Worlds Away

by Alexa Land

  After he brought me to orgasm, he put his head on my chest. I held Alastair securely as he whispered, “I wish I could give you so much more.” It made my heart ache.

  Chapter Six

  “I want armor.”

  “In what sense?”

  “I want a huge tattoo, not only to block out the name, but so I can never do this again,” I told Yoshi, tapping the word on my chest. “I want it to cover my heart. Actually, I want it bigger than that. Extend it out, over my upper arm and shoulder, as if I strapped on a section of a suit of armor.”

  “Not a problem,” he said.

  “You sure?” Darwin asked. He’d been washing the plate glass window of the tattoo studio when I arrived and had been curious about what I was going to have done, so I’d invited him to sit in on my session. “Your original tattoo is so romantic. Even if that relationship didn’t work out…I don’t know. Maybe there were things about it that are worth remembering.”

  “There aren’t, and getting that name inked on my chest was moronic. The fact that I was a lovesick nineteen-year-old is no excuse. You’re eighteen, and you’d never be this stupid. Would you, Darwin?”

  The kid grinned at me and tossed his head to swing the hair out of his eyes. “Well…I might. People in love aren’t exactly known for their excellent decision-making.”

  My friend Kai stretched his legs out and crossed them at the ankles as he said, “This is true.” He’d called me earlier in the day and invited himself along to my appointment. I suspected it was because he thought inking over Tracy’s name might stir up some emotions in me, although he claimed he just wanted to hang out. Never mind that it was the middle of his work day.

  Yoshi leaned back in his chair and said, “Show me exactly where you want its outer edges, and then let’s figure out what you want it to look like.” I traced my left pec with my index finger, then drew an invisible line up over my shoulder before encircling the top of my upper arm.

  “I know that’s a lot, and it’s fine if you can’t do it all in one session. We can just start with obliterating this.” I put my hand over the name.

  “I work fast, and I have four hours blocked off, since the person who’d originally had this appointment was going to get a massive tattoo. We might get it done in that time,” Yoshi told me. “So, how literally do you want me to interpret the armor idea? I can make it completely photorealistic, as if you just strapped on a metal shoulder plate, or we can go abstract.”

  “Abstract, definitely. I don’t want to look like I escaped from a Renaissance fair.”

  Yoshi thought for a moment, then grabbed a black three-ring binder from a shelf and flipped through the pages. While he did that, I glanced around the airy, high-ceilinged studio. As predicted, it matched Yoshi’s aesthetic. The space was sleek and modern, with black leather chairs, chrome accents and minimalist décor…mostly. Each of the eight work stations had been personalized by the other tattoo artists, three of whom were working when I came in. The end result was a fairly eclectic representation of the many personalities coexisting in that workplace, from the blond rockabilly guy who collected clown figurines (talk about nightmarish) to the woman with cropped purple hair who’d lined her workstation with vintage rock and roll posters and memorabilia, mostly from The Fillmore, a local music venue that had been rocking it since the 1950s. I instantly liked her so much better than the clown guy.

  “Tell me if any of these styles grab you.” Yoshi flipped between photos of three large tattoos. Each was comprised of intricate, intersecting lines forming a bold pattern. One was distinctly Celtic, one Asian-influenced, and the last was more or less tribal.

  “This one,” I said, tapping the third. “I like that it’s strong, dark, and symmetrical, with lots of black ink. I also like the way the lines end in sharp points. But I don’t want to be yet another douchey white guy who appropriates someone else’s culture just because it looks cool.”

  Yoshi said, “The good news is, this design is just one I came up with, it’s not Maori or anything else. It has that aesthetic with the strong lines, but you wouldn’t be stepping on anyone’s culture if we went with this.”

  “Sold.”

  As he pulled on a pair of black, latex gloves he said, “I’m planning to freehand it, are you going to be comfortable with that?”

  “According to Darwin, you’re the greatest tattoo artist in the city. I’m fine with you doing whatever the hell you want. In fact, feel free to totally improvise. Judging by the sleeve you inked on yourself, I’m in excellent hands.”

