Road Dogs

by Elmore Leonard

  Foley said, No hugs and kisses?

  Dawn didn't move. She said, Jack, and took a quick glance across the canal as he brought her by the arm into the house and closed the door and now he was holding her and for a few moments they were at each other mouth to mouth like a couple of kids until she got her hands against his chest and Foley let go of her.

  We're alone. He can't see us, even if he's watching the house.

  You know what will happen Dawn shaking her head we start taking chances. Once we think we can get away with it we get caught. She said, You read my notes?

  Every word.

  How can you tell a ghost is in the house?

  You're gonna quiz me?

  I want to see how much you know.

  Well, as soon as I walk in the door, Foley said, and a spirit is in the house, I'll feel its presence. I don't have to be told about things being moved around, books on the shelf upside down, or a familiar scent in the air, a fragrance, I'll know if a ghost is in the room. Or more than one.

  That's not bad. You've been practicing.

  I've been practicing the art of detection for close to twenty years, since I was first certified as an Advanced Paranormal Investigator.

  No, you've been practicing your esoteric art for twenty years. Pour me a drink, one shot of bourbon, that's all. I don't want to lose my inhibitions.

  I didn't know you had any.

  You're sweet. Just don't make up anything when you're talking to her. It might be different from what I've left with her. I told her yesterday I'd be talking to a paranormal investigator who specializes in ghost appearance. I'm hoping, Dawn said, you'll feel expert enough to see her in a day or two.

  He watched her, the new Dawn back in business, trying to sound like herself.

  Did he hurt you?

  My tummy's bruised. It's purple.

  He touched her face. Can I see it?

  Jack, I don't want to start, okay?

  He saw nothing in her eyes that told him how she felt and let his hand fall to her shoulder, feeling her arm inside the cotton jacket before his hand slipped off.

  I'm ready as I'll ever be, Foley said. Danialle Tynan she's still making movies?

  She's only made a few. Left the screen to become Mrs. Danialle Karmanos, wife of Hollywood producer Peter Karmanos. Last year he made her only hit, Born Again, about the stripper who's struck by lightning and becomes a faith healer with a televised tent show. Lays her hands on the infirm, lifts her eyes to heaven, cries out, 'Lord, heal this poor child from stuttering.' The little girl looks up at Danialle and says, 'P-p-p-praise Jesus,' and the audience goes wild.

  I missed that one, Foley said. What happens?

  I didn't see it either, Dawn said. I'll get us a DVD. She and Peter were married only a few years when he had a heart attack and died on the set of the sequel they were making, Born Again and Again. It left Danny a widow at thirty-five with a ton of money.

  That's all she is? Foley said. I thought she was older.

  She's starting to let herself go. She's depressed, looking for love in the prime of life and can't find it.

  Come on she's loaded and doesn't have a boyfriend?

  She can have all the guys she wants. That gypsy fraud told her Peter Karmanos has put a hex on her from the other side, and Danny believes it. What she can't find is true love. Whatever that is.

  Foley said, You told her she has ghosts in her house and she believes that too?

  I added the ghosts to make it more interesting. Then when you came on the scene I thought, You're not only the ghost expert, you could turn out to be the true love.

  She's only thirty-five?

  When Peter died, eight months ago. Since then she's been feeling sorry for herself. She sits alone in dim rooms waiting for a sound or for something to move. A rocking chair starts to rock. A door slams closed.

  She sees weird things going on?

  Or imagines she does. Otherwise, she's intelligent, she's aware.

  You're saying there might be ghosts in her house?

  That's what we're going to find out. Either way, Dawn said, whether we discover ghosts or not, you'll make a show of getting rid of them.

  Foley said, You're up on all this ritual stuff why don't you do it, and send her a bill?

  Because the big part of this is the true-love thing. That's you, Jack. All you have to do is get her to fall in love with you and we're good for a hundred grand.

  Cundo said maybe fifty.

  He doesn't know Danialle. I'm counting on love at first sight, the way it happened to me.

  You were horny.

  Well, she should be too. I'm seriously thinking now, Dawn said, if she sees you the same way I did, my dream come true, asking two hundred grand wouldn't be outrageous. I think you'll like her, if you can get her to show some life. You'll love the house, it's in Beverly Hills.

