by C. M. Albert
I laughed. “You’re an alright guy, Ryan.”
“Just alright?”
I crossed the room, keeping my eyes trained on his intensely dark gaze. I was glad we weren’t ever considering crossing the line and getting completely intimate with one another because I suspected with our matching testosterone and love for fucking, we would absolutely obliterate each other.
We stood toe-to-toe, our breath mingling in anticipation. I leaned forward, putting my hands on the dresser, and boxing him in. He flexed his chest and stood up straighter, his gaze dropping to my mouth.
I nipped at his bottom lip, drawing it in and sucking on it. Ryan groaned, which made me chuckle. He wrapped his arms around my waist and cupped my ass, pulling me hard against his body.
“Better than alright,” I said, flicking my tongue out and tracing his lips. “My best friend. My dude soul mate.”
He gaffed. “Dude soul mate? Is that really a thing?”
“I don’t know. Just shut up and kiss me already,” I dared him.
He tightened his grip on my ass and claimed my lips. His beard scratched my face as we widened our mouths for a deeper, more intimate kiss. It never stopped surprising me that Ryan could feel gentle too. While the kiss was intense, his tongue was soft and sensual, demanding, yet curious. It made me feel all kinds of things.
“Eh-hem,” we heard from the doorway. I slowed the kiss but didn’t end it right away. I was enjoying it too much. I’d had a lot of special alone time with Olivia lately, but not enough with the three of us. Things had gotten hectic after our weekend getaway, with Ryan grading finals, Olivia finishing a big She Shed renovation for a client, and me planning the engagement and wedding. I made a mental note to plan something special soon, so Ryan remembered how much he was needed in this trio and just how much I really did love him, too.
“So much for not being bisexual,” Olivia teased. “He who doth protest too much.”
Ryan cocked his head back, looking smugly over my shoulder at Liv. He winked, then shoved me off at the chest. “What can I say? I can see the appeal of Kerrington now.”
I barked in laughter. “Only now? After all this time?”
“Boys,” Olivia said, heading out of the room. “Brighton, it’s two o’clock. Your parents aren’t going to be happy with us if you don’t head over soon.”
I called Stitch to come with me. He’d be happier spending the day getting loved on by my family than being in his crate. At my house, we were welcomed into the fold, and things quickly fell into rhythm as Paige and Mom shooed everyone out of the kitchen to cook our Christmas dinner. Becca and Kendra were in the library reading. Stitch abandoned me to curl up on the floor at their feet, warming himself by the fire. Me, my dad, and my sisters’ husbands grabbed beers and headed to my workshop. I was eager to show Dad what I’d built with my own two hands.
“Well done, Brighton,” he said, looking around. He’d always been proud of me, but this meant a lot. “Looks like you’re building yourself a nice little life here.”
“I really am. I know it’s unconventional, but it works for us.” I took a pull from my beer. “I appreciate you and Mom being so open about everything.”
“You didn’t exactly give us a choice. Now did you, Son?” he chuckled. “Luckily, we care more about your happiness than what others think, and we would’ve been behind you anyway. But that told us how serious you were about Olivia. It’s more confusing to us why Ryan would go along with all this than anything else. But he’s a nice guy and seems like a good friend.”
“Yeah, sorry. But there is no way in hell I’d share Paige with anyone,” Vic added.
I didn’t expect them to fully understand. Unless you were one of us, and felt the palpable love between us, I could see how it might be confusing. Hell, if truth be told, I knew if the situation was reversed, I wouldn’t be able to share Olivia with anyone else. That was the hardest part for me to reconcile with. I didn’t know if that meant Ryan loved Liv more than I did—since he would literally do anything to see her happy. Or if I loved her more. Because I’d rather die than risk losing her.
“What’s it really like?” Becca’s husband asked. “I mean, with the three of you. Do you take turns spending time with her? Or do you just like, share her?”
