought there was one more. Oh well, perhaps Cole had taken one without her noticing.

  She set the bread dough to rise. “All right, ladies, would you like me to help unpack boxes?”

  “Yes, let’s,” they said, and laughed at the fact they had spoken in unison.

  They followed her into her bedroom. Alice looked at the various crates. “Which one do you suppose has our cross-stitch pictures in it?”

  “And the photos of our parents?” Nancy added. “Why didn’t we think to mark them?”

  Alice chuckled. “I do believe Cole packed up most of them when he moved us to the boardinghouse and vacated the house that Mr. Landers provided for us. I still don’t understand why the boy objected to the arrangement.”

  “He didn’t want his future to depend on the good will of Mr. Landers or anyone else. As he told us, our home and security rested in the hands of a man who could refuse it on a whim.”

  Eve listened to the chatter of the two women. She remembered how Cole had mentioned that the house wasn’t theirs. Eve had thought it was a nice house and couldn’t see any reason for dissatisfaction. She’d put his desire to leave down to simply seeking adventure.

  “That’s the one we packed at the boardinghouse.” Alice pointed to the crate in the far corner. She started to remove the coats and blankets stacked on top, almost stumbling as she tried to manage with one arm.

  Eve sprang forward. “I’ll do that.” She put the items on the bed and pulled the crate out. The top was nailed down. “Any idea where I can find a hammer?”

  “Not me,” Nancy said.

  “Maybe in the barn,” Alice said with more than a hint of uncertainty.

  “I’ll be right back. You ladies sit here and wait. Don’t try and get the lid off by yourselves. All right?”

  “Yes, dear,” they chorused.