Dangerous Games

by Gillian Godden

  Again, this seemed to satisfy the governor, and with that, he left the prison hospital.

  ‘You did well, there, lad,’ said the warder. ‘I thought you might be one of those moaning lot, ready to cause trouble, wanting to see your lawyer and stuff.’

  Antonias looked up at him. ‘Looks can be deceiving, sir.’

  The warder seemed satisfied. In actual fact, when the attack happened, he had popped out of one of the side exits to have a crafty cigarette; he had abandoned his post. What was more, those other three men knew what time he popped out on a regular basis, and had waited for the opportunity to use it and visit Antonias.

  Unbeknown to Antonias, Badger was a helper in the library, if you could call it that. He walked around with a dozen well-read, tattered books on a trolley. He came into the hospital.

  ‘Here, Tony, lad, sorry I left you alone, but you understand, don’t you? I’m an old man.’ He slipped a small bar of chocolate under Antonias’s pillow.

  ‘It’s Antony,’ he said, but he nodded and smiled. Badger meant no harm. In prison, you had to put yourself first every time, and everyone knew that. Badger handed him a book, then wheeled his trolley out.

  Badger’s chocolate was precious to him; that and cigarettes were like gold dust in prison. Giving a bar of chocolate to Antonias was, to Badger, worth more than just an apology.

  Antonias learnt, as the days went on, that the other three men had all been moved to different prisons. Badger had all the gossip; he was much better than those well-fingered books.

  Antonias was put into solitary confinement. It was a bare cell with a bucket and an iron bed. He didn’t mind it, though, he preferred his own company, and he was let out in the yard for some fresh air, on his own, for an hour every day. He wasn’t allowed any visitors, though; that was a privilege.

  A month passed and he was finally in court. Antonias looked across the courtroom and saw Elle and Jake sitting there; he also noticed Carrie was sitting at the back, watching. As he stood in the dock, telling the judge what he had done with the cars and apologizing for his misdemeanours, he noticed she had a smug grin on her face. So, Antonias thought, she set me up; a woman scorned, eh?

  ‘A custodial sentence of two years is to be served,’ the judge had said.

  That was it, then; Antonias was going to serve two years in that hellhole, and all for a few afternoons of sex with the boss’s wife. How ridiculous was that!

  Elle was in tears, when she was allowed to see him after the trial. She talked of the injustice of it all, and was holding on to Jake’s arm, because she wasn’t allowed to touch Antonias.

  ‘I saw that bitch in court,’ said Jake. He was angry and worried. Two bloody years for stealing a few cars; some people didn’t get that for selling drugs on the street to kids, or robbery. Antonias had been well stitched up.

  Antonias looked at Jake and shook his head; he didn’t want to discuss this in front of Elle. She was upset, and he felt depressed at the thought of the days ahead, in prison.

  ***

  Antonias didn’t smoke, but took his weekly allowance and sold them on to the other inmates for things he did like, including decent magazines, extra portions at dinner, and chocolate.

  He was never bothered again by any of the prisoners. Apart from them thinking he was an okay guy, sharing his cigarette ration, they also knew he was not a man to be trifled with; he was as hard as nails.

  He used the gymnasium every day, to work out and keep fit; it kept his mind busy. Then one of the tutors that came in on a regular basis asked to see him. There were all sorts of courses that people could take – English and maths, woodwork, and, of course, drug rehabilitation.

  Life in prison is funny, Antonias thought, it has you locked up twenty-four hours a day, and yet they spend all their time trying to rehabilitate everyone for the outside.

  ‘I run the mechanics class,’ the tutor said, ‘and I hear you’re good with cars, Tony. Badger and some of the others have mentioned it.’

  Antonias opened his mouth to speak.

  ‘No, they haven’t gone into any detail – after all, everyone in prison is innocent, we all know that.’ He smiled at Antonias.

  He was right, of course. No one spoke of their crime, but they all swore their innocence.

  ‘What’s your class got to do with me? I do know a bit about cars, I’m a trained mechanic. What of it?’

  ‘Well, I’ve spoken to Mr Edwards, the governor, and he’s prepared to give you a probationary trial at helping me in my classes, if you want to. What do you think? I could do with the help.’