I know Joey didn’t mean anything by it. He was simply curious. But if it were anyone other than my sister’s husband, I mighta decked him for asking. Which meant I needed to formulate a simple comeback that shut this shit down quick, because I was sure we’d need to do a lot more of this in the future if we started living openly.
“For starters, I don’t ask you and Becca about your love life, right? And that’s my wife. I know you didn’t mean anything by it, but don’t disrespect her like that by asking such crude questions.”
He held up his hands and laughed nervously while my dad said in a low warning, “Brighton.”
“Sorry, man,” said Joey. “I just—can’t wrap my head around how this even works. Aren’t you worried how your daughter will answer these questions some day? About why she has two daddies and one mommy?”
I did. I worried about it nearly every day. But I’d figured out that there was only one honest answer, so that’s what I told Joey.
“She’ll tell them it’s because she’s lucky.”
Chapter Thirty
Olivia
AFTER BRIGHTON WENT next door, I grabbed a box of tissues and shoved it in my boho purse. I had a feeling I’d need a lot of them today. I filled two water bottles for me and Ryan and met him by the garage. Usually, he would have the car started and the seats warmed by now.
“Everything okay? Did we forget something?”
“No, I just wanted to give you my Christmas present when it was just the two of us. We won’t have many more milestones to hit when it’s just Liv and Ry,” he said sadly.
“We can always have alone time, Ryan.”
“You know what I mean,” he said, tugging at my hand.
“Where are we going?”
“Through here.”
He opened the garage door, and I gasped. Inside was a brand-new Honda Odyssey Elite in Obsidian Blue Pearl. The biggest red bow I’d ever seen was on the hood of the minivan.
I was speechless. We talked about getting a minivan when we were pregnant with Laelynn because it was far safer than my open-roofed Wrangler. But I’d been afraid to buy one before the baby was born—just in case. Turned out it had been okay to wait. Now? The timing was everything.
“I can’t believe you did this!” I said, grinning from ear to ear.
“You’re not upset with me? I was a little hesitant to make such a big purchase without discussing it first, but your safety comes first.”
“How could I ever be upset over something as sweet as that? I’m just blown away. Ryan . . . this is too much.”
He handed me the keys. “It’s exactly what my girls deserve. Merry Christmas, Liv.”
I flung myself in his arms and pressed my lips to his. He lifted me up, and I wrapped my legs around his waist. Then he turned me around and pressed my back up against my new car and kissed me until I was dizzy and breathless.
“We’re so going to have to break this in before the baby comes,” I said.
“I like the way you think. Promise me something?”
“Hmm?” I asked dreamily as I slid down his body to stand.
“I want to be the first to break it in with you. One last Liv and Ry hurrah.”
“One might even say, one for the road?”
Ryan rolled his eyes. “I thought I was going to be bad with the dad jokes.”
“You’re going to be the best father, Ryan. I’m more sure of that now than ever.”
“What do you mean?” he asked as we slid into the minivan and onto the smoothest leather seats my bottom ever graced.
I turned the car on, then looked at Ryan. “This past year, you have fought tooth and nail for me. When I was drowning, you wouldn’t let me sink. Even though I kept s
hutting you out, you never gave up on me. That’s what family means. Never leaving someone behind, right?”
“Never.”
“I owe you my life, Ryan. I feel like I’m happy again for the first time since before we started trying to get pregnant. That doesn’t mean that I don’t think of our babies every single day. Or that something isn’t going to trigger me tomorrow.” I searched the knobs, turning on the seat warmers. “But before, I couldn’t say I was happy. I felt broken. Like—all the way beyond repair broken.”
“I always knew you’d survive, Liv. You’re a fighter. I was just worried we wouldn’t. And that scared me more than anything else in the world.”
“I know,” I whispered. “I get that now that I’m out of that really dark place.”
“Do you think Dr. Paul is helping? So that if we experience loss again, you won’t go back there?”