  We split the two hundred?

  I think anything over fifty, we'll have to give Cundo a cut. She said after a moment, Unless we don't tell him. You'll need to dress up a little, and you have to be serious, very conservative, if you want to pass for an actual ghost hunter. Okay? And don't forget the smudge pot. We'll visit Danialle this evening.

  A few minutes before noon Dawn set out on her exercise schedule, walking and running four days a week: walking till she saw a jogger approaching and she'd start running, lengthen her strides and nod as they passed, The Pretenders blasting in her headphones, Dawn wailing along with Back on the Chain Gang.

  Today she followed Ocean Front Walk up to Breeze, turned from the ocean and followed streets inland till she came to Broadway, and Tico's aunt's yellow frame bungalow at the north end of Oakwood Park: about two miles and a quarter she could do in thirty minutes, arrive sweaty for Tico.

  He'd told Dawn his ah'nty's house, worth less than a hundred thousand anywhere else in America, would sell now for three-quarters of a mil in Venice, at least, his aunt smoking eighteen dollars' worth of cigarettes a day, six bills a pack. One day he stole two cases of Newports out of a truck and gave them to Tilly, Tico hoping before she'd inhaled the last one she'd be dead. He'd sell the house and get the fuck out of Venice for good.

  The door opened. Dawn said, Tilly's out?

  For two hours. I gave her fifty dollars and pointed her to the bus stop, get her to Hollywood Park. Tico said to Dawn, Lady, who you want me to be for today, Mr. Jigaboo or La Cucaracha, what Lou Adams calls Latinos. I'm already into being a jig for my ah'nty, Tico grinning at Dawn. You nice and slippery-looking the way you sweaty, but you smell fine.

  Dawn took off her warm-up top. Tico handed her a bath towel and watched her naked from the waist up drying herself, Tico saying, You ain't drying the rest? Gonna leave the nether region gamey?

  Dawn said, I'd like a tall glass of ice water.

  By the time he was back from the kitchen with it, Dawn's running pants were on the floor and she was drying her lower half. She drank the glass of water and said, One more, please.

  She sipped this one sitting down, Tico watching her, admiring her pure white skin he was waiting to get at. He said, We got a hour and twenty minutes left on the clock, time slipping away on us.

  Dawn said, You know what you haven't told me about, the times you were arrested for homicide.

  Three out of four, Tico said. I told you about the one I was convicted on. The other two were like that. You join a gang, you got to pop somebody to show who you are. There was a war and I shot another dude.

  Black or Hispanic?

  Latin. I was riding with the colored folks at the time. We all got hauled in but nothing came of it and they let us go.

  What was the one you got away with?

  I musta told you. Was the dude work at Saks Fifth Avenue, wouldn't sell me a suit I wanted. Was a dark gray pinstripe I coveted, age sixteen years old, I had to have it.

  Why wouldn't he sell it to you?

  I'm a skinny nigga kid. How could I have enough money? The suit went for six bills.

  Real
ly.

  I went home and come back with a piece, drove all the way to Beverly Hills, the Saks on Wilshire. I say to the dude, 'You gonna let me have the suit?' No, he's about to call security on me I don't leave. I say to him, 'See, what I got?' Show him the Walther PPK three-eighty, beautiful piece.

  Dawn said, Oh, sounding surprised. The same gun you gave me to hold?

  How many you think I got? I told the Saks dude to put the suit in a hanger bag. He got one and now I'm twisting a suppressor on the barrel. Cost me six hundred with the piece, as much as the suit. The dude is all eyes watching me fix the silencer on this cool pistol. The dude say, 'Don't you want the tailor to fit the suit on you?' I say, 'No, thank you, I have my ah'nt fit it to my size.' I shot the Saks dude in the head and walked out.

  No one saw you?

  Wasn't nobody there but me and him.

  You were lucky, Dawn said.

  You don't think I was cool, I'm sixteen fucking years of age?

  Dawn came out of the chair raising her arms to slip them around Tico Sandoval's neck, telling him he was the coolest dude she'd ever known in her entire life.

  Cooler than the bank robber?

  Dawn said, What bank robber?

