The Paramedic's Secret Son

by Rachel Dove

  Harry didn’t reply for a moment, but his expression said everything. His eyes brimmed with tears and he blinked, seemingly to push them back.

  ‘Are you sure?’

  ‘Yes, I’m sure. We’re all spending so much time together, and I feel so guilty for keeping it from him. You do everything a dad does, Harry. You play with him, look after him—you’re in his life. He deserves a real father, not some abstract faraway idea of you. I’ve taken enough time from you both. Enough now—we can be a proper family. No more hiding.’

  Harry was moving his head like a nodding dog now, his grip on her hand tight. ‘When?’

  ‘Today, after school. We can take him to the park, tell him then.’ Annabel stroked his face, which was now rather pale. ‘You freaking out?’

  He silenced her with an enthusiastic kiss. ‘Hell, no. I’m ready.’ His features clouded again. ‘Does this mean telling him about us too?’

  ‘I hadn’t thought that far, in all honesty, but yes, I think so. One thing at a time, maybe. Let’s do this first. See how he copes.’

  ‘He’ll have questions. What do I tell him?’

  ‘The truth, as much as we can. You went to help people, to save lives. He’ll understand that. Every adult around him is a professional lifesaver. We can tell him everything when he’s older. He’s always coped okay, understood that his dad wasn’t around.’ That was true, though she had seen him get upset sometimes. Father’s Day. Christmas. Seeing other dads at the school gates. She didn’t tell Harry any of that. It didn’t need to be said. It would only serve to torture them both. ‘You’re here now. Things are different.’

  There it was again. That faraway look.

  ‘I want that more than anything, but we need to talk too. Before we go any further. I have things to tell you. I know I don’t talk about my cancer much, but I do have more things to say.’

  ‘We should go in,’ she said, checking her watch. ‘It starts soon; he’ll be waiting.’

  ‘You’re doing it again.’

  ‘I’m not.’

  I am. I’m scared. What if I don’t like the answer? What if he gets sick again, like Mum?

  ‘We need to get in there. Aidan’s waiting.’

  ‘I can’t have children, Annie. The cancer treatment was really intense, and at the time they offered to freeze some of my semen, but I was just too upset. I never wanted a child once I’d lost you. Another stupid regret of mine. I should have stuck some of those little soldiers on ice.’

  The statement hung in the air between them. She felt as if it had slapped her in the face. Hard.

  ‘That’s not funny.’

  ‘Do you see me laughing?’

  ‘We have Aidan though. I guessed that your cancer might have left you sterile. Hell, I’ve done enough research over the last few weeks, I’ll admit. What are you saying?’

  ‘Aidan is mine. I’m not questioning that. I’m saying that I can’t have children.’

  ‘I don’t understand. I haven’t mentioned having another child. Does it bother you?’

  ‘You’re not listening again. It’s not about wanting another child. I love Aidan. You know that. I’m telling you that I can’t father a child.’

  Harry sighed, and she knew he’d seen her check her watch again. In truth, she wanted to jump out of the car, avoid the conversation altogether. Was he changing his mind about them?

  ‘Okay, Miss Punctual. The short version is that treatment was pretty intensive. It was touch and go for a while. They asked me if I wanted to freeze my sperm at the time but, with losing you, I just didn’t see the point. Another thing I wish I’d thought better of. The upshot is, I’m sterile. Have been for about six years now. I’ve been wanting to tell you since I got back. Since we got back together. I need you to know, before we tell Aidan anything. What if we become a family, and you want more kids? I can’t give you that. Everything else, yes, God, yes, but not that. I couldn’t lose you again.’

  Annabel felt upset, but not for herself. More for him. He’d been carrying this a long time; she could see on his face that he was terrified of her reaction. She could at least calm him down on that score. She’d known he was hiding something, and her relief was palpable. She didn’t care; she’d made peace with it since that day at the house. She’d known the treatments, the prognosis, the complications that often occurred. Since her mother got sick, cancer had become her specialist subject.