  The teen nodded at that. “You are.”

  While Yoshi unpacked several sterile implements, Kai glanced at me and asked, “Are you okay, Sawyer?”

  “Sure. Why wouldn’t I be?”

  He shrugged. “When you said something about wanting to make sure you can never tattoo another name over your heart, you sounded upset.”

  I knit my brows at my far too observant best friend and said, “I’m fine,” as Yoshi slid his chair close to me and prepped the area where the tattoo would go.

  “That’s what you always say, but I can tell something’s up with you. Did your first foray back into the dating world go badly? I had high hopes for you and Alastair.”

  “It was spectacular, actually, and that’s exactly the problem.”

  “Why, because you don’t think he’ll want to see you again after hooking up at the reception?”

  “No, we already had a second date…of sorts. In fact, he dropped me off here on our way home from the airport, so I could make this appointment.”

  “The airport?”

  “Long story,” I said, then took a drink from the cup of coffee Kai had brought me.

  “I can go back to cleaning if you want me to,” Darwin said, pointing over his shoulder. “This conversation sounds personal.”

  “Stay.” I told him, “I’m not going to start talking about my feelings, or any of that touchy-feely crap,” and shot Kai a look.

  Darwin’s boyfriend Josh came into the shop just then and said, “Hi all.” He kissed Darwin’s forehead, and the teens exchanged the sweetest smiles before Josh turned to me, pushed his hair out of his eyes, and said, “Hey, Sawyer. I’ve never seen anyone get a tattoo before, mind if I watch?” Somewhere underneath the overgrown, dark brown mop and the Clark Kent specs was a cute guy who was in that transition phase from boy to man. He was fifteen, with a round face that was starting to thin out just a bit, intelligent eyes and a lopsided smile that usually held a hint of irony. At that moment though, he just looked intensely curious, and I invited him to pull up a chair.

  “Sawyer was just telling us that his hook-up at TJ and Zachary’s reception turned into a three-day fun fest,” Darwin said with a little grin. I liked the fact that he was warming up to me enough to joke around, if not his choice of topics.

  “That’s not what I said.”

  “I might be paraphrasing slightly.” His smile got bigger.

  “So, what did happen,” Yoshi asked as he picked up his tattoo gun, “and are you ready to do this?”

  I frowned and bent my leg as I settled in, resting the sole of my motorcycle boot on the leather reclining chair. “Yes, I’m ready, but what’s with this topic of conversation? It’s like we’re in the all-gay remake of Steel Magnolias, and I’m…who was Julia Roberts’ character?”

  Everyone within earshot said, “Shelby,” all at once, and I chuckled.

  “I just want to know what’s going on with you, Sawyer,” Kai said, as the tip of Yoshi’s tattoo gun touched my chest and I flinched ever-so-slightly. “The guy whose name’s being inked over as we speak did a number on you, and this is the first time in almost a year that you’ve shown any sign of moving past it.”

  I sighed, then gave him a pared down, all-ages version of the last few days (both because I wasn’t a fan of TMI, and because I didn’t want to say anything inappropriate in front of the fifteen-year-old). “That’s so romantic,” Darwin said when I finished, “running o
ff to the Hotel Del on a whim. It’s like something out of a movie.”

  “It was,” I said, while trying my best to hold still. Yoshi was drawing an elaborate outline, his brows knit with concentration, and I didn’t want to disrupt his work.

  “So, why are you frowning?” Kai asked.

  I hadn’t realized I was doing that. When I glanced at him, he was leaning forward in his chair, his expression so concerned and sincere that I decided to be honest with him and admitted, “Alastair is…well, he’s everything. He’s fun and gorgeous and smart and kind…and he’s going away in a few months, which is depressing. He’s someone I could really care about, but I have to remind myself not to get attached, because this is just a short-term thing.”

  Darwin asked, “Where’s he going?”

  “Back to the UK.”

  Josh chimed in, “So, what’s the problem? If you guys ended up getting serious, you could just go with him. I mean, it’s Great Britain, not Jupiter.”

