Vote Then Read: Volume I

by Carly Phillips

  “Ms. Duncan?”

  “Uh...sorry. Yes, yes. Definitely yes, I’m like, wow. Damn, I mean yes, thank you for this opportunity.”

  He really did have a good sense of humor. He laughed at all my stammering and it made me wonder if he was used to this kind of a reaction. Here I was trying to be all professional and sophisticated and I’d blown it big time. At least I hadn’t blown my opportunity though.

  “Great. I’ll have someone from HR get in touch with you and they’ll set everything up. I look forward to seeing you on the floor Ms. Duncan. Oh and I’ll let you know when this makes the magazine,” he said while holding up my article.

  “Did you need it digitally?”

  “I think we can handle it. There’s an entire process it’ll go through before it’s ready.”

  I realized we were done. It might have taken me a bit longer than it should have for it to sink in but I blame it on being twenty-three and in my first professional meeting.

  He took my hand. “Please tell your mother hello for me.”

  “Yes, of course, and thank you again.”

  I wobbled out of there on legs turned to jelly, which was a bad combination with four-inch heels. You’d think I’d have learned my lesson running after Wrath, but apparently I was pretty thick headed and a slow learner. Just thinking about it made me giggle as I navigated haphazardly through the cube maze, wondering if everyone thought there was a crazy person wandering aimlessly around the floor.

  As soon as I was outside I screeched and even in New York City it was enough for people to turn around and see what was going on. Then I dialed Mom. The story came pouring out of my mouth like I was on overdrive. I don’t think she could understand me, but I didn’t care, I needed to tell someone before I imploded.

  “Okay, well that’s great, sweetie, I knew you’d pull it off.”

  “Thanks, Mom, and I mean for everything. I’m sorry I’m such a brat.”

  “No worse than I was, dear.” She was laughing. “I’ll be at the train station in two hours to pick you up.”

  I couldn’t wipe the smile off my face, it was plastered there the entire train ride, all through dinner and even the next morning when I woke up. I realized it was the first time since I’d gotten back home I hadn’t cried myself to sleep. Were things changing for the better?

  After breakfast I called the Shermans to share the good news. Jack said Sally was at the doctor’s for more tests but he’d pass it on and thanked me for letting them know. Hanging up I went downstairs to find Mom.

  “Sally’s not getting any better.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I just called over there to tell them about everything and Jack said she was at the doctor’s office.”

  “Hmmm. I don’t think he’s telling you the truth. She might have been resting. He wouldn’t have let her go alone.”

  I hadn’t thought of that, maybe Mom was right, but maybe she wasn’t. “I’m worried about her Mom. Her cough was horrible.”

  “It will all work out. You have to trust me on this.”

  “How do you know? You’re a normal every day, okay maybe a little less than normal, crystal believing woman—not a doctor. How can you possibly know she’ll be okay?

  She laughed. “Silly girl. I told you I have connections everywhere. I’ve been to see Sally and Jack while you were hibernating and writing. She needs lots of rest and to take the meds they’ve given her and she’ll be fine.”

  Of course, it made much more sense than having a psychic or a witch for a mother. I had some overactive imagination for sure.

  26

  Wrath…

  The shows were done, for this part of the tour anyway. We were all fucking relieved. Even Sweets and Candy were over going shopping in every new city. It was a good thing, too. Their bus was so full of bags and boxes there wouldn’t be room for them soon.

  Who the fuck knew it would be so exhausting to travel around performing. We sure as fuck knew now. Someone needed to write a fucking how-to book on surviving your first tour so new bands knew what they were fucking getting into. After a while everything started to look the same, the crowds, the hotels, and even the cities. Or maybe it was because I was without Blue and everything seemed less alive, less colorful. She’d brought light into my fucking life and now I was sitting alone in the fucking dark.

