The Paramedic's Secret Son

by Rachel Dove

  People were on the move and he was swallowed by uniforms and the swish-swish of the doors. Annabel was still looking when they swished closed for the final time. With a sigh, she started to head out when she noticed Purdie was still in her seat. Purdie was the bones of this place, even more than Annabel was. She was one of the best, and she never missed a blessed trick. She’d run the admissions ward when she’d first started there and then the cancer ward floor, and her nurses all adored her. She covered A&E on her days off, attending the briefings when she was on her overtime shifts. They ran like a tight, happy little ship. If Purdie had been a mama bear, they would all have been her cubs. Whether they liked it or not.

  Annabel kept an eye on the door, trying to stride purposefully across the room on jelly legs, but Purdie stopped her as soon as she was in reach.

  ‘Did you know he was coming?’ she asked, straight to the point as ever.

  ‘Did my shocked expression give me away?’

  Purdie raised her dark eyebrows, reaching for Annabel’s hand and pulling her down in the seat next to her.

  ‘Thanks,’ Annabel replied, her voice dull and flat. ‘I think I’m about to keel over.’

  ‘He’s working here now, with you?’

  Annabel could barely bring herself to nod. Her face felt numb, as if she couldn’t control her expression any more.

  ‘Well, I’ll be... Takes a lot to shock me, but...’ Purdie slapped her free hand on her thigh and covered her friend’s hand with hers. ‘Take a minute, catch your breath.’

  The two women sat in silence, staring into space as they processed the news together.

  ‘He looks good though, right? That tan, that hair?’ She laughed a little, and Annabel snorted. ‘Oh, come on, even you can admit he looks well. It’s good to see. He’s been in Dubai this whole time?’

  Another numb-faced nod. ‘I think so. Who knows?’

  Purdie nodded. ‘He’s here alone?’ Her voice was delicate now, measured.

  ‘I don’t know that either.’ She hadn’t even thought about it, but the phone call came screaming back to her. ‘Yes, actually, I think he is.’

  He came to talk to me, and I blindsided him with the news about Aidan. He didn’t exactly give the impression that he had a wife and kids in tow. That’s something to be grateful for. Because of how complicated things are, she lied to herself. Not that I care either way.

  ‘Not about the work then, eh? Well, that changes things.’

  Annabel frowned. ‘How?’

  Purdie put her arm around Annabel’s shoulder and drew her in. Annabel went willingly, resting her head on her friend’s shoulder. She smelled like Purdie always did. Comforting. Motherly.

  ‘Believe me, my girl, that boy is back with a purpose in that head of his. If he’s here alone, he’s come to find something, not leave it behind.’

  ‘He came for a job. Tom’s job.’

  Purdie laughed louder this time, her whole body jiggling with mirth and making Annabel’s frazzled head bounce on her shoulder.

  ‘If you think that man came all this way just to work here, looking at you the way he just did, then I have a feeling that we’ll be having lots more conversations like these.’

  Annabel groaned, burying her head further into the nurse’s shoulder, and Purdie’s deep, rich laughter filled the empty room once more.

  ‘Great, I can’t wait,’ she said sarcastically, and Purdie laughed again.

  ‘Things happen for a reason, child. I keep telling you that. You’ll see.’

  Annabel had a feeling that whatever was going to happen, she wouldn’t really have a chance to avoid it anyway. What a pair they were, both ostriches with their heads in the hot Dubai sand. She needed a minute before she started her awkward day, cramped up in the ambulance with her old childhood sweetheart, the air thick between them like London smog.

  ‘I guess I will,’ she muttered, burying deeper into her friend’s embrace.

  * * *

  Sitting in the front of the ambulance with Harry felt like stepping into a time machine. She could smell his aftershave as she buckled herself in, and it took all her concentration to focus on putting on her seatbelt without giving away how much she was dreading their first shift back together. Her two worlds were starting to collide, and not only had she not seen it coming, she’d even pushed them together herself.