  Chapter SEVENTEEN

  WHAT DOES A CERTIFIED ADVANCED PARANORMAL INVESTI-gator say to a woman who's had a hex put on her and is visited by ghosts? Once Dawn introduced him Foley said to Mrs. Karmanos:

  You remember Gene Wilder in Young Frankenstein? He's admiring the door to the castle and says, 'Look at those knockers!' And Teri Garr says, 'Thank you, Doctor.'

  Danialle seemed to smile, though he wasn't sure. She looked stoned, or hungover. You have the same kind of knocker, Foley said, on your front door, that ring of metal.

  Dawn had said on their way here in the new Saab Cundo had leased for her Danny Karmanos wasn't on drugs or drinking to excess, she simply acted drained, devoid of hope. Though she'd become quite disturbed, Dawn said, when asked about ghosts manifesting themselves especially her husband's spirit, and what Danny said Peter was telling her to do.

  They stood in the front hall, Danialle wearing a black cashmere sweater, loose on her, and jeans, her feet in silver low-heeled shoes with laces, her blond-streaked hair not combed or brushed today, or perhaps lately, layers of rich-girl hair that a former movie star would wear whatever way she wanted. She might be depressed, but still looked good to Foley. She brought them into the living room, where lamps turned low showed comfortable pieces in tans and reds, more colors in the pillows scattered over the chairs and sofa.

  Following Danialle, Foley said, Remember Marty Feldman in the movie, with the bulging eyes? They come off the train and he tells them, 'Walk this way,' and Gene and Teri Garr try to walk the way Marty does, like they have curvature of the spine and drag one of their feet.

  Dawn gave him a look that said, What are you doing?

  Danialle turned to him with a smile he was sure of this time, beginning to show signs of coming alive. He said, Mrs. Karmanos, tell me, are you afraid? Of course I am. Of what? She didn't answer but looked at Dawn. It's Peter's spirit, Dawn said, who's disturbing Danny. I can't help but feel sorry for him Dawn turning to Danialle now once I understand what he's going through. You were the love of his life, he doesn't want you falling for someone else. But, his behavior is unacceptable. She said to Foley, I hope you'll have a talk with him.

  Once we locate him. He said, Dawn, why don't you look around, see what the signs are and I'll come and make him come out. But first I want to talk to Mrs. Karmanos.

  Doctor, I have all the information we need.

  Very telling. But I have to look at this from my vantage, if you want my opinion. I'll talk to Mrs. Karmanos while you check on the signs. I'm already thinking the house is probably in need of a good spiritual cleansing. Afterwhile I'll get the smudge pot out of the car. Unless you'll have time to get it. Dawn, I'm hoping Mrs.

  Karmanos can tell me whether or not we're looking at hypnogogia here, and I want to be absolutely sure about it.

  It stopped Dawn, as if she wasn't sure what to say, but told him all right, go ahead.

  He said to her leaving them, I appreciate it. And to Danialle, Where does he make himself known?

  All over.

  Wherever you are in the house?

  Yes, he shows up.

  He's always with you?

  No, not always.

  You see him in dreams?

  Almost every night. He comes it's like a dream but it's different.

  He's rough with you?

  He'll yell at me, something he never did when he was alive. When I think he might appear I try to stay awake.

  You don't go to bed?

  Finally I have to.

  There's a drug called brown-brown, Foley said, from Africa, a mixture of cocaine and gunpowder. You turn numb and stay awake for days.

  Can you get me some?

  I wouldn't prescribe it for anyone, Dr. Foley said. Your disturbed state made me think of it, that's all.

  Danialle brought him to the master bedroom on the second floor where, she said, Peter made his most threatening appearances. Foley could see her hiding in the ultra-king-size bed while the ghost of her husband groped beneath the covers for her this nifty-looking young widow desperate to be free and find love. What's the problem? It was everywhere, fooling-around love to going-the-distance love. She could have any kind she wanted if Peter ever got off her back. Even true love, someone with an open mind who wasn't weighed down with rules or serious flaws, like Adele saying, I don't want to talk about it anymore, when she knew she was losing an argument. Maybe Adele's flaw wasn't that serious: they'd only quit speaking for five minutes. The bed wasn't made, a shorty nightgown lying on the quilt pulled up to the pillows, an impression in the one where she'd slept, or lain awake. He could imagine her in the nightgown, her bare thighs out of the jeans slender not as hefty as Adele's, though Adele's thighs weren't bad, once you got used to them. Danialle brought him to a table that had a game board inlaid in the surface, with chess pieces in position.