  We were in the studio again, laying down the tracks for our second album—Sins of the Fathers. We’d been at it for a couple of weeks, and we had a long fucking way to go. We’d performed some of songs live already. Personally, I thought it was crazy we couldn’t get it to sound ‘right’ in the studio. Cyn and Chaos were going back and forth tweaking the lyrics and the music, and then we’d go in record it and they’d start over. Anyone who thought being a rock musician was all fucking glamour needed a freakin’ reality check. I’d come close to suggesting to Chaos we do a full set of the new songs and record it live for the album, but I already fucking knew better. Even if he would go for it we’d be overruled. Symmetry—our record label—would have squashed the idea like a fucking cockroach. Apparently they had plans to put out a Raining Chaos Live album after we finished the whole worldwide tour thing, which would give us time to get back in the studio and work on the next album.

  Don’t listen to anyone who tells you it’s not fuckin' hard work. You’re only as good as your last record, so if you don’t put everything in to it, your fans will run away as fast and far as they fucking can. Why do you think there are so many one hit wonders? We were in it for the long haul, like Cynda’s dad and his band The Hurricanes. They’d been putting out records and touring for over twenty-five years.

  My stomach growled and I checked the clock. One already? Where the fuck was the day going? We’d been working at it nonstop since nine. I was about to ask Chaos where Joe was with lunch when the studio door opened.

  “Lunch delivery,” Joe said in his best New York street vendor accent. “C’mon, let’s go eat in the conference room.”

  Following the aroma of fresh baked bread, we piled into the room and sat down. He passed out bags from a local deli, they baked their own bread and used fresh food from their own gardens. It was California, the fuckin' land of avocados and bean sprouts, but it was delicious.

  We dug into the food like the starving musicians we were. All you could hear were lots of “mmms” and “ahhs” and ‘this is fuckin' good.’ We were almost finished when Joe announced he had a surprise.

  I searched his face, had he brought Blue here? Had she agreed to come back? Hell I didn’t even fucking know how the rest of the band would react to her. As far as I know they thought she’d freakin’ betrayed them, but I knew better. Something was wrong with the whole fuckin' picture. Yeah, three weeks in bed didn’t mean I really fucking knew her, but there was something there, deep down telling me it wasn’t what it fuckin’ seemed. Listening to myself I knew I was going crazy. Everything did not fucking revolve around Blue, she was most likely out of my life forever and I needed to start accepting it sooner rather than later, or I’d fucking end up in padded fucking room.

  He shook his head, and I sighed. Nope it wasn’t Blue, and I sat back to wait.

  “C’mon Joe,” Rage bitched. “You can’t tease us like this.”

  “I think that’s exactly what I’m doing.”

  Flame laughed. “Yeah, he’s got a fuckin’ point, but c’mon.”

  Joe reached under the table and pulled out a box of something. I couldn’t imagine what it could be, but I was as freakin’ curious as everyone else.

  Slowly he opened the box, and I swear I was ready to fucking punch him, but then he pulled it out and held it up, passing one to each of us. There wasn’t a sound in the freakin' room. I swear you could hear a fuckin’ pin drop.

  We were on the mother fucking cover of Rolling Stone! Holy fuckin’ shit.

  It went from shocked silence to fucking chaos in a heartbeat.

  “How did you pull it off, Joe? They didn’t even inter
view us,” Chaos asked. I’d wondered if he’d been in on it, and now I had my answer.

  “Actually they kind of did. You didn’t realize it. The writer did an excellent job. You can’t pay for this kind of positive promotion.”

  We flipped to page fifteen where the article began and there was another full size picture of us, and it looked like one of the Seattle performances. I flipped through the pages checking out the pictures of all of us. They even had fucking pics from when we were fuckin’ small and in school—they had to come from Jack and Sally.

  “Joe, who wrote this?” I asked but everyone had the same question. Cyn was reading over Chaos’ shoulder. There were pictures of her too, and The Shaggy Dog club. It was fucking incredible. Bands who’d been around forever couldn’t have asked for better coverage. Why us? It was only our first tour.