  Telling Harry about Aidan was something she had tortured herself over for the longest time. Every time she saw Abe with Aidan, it was on the tip of her tongue to blurt out that Granddad wasn’t just an honorary title, especially after all the support Abe had shown her since Harry left. It was a blood connection too. If Aidan had looked like a mini Harry the decision would have been made for her, but with him taking after her in the looks department she’d continued to lie. For a while there, she’d almost believed her own version of events. A one-night stand with a man who had vaporised into thin air. It was half true, so she’d made peace with it. Now Harry was back, and she had a feeling he was about to open a can of worms.

  Her own feelings aside, she needed Aidan to be okay through all this. She needed to protect her son. That was the driving force behind the lie in the first place. After the time off school recovering from his injury, and the house move, the last thing the poor lad deserved was to get to know a person who wouldn’t be around in a few months. She didn’t know why Harry had come back, and that was keeping her up at night too. It had been six months since that disastrous phone call. He’d hardly thrown some clothes into a case and raced to the airport after her call, had he? She’d tossed and turned, thinking about the awkward day that lay ahead, and spent hours staring at the ceiling, worrying if she’d done the right thing by coming clean.

  Aidan had been his usual full-of-beans self this morning, and she’d caught herself comparing him with the new Harry. The tanned stranger who had turned her life upside down for the second time. She’d never told anyone the truth about Aidan’s parentage. She’d ridden out the stares and the whispered comments from those around her, judging her for sleeping with some stranger so soon after Harry had left. The obvious suspicions of those who knew her best. As her belly grew, more and more people asked questions, and she’d answered them all with a smile on her face. She knew the truth, and because people already blamed Harry for walking out she hadn’t wanted the pity or stupid comments around her son.

  She guessed, deep down, she hadn’t wanted them to hate Harry any more either. Being in love with the man who’d left you pregnant and broken-hearted frankly sucked. She’d pitied herself enough; she didn’t need any more from the people around her.

  She didn’t want to be that person ever again, feeling lost and out of control. It was directly at odds with her work persona. Over the years, the story had never changed from her lips, and gradually the questions stopped. Everyone at the station loved Aidan, and she was happy.

  Am I? Today, I’m just not sure. I need sleep. That’s it. It’s the shock and the night of tossing the pillows on and off my bed.

  She’d thought that Abe suspected something, back in those first few weeks when she did nothing but cry on his couch, her hormones making her heartbreak feel that much worse. He had never once asked about the father or told her that Aidan needed a father. He was the one person who had never shown anything but excitement and love for Aidan, and those things grew once Aidan was born. He had been a grandfather to Aidan from day one, and with him and her friends she’d muddled through those first sleep-deprived months, and had childcare backup when she went back to work. Once her friend Teri was on board, having just had her own son Finn, she had a little army of willing carers to enable her to navigate those first few years.

  Annabel tried to shake off her strange mood, looking across at Harry. He was strapped in, his body turned away from her as he looked out of the window. He looked relaxed, his back against the seat, his hands in his lap. To anyone e
lse, he would have looked positively serene, but Annabel still knew his tells. The hands on his lap weren’t still; he was tapping his fingers together, an old sign that he was feeling the tension.

  * * *

  Good, she thought, her old resentment waking her up. You should suffer, Harry.

  Abe had an old saying; he’d told her it often over the years. What doesn’t kill you builds character. Well, she’d had enough character-building for one lifetime. She was happy, she’d made peace with the past, as much as you could when you got ghosted by the love of your life. She was happy, till the minute she’d set eyes on him. Now, everything seemed skewed, off-kilter. As if he’d come back from the dead and no one had batted an eyelid.

  Even Tom had been quiet on the subject since. Although preparing to be new parents meant he and Lloyd were really busy. Her problems weren’t theirs, after all. Life went on. With her job, she knew how fragile life could be, how short and cruel sometimes too. She wished her mother were here to talk to. To talk about Harry coming back. She swallowed down the pain she felt and turned her mind back to the job.

