Road Dogs

by Elmore Leonard

  He walked with her to the back of the house where her Mercedes convertible, a white one, stood waiting.

  She said, You can come and clean the house anytime you want. Or, we could have a swim and sit by the pool, sip frozen daiquiris What's your favorite?

  Foley wasn't sure if he'd ever had a frozen daiquiri, but said, Pineapple.

  She said, Mmmmm, me too.

  You don't mind, Foley said, entertaining an ex-bank robber? I don't know, Danny said, you're my first. She brought her hand to the side of his face saying, You smell good, and kissed him on the mouth and smiled and got in her Mercedes and drove off to Beverly Hills.

  Too late he thought of the check on the coffee table, wanting to give it back to her. He had watched her write the check wondering how much she was paying him for conspiring with her, saying they might want to keep it going? What she had said was they might want to play it out.

  Yeah, give her time to realize she had invited an ex-con to the house to go swimming. Though she didn't ask him about prison. He didn't think it was likely he'd see her again. She'd wake up thinking, What am I doing? And he'd mail the check to her or tear it up.

  He went through the kitchen to the living room where Dawn was sitting on the edge of the sofa waiting for him, the check in her hand. She looked up at him, Foley on the other side of the coffee table, then at the check. This is our score?

  You don't sound grateful, Foley said.

  Why'd you take it? I told you what we're going for.

  She started writing the check I tried to stop her.

  Well, this isn't going to do it.

  What's the amount?

  You didn't look at it?

  She had to leave and I walked her out.

  Something tells me, Dawn said, you weren't going to mention the check.

  You want it? Foley said. It's yours.

  I want a lot more than this. What's the next move? Is she warming up to your charms?

  She said I could clean her house.

  We'll do that next. But the main thing, she has to be nuts about you, Jack, if we're going to get what I want. Dawn came off the sofa, the check still in her hand. I'll show Cundo what you're worth as a ghost expert.

  How much is it for?

  Ten thousand. Actually it isn't bad as a down payment.

  Foley said, Have you ever scored that in a half hour?

  I've made ten grand, Jack, in less than ten minutes, Dawn said, that's why I'm directing the show.

  She left with the check.

  Ten grand. He'd said it was on the house, but Danny was already writing the check he thought would be for a couple of hundred, no more than five. But if he cleaned her house and she knew he wasn't a ghost expert, what would she be paying for? Turn it around. Why was he taking money from her? What was he, like an escort? The woman paying for his company? He wouldn't be like an escort, that's what he'd be, a fucking escort. If he gave her back the check that would be the end of the ghost business. No reason to see her again.

  But he wanted to see her again.

  He wouldn't mind keeping the check either.

  Chapter NINETEEN

  ALL THE TIME WE INSIDE, CUNDO SAID, I'M THINKING when I get my release I go straight to South Beach, two hours away, man, tha's all and return to life there. Get it all done in a few days, everything we talk about inside. The chicks in the clubs are asking each other who that cool guy is. He could be in the movies. On the beach I know some of them get away with not covering their tetas. You know a chick don't show them unless she proud of them. Or the ones you see in the Victoria's Secret catalog, these are even of a higher quality and you can look at them all you want if you casual about it. But, I also think of coming here, not stopping in South Beach. Do I want to be the Cat Prince again, go to clubs and go-go? Or do I want to come home and be with Dawn? Of course I do.

  Since you aren't a show-off, Foley said.

  But I was tempted. Pay her back for cheating on me, because I know she did.

  Foley kept quiet.

  I say that because there is no chick can go eight years without getting laid when you know she has an appetite for it, man, loves it.

  I imagine though, Foley said, there might be a few girls who've gone that long without it.

  Yeah, but they got something else turns them on. I don't care, I'm at peace with the universe. I lie here, Cundo said stretched out in a recliner, holding a flute of champagne on his chest and look at stars. They all out this evening, every star in the fucking universe is right there. Heaven, where I almost went, if those fucking emergency guys hadn't found me, I believe is some of the planets up there we can't see, off beyond the stars. It's so they don't have to look at the Earth and think oh, man, am I glad to get out of that place.