  ‘I’ve never thought about having more children. I’m happy at work, Aidan is thriving. We have you. Why worry about something when we don’t have to?’

  ‘You say that now, but—’

  ‘But nothing. I love Aidan with all of my heart, but he’s enough. More than enough. Hell, I don’t even think I could do that again. Does it bother you?’

  ‘I’ve made peace with it. I guess you can’t really miss what you don’t have, and I didn’t have you either. I always imagined us having a family. When I found out about Aidan, it felt surreal. In a good way.’ He was rushing his words out now, and Annabel sat and listened. ‘I never thought I’d be a father. Being a father to your child, Annie? It’s everything. He’s the cherry on the top of my coming home.’

  Annabel smiled, taking his face between her hands and pulling him in for a lingering kiss. Out of the corner of her eye she saw movement through the window. Kids’ heads bobbing up and down.

  ‘We need to go, but you don’t need to worry, Harry. We are a family. You coming home completed that for me. And besides, Aidan’s been dropping hints about a dog. If we get broody we can expand that way.’ She smirked at him, and his face finally relaxed.

  ‘Okay, but we need to talk about this some more. It’s a lot to ask of you.’

  ‘Don’t you always want to talk?’ she deflected expertly, sticking her tongue out at him to lighten the mood. ‘You’re not asking anything of me, Harry. I have my family. I’m happy, finally.’ She kissed him again. ‘Come on, we have an audience to wow.’

  * * *

  Aidan’s smile was so big that it filled his whole face as the two paramedics gave their talk, telling the children about their day-to-day duties. Leaving out the scary stuff, and telling a few stories about rescuing people from railings, helped by other emergency services, about how fast the ambulance went, how cool it was to help the people of London. Harry talked of Dubai, the people he’d met there, the way their medical systems ran differently to those in England. How sweaty it could get out there, what his days off looked like. The children were like little sponges, absorbing every word, and sticking their hands up to ask more questions. The other parents even asked a few of their own.

  All too soon, though, the school bell went and the children all said goodbye to their parents and started to file out of the classroom. Mrs Shepherd, the class teacher, was left sitting at her desk, marking papers. Before long, it was just the four of them.

  ‘Well, kiddo, I think that went well.’ Annabel gave Aidan a sneaky hug and, for once in a public setting, he allowed it.

  ‘Are you kidding? It was amazing!’ He threw his arms out wide, making a rainbow-shaped arc with his hands. ‘Thank you, thank you, thank you!’ He hugged Harry’s legs tight.

  Mrs Shepherd came across the room. ‘Sorry to interrupt. Aidan, you need to get out to break now. You can show them to reception if you like, but then straight outside for some fresh air.’ She gave Annabel a friendly nod. ‘Nice to see you again.’

  ‘You too. Come on then, kiddo, you’re missing your football time.’

  Aidan walked them both to reception, holding one hand of each of them, keeping up a constant stream of chatter all the way. Harry winked at Annabel over his head, and she winked back. She really felt as if things were falling into place. Even with his bombshell. They just needed tonight to go well, and another barrier would be broken down.

  ‘Fancy the park tonight, after school? We have the day off
; we could get ice-cream?’

  ‘Harry too?’ he asked, moving his hands from side to side, taking them along with him.

  ‘Who do you think wants the ice-cream?’ Harry laughed.

  They reached reception and said goodbye to Aidan. His friend was just coming out of the toilets, and as Harry and Annabel signed out of the visitors book and waited for the school office to buzz them out of the secure entrance they heard the boys chatting.

  ‘You coming out to play football, Aidy? Miss said we could use the top field.’

  ‘Yeah, coming, Joey.’ The boy he called Joey looked at the two adults, who were watching the receptionist finish up a call behind the glass screen. She’d given them ‘one minute’ with the raising of a finger.

  ‘Who’s that with your mum?’ the boy asked, curiosity on his face.

  ‘Oh, that’s Harry,’ Aidan said. ‘He’s a paramedic like Mum. They work together.’

  The receptionist put down the receiver and the door buzzed. They were almost out of the door when they heard something else before the two boys ran off to the doors to the playground.