  You play?

  We did now and then. Peter was a master. I didn't care much for it.

  And that's his rocking chair?

  It was the kind of rocker he had seen pictures of President Kennedy sitting in, resting his bad back.

  The infamous rocker, Danialle said, Peter's seat of judgment.

  Foley said, after a moment, Is it starting to move?

  It was, barely at first Foley staring at the empty natural-wood chair but gradually gaining momentum to rock back and forth at a leisurely pace.

  How do you do that?

  You think I'm making it rock? It's Peter, letting us know he's here. It means he'll show up tonight and get on me about my irreverent conduct.

  Foley didn't know what to think about a rocker that rocked on its own or was put in motion by a ghost. It didn't seem to bother Danialle. Wasn't there a guy who caused spoons to bend? It wasn't the kind of thing Foley ever thought about looking into, though he'd ask Dawn about this one. By now, Danialle must be used to weird shit going on.

  The reason a departed spirit remains earthbound, Foley said, usually means he's lonesome and wants you to know he's still around. Or, there might be something he wants to tell you.

  You know what Peter's message is? Behave yourself. Quit acting like a tramp. I haven't had what you'd call a serious date since Peter passed away and he calls me a tramp.

  Accuses you of fooling around?

  The point he makes over and over, his message from the other side? Forget about finding another guy, I belong to him. He's defiant about it.

  You said he appears in a dream?

  It's more real than a dream. I have the feeling I might still be awake.

  Can you move?

  Barely.

  You feel something holding you down.

  Yes, and I start to panic.

  You're experiencing hypnogogia, Foley said, hearing himself actually using the word he'd picked ou
t of Dawn's notes. You don't know whether you're dreaming or it's actually happening. You feel you're possessed by the spirit of your dead husband Foley looking her in the eye, showing he was serious and there is not a darn thing you can do about it.

  That's it exactly, Danialle said. Can you make him stop? Tell him to please leave me alone?

  Do you talk to him? Foley looked at the chair, still rocking but maybe a bit slower. I mean if you know he's there.

  I've told him I'm sorry. I leave the room and he follows me. I can't find a way to tell him how I feel. He knows I'm not fooling around. I'm not in a rush, but I'd like to get my life going again. Is that wrong?

  No, of course not, Foley said, with what he thought of as a sad smile, a wise sad smile, not as long as you remain in a natural state of being yourself, obeying your instincts that are second nature to you. Use what you feel as well as what reason tells you and you'll stay on the right path.

  That wasn't bad, words he pulled out of the air that sounded like Dawn running her psychic spiel.

  But I'm scared, Danialle said. I've never thought about the afterlife before and now I feel like I'm in it. Miss Navarro, Dawn, must've told you, she's afraid that the state Peter is in now, he's become an incubus, an evil spirit.

  And the female evil spirit Foley getting them straight in his mind was a succubus?

  What you see as Peter's evil intentions, Dr. Foley said, seem perfectly reasonable to him. Why? Because your husband, Mrs. Karmanos, is still deeply in love with you. Tell me, has he ever, while you're sleeping, got on top of you?

  You mean to have sex? She said, No, he's never done that, sounding somewhat wistful. When I can't move it's like I'm paralyzed, feeling the weight of his words, Peter admonishing me to quit thinking about getting married again. I tell him I'm not. I don't think about it with any, you know, purpose. But he doesn't believe me. It's why I feel the force of this hex he's put on me. Call it whatever you want, it's a curse.

  The curse of the gypsy woman.

  You spoke to Madam Rosa, Foley said, about Peter, and she told you he's responsible for the hex. Why do you believe her?

  Because it's real, it's happening to me and it's driving me fucking nuts. She said, I'm sorry, Doctor, I never use that word. I certainly don't as a rule. Doctor, I'm so distraught I feel helpless. I don't know what to do about it.