  “None of you checked the by-line? Seriously?” Shaking his head I knew he wondered about us sometimes. In our defense we were wiped out from all the studio hours after all the touring. I don’t think any of us were fucking thinking straight.

  “Teresa Duncan?”

  We looked at each other, the name sounded familiar to the guys, but the blood drained out of my fuckin' head. If I hadn’t been sitting down I’d have fuckin' passed out right then.

  “I fuckin’ knew it. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.”

  “What?” Chaos asked. Everyone was staring at me like I’d lost my mind.

  “You guys don’t remember her? We went to high school together.”

  “Oh shit yeah, yeah. She was the one who followed you around like a lost puppy, right Wrath?”

  I nodded, but they still hadn’t gotten it. Looking at her picture at the end of the article I knew it, I’d recognize those eyes anywhere. “Yup it’s her, but we’ve all fucking seen her more recently.”

  “Where?”

  Shaking my head, I figured it was probably how Joe felt whenever he had to explain shit to us. Maybe I only fucking recognized her because I was in love with her. Yeah I said it, not to anyone else but I’d finally admitted it to myself. I should have recognized her the first time I saw her but she really fucking pulled off the distraction with the sapphire blue hair.

  “Our mystery writer is Sapphire.”

  “No fuckin’ way?”

  Chaos looked at me and then back at the photograph at the end of the story. Then back at me. “Holy shit, you’re right.”

  “Of course I’m fuckin’ right.”

  “Fuck, so many things make sense now.”

  I nodded. She never meant to hurt us, but I’d love to fuckin’ know what she was doing and why she had to pretend to be something she wasn’t.

  “Joe, when did you find out?”

  “About Rolling Stone? They called me last week and asked where to send the advanced copies if we wanted them.”

  “I don’t mean about the story, I meant about Sapphire.”

  “I knew from the time I sent her back home. She somehow got mixed up with Rod as we know, and I needed her gone to protect her and all of you. He’s still trying shit but he won’t be getting away with anything. I’ve got it covered.

  The rest of the afternoon passed in a blur. I only knew one thing, I had to fucking talk to Teresa and it had to be in fucking person. No way could I do it on the fuckin’ phone. Problem number one—we were in the middle of fucking recording and problem number two—would she even see me? I had a plan, would it work? Who the fuck knew but I was going for it.

  27

  Sapphire/Teresa…

  I’d been working for almost two weeks and I loved it. I never imagined it would be so cool. I wasn’t making a lot of money so I would be living at home for a while still, but I think Mom preferred it. It sure was easier for me after a long day of commuting back and forth into New York City to come home and have dinner and someone to talk to about everything.

  I was living my dream—almost. I still hadn’t heard a word from Wrath. I wondered if he’d figure it out when they saw their issue. Mr. Lowery—Tom—told me it would be the cover story for the next issue. Normally they plan covers and the content months in advance but there was an issue with the scheduled story so they pulled it and replaced it with mine. I was in the right place at the right time, go freakin’ figure?

  It’d been over a month since I’d seen the TV broadcast with the orange skank hanging all over Wrath. I still cried almost every day but usually when I was lying in bed so Mom couldn’t hear me. My heart was shattered and it didn’t look like it’d be healing anytime soon, if ever. Still, I tried to be positive. I was one of the few people who graduated from college and was working in their field of study and loving it, and I had Mom to thank.

  I’d stopped by to check on the Shermans a few times, and brought flowers for Sally. Mom said she loved sunflowers so it’s what I brought if I could find them. She wasn’t getting any better but she wasn’t getting any worse either. I took it as a good sign and like my mom said, she’d be fine.

  All in all our lives had settled down again. Work all week and weekends off unless there was a special assignment. I’d been looking forward to this weekend off. I was extra tired. The last few months were catching up to me. I was just about to leave to catch the train when Harry, one of the writers stopped me. He said Tom requested I cover a special appearance this weekend. It’s not like I could say no. He gave me all the information and it wasn’t until I was on the train I realized I didn’t know who was performing. I only knew I had to be at the Bottom Line for an eight p.m. show. I guess I’d figure it out when I got there.