  Foley said, You think you're going to heaven when you die?

  Course I am. I was almost there before.

  You tell me you've killed a few guys.

  So? You ever hear of self-preservation? It's okay if you know they trying to see you dead or put away. Why do I want to go to clubs and look at bare tits on the beach when I have Dawn here? She does whatever I want, rolls a perfect joint for me, as good as Little Jimmy's. You know faggots by and large roll the best joints, no question about it?

  By and large, Foley said.

  But what she won't do is cook for me.

  You sure you want her to?

  Before I went up and since I come home, I say why don't you ever cook? She say because she wants to be with me every moment, not be doing something else.

  I'd leave it at that, Foley said.

  She wears me out being loving, Cundo said. How you doing with the crazy rich broad, her dead husband holding on to her?

  There's been a change, Foley said. I haven't told Dawn, but Mrs. Karmanos, when she came this afternoon to visit? She confessed she was putting the whole thing on 'cause she was bored.

  Listening to Madam Rosa gave her ideas. She got hexed and ran with it.

  Wait she made up all the ghost stuff?

  Everything. I took a guess that's what she was doing and called her on it.

  How could you know that?

  I didn't, I guessed. She said it was fun for a while, but if we were gonna get to know one another or she said 'each other' she'd have to come clean.

  So, you looking into that, uh?

  She meant get to know each other as friends.

  Of course, Cundo said. But you say you didn't tell Dawn.

  I haven't seen her since this morning.

  Cundo pushed up from the recliner to get his bare feet on the tile floor, still holding his champagne. He said, Dawn tole me Mrs. Karmanos is hexed, maybe a little nuts in the head, but she's nice, she's timid, and has plenty of money left by her husband. Dawn say the woman is waiting to be taken.

  Not anymore, Foley said. She's willing to keep playing if I want, but what would she be paying for?

  You entertaining her.

  Like I'm an escort?

  Or a bull put out to stud. Come on, Cundo said, I'm kidding you. I know you better than the fortune-teller, better than Miss Megan the lawyer, better than anybody say they know you.

  You think so? Foley said.

  You my friend, Cundo said and shrugged and took a drink of his champagne. You the only man I know I can look in the face and say that.

  Walking the yard like a couple of road dogs, Foley said, in our blues you had tailored for us best-dressed prisoners in that dump, couple of old-time convicts. I don't think we ever had a serious argument.

  Only friendly ones. I tell you you full of shit, you tell me to get fucked. Almost three years, man.

  I was sure you'd start talking about a heist, get me working for you, Foley said, start to earn back the thirty grand you paid Megan.

  Man, I tole you Cundo with a pained look now I don't want nothing from you. I paid her 'cause you don't want to do thirty years. Like I don't care Dawn wants you fucking with ghosts. They things you do, man, to keep the woman happy, tha's all
. But can you tell Dawn, Cundo said, she's wrong about Mrs. Karmanos? Tell her so she don't get into a rage and destroy my home? Dawn don't like to be tole she's wrong.

  I can try, Foley said.

  Dawn joined them under the stars wearing a long black Morticia dress and pearl earrings.

  I thought you were taking me out to dinner?

  When I'm ready, Cundo said, stretched out in the recliner again. We been talking about something. Foley poured her a glass of champagne and she sat down at the patio table with him.

  Well, I know where I'm going with Danny, Dawn said, once we get through the ghost phase and Dr. Foley, everybody's best pal, Dr. Jack, tells Danny how to get Peter to settle down, find a cause he'd be good at. He's Pisces. Kurt Cobain and Albert Einstein. Danny's a Taurus. George Clooney and Liberace.

  How come, Foley said, Evel Knievel is a Libra, 'cause he's levelheaded?

  Dr. Jack, Dawn said, has been reading about his sign and thinks he knows all about it. What I want to do is tell Danny that events later will have her looking back at this time, happy that she made the right decision. It has to do with Venus, her ruling planet, stirring her emotions. Romance is in the air and she's glad now she listened to Dr. Jack. I'll tell her, go ahead, there's nothing wrong with taking a chance on love.