  Antonias felt this was the governor’s way of appreciating that he had kept his mouth shut. The prison officer who had abandoned his post had also mentioned to the governor that cars were Tony’s profession.

  ‘Yes, okay, I’ll give it a go.’ Antonias shrugged his shoulders; it was something to do to pass the time.

  Antonias liked the classes; he enjoyed showing the men how to put bits of cars together and how engines worked but, again and again, he found they kept calling him Tony. No matter how many times he corrected them, they would shout ‘Tony’ when they wanted him. In the end he gave up telling them, and accepted it.

  Jake had been to see him and told him that he had also given up working for the bossman; he wouldn’t do it without Antonias.

  ‘It’s money, Jake, don’t throw it away for my sake,’ Antonias said. Now he felt guilty; Jake had lost his job, too.

  ‘Hey, Tony, mate, over here!’ Badger shouted. ‘This is the wife, and my daughter.’ Badger had often mentioned them, and now he had the chance to introduce them.

  ‘Tony?’ said Jake. He had a puzzled look on his face. ‘Since when have you been “Tony”?’

  ‘Some of them find Antony too long to say and it’s just stuck; you don’t really think his name is “Badger”, do you?’ He burst out laughing.

  ‘I like it,’ said Jake. ‘You know, it suits you: Tony Lambrianu. Yes, mate, it has a ring to it.’ Jake was nodding, and saying it to himself, ‘Yes. Tony. it is.’

  ‘Might as well, they all call me it, anyway. You could have a point, though, maybe I should have a fresh name and a new start. Yes, Tony Lambrianu it is, then,’ said Tony, nodding.

  ‘For God’s sake, Tony, you have more disguises than a chameleon, and more fresh starts.’ Jake laughed.

  Jake continued to fill ‘Tony’ in about Elle and Sharon. He was doing some more bookkeeping, and at least they both had a lot of savings, to get them through. Tony told Jake that if he got short of money, he was to use his money.

  ‘I’m okay, mate,’ said Jake. ‘Anyway, you’re going to need every penny when you get out.’ The visit ended. Tony hated visiting times, he looked forward to seeing Elle and Jake, but after they’d gone, it made him feel depressed. All the prisoners felt the same, there was always a subdued silence afterwards.

  Days turned into weeks and then months, Tony had now served a year, and was informed that, because of his good behaviour, and being so helpful, he was due for parole. He would have to wear an ankle tag, observe a curfew and report to a probation officer on a weekly basis, until he had finished his time. Of course, if he were to do anything illegal on the outside, not only would he get sentenced for that, he would get the year added on, too.

  Tony couldn’t believe his ears; all he had to do was keep his head down and behave for a year and he’d be free and clear – and he would be on the outside. Freedom, at last. It had been a long, hard year. Even though he’d had a job in the mechanics’ workshop, doing what he liked, and nobody bothered him, it still had been hard.

  Jake was waiting outside for him. It was early morning, and he was walking out the gates a free man; he vowed he would never go back there again.

  ‘Come on, Tony.’ Jake had got used to calling him that and so had Elle; it was second nature, now.

  Tony expected them to go to Elle’s house. He knew Jake had given up the flat above the shop, because he didn’t see the point in
keeping it on his own. Jake spent the odd night at Sharon’s bedsit, and the rest of the time he lived with Elle, to look after her. She was so worried about Tony, wondering if he was okay. Jake often wondered which of them, Elle or Tony, was actually in prison. Jake surprised him by driving to a block of flats, instead.

  ‘Isn’t this where Eddie lives?’ said Tony, looking at the flats.

  ‘Yes,’ said Jake. He was beaming, the smile on his face couldn’t have been bigger. ’He’s letting me borrow it for the day, while he’s out.’

  Tony got out of the car and followed Jake to the door; he wasn’t sure what his friend was up to.

  ‘Hey, Jake, I’ve been out of prison for an hour. I’m not getting into trouble, so whatever scheme you have up your sleeve, leave me out of it.’

  Jake unlocked the door. ‘Come on,’ he said, like he had some great secret. Tony gave a deep sigh and followed him.

  In the bedroom, three scantily dressed young women lay on the bed, waiting for them.