  “That’s not what he wants. He told me right from the start that this is only going to be a short-term thing. When he goes back, he’ll be taking over his family’s business, and there’s going to be a hell of a lot of pressure on him. I’d just be a complication, with both his job and his family.”

  “You can’t just go, ‘oh well, he’s moving back to the UK.’ Not if you truly like this guy,” Kai said.

  “Jesus,” I muttered. “We’ve definitely drifted into full Steel Magnolias mode. Can we please talk about something else, like sports or some shit?”

  “You only pretend to be interested in sports,” Kai reminded me. “And this is important.”

  “Doesn’t matter. Nothing can come of this.” My best friend frowned at me, but finally let the conversation drop.

  *****

  Three hours and forty-five minutes later, I winced a little as I raised my arm over my head to pull on my T-shirt. Yoshi had done an amazing job on the tattoo, which he’d then covered in a large bandage. The area ached a little, as if I had a sunburn, more so when I moved my shoulder.

  After I paid Yoshi and told him I’d keep in touch, I said goodbye to Darwin and Josh and stepped outside with Kai. “I’m starving,” he said. “What about you?”

  “I could definitely eat, but don’t you have to get back to work?”

  “Nah, it won’t hurt anything to take the afternoon off. I’m caught up on my work, and Mel’s holding down the fort in case we get any drop-ins.”

  “It’s good to be the boss,” I said.

  “It is.”

  “What’s your husband up to?” He and Jessie co-owned a garage in Bernal Heights and had hired our friend Zachary’s dad when their business started to pick up. It seemed to be going well for them.

  “He’s out with Nana, she wanted to use the limo.” Before going to work with his husband, Jessie had been employed by a firecracker of a little old lady named Mrs. Dombruso, as her chauffeur and assistant. They were more like family now, and he still gave her a hand when she needed it.

  Kai drove us to Nolan’s, an Irish pub and sports bar in the Richmond District. It was run by a gay couple who were friends of friends, and Jamie, the co-owner, greeted us warmly when we arrived. Since we were probably two hours ahead of the dinner rush, the place was pretty empty.

  Two guys were packing up laptops and notebooks, and Jamie paused at their table and asked, “Hunter and Brian, do you know Sawyer and Kai?” The couple reminded me a bit of Alastair and me, since Hunter was a slim, blue-eyed blond and his partner was a huge, burly brunet with a distinctly ex-military look about him. It made me miss Alastair…even more than I already did.

  It turned out Kai had met them at a few parties, and I shook their hands and said, “Sawyer MacNeil. What are you guys studying?”

  “At the moment, econ, but not by choice. It’s a general ed requirement,” Hunter said as he tucked a long strand of hair behind his ear. “We’re enrolled at S.F. State, and we’re trying to figure out what we want to be when we grow up.” He grinned when he said that, since they were both in their mid-twenties. “Here’s what we know so far: not economics majors.”

  “I’ve been thinking about going back to school,” I mentioned offhandedly.

  Kai got way too excited at that, and said, “Awesome! I remember how important getting an education was to you before you enlisted.”

  “Army?” Brian guessed as he zipped his backpack.

  I nodded. “You?”

  “Marines. You get sent overseas?”

  “Afghanistan.”

  “Same.” He slid out of the booth and reached for a cane that had been leaning against the booth. That was when I noticed he was a double amputee.

  Hunter slid out of the booth too and took Brian’s free hand as he said, “If you end up enrolling at State, give us a call. We’ve been at this for over a year now and can pass on a few tips.”

  “Mostly, we can tell you which classes totally suck ass, so you can steer clear,” Brian said. Kai promised to text me their number, and we exchanged ‘nice to meet yous’ before they headed for the door. Brian moved confidently and steadily on his prostheses, so I wondered why he felt he needed the cane. Then I decided it was none of my business.

  When we settled into a booth and Jamie left us with a couple menus, Kai said, “Great news that you’re thinking about going back to school.”

  “But just thinking about it. I haven’t decided anything yet.”