  'Here I go again,' Foley said, 'I hear those trumpets blow again '

  Cundo's gaze came down from the stars to Foley.

  The fuck you talking about?

  He's singing, Dawn said. Once she's in a romantic mood, she said to Foley now, you tell her not to worry about Peter. Let her know Peter's hanging out at the studio where they have Born Again and Again almost ready to go. Did she tell you that?

  Foley shook his head.

  Peter is a Pisces, Dawn said, the sign of dreams. He's emotional, imaginative, but will have to go along with what they plan to do to his picture. Danny Karmanos won't be in it, they're looking for someone else to play the faith healer. But Danny doesn't care. Do you know why?

  She's taking a chance on love? Foley said.

  Yes, she is, Dawn said. Now it's up to our Dr. Jack to let Danny know he feels the same way.

  Dawn paused and it became a silence.

  Cundo waited for Foley to tell her. He did, but took his time to find the right words, until finally he said, I don't think it's gonna work the way you want. I told Mrs. Karmanos I robbed banks.

  Dawn stared at him waiting for a punch line. Yeah ?

  This was after she told me she was faking the whole thing. She's never heard from her husband's ghost. She made the whole thing up.

  Dawn didn't move. She took a few moments before saying, Really

  Now she was lighting a Slim.

  You know she's an actress, Foley said.

  I know her better than you do, Dr. Jack.

  Well, I believe she made it up.

  Peter hounding her? Got on top of her one time?

  She mentioned that.

  How did she tell you she was making it up? Just came out with it? 'Hon, didn't you know I was putting you on?'

  Foley kept quiet, waiting for Dawn to get finished.

  Did she say she had a confession to make, that she was lying the whole time? Or Dawn drew on the cigarette and let the smoke drift out of her mouth did you say something to prompt her.

  I took a shot, Foley said. I asked if she was tired of pretending she had a hex on her.

  Something told you she was making it up?

  I thought maybe she was, just maybe.

  And she admitted lying to you.

  Right away she changed from acting depressed to giving me a big grin. She said, 'You caught me.' I could tell she was relieved, glad it was over.

  Her loving husband dies, Dawn said, and Danialle thinks it would be fun to pretend he's a ghost.

  Foley wasn't going to say anything; there was no point in arguing with her. But he said, She made up her mind she wasn't going to play the grieving widow the rest of her life. She has a sense of humor, and she couldn't say anything funny.

  I know the maids thought she was acting strange, Dawn said. She told them there was a ghost in the house and they freaked. You know they're Filipina.

  Dawn, Foley said, Mrs. Karmanos made the whole thing up. She told me. She pretended she was in touch with her dead husband. That's all I know.

  She pretended the rocking chair was rocking?

  Foley paused. That's different.

  Did she make it stop?

  She asked me if I did.

  Then who would you say, Dr. Jack, was fooling with the fucking rocking chair as you sat there watching it?

  I don't know.

  Who do you suspect?

  Jesus Christ, Cundo said, pushing up in the recliner to get after Dawn, you're suppose to know everything and you don't get it?

  I don't get what? Dawn said. Dr. Jack doesn't want to be a ghost expert? Doesn't care to walk around with a smudge pot?

  Tha's exactly what he don't want to do. He's no con artist, he's a fucking stand-up bank robber. Leave him alone.

  I will, Dawn said, if Jack can tell me who was rocking the rocker.

  He don't care who was rocking the fucking rocker, it's one of those things. It starts rocking by itself and nobody know why or gives a shit. Okay?

  There was a silence.

  Dawn got up from the table and Cundo said, Where you going, to cook our dinner? He looked at Foley, who gave his buddy a tired smile.

  You're taking me out tonight, Dawn said, why I got dressed for you. But tomorrow night, all right, I'll fix dinner, whatever you want. Have Dr. Jack dine with us.

  Cundo said, Anything I want? How about camar=nes al ajillo?

  We'll go Cuban tonight and tomorrow I'll fix you a surprise for dinner, okay? Let me comb my hair and I'll be with you.