  ‘That’s so cool,’ Joey said, a hint of wonder in his voice.

  ‘I know,’ Aidan replied, pride evident in his tone. ‘And he’s my dad too. He finally came home.’

  Annabel and Harry didn’t say a word until they were back in the car, and Harry was pulling away towards Abe’s house, where they were due for lunch.

  ‘Well,’ Annabel said eventually, shock vibrating through her, ‘I guess he’ll take the news in his stride. Do they sell gin-flavoured ice-cream at the park?’

  * * *

  The late afternoon sun fell in shimmering spots along the grass as they sat on a bench together. The three of them were each holding cones of ice cream of different flavours—bubblegum for Aidan, rum and raisin for Harry and Annabel. The closest thing she could get to gin in ice-cream form. Aidan’s lips were coated in blue sparkly dust, and a short distance away children whooped and shrieked in delight as they swung on metal swings and pushed each other around on the spinning roundabout.

  Harry’s phone rang and, after taking it out of his pocket to look at the screen, he silenced the call and shoved it back into his jacket. Annabel frowned, but said nothing. It wasn’t the time, but she noticed that even since he’d told her about his fertility the clouds had not completely disappeared from over his head. Come to think of it, he’d had a couple of calls the last few days, with the same response and mood afterwards.

  ‘Aidan, when we were leaving your school today, we heard you speaking to your friend Joey—do you remember?’

  Aidan paused mid lick, his eyes going wide. Annabel could see his eyes dart from side to side, assessing their facial expressions.

  ‘You’re not in trouble; you know that, right?’ She looked to Harry for support, but he was staring off into the distance, seemingly deep in thought. She frowned in his direction but focused back on Aidan. ‘You said something to him, and we just wanted to know what you thought.’

  ‘About Harry?’ he said between licks of his cornet. He was a little less enthusiastic attacking the iced treat now. At the side of him, Harry seemed to come to at the sound of his name, and Annabel gave him a nod. She thought he should take the lead. He’d missed enough moments. This one should belong to him. He took the cue, and addressed the little boy sitting between them.

  ‘You said that you thought I might be your father. Did that come from somewhere? Did you hear it somewhere?’

  Aidan had stopped eating now, his head down, and Harry put his arm around him. His phone rang again in his pocket, and he cursed under his breath before shutting it off altogether. He never moved the arm that was wrapped around his son. Annabel caught him looking at him.

  He’s acting strange. Even in the current circumstances.

  ‘Shall I go get us a drink from the stand?’ she asked, giving him an opportunity to talk to Aidan alone if he needed it. And herself a minute to worry about the phone calls. Was it Dubai, wanting him back? He wouldn’t go now, surely?

  ‘In a minute, perhaps,’ he said softly, touching her shoulder with the arm that hung around Aidan’s sheepish form. ‘Aidan?’

  ‘I guessed,’ Aidan said eventually. ‘Mummy only has photos of you at home, none of my dad, and you went away to work. Saving people. I thought maybe that’s why you couldn’t be here, because you had to help people far away. Granddad isn’t Mum’s daddy, because he isn’t here, so I guessed he might be your dad. When we did our family tree project at school, Miss Shepherd said something, and I thought that might make you my dad. I got to ask the teacher lots of questions. I came top of the class.’

  The expression on both adults’ features was one of shocked wonder.

  ‘Have you known for a long time?’ Annabel said, a tear dropping down her cheek when she thought of her little boy being so clever, searching for answers like a little detective.

  Aidan wiped it away. ‘Yes, I think so. You used to get all weird when you looked at his photos at Granddad’s. Don’t cry, Mum. My mates are over there. It’s well embarrassing.’

  She laughed through her sobs, trying to get a grip but only managing to reduce herself to a snotty mess. Harry produced a pack of tissues from his pocket and passed them across with a smile.

  ‘I figured,’ he quipped. Looking straight at Aidan, his face lit up.

  ‘It’s true, Aidan, I am your dad—Oof!’

