Dangerous Games

by Gillian Godden

  ‘Antony, could you come in here a moment and sit down,’ said Elle. ‘Jake, go upstairs and change out of your uniform, please.’

  Elle seemed serious. Oh no, thought Antony, the social worker is going to tell me I can’t stay here anymore. His mouth went dry and his palms felt sweaty. He sat on the sofa and waited.

  The social worker didn’t know where to begin; she decided it was best just to blurt it all out.

  ‘We think we’ve found your mother, Antony. I’m afraid she’s … dead.’ There; it was said.

  Antonias’s jaw dropped. He looked at them both; he couldn’t believe what he was hearing. How many times had he wandered the streets in search of news of his mother? And here it had come to him, as he sat in Elle’s lounge, on her sofa. He suddenly felt exposed, more than he ever had on the streets.

  How did they know they had found his mother? How did they know he even had one? He sat stunned; he didn’t know what to say. There were no words.

  The social worker carried on. ‘A young woman going by the name of Annette Perry has been found. Does that ring any bells with you, Antony?’ she said.

  Antonias didn’t answer; he watched her lips moving, but his brain couldn’t take in what she was saying.

  ‘I’m afraid she was found in a squat, not far from here. It seems she choked on her own vomit. She’d been there a while, by all accounts.’

  Lisa, the social worker, skirted around the facts. Annette had been there for a week or so, and it was only when people complained about the smell that the police had investigated and found her.

  ‘Your mother was clever, Antony, she had your birth certificate and a small note wrapped up with this.’ She held up a gold locket. ‘They were in a plastic food bag, in her boots.’

  Antonias recognized it at once. He thought she had sold the locket when it went missing from her neck, but she hadn’t. Not even in their most hungry times had she sold it. For whatever reason, she had hung on to it.

  Hiding things in your shoes was an old trick of the homeless, which his mother had learnt early on in their lives on the streets. He still didn’t answer.

  The paper Lisa held was old and faded, and smelt a little, from being in his mother’s boots. As far as he was aware, she had never taken them off, even when he had seen her bring clients into the squat and had heard them having sex.

  Lisa opened the locket and held it out towards him. Antonias reached out his hand and took it off her.

  It still smelt of his beloved mother. He looked at the photos it held. He had never seen inside it, before.

  There was a photo of his mother, young and clean, in a wedding dress, with a dark-haired man beside her. The other photo was of Antonias, as a young boy, with his mother.

  Antonias burst into tears. He hadn’t wanted to, but he was heartbroken, and these two women and God knew who else at last knew his secret. He felt like a rabbit caught in the headlights.

  ‘You’re fucking lying!’ he shouted at them both, as he stood up. ‘You’re just making all this up,’ he yelled at Lisa. He was in denial. His last thread of hope of seeing his mother again had gone. He had always clung on to that hope, even though, as the years passed, he knew it was false.

  For the first time since he had known her, Elle shouted at him. ‘Sit down, Antony,’ she said. ‘Surely you know if Lisa’s lying? Only you know your mother’s name. Now, sit down and listen to what she has to say.’

  He did as he was told, and nodded at her. Okay, he would listen, but he didn’t believe them.

  Lisa took a breath. ‘This note has her name and date of birth, and informs us that she had a son, Antonias, who is half-Italian. That son is you. We’ve checked and double-checked, Antony, before I came here. The police have certain information, but then the trail goes cold. Only you know the rest.’

  Both Elle and Lisa knew they had struck a chord with the mention of his name. They knew, at long last, they had solved the puzzle of who he was.

  ‘We have traced the information given, and found that “Perry” was your mother’s maiden name. She has a brother, Ben. We visited him and he confirms she took you to stay with him for a while, but then disappeared without a word. Ben has identified your mother’s body.’

  They could see Antony was thinking. Somewhere in the dark recesses of his brain, he was remembering Ben. He remembered he had stayed with him as a small child.

  ‘Homeless people often write a note explaining who they are, to give them some identity if anything like this happens to them. I’m sorry, Antony, I really am, but there is more.