  ‘Welcome home, Tony,’ said Jake.’ I figured you might like this before Elle’s big breakfast; it’s been a long time.’

  Tony grinned broadly. Yes, he had definitely missed this, and Jake was the best brother in the world. The women were smiling and beckoning to him. What a great sight to behold, after a year. It was party time. ‘Ladies, I’m all yours,’ Tony shouted at them, grinning. He ripped his shirt open, sending the buttons flying across the room, and jumped on the bed.

  ***

  Later that afternoon, after a fantastic homecoming, it was time for the girls to leave. Tony felt it was just as well, because he was out of practice.

  They drove back to Elle’s house. Eddie had been a good friend, lending Jake his flat, and they owed him one.

  Elle had prepared a large steak pie, with all the trimmings. She had been watching the clock and wondering what had happened to them, she was worried in case the prison had changed their mind.

  ‘Sorry, Elle,’ said Jake. ‘I took Tony for a quick drink before coming home.’ He kissed her cheek.

  She patted Jake on the arm then turned to Tony and opened her arms wide. ‘Tony, my love, come here,’ she said. Tears were streaming down her face.

  Tony walked into her embrace and let her squeeze the life out of him, while she kissed his face and stroked his hair. Tony actually felt guilty for coming back so late, but Elle wasn’t stupid, nobody went to the pub at nine in the morning.

  Tony was soon sitting at the table with the two people he loved most in the world and enjoying Elle’s home cooking. It was great to be home. Next was a long soak in the bath, full of hot water, not the usual few inches they were allowed in prison, and without someone in the next cubicle. Privacy was worth its weight in gold.

  ***

  Jake had been seeing Sharon for over a year, now, and it seemed they were serious about each other. Now and again, Jake had mentioned that he was thinking of settling down with Sharon; he loved her. Tony reckoned it was just a matter of time.

  One night, a few weeks after he’d got out, Tony was sitting in his old bedroom at Elle’s; he felt he had fallen a long way down. He was back to where he had started, but he had learnt a lot of lessons while sitting on his bunk bed in his dark cell, with Badger snoring his head off.

  Tony had had time to think in prison. He didn’t know what he was going to do next. He had lost his job at the garage, and having a conviction didn’t improve his job prospects much.

  As the weeks passed, he felt like a hamster in a cage, going around and around on his wheel. He would get up, go to the boxing club, have a drink with Jake and Eddie, and then he had to go home, because of the tag on his ankle.

  His probation officer tried setting him up for interviews at supermarkets, but he wasn’t interested. He made a point of telling them he was just out of prison, even though he knew they already knew that.

  Tony was at an all-time low. He didn’t know what to do with himself, he was completely at a loss.

  Elle had said it made her think of the ‘baby blues’, which sometimes affected new mothers, but rather than post-natal depression it was post-prison depression.

  Then Jake rushed in from work one day. ‘Come on, Tony,’ he said, ‘I’ve got you a job, it’s legal and you’ll like it.’

  Jake had been doing some bookkeeping at a local bookies, they were part of a chain. Jake had overheard them saying they were short staffed and had mentioned Tony. He knew the boss well, by then, and told him the truth: Tony was just out of prison, but he was honest and he knew about gambling.

  The boss had agreed to give Tony a three-month trial, to see how things worked out. In truth, he was doing it more for Jake than the unknown convict, but it turned out Tony was good at the job.

  Tony had always enjoyed betting, and knew how to work out the odds. The boss liked him, and so did the punters. He knew Jake had put his reputation on the line for him, and so for Jake alone, he gave it his best shot.

  Tony’s probation officer was pleased that he had found employment. That was always the hardest part, trying to find someone with a conviction a job.

  Tony had the odd fling, but it was awkward having to see women just in the daytime. Most of them wanted to go out for the evening.

  A few months later, Jake finally announced he had asked Sharon to marry him, and she had said yes. They were going to rent a small flat together. They all had a lunchtime drink at the local pub to celebrate. They couldn’t go to a club, because of Tony’s curfew. He told Jake and Sharon to go out for a meal, on him, and gave them the money to do so.