  He was cut off by Aidan flinging himself into his chest, wrapping his arms around him. A smear of blue ice-cream stained Harry’s top, but he didn’t even notice. He hugged Aidan back, before lifting his chin to meet his eyes.

  ‘I am your dad, but I didn’t know I was your dad when I went away. The thing is, something happened, and I didn’t treat your mum very well. I broke her heart, and so she protected you from getting your heart broken too. I’m sorry for that, Aidan, but I’m here now and I want to make it right. Grown-ups aren’t very smart sometimes. Not as smart as you, anyway.’ Aidan grinned at that.

  ‘I came back to mend what I broke, and when I found out about you I was so happy.’ He was smiling now, his eyes glistening with tears of his own. ‘I should have been there for you, Aidan, but I wasn’t, and that breaks my heart. We wanted to tell you today, actually, right here, but you beat us to it.’

  The two males mirrored each other with their lopsided grins, and Annabel sobbed again.

  ‘Mum!’

  ‘Annie! It’s okay!’

  Annabel groaned, trying to pull herself together.

  ‘Sorry, sorry! I’ll go get the drinks, okay?’ She stood up off the bench, giving them both a watery-eyed wave before heading over to the small crowd of people at the refreshments stand.

  * * *

  The two of them were left alone now, listening to the chatter of people around them.

  ‘Are you mad at Mum, for not telling you?’ Aidan’s voice was curious, and Harry marvelled at the little character he’d helped create.

  Harry shook his head. ‘When I left, I didn’t make it easy on her. I could never be mad. I love her, just like you do. You shouldn’t be mad at her either. It was your mum who asked me to come home, and she told me about you.’

  ‘Are you going to go away again?’ Aidan’s ice-cream was nothing but a small cone of wafer in his hand now, his little fingers sticky and stained blue.

  Harry thought of the phone calls he’d received earlier. He recognised the number; he knew that they wouldn’t be calling unless they had something important to say. He took a deep breath and tipped the rest of his own cone into the bin next to the bench. He didn’t want to lie to his son. He wanted to be the parent who was there, who showed up, who Aidan could trust. He chose his next words carefully.

  ‘There’s nowhere I’d rather be than with you and your mum, and that’s the truth. I’m happy to be here.’

 
Annabel was slowly walking back towards them now, and he winked at her as she approached. He mouthed ‘I love you’ to her, and she said it back, her troubled expression relaxing as she came closer to the bench.

  ‘Good,’ Aidan said. ‘Now we just have to make Mum let you move in. We have a big house now, and Mum’s garbage at football. We could play every day!’

  He dropped a kiss on the top of his son’s head, chuckling. The phone calls could wait. He didn’t want anything to spoil the day. He wanted to focus on claiming his family and shouting from the rooftops that he was the father of this wonderful boy. The son of the love of his life, past and present. It was the future that had a question mark over it, hanging like the reaper’s scythe over his head. One thing Harry was sure of: he was used to fighting, and this would be no different.

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  ONCE AIDAN HAD digested their talk, and many talks after in the days that followed, and Abe was in the picture, they let the dust settle and enjoyed life in their new groove for a while, until they decided that today, finally, was the day.

  In truth, Annabel had been the one to beg Harry to take the plunge professionally. For some reason, he’d still been a little quiet. A little too cautious. Their nights on the couch were always full of hot kisses and tender caresses, but Harry was steadfast in making them wait. A little voice inside her head had been asking questions she didn’t like the sound of. Tiny dandelion seeds of doubt were threatening to blow over their new lives, which felt like sunny, cloudless days in the park. Till now, when he’d been the one to pick the day.

  When they were both finished on shift and changed, they headed to HR to declare their relationship. It was just a formality, needed to cover against possible sexual harassment claims in the future. Things could turn sour in matters of the heart, and the hospital, as any other business, protected itself from any fallout.

  It wasn’t uncommon for staff to date each other; with their hours and shift patterns, their dating pool wasn’t exactly swimming with fish. Being together in those high-pressure situations, you really got to know a person. Tonight, they were going to know each other even better.