  ‘Your name is Antonias Lambrianu, you are half-Italian, and there may be family still in Italy, we’re not sure. Ben, your mother’s brother, has asked to meet you, if you want to. There is to be a funeral, in a few days’ time.’

  Lisa left the note and his birth certificate on the coffee table. She also left a folder, which was full of information that they had managed to unearth about his mother.

  They both watched Antony stare at it; he looked like he feared it would burn his fingers if he touched it. He didn’t move.

  Lisa stood up to leave.

  ‘If you want me, Antony, anytime, night or day, I’m here for you. We’ve known each other for a long time. I’ll see you at the funeral. Elle has the details.’ With that, she left. Telling children in her care that their parents were dead was one of the hardest things she had to do, but someone had to do it.

  Antonias sat in silence. He looked at his mother’s few possessions; they didn’t amount to much, for a lifetime. He picked up his birth certificate and read it. His father was Italian, and he had been born on some vineyard somewhere. He crumpled it in his hands and threw it on the floor.

  He stood up. He didn’t know what to do, then he ran out of the front door and slammed it behind him.

  Elle didn’t try to stop him; he wasn’t running away from her, he was running away from the truth.

  Antony slept rough on the streets. He went into a local shop and stole a bottle of wine, even though he had the money in his pocket to buy it. He didn’t care if he was arrested, he didn’t care about anything, anymore.

  What he didn’t realize was that, on the label on the bottle of the wine he had stolen, it said: Lambrianu Vineyard wines. it seemed an odd coincidence that, at a time like this, he was drinking his own family’s wine.

  ***

  ‘Do you think we should go and find him, Elle? It’s been two days, the funeral’s tomorrow,’ said Jake. He was heartbroken. He knew how it felt to lose your parents, but in his case he had known what had happened to his mum and dad, unlike Antonias.

  ‘You’re right, Jake. We know most of his old haunts, we’ll go when it’s dark, when they usually gather around that bonfire he was so excited to show us.’

  Although Elle and Jake searched the places they thought Antonias might be, they drew a blank. Then Elle had a thought and telephoned Lisa.

  ‘This is strictly off the record, Lisa, but you said Antony’s mother was found in a squat. Do you have the address?’ It had occurred to her that maybe someone had told him where Annette had been living, and maybe he was there.

  Elle was right; it was a dark, musty, filthy place, almost derelict. Jake managed to find a way inside. It hadn’t been boarded up, there was nothing to board up. There was barely any roof, slates were missing and it had no back door. Windows were broken.

  The staircase was still standing and, underneath it, Elle saw Antony. There were a couple of bottles of wine at the side of him, and some empty crisp packets. He was unconscious from drink.

  Elle knelt down beside him and tried to wake him. He was bleary eyed, but at least he stirred. Jake helped Elle lift him up, and they carried him to the car. They did their best to get him into the back seat without hurting him.

  Elle turned and took one last look at the derelict house; it was an awful place to die in. God alone knew what had happened, to make Antony’s mother live like that. She felt a tear come to her eye.

&nbs
p; ‘Rest in peace, Annette, I’ll look after your son,’ she murmured. Then she wiped her eyes, climbed into the car and drove off.

  ***

  When Antony awoke, the next day, he wasn’t sure where he was, although things looked familiar. Jake had stayed with him the whole night, he hadn’t wanted to leave his side. Antony was his brother, and he knew he would do the same for him.

  ‘Where am I?’ Antony asked, rubbing his face with his hands. His head was pounding, and he was still in a drunken stupor.

  On hearing his voice, Elle walked into the bedroom. ‘You’re home, Antony,’ she said. ‘Where else would you be?’

  The funeral was a dismal affair. Antonias shivered; the church was cold and, at the head of it, in front of the altar, was a coffin, with his mother in it.

  Ben, his mother’s brother, hadn’t attempted to make contact, nor did he turn up, but he had sent flowers. Elle had bought a large wreath, spelling out his mother’s name.

  Antonias looked around the empty church. Was this it? His mother’s funeral, and she was spending her last few moments on this earth in the company of her son and three strangers.