“I can’t say it wouldn’t set me back. But I’m not the same person that I was a year ago. I honestly believe I have the support I need and can trust that I’d survive whatever life throws our way.”
Ryan knocked on the dashboard three times. It was a superstition of his. “Let’s hope life is done throwing us curveballs. I think we’ve had enough.”
“Amen to that,” I said, feeling a little guilty for only getting Ryan a new juicer for Christmas. “I’m gonna get used to this backup camera really fast.”
Ryan laughed. “Wait till you see everything else she does.”
We chatted about Ryan’s work on our way to the cemetery, to keep my mind off what we were about to go do. It was the absolute last thing I wanted to face on Christmas Day, when everything was going so well. But we visited my parents every year at this time. I just never imagined we’d be visiting our child there someday, too. A parent isn’t supposed to outlive their kids. And Laelynn never even got a fair chance. We pulled into a front-row parking space. There was no one else around, which didn’t surprise me.
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Ryan reached over and held my hand but didn’t say anything. I knew we’d need to visit my parents first, because every time I saw Laelynn’s grave, I was a waste afterward. I put my other hand over my belly and did some deep breathing exercises Dr. Paul recommended for when I felt stressed or sad. I tapped my thumb to each of the four fingers on that hand, slowly, one at a time. Healed. Healthy. Happiness. Harmony. I don’t know how long we sat there while I collected myself, but Ryan never pushed me or told me to hurry up.
We got out and walked to my parents’ graves. I closed my eyes and said a small prayer while Ryan rubbed my lower back. Then I talked to them in my head and told them all our good news, and how I was finally looking forward to something. As I was getting ready to leave, a red bird flew down, landing on the headstone. It cocked its head to the side and looked at me before flying away.
Laelynn’s plot was in a different section of the cemetery, an older one where Ryan’s family has been buried for centuries. They’d purchased extra land so only their family could be buried there. It was like a smaller cemetery within the bigger one. A fence lined with rose bushes circled the large perimeter as far as the eyes could see. It was in the oldest section, so a family of large oaks stood sentient over the Wells family, which I found oddly comforting.
Laelynn’s headstone was placed in the part reserved for Ryan’s branch of the family tree. A headstone already stood erected for Ryan’s parents, who had died before I met him. We paid our respects before moving to Laelynn’s small headstone. There was a gap between his parents’ plot and Laelynn’s—ones that were already paid for, for Ryan and me someday. Even though it was just earth beneath my feet, a shiver ran up my spine as my boots crunched through the frozen snow. It wasn’t something I ever wanted to think about.
Ryan and I crouched down on our toes so we could get closer to Laelynn’s miniature heart-shaped marker. I ran my fingers over the engraved stone where her name was etched like some kind of bizarre mistake.
Laelynn Gia Wells
Beloved daughter of Ryan and Olivia
Wrapped in our love. Sleep, little one. Sleep.
“Hey, baby girl,” I whispered. Ryan placed his hand on my lower back as I talked to our daughter quietly. “You’re going to be a big sister soon. But don’t worry. This baby can never take your place. Only you could be our little wildflower.”
A solitary tear slid down my cheek.
“It’s Christmas today.” I felt like someone was stabbing me in the heart it hurt so badly. “You should’ve been at home with us today. You would’ve been one.”
My words died, caught in a strangled sob. I fell to my knees, no longer able to balance myself on the balls of my feet. The snow quickly worked its way through my jeans, but I barely noticed. I put my face in my hands and started crying. Ryan kneeled next to me, wrapping me in his arms and letting me break.
We sat there until the lower half of my legs felt like they’d gone numb from the snow and I began to worry about frostbite. Ryan lifted me as he stood, keeping his arm around my shoulders.
“I love you,” I said shakily to Laelynn one last time.
Ryan did what he always did before leaving. He kissed the first two fingers of his right hand and placed them on top of the heart-shaped headstone.
We linked hands and headed to the car. When we got there, I handed Ryan the keys and didn’t even need to ask. We drove home in silence with nothing more in the background than the soft whoosh of a powerful new heating system and the soft echo of my tears.