  Wrath…

  Joe had called in a lot of favors to pull this off, but he’d done it. He’d even included Teresa’s mother. It’d be a huge fucking surprise, let’s just hope it didn’t blow up in my damn face.

  Teresa’s boss told her she had to work and gave her the info. Her mother, Jack and Sally were being picked up by the limo after Teresa was on her way. It’d take her longer to get there by train. It was a smaller venue than we’d been playing so we had to stay out of view until we came out on stage.

  I hadn’t been this fucking nervous before a show in years. Even playing the Garden didn’t give me the knots in my stomach I had now. I didn’t even know what I was going to say to her.

  We were in the dressing room and this was one time we were all drinking, not a lot, just enough to take the edge off. We’d been on the record company’s private jet so we’d had lots of time to talk about this. After hours of going back and forth we all had a better idea, thanks to Joe finally coming clean, why she’d done it. We all knew how hard it was to fucking accomplish shit, so who were we to hold it against her. Although the rest of them figured she’d really done it to get close to me. I hoped they were fuckin’ right and I really hoped it hadn’t changed. I needed the light she brought to my life. I was tired of living in the dark.

  “Do you know what you’re going to tell her yet?”

  “No fuckin’ clue.” I’m sure my hair was standing up in six different directions as many times as I’d run my hands through it. I was fucking scared. It took a lot for me to admit it too, but not as much as it was going to take to tell her I loved her. “Maybe I’m wrong, this might be a really fuckin’ bad idea.”

  “No fuckin’ way. We came out here for you and now you’re going to be a fuckin’ chicken shit?” Rage ran around the room flapping his arms making squawking sounds.

  “Fuck you.”

  “No fuck you, bro. Get your fuckin’ shit together. Who the fuck do you think you’re kidding?”

  “What are you fucking talking about?”

  Flame shook his head. “Do you really fucking believe we didn’t know you had the hots for her in high school?”

  “No way.”

  “Oh yes you fuckin' did. Your tongue hung out every time you looked at her.”

  “Never. You’re all fuckin’ twisted.”

  Chaos laughed. “Bro, you sure as shit had it bad. We couldn’t understand why you never did anything about it
.”

  Oh fucking God, really? Now I needed this shit from them? For the last seven years nothing, and now when everything hinged on whether she’d believe me, now they were giving me God damn shit. “You’re all lucky I don’t carry a gun, that’s all the fuck I’m saying.”

  Chaos must have realized how on edge I was and pushed them away. I was sitting with my head in my hands trying to figure this shit out when Joe opened the door and Jack, Sally and another woman came in. It turned out she was Sunshine, Teresa’s mother. Teresa hadn’t been shitting me. Her mom looked like a modern day flower child.

  We all took turns hugging our parents, Sally looked tired, and not her usual self but I wasn’t going to bring it up now. After she got done with all the hellos she came over and sat next to me.

  “How’re you doing, Chris?”

  “I’m good. How are you? You still look sick.”

  “Thanks, sweetheart. Didn’t I tell you you’re not supposed to say things like that, compliments only?”

  “Maybe.” I couldn’t help teasing her. I was worried, she looked old for the first time ever and I realized they were in their late sixties or early seventies, then there was Sunshine Duncan who looked like she wasn’t even fifty yet.

  “I’m so glad you figured out who your Blue was.”

  “Me too. I just hope she doesn’t tell me where to go.”

  “I don’t think you have to worry.”

  “Are you holding out on me?”

  “Of course not, who could resist you?”

  Laughing, I felt better than I had in a long time. Like the end was near and I was about to step into the light, finally.

  Sapphire/Teresa…

  I’d had to take a cab after the train. No way was I walking around the city at night by myself. It pulled up in front of the Bottom Line and I looked at the Marquee expecting to see the name of the performers but all it said was special guests tonight. I knocked on the stage door entrance but no one answered. Shit. Guess it’s the front door for me.