  Elle, Jake and Lisa were there. And that was it. His mother wasn’t yet thirty-eight; she had lived a miserable, short life.

  All that was left was this pauper’s funeral, followed by a cremation, that had all been arranged by social services. He would never know the truth behind it all, now.

  Antonias had asked if he could see his mother, but he had been advised not to, not after the time she had lain, undiscovered, in the squat. He imagined she lay in her coffin dressed in a white nightgown, her long blonde hair now clean and brushed, gleaming like a halo. Her eyes were closed and she looked asleep.

  Antonias had been half-tempted to put the large gold locket in the coffin with her, but changed his mind; it was the only thing he had left of her.

  The ceremony was short and sweet. Antonias never shed a tear. It had occurred to him that they had family Annette could have left him with, so he was safe and well looked after and would never have had to live on the streets, but she had been a selfish, uncaring bitch that had never cared about her son. She had never even tried looking for him. She had only thought of herself, and ‘mummy’s medicine’. As a child, she had left him for days at a time with no food or money, in that dark squat. He vowed there and then, he would never go back to the streets again. There was nothing to look for, not any more. He knew where his mother was and she was never coming back. That life was history, now.

  What had the social worker said his name was? Antonias Lambrianu. Well, that would be his name from now on. Antony Perry was buried in that coffin, with his mother.

  Long live Antonias Lambrianu! This would be a fresh start. He would make more of his life than his mother ever had of hers, he was determined he would.

  After the funeral, Antonias went home. Yes, he thought, this is home, and Elle and Jake are my family.

  There was no wake, Elle had felt it wasn’t appropriate under the circumstances, and anyway, there wasn’t anyone to attend.

  ***

  ‘Elle, show me how to spell “Lambrianu”,’ Antonias said, a few days after the funeral.

  Elle had picked up his birth certificate, after he had crumpled it up and dropped it on the floor, and had flattened it out as best she could. She showed it to him, and wrote his name down for him.

  ‘If that’s my name, I’ll use it from now on, if that’s okay with you,’ he said.

  Elle could see that he was holding a lot of emotions inside and putting on a brave front. She nodded. ‘Just one more thing, Antony; do I call you Antonias now, as well?’

  She waited for his response, but he was lost in his own thoughts.

  ‘Look,’ she said, pointing to the birth certificate again, ‘your mother’s name was “Annette” and your father’s name was “Marias”. I’ll bet that’s where “Antonias” came from – it’s both their names.’ She tried making light of it, hoping this would cheer him up.

  Antonias just nodded. ‘“Antony” will do for now,’ he said.

  Antonias still hadn’t looked at the folder Lisa had left for him, which held as much information they had found out about his mother. Elle had put it away for safekeeping, thinking maybe one day he would want to see it.

  ‘According to your birth certificate, Antony, you’re a year older than we thought you were. Your birthdate is different, look – that means you’re eighteen.’

  Antonias stared at the print on the birth certificate. Good God, either he had been mistaken or his mother had even lied about that. What other skeletons was he going to find in the cupboard?

  ‘Now I’m eighteen, that means I’m no longer in care, doesn’t it?’ he said, looking up at Elle.

  ‘Yes, you’re a free man, Antony, you’re all grown up now, you can do as you please,’ Elle said. She knew something was on his mind, so she waited.

  ‘Does that mean I’m no longer going to be fostered by you and that I have to leave?’

  Elle put her arms around him; so that was what had been worrying him, the fear that, yet again, he was going to be discarded.

  ‘No, Mr Lambrianu, this is your home. You live here for as long as you want to. You’re my bundle of trouble. I love you, Antony, you and Jake alike are my boys and always will be.’

  HOME LIFE

  Life carried on as normal.

  Antonias kept his word to Jake and, a few months later, when Jake saw a girl that he liked, Antonias flirted with and charmed her ‘ugly, fat friend’, Glynis.

  Chatting up Glynis really was scraping the bottom of the barrel, as far as Antonias was concerned, but even he had to admit, her friend, Janice, was quite a looker; if it wasn’t for brotherly loyalty, he would have gone for her, himself.