  “I hope you give it a shot. Going to college was so important to you when we were teens.”

  “Yeah, but I’m not the same person now.” Kai frowned a little, and I said, “What? Come on, you can say it.”

  “You’ve seemed kind of miserable since you’ve been back. It’s like the Army, or your ex, or both sucked the life out of you. You always had so many big plans, and now…I don’t know. You’re just different.”

  “We’re all different. Look at you! The guy who never thought he’d get married, madly in love with a wonderful husband! And your daughter’s getting so big. I can’t believe Isabella’s in first grade already!”

  “I’m worried about you, Sawyer. It’s like you lost yourself somewhere along the road. You used to know exactly who you were and what you wanted. But since you’ve been back, it seems like you’re just going through the motions. You took that job in construction, God knows why, and you let everything that used to matter to you fall by the wayside.”

  I told him, “I took that job in construction because I needed to earn a living.”

  “But that’s not you! You were so passionate about wanting to get an education and opening a coffee house. I know those things still matter to you.” He knit his brows and asked, “Why are you grinning like that?”

  “If you think the construction job was unlike me, wait until you hear about the job I’m starting day after tomorrow.”

  “I’m almost afraid to ask.”

  “Say hello to Club Scandal’s newest burlesque performer.”

  “You’re shitting me.” The look on Kai’s face was priceless. “But…how?”

  “I made a new friend at Zachary and TJ’s wedding reception, and he convinced me to give it a shot on amateur night, which was this past Sunday. Turns out I’m kind of good at it, and they offered me a job. Well, I’m good at stripping anyway. I’m still not sure on how I’m supposed to burlesque it up, but I guess I’ll figure it out. By the way, I need you to swear you won’t come watch me. Seriously, Kai. I can’t do this if you’re in the audience.”

  “I won’t, not if you don’t want me to.” He leaned back in the booth and said, “While that’s pretty much the last thing I ever expected to hear from you, I like the fact that you’re excited about it. When you took the construction job, it seemed as if you’d been issued a death sentence.”

  “Yeah, I wasn’t too thrilled about it at first, but construction ended up being the right thing at the time. I was so tired at the end of each day that I was actually able to fall asleep easily. That was a
challenge when I first got out of the Army.” I grinned and added, “I assume stripping is going to wear me out, too. Or maybe not. Do you think I have to get undressed slowly if it’s burlesque? On amateur night, I pretty much just ripped my clothes off, then grabbed Alastair and…well, let’s just say we burned a hell of a lot of energy after my performance.”

  Kai grinned and said, “Well hey, as long as you’re having fun, why the hell not?”

  “You mean it about not coming to the club, right?”

  “Dude, that’d be super weird, watching my best friend do some sort of sexy strip tease down to…what were you wearing, exactly?”

  “A leather jockstrap.” And stockings, heels, and a corset, but he didn’t need to know that.

  “You shook your bare ass in front of a bunch of strangers?”

  “I did.”

  “Yeah, I definitely don’t need to see that.”

  “Exactly.”

  “You were never shy, but I didn’t quite have you pegged as an exhibitionist either,” he said.

  “I’m not, but this was actually liberating.”

  I felt like an asshole then, because my best friend knew nothing about my feminine side, and that meant he couldn’t grasp what stripping had meant to me. Why the fuck did I feel the need to keep people I cared about at arm’s length? I had no problem opening up to strangers. Hell, I’d revealed that side of myself to Gabriel within a minute of meeting him. But Kai, who I thought of as a brother, was kept in the dark.

  I picked up the menu, but didn’t look at it as I changed the subject with, “Enough about the bizarre trajectory my life has taken. Tell me about you. How’s your business? And how’s Isabella? What’s she up to this afternoon?”

  “Business has been steady, thank God. We’ve had this great momentum ever since Jessie started working at the garage, and we’re to the point now where we have a lot of repeat customers. It’s nice not to worry about money all the time. And Izzy’s doing great. She’s with my sister, mom and grandma this afternoon, and I think they were planning a princess movie marathon. Again.”