  The wedding was set for two months’ time. It was going to be a small affair. Jake had some savings left from the money he and Tony had earnt collecting, and from the car scam, and Sharon’s parents were keen to contribute, but Jake and Sharon felt the money would be better spent on practical things, such as some furniture for their flat, rather than a big, fancy do. Eventually, they could perhaps put down a deposit on a house.

  The wedding was a small ceremony, but a nice one, at the local register office. Tony was, of course, the best man. Sharon’s parents and siblings were there, and Elle wept all the way through it all. Thankfully, Eddie and his girlfriend were on hand with the tissues.

  After the ceremony, the bride and groom and their guests all went to a local restaurant and had a slap-up meal, with champagne, to celebrate. Everyone wished Jake and Sharon well, they made a good couple.

  They moved into the rented flat and turned it into their own home, and for the first time, Tony felt envious of Jake. He felt trapped, and yet here was Jake with a wife, a home, even a career. He was pleased for him, but he couldn’t wait for the chains that bound him to be loosened, for the year to be up, so he could do as he liked.

  Finally, it was all over. Tony was still working at the bookies, earning a regular wage, but he was bored; he missed all the excitement of his past life.

  Surely, thought Tony, there must be more to life than this. Is this what I’m going to do for the rest of my days: live with Elle, work at the bookies and take out the odd girlfriend now and again? He felt as though he had no purpose anymore.

  Tony didn’t want a relationship, he wasn’t ready to settle down like Jake had. As soon as the women he saw started talking about ‘us’ and ‘we’, that was when he started thinking about moving on. Even the prospect of finding a new girlfriend didn’t seem to excite him; he needed to get himself sorted out first, the women would come later.

  He was reminded that he wasn’t the only one with difficulties when Jake came to see him at Elle’s. He looked upset and Tony could tell he’d been crying. He presumed he’d had an argument with Sharon.

  ‘What’s up, Jake?’ he said. ‘Wife giving you a hard time? You’ve only been married a few months, what’s so bad?’

  ‘I’m sterile, Tony, we can’t have children and it’s my fault.’ He heaved a sob, then added, ‘I’ve told Sharon to move on, find someone to have kids with.’

  Tony couldn’t believ
e his ears. ‘You told Sharon to leave you. Why the hell would you do that?’

  ‘Are you deaf? I just said, I can’t ever give her children. We’ve been trying to start a family, but nothing happened, so I went to the doctor to get myself checked out. It seems that time I had mumps … you remember?’ Jake broke down in tears.

  Tony put his arms around him and held him. He remembered Jake having mumps. They had both got it, but Tony had escaped with swollen glands and a high temperature, whereas Jake had to go into hospital for a couple of weeks, his was so severe. The doctor had warned Jake at the time that it could cause sterility and that only time would tell, but that had meant nothing to him, then. He’d forgotten all about it, until now. And here it was, like a bolt from the blue.

  ‘Is that really a reason for her to leave you? I thought she loved you. There are other avenues, you know. Look at Elle; she has two sons she never gave birth to. We both know she had a son, whom she never mentions, because he was in the army and got himself killed, but come on, Jake.’ An idea occurred to him. ‘I’ll donate some sperm, if you like.’

  ‘No, you bloody well won’t.’ Jake dried his eyes and looked at Tony with disgust. How could Tony talk of having sex with Sharon at a time like this? ‘Leave her alone, you randy old sod, she’s still my wife, you know.’ He paused, then added, ‘For now, anyway.’

  Tony shook his head. ‘No, no, Jake, not like that. God’s sake! I mean them donation things you hear about on the television. Give me some credit, I’m not such a low-life, I’m not talking about sleeping with your wife.’

  Jake sighed. ‘No, I’m sorry, Tony, that was a stupid thing to say, of course you wouldn’t. Anyway, it’s up to Sharon now, I’ve given her the choice. It has to be her choice. Christ, I just feel like shit.’ Then he started crying again.

  Jake moved back into Elle’s house. Sharon had said it wasn’t necessary, but Jake had insisted she had time and space to think.

  ‘I could help, Elle,’ said Tony.

  He and Elle were having a cup of coffee in the kitchen, while Jake was at work, and had been discussing how to reconcile Jake and Sharon.