  ‘Ready to green up?’ she asked, her finger on the button that told the station they were ready to take calls. ‘We have Hillingdon today but, given the nightshift, we might have to switch things around.’

  Harry turned away from the window. His hands stilled in his lap. ‘I’m good to go. It might take me a minute to get acclimatised again, but I’m good.’

  ‘Anything you’re rusty on, just shout. I’ll be the lead today anyway.’

  He pointed out of the window at the road beyond the car park. ‘Oh, it’s not the medicine, more the location. It might take me a second to navigate around the old place.’

  Old place. Wow, that was like a bullet to the heart. Arrogant too. Not the old Harry.

  ‘Well, luckily, I still know the streets like the back of my hand.’ She pressed the button, pulling out of the station because she just couldn’t stand sitting there any longer. ‘And I don’t need a co-pilot.’

  ‘Ambulance seventeen, request for help, Hillingdon, on the estate.’

  Annabel looked up to the sky when the address was read out. It was on the next street from her old flat, and she felt as if her dear old mum was messing with her from above. Their first meeting had been at the airport, and now this.

  The patient was Phyllis, a new ambulance service regular. She was in early dementia; home care nurses came twice a day and her husband Jerry was well able to care for her. They only called for help when she fell, which was becoming more and more frequent as her condition worsened. Jerry couldn’t lift her on his own, and falls in the elderly could be much more serious than they first looked. Picking up the radio handset, she radioed back that they were en route and flicked on the sirens and lights.

  As they were heading towards the estate Annabel’s new house loomed into view and she felt as if her heart might stop. The sold sign was still up out front, with no signs of life in the windows. The skip she’d hired for the building rubbish was sitting outside, half full. She saw Harry’s head whip back to look as they sped past.

  ‘The old house finally sold on, eh? Maud passed away? That’s sad. Bless her.’

  ‘Huh?’ She turned the next corner, nodding to a driver who gave way to let them through. ‘What house?’ She felt as if her ears were on fire with the effort of acting dumb. Her whole face felt flushed. Catching sight of herself in the side mirror as she checked the traffic, all she saw were her own panicked eyes staring back at her.

  ‘The house. From when we were kids—don’t you remember?’

  ‘Oh. Yeah, I remember. It might be better to concentrate on the job though.’

  ‘Gotcha. All business.’ He reached for the radio, telling the control desk that they had arrived at the address. As soon as she stopped the ambulance he was off into the back, pulling his kit on and grabbing the backboard. He didn’t even acknowledge her, just headed to the door to the flats.

  A worried-looking Jerry led the duo into the hallway of the flat, where Phyllis was now sitting up, smiling at Annabel.

  ‘Hello!’ she said jovially, giving them all a little wave. ‘I can’t get up.’

  Jerry stepped to the side but stayed close by.

  ‘I know, love. These are the paramedics, remember? They’ve come to help, and you remember Annabel.’ Once upon a time, before she became ill, Phyllis had run the local nursery which Aidan had attended. She always seemed to remember her, even now. It helped, and when the calls came in they were usually given to Annabel if possible. It was easy to scare an already confused person just by being a stranger, especially one in uniform carrying scary-looking equipment.

  ‘Annabel, how’s the little fella doing?’

  Annabel was standing right next to Harry, their shoulders brushed up against each other in the narrow space. She felt his body go rigid against her. As her brain scrambled for the right thing to say, she found herself wanting to tell him something about Aidan.

  ‘He’s great, Phyllis. He’s loving his new bedroom and doing well at school. He says hello and sends his love.’

  Phyllis beamed. ‘He’ll go far, that lad, I said, didn’t I, Jerry? Footie still going well too?’ Annabel was astonished at how good her memory was today. From Jerry’s face, she could tell she wasn’t the only one.

  ‘Yeah, he’s playing for the Hillingdon Wolves now, Under Eights.’

  The same team his dad played for when they were kids. Harry had the chance to turn professional, but he’d chosen medicine.

