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White Rose

Page 3

by Kip Wilson


  from all the questions,

  Herr Mohr pauses, lights up, fills

  the room with

  the most welcome

  smoke.

  I breathe

  in the nicotine, imagining

  Hans

  next door, answering

  questions about

  his service in the Wehrmacht

  on the western and eastern fronts,

  his medical studies,

  our childhood together in

  Forchtenberg

  Ludwigsburg

  Ulm,

  the friends we made

  there and

  here in Munich and

  the walls edge closer and

  I can’t breathe again.

  Boom-boom,

  boom-boom.

  I picture

  my brother’s pale face,

  his fingers tingling, knee bouncing,

  and send a wave of courage

  his way.

  I know Hans will need

  the courage,

  especially

  when they ask about

  what I did today,

  when they ask about

  what he did today,

  when they ask about

  each of our friends,

  when they ask

  questions best answered

  with lies.

  ROBERT MOHR, GESTAPO INTERROGATOR

  I step out

  of the interrogation room,

  confer

  with Inspector Mahler,

  the agent questioning

  Fräulein Scholl’s brother.

  We discuss

  the students

  the leaflets

  the suitcase.

  Between the two of us,

  we’ll slip in

  the right questions,

  trip up

  their canned responses,

  discover

  if they’re lying.

  THE MAILBOX

  Herr Mohr asks the same

  questions again and again,

  his voice growing sharper,

  more insistent each time.

  Fräulein Scholl, what time

  does the morning mail arrive at your flat?

  I squeeze my eyes shut, imagine

  Hans next door being asked

  the very same question.

  At nine thirty

  in the morning.

  And did you find anything in your mailbox

  this morning? Or did your brother?

  I didn’t. I told my brother he didn’t

  get any mail either.

  Sweat beads up

  on the back of my neck.

  I hope

  our statements

  line up.

  BEFORE

  1939

  Hot and Cold

  Each time Fritz returns

  to Ulm, I feel

  confused, conflicted.

  Our lives are so different.

  I’m seventeen,

  he’s twenty-one,

  I want to study,

  he already has a career.

  Sometimes I’m sure

  I don’t want

  this, don’t want

  him,

  yet sometimes I wonder

  what the harm would be in

  conversing

  laughing

  spending

  time with someone I truly

  care about,

  despite

  our differences.

  SPRINGTIME WISH

  With Hans away in Munich,

  his first semester studying

  medicine, Fritz off training

  a fresh batch of new soldiers

  for what feels like

  some

  sinister

  purpose,

  I’m stuck at home with my

  older sisters, parents, younger brother.

  Germany might not be

  at war, but this doesn’t

  feel like peace, and

  the heavy clouds over Ulm make

  me want to float

  away

  away

  away

  down the Iller

  over the Alps

  out to sea,

  somewhere

  where I can take

  my dream of

  a perfect world and

  find the courage to

  turn it

  into reality.

  AT THE UNIVERSITY

  Letter from Hans, April 1939

  Dear family,

  Now that my term of Reichsarbeitsdienst

  is over, I’m finally here,

  soaking up everything from zoology

  to Greek, botany to Nietzsche,

  my thirst to learn all I can

  remaining unquenchable.

  Words of great philosophers

  tumble into my ears

  through my mind, whispering,

  Knowledge is power.

  I relish every moment here, despite knowing

  that as soon as the semester ends,

  knowledge won’t matter,

  at least not to the Reich.

  Instead of our minds,

  they merely want our young, able bodies,

  carting us off to the fields of East Prussia

  for voluntary farm work to feed our Volk.

  Voluntary, they say, and yet,

  we didn’t volunteer.

  OUR NEW FLAT

  Vati’s tax accounting business is

  doing so well that he finds

  us a new home, right

  on the Münsterplatz in the

  center

  of the city, opposite the

  towering Münster itself.

  We move in, delighted

  by the most marvelous

  home we’ve ever had,

  even if it also means

  that the ubiquitous

  flags

  parades

  fanfare

  will be stopping right outside

  our doors each

  time crowds amass

  to celebrate

  whatever else this

  Reich has done.

  A SUMMER VISIT

  Just like last summer, these

  warm months mean

  sketching by the Iller

  picking berries with my siblings

  enjoying the frische Luft outdoors

  but unlike last summer, this one

  also means

  some snatched time with

  Fritz

  still very much a good friend

  and perhaps something more

  as we both learn

  what we’re willing

  to give, what we’re willing

  to take, in spite

  of our differences.

  Together we celebrate

  the glory we can still find

  around us

  as this regime works so hard to strip

  splendor from the world.

  I escape

  into the freshness

  of the daisies Fritz gives me, wrap

  an arm around his neck, press

  my lips to his,

  his mouth tasting

  of freedom.

  DRIVING LESSON

  Nothing’s happened at

  any of Germany’s borders

  yet, but

  the mood in Ulm is

  tense, tight, wound up,

  the sense that something’s about

  to blow ticking

  in the background.

  Fritz gets his father’s car one

  fine Sunday, and with Hans and

  Werner miraculously at

  home too, we four pile

  in, head to the

  Bodensee, its glittering

  waters beckoning

  us to dive in.

  Cursed with the

  curse of girls, all I can do is

 
watch, but once they’re

  done swimming,

  I take the lead on

  the way home, sitting

  behind the steering

  wheel, learning

  everything

  I need to know about

  driving from my

  teacher, ever-patient Fritz.

  Someday soon

  there might not be

  any boys around

  to do the driving.

  WAR

  My family and I huddle

  around the radio,

  the Führer’s speech blaring

  through the sitting room:

  Tonight for the first time

  Polish soldiers have fired

  shots upon our territory.