  Glynis was fat, had acne and stank of all the cheese and onion crisps she ate. Antonias asked her to join him for lunch, at Elle’s, on the condition she brought her friend along for Jake.

  Glynis had agreed, although she was suspicious of Antony, knowing what he was like with the girls.

  ‘You’re my boyfriend, though, aren’t you? Janice is for Jake, right?’ She put her hand in her crisp packet, and waited.

  ‘Of course, Glynis, love.’ Antonias had given her his broadest, most charming smile and looked at her with those blue eyes of his.

  The meeting was all set for lunchtime the next day, when Elle would be out. God, Antonias thought, when he saw Glynis walking towards him with her bag of cheese and onion crisps, what am I doing?

  ‘Bloody hell, Jake,’ he said, ‘is that all she eats? No wonder she stinks of them. You do realize this is the first and last time I do this for you, don’t you? So you had better do the business.’

  Jake was watching Janice, as she approached them.

  ‘Here, take this.’ Antonias threw Jake a condom. He turned his eyes to Janice and secretly wished he was about to be entertaining her, instead of her smelly friend. She was slim and quite a looker, Jake had made a good choice.

  At the house, they had a couple of beers and talked, then Antonias, who was watching the clock, suggested they all spent a little time on their own.

  He pushed Jake and Janice towards the stairs; he had decided to stay downstairs, to give Jake more privacy.

  ‘’Get on with it, Jake, and make it quick, we’ve just got half an hour before Elle gets back.’ Antonias glared at him and wagged his finger in his face.

  Antonias had felt sick when Glynis took her chewing gum out of her mouth and stuck it on the edge of the coffee table, then was surprised when she leapt on him, ready for action.

  She locked her mouth on his and shoved her tongue down his throat; he was gagging. She forced herself on top of him and, with all her overweight body, started bouncing up and down on him. He closed his eyes and thought of England, letting Glynis take the lead. In a moment, he had finished.

  Glynis was ready for another round, but Antonias had had enough. He couldn’t take anymore. He pulled u
p his trousers and ran upstairs to Jake’s bedroom.

  As the door swung wide open, he saw Jake, with his trousers down, on top of Janice.

  ‘Have you finished yet? For God’s sake, Jake, tell me you’re finished, I can’t take anymore.’

  Jake was startled by Antonias bursting into the bedroom, and turned to look at him. His face was flushed and Janice was trying to cover herself up.

  ‘I bloody have now!’ said Jake. He looked at Antonias’s appearance; he looked like he’d had a fight with a Rottweiler. His hair was all over the place, he had a love bite on the side of his neck and his shirt was torn.

  Antonias went into the bathroom; he was shattered. ‘This is taking brotherly love too far!’ he muttered to himself.

  They all walked back to school together. Glynis kept trying to link her arm through Antonias’s, and he kept shrugging her off.

  Later that day, on the way home, Antonias and Jake looked at each other and burst out laughing. ‘High five, mate,’ said Jake. ‘God, you looked awful. Why did you have sex with her?’

  They were laughing out loud now. What a day, what a memorable day!

  ‘Because,’ said Antonias, through his laughter, ‘I had no bloody choice! You did screw that Janice bird, didn’t you? Please tell me I didn’t do that for nothing!’

  Jake gave him the thumbs up. ‘Couldn’t let you down, Antony, I knew you were relying on me.’ He waved his hand in front of his face. ‘God, you still smell of cheese and onion crisps!’

  They laughed even louder – it was hilarious – but Antonias had kept his word. He wouldn’t see Glynis again, though. He was due to leave school at the end of the week, after sitting his ‘A’ levels, which he knew he would fail. Still, at least he could avoid Glynis.

  He felt sorry for the girl, and she had been a big help in his scheme, so he decided to pass her on to a friend of theirs who was just as fat and as plain as she was. They were made for each other.

  It all worked out in the end – a few years later, Antonias heard they had got married and were very happy with their two children and a truckload of crisps!