  ‘Is that true?’ Harry whispered beside her, his nose tickling her ear accidentally as he leaned in. She couldn’t suppress the shudder that he evoked, but she recovered herself quickly.

  Work, Annabel, work.

  ‘Yes,’ she whispered back to him. ‘I don’t lie.’

  She moved closer to her patient, offering her hand.

  ‘Come on then, Phyllis, let’s get you sorted and off that floor.’

  It was almost lunchtime when they finished their latest job and clocked off to eat. A woman had cut herself in her kitchen. A slip of the knife and she was now in the hospital getting stitched up for a minor cut. The poor woman was more upset about messing up her planned wedding anniversary dinner. Her husband couldn’t have cared less about the dinner; he had just arrived in A&E, suit crumpled, tie askew. He’d searched for her the second he’d walked through the doors and, seeing her, his face had relaxed and he’d dashed over, cursing the traffic that had kept him from her side and scooping her into his arms.

  She and Harry had watched them for a little while, and then departed silently. Annabel had driven to the sandwich shop near the community centre, and they were now sitting in the car park, hot coffees in their hands, food in paper bags on their laps.

  ‘Annie, can we talk?’

  She swallowed down her coffee rather gracefully, considering he’d spoken just as she was taking a mouthful of Americano.

  ‘It’s Annabel these days, and yes, we can talk.’

  ‘When I left, I—’

  Annabel felt the blood leave her face. She couldn’t talk about that, not yet. She didn’t want to feel the sting of rejection again. Not till she had recovered from his return at least.

  ‘No, not about that. I thought you meant about Aidan, or the job.’ She risked looking at him now, and he was looking back at her. He looked wounded, and she hated herself for it.

  ‘It’s relevant to Aidan.’ His jaw flexed and he took a long time to take his next drink of coffee. ‘Why did you tell me about him if you don’t want to talk about anything?’

  ‘I didn’t say I wanted to talk about the past, that’s all. Can I not have a bit of time? I told you about Aidan because I always told myself if I saw you again, if you ever came back to London, I would tell you about him. You told me not to contact you, remember? You ignored me for weeks. You asked me t
o let you go. So I let go.’ She bit her lip, mad at herself for breaking her own ruddy rule.

  ‘You did contact me again though. Six months ago. You called me and told me to come home.’ Annabel’s sharp intake of breath caused his brow to furrow. ‘I handed in my notice, but it took time.’ He paused, as if to add something else, but shook his head as though dislodging the words from his throat. ‘I was on a lengthy contract by then. I came home as soon as I could, Annie. I want to talk, about all of this. I’m staying with Dad now. I’m not far away.’

  The last remark sent Annabel’s eyebrows up to her hairline. ‘Abe’s letting you stay? Wow.’

  Harry chuckled, but it died in his throat. ‘Yeah, I was a bit surprised too.’

  ‘He does know then.’ She spoke her thoughts out loud, not able to stop them. ‘About Aidan. He would have been straight on the phone if it was news to him.’

  Harry nodded slowly. ‘Yeah, he knows. I didn’t tell him though. We spent half the night and his liquor cabinet last night talking about it.’

  Annabel tried to speak but she felt as if someone had sat on her chest. ‘Oh, what a mess,’ was all she could croak out.

  ‘You okay?’

  He placed his hand on her arm but as soon as his fingertips touched her clothing, she pulled away infinitesimally.

  ‘Is he...is he mad?’ she choked out. ‘I didn’t want to keep it from him, but it was just easier at the time. I always thought that he just kind of knew. He’s dealt with enough pregnant women to work out a due date.’

  ‘No, of course he isn’t. He loves being a granddad. He told me loads of stories about Aidan, when he was little. He could never be mad at you for giving him a grandchild. You should call him; he’s not mad at all. He’s pretty pleased, to be honest.’

  ‘He’s the best granddad,’ she said, smiling now at the thought. ‘Aidan adores him.’

  Harry’s face softened and he reached for her hand this time. She moved it away, taking out a sandwich to cover her snub. Harry clenched his fist for a second, and then reached for his own lunch.