  Since 5:45 a.m.,

  return shots have been fired!

  From now on,

  bomb will be met by bomb!

  Whoever fights with poison

  will be fought back with poison.

  Whoever ignores the rules of warfare

  can expect the same

  from us.

  I will lead this struggle

  as long as I need to

  and how I need to

  until the security of the Reich

  has been guaranteed.

  Faces pale

  at the news that Germany

  is now at war,

  war that means

  Fritz

  Hans

  everyone

  could be sent

  to battle any day,

  thanks to the Vaterland

  pulling the strings.

  FRONT AND HOME FRONT

  Letter to Fritz, September 1939

  Dear Fritz,

  I got your

  letter—danke schön!

  I hope you receive

  mine, although I’m not

  sure what comfort

  letters from

  home will be

  with the Blitzkrieg

  and its

  bombs

  bullets

  artillery

  striking around you.

  Don’t forget

  all the innocent

  people the Blitzkrieg

  hurts.

  You’re probably thinking,

  It’s for the Vaterland,

  but I’m sorry,

  that’s

  no

  excuse.

  P.S.

  Do they monitor

  the mail

  I send you?

  RESPONSE

  Fritz tells me

  officers’ mail

  isn’t

  censored,

  that I should

  feel free

  to say

  what I like,

  which is good

  because I have

  plenty

  to say.

  1940

  Promises

  While the Blitzkrieg

  hammers, pounds, blasts

  far to the east, we only notice

  ripple effects

  here at home.

  We drink

  the last of our tea, spread

  the last of our jam

  on dry fruitcake, but

  rationing is nothing

  compared with the shadow

  of war pressing close.

  I know

  that boys I know

  might die, but I can’t let

  them lose their souls

  as well.

  I take

  each of my male friends

  by the hand, make

  each of them look

  me in the eye, promise

  never to fire his weapon

  at the front.

  Fritz doesn’t understand

  why this defiance matters

  so much to me,

  won’t acknowledge

  that our strongest weapon

  is our refusal

  to follow blindly.

  Vati says nothing

  but his smile

  my father’s approval

  when I stand up

  for what’s right

  means the world.

  TOY SOLDIERS

  Fritz misunderstands

  my opinion about

  soldiers, the army, the war.

  Our opinions really aren’t

  all that different.

  I feel that I must

  defend the side of the soldier,

  that I must

  defend the side of duty

  because duty is my daily life,

  but I want the same things as you:

  truth, justice, the greater good.

  Wrong.

  Regimes might change,

  leaders might change,

  orders might change,

  but the profession of

  a soldier is simple—

  obedience.

  Soldiers must carry out

  the orders they receive

  whether they find

  those orders

  good

  or not,

  and since I won’t be with

  Fritz in the field, all I can hope

  is that his conscience might

  remember

  mine

  when it matters

  most.

  LIFE AT THE REAR

  Letter from Hans, May 1940

  Dear family,

  The sudden Blitzkrieg,

  a drawn-out Sitzkrieg,

  now our marching orders

  and we move out,

  leaving Germany behind

  passing through Luxembourg, arriving in France—

  the tail end of a gray Wehrmacht wave

  of occupation.

  Ordered to commandeer the best houses,

  I’d feel more at home in the straw.

  What are we, thieves?

  Yet I’m one of them, like it or not.

  We’re twitchy, nervous, apprehensive,

  the boredom and anxiety

  at the rear

  slowly driving me mad.

  Not far away, artillery rumbles,

  dark flak paints the sky,

  the war a pot about to boil over,

  as we wait, trapped inside.

  SELFLESSNESS

  Letter to Fritz, June 1940

  Dear Fritz,

  People shouldn’t be

  ambivalent

  about the world around

  them simply because

  everyone else

  is ambivalent.

  People who

  refuse

  to open their eyes

  are more than ambivalent—

  they are guilty.

  How can we expect

  justice

  in this world

  if we’re not prepared to

  sacrifice ourselves

  for what’s right?

  DARK NIGHTS

  Waking in the night,

  I worry about

  Fritz

  training boys in the

  art of war

  Hans

  heading west with

  the Wehrmacht

  into France

  Werner

  not far behind

  following in

  their footsteps.

  My boyfriend.

  My brothers.

  The three of

  them are only a few drops in a

  sea of soldiers

  soldiers who might die

  soldiers who might have to kill

  and for what?

  The walls of

  my bedroom creep

  toward me, stealing

  my sleep for the rest

  of the night.

  THE FIELD HOSPITAL

  Letter from Hans, July 1940

  Dear family,

  Casualties flow

  thick as the muddy Somme

  through the doors

  to my hands.


  Today I counted

  twenty operations, two amputations.

  I don’t know how much longer

  I can watch this butchery of ours.

  TRUTH IN RUMORS

  Before becoming

  a mother, Mutti used

  to care for the sick, and when her

  nursing friends visit, the rest of

  us at home make

  ourselves scarce, not wanting

  to hear tales of

  illnesses

  injuries

  hospitals.

  But from where I sit

  clear across the room today, nose in

  a book, whispered words grab

  my attention, all strung

  together around

  disabled children

  vans

  poison gas

  murder.

  Mutti’s face goes

  white and my ears ring

  with horror.

  Innocent children

  killed

  by this regime.

  Yet what can anyone

  do

  to stop it?

  WOMEN’S WORK

  Now that this ugly truth

  has reached my ears, all hope

  I once held

  for a better world

  dies.

  Turning away

  would be cowardly,

  so I’m determined

  to make my voice heard—

  to Fritz

  to my family

  to my friends

  to anyone who’ll listen.

 

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