  She left them and Foley and Cundo had to look at each other, Cundo squinting.

  The fuck is going on?

  I don't know, Foley said, unless she wants to poison us.

  Dawn raised the eyeliner pencil to the serious eyes staring at her in the bathroom mirror. She began to retrace the line on her eyelid and stopped and put the pencil on the edge of the sink, still looking at herself.

  The boys-will-be-boys were beginning to gang up on her, still convicts with their buddy system and the guy-thing: guys were bigger than girls in its usual application so they were the boss and the boss was always right. From the beginning she was afraid they might get into a buddy act, hoping Foley was above it, but the guy-thing was part of each guy since birth. He's pulled slippery out of his mother and the nurse takes him and tells everybody it's a boy, hoping he doesn't grow up to be as haughty and arrogant as some of these fucking doctors. Cundo would make a remark and look at Foley to get his approval. He doesn't ever look at you. The one in the mirror said, The prick.

  By now Foley would have no intention of taking Cundo's money. His fortune. He was hanging out with his buddy. Dawn in the mirror said, How much more time can you devote to the Cat Prince, Jesus, you waited eight years for this?

  On her own now.

  The one in the mirror seemed to feel pretty confident about it. She said, Why not?

  Right. The two buddies weren't the ones with all the money anyway.

  Little Jimmy had the keys to the vaults: the payer of Cundo's accounts, owner of Cundo's homes. What he didn't have were the balls to do the guy-thing. And he loved her. Always dying to go to bed and show her some tricks. Or use the sofa, or the top of the television set reminding Dawn of the porno flick, the girl about to light a cigarette pauses and says to the grocery deliveryman going down on her, You mind if I smoke while you eat?

  Dawn picked up the eyeliner pencil and the raised face in the mirror said, Wait. Why not get in the mood. Use the kohl.

  The black kohl paste. She traced it over the eyeliner already adding an exotic look, brought the pencil along her lower lid and made the circle again and she was looking at herself with Egyptian eyes for the first time since she posed
for Cundo's shots, the blond pharaoh with the eyes of Hatshepsut.

  It was Marlene Locklear, the renowned spiritualist, who regressed Dawn under hypnosis to discover that in a past life, an astonishing 3,500 years ago, Dawn was Hatshepsut, daughter of a pharaoh and became a pharaoh herself: kind of a B. C. character who dressed as a male ruler with the khat head cloth, the shendyt kilt and the king's false beard. She held off the guys with their Upper and Lower Nile guy-thing and the threat of revolt, Hatshepsut playing a lone hand until her death in 1458 B. C.

  That was you, the Dawns said to each other, and thought, If you were pharaoh and a couple of hieroglyph rock chiselers were giving you a hard time What would you do?

  Chapter TWENTY

  THEY GOT ON HER AGAIN THE NEXT DAY. FOLEY STOPPED BY as she was fixing breakfast for a change Cundo saying the fucking eggs were too runny, the coffee was like water; Dawn saying, Then hire a cook, you cheapskate.

  It was an insult to his being a man, the little Cuban still a macho guy. Foley came in, Cundo told him to sit down, have a cup of watery coffee. Foley said no thanks, he came over to get the check.

  Dawn said, What check?

  The one for ten thousand you picked up.

  You want to endorse it for us?

  I'm giving it back.

  I get nothing for all the advice and counsel I gave her?

  Foley turned to Cundo seated at the kitchen table.

  Not once, Dawn said, did she tell me she was faking, and I spent a lot more time with her than you did, Dr. Jack.

  In this moment she was thinking she should pull back a little, and Cundo saved her from talking too much.

  He said, Give him the check.

  I have spent quite a lot of time on this failure.

  Give him the fucking check.

  You now do whatever Dr. Jack wants?

  Don't call him that again, Cundo said. Flip the fucking egg and go get the check.

  She said to Foley, You want me to tear it up?

  I told you, I'm giving it back, Foley said.

  You think that'll get her pants off?

  Jesus Christ, Cundo said, and put his hand flat on the table to get up.

  Dawn laid the spatula on the range and left them.