Chapter Thirty-One
Ryan
WHEN WE RETURNED home, Olivia headed upstairs. It was an improvement over six months ago when she would’ve headed to the guest bedroom and locked herself in there alone. I was grateful Kerrington had Stitch, so we didn’t have to deal with his excitable love right now. I texted Brighton to let him know we may not make it over for Christmas dinner, but that I would try hard to get us there.
I led Olivia to the shower because I knew from experience that she was suffering mild symptoms of shock. Between that, the cold snow, and her grief, she would need to warm up fast so she could get present in her body. Water was the best way to do that.
I held her in my arms and let the hot water warm us as it washed over our bodies. She was conditioning her hair when she began sobbing again, collapsing against my chest as she heaved. I rinsed her hair for her and got us out of the water and into bed, where I could hold her under the weight of our comforter to help her stay warm and feel safe.
“I’m trying, Ryan. I am. So damn hard. Every day. Then something like this happens. Is this what’s going to happen every time I think of her? Every time I want to visit her?”
I ran my hand over her hair and kissed her forehead. “Shh, Livy. It’s only been a year.”
“I know. It just hurts so bad. It’s still so raw. There are days when I feel so full and happy. We have things to look forward to again. A future. And I want so desperately to keep my body safe for this new baby to grow. I’m scared, Ryan. Really scared.”
I tipped her chin, raising her face so our eyes met. I wanted to take it all from her. I would if I could. I would bear the entire weight of her misery for the both of us if god would hand it over to me.
“I want to promise you that it’ll all be okay, that nothing will go wrong. But I can’t. We know it can because we’ve had the worst happen to us. But we also survived it. I know you can’t see it—you can only feel what’s going on inside that incredibly large heart of yours. But you’re night and day stronger than you were before. We can face this—and whatever life throws our way—together.”
She bit her lip, fighting back more tears. I could see the tremble in her chin. “I’m just so exhausted, Ryan. I’m so damn tired of having to be strong.”
“I know.”
There wasn’t much I could say. She had the right to feel emotionally exhausted. She was right to feel scared. I was just frustrated because I didn’t know how to make things better.
“What do you need right now? Do you want me to let you sleep? We can skip this dinner tonight. I already texted Brighton and told him we may not be up for it.”
She swallowed, taking a deep breath against my chest.
“What do you see, Ryan?”
“I see the most beautiful woman I’ve ever known lying in my arms.”
“What do you smell?”
“Warm, vanilla undertones.”
“What can you feel?”
“The softest skin under my fingertips.”
“What do you hear?”
“The way the pillow crinkles when we shift.”
“And what do you taste?” she asked, pulling herself up on her arm to look down at me.
Her blond hair hung in wet ropes over her shoulder. Her breasts were slightly fuller, and her neckline was smooth and fair. I reached my hand up, running it along her collarbone to her throat. She closed her eyes, and her breathing hitched.
“Forever,” I said, pulling her down so I could kiss her. Her mouth was soft, compliant. Her lips parted easily and let me in. My tongue pressed forward, seeking hers. It was gentle, languid—like wake rolling across the surface of a lake.
We may not get everything right in our relationship—but where we were now felt better than it ever had. We were stronger together. I was confident there was nothing we couldn’t face together—and now, we had Brighton, too. His family might not understand our love, but when the three of us were together, it was all encompassing.
When all of this began last summer, I teased Olivia, crediting her healing to the Brighton Effect. It felt like everything he touched turned better, warmer somehow. Like pavement under the heat of summer. As I made slow, gentle love to her, I realized it was so much more than that.
He was the spark that had ignited healing for our family. But instead of burning us alive like I’d feared would happen, it ended up transforming all of us into the sun itself. The truth was, I don’t think we’d have gotten to this point without Brighton. But now that we had, I knew I never wanted a day without sunlight again.
