Canyon Lands

by T J Reeder

  The boys had her loaded up and on the road before we could blink. I asked Charley where all these horses come from. He just looked at me and smiled.

  Looks to me like the People ain’t only taking their lands back. Good for them. ‘Bout time.

  We got home and found everybody wanting to know everything. The Lee’s had got settled for now in a large military tent until they chose their hobbit house and got set up and were still in shock at how they had been accepted. Mr. Lee was glad to see his truck was unhurt.

  I guess it’s still rougher out there then we know. We told everybody the story after dinner and one of the women quipped that maybe I needed to settle down and stop shooting up the countryside, all to laughter. I said, “Hey, I fired one shot and I’m not sure I even hit anybody.”

  I pointed at “them” causing Sandy to say “What? I’m supposed to let some redneck trash refer to us as bitches?” That got laughter. Plus even more when it was told she shot the sheriff in the foot ruining his shine. But the best was the grenades thru the door that brought the house down. Also she had added to their gun collection with the pair of colts the dude had. They don’t miss anything when it comes to their collection.

  I’m pretty sure I went wrong someplace with them, they seem to flock to the flames like a moth, but thankfully they seem to always escape.

  I guess it’s because nobody thinks they look dangerous, the tight black jeans don’t help either, help the other guys I mean. It’s hard to worry about some good looking chick in tight jeans, you just don’t expect her to just up and shoot you.

  Me? The bad guys watch me like a hawk and never see it coming from the babes. Anyway, this little war was just a flash in the pan so to speak.

  Charley and his people are fine, the townspeople are fine, we got an experienced door gunner and cook out of it and a nice family joined us and I have no doubts they will become an asset.

  All in all it’s been a good few days and I’m tired and I want a few cold beers and a nap, then I think we need to go see the house.

  I got my nap and in fact got more then I expected, Beth joined me and napping with her is like hot apple pie, wonderful.

  When I woke up the whole gang was here and the day was about gone, how that happened I don’t know, but drinking beer in the middle of the day and being tired to boot may have something to do with it.

  We got up and went for a swim then bummed dinner which is always wonderful.

  The Lee’s had already entered the evening cooking fest. Mrs. Lee who is named Lyla and Mr. Lee who is named Brad had a fire going and Lyla had made a fish dish with fresh caught striped bass that was to die for, with some steamed veggies and brown rice. I was gonna spend a lot of time at their fire!

  Their kids were already off with the others flying off the cliff on a beat to shit bike no doubt, but Brad said they were born in water and may even have gills.

  Lyla had a degree in Horticulture! So she and Mable were already best friends. Brad had been in the Army for ten years and served in an artillery unit. I couldn’t believe our good luck. Just out of the blue, so to speak. So I took him for a walk along with Jasper and half the tribe to the low boy trailer where the girls jumped up and peeled off the tarp.

  I thought Brad was gonna crap his pants! He was all over the guns; in minutes he was a kindred spirit to the girls who filled him in on the battle of LA. I wonder how it is that when we need some special skill it just pops up looking for a home. I really can creep myself out at times.

  It was too late for the climb to the house so we headed back to the trailer where we piled onto the bed and read for a while which we all enjoy but don’t do much of.

  Morning came as usual in a tangle of legs and hair in my face. Hell I couldn’t even move so I just laid there thinking until they woke up. I wanted a shower and food so I wiggled out of the pile taking my bath kit and headed out the door.

  I had the shower to myself for five minutes and then it got crowded, and slippery between the soap and the shampoo. I figure one day I’ll fall on my ass from all the slippery stuff on the floor.

  Food was calling so I bailed out and went looking for somebody who might give me a hand out. Mable and Wilson were having a good time cooking big veggie omelets.

  I took one and sat on a tree stump and got two bites before the plate was taken and the stump became so crowded I had to move.

  I was getting another omelet when that plate was removed from my hand. Wilson asked why I let them treat me that way; I asked if he wanted to try getting the plate back for me? He said, “Hell no!” He was fixing me another one when Beth arrived so he just handed it to her and got a warm smile. He said, “Oh, I see now.” I smiled and said, “Yeah, that’s part of the dues I pay.” Wilson soon handed me an omelet that I got to eat all of and it was good!

  I walked to the next fire and got a big mug of coffee and the lady said, “John just take some cups and the pot or you’re gonna make several trips.” She helped me. The girls smiled and thanked her and said if they had a decent husband he would think of them, life in the monkey cage. Sigh.

  We headed up on the ridge and looked the place over, all was well but where was the water gonna come from. Sandy said, “Well we talked to Willard and Wilson before Wilson jumped ship and they have a ton of irrigation pipe more then enough to tap into the creek way up above the place it falls into the canyon and we just let it use gravity to flow right here.” I was impressed, they said the shower was going to be right out the back door facing the drop off; it was going to be like the others, a black container which will fill from the water line with the pressure of the 4 inch pipe and the downhill run. Also there was a line going into the kitchen area to feed the sink and provide drinking and cooking water. They had it all worked out except the outhouse which was going to be a problem but they seemed to think for now a porta potty was going to work temporarily. Ok, I agree. So when does the water go in? When do we move in?

  They said the stuff for furnishing the house was coming today and would be here in about two hours. They also told me that I was off the hook for the lighting, which I had totally forgot about. They had taken care of it while I was busy supervising the construction of the beer cooler.

  Somebody has been on the radio to the Fort. And they were right on time, Willard driving and a crew following along to see Wilson and Mable and move us in.

  And Mrs. Willard had joined the group. Me thinks I smell a rat! I think Willard misses his old buddy and is hoping his Mrs. will love the canyon.

  I watched Willard ease the box truck up onto the ridge like he did it every day and the fun started. I had no idea when the girls had time to look at stuff like furniture and other household stuff but there it was.

  When you’re simply driving up to a furniture warehouse and loading up only the very best, you can furnish a place in a manner few can afford.

  An all leather living room set, matching recliners and several matching love seats were first. I guess we were going to have lots of company which is fine with me. The place is cool from the thick walls and the windows open at top and bottom allowing the cool air in and forcing the hot air out.

  They had found a bed that looked big enough for a rifle squad complete with all the bed covers and such, where, I don’t know, but it’s comfy looking and I plan to sleep here tonight.

  I like some art, mostly what’s called cowboy art, and happily my ladies aren’t into the crap that art snobs stand and look at for an hour before making some snobby proclamation.

  I will admit I was shocked when they hauled out some original Remington’s! And Charley Russell’s they said came from a huge ranch house that was empty but notes were left saying where it went.

  We, as a nation and world, have lost so much and yet we have saved so much too, I only hoped others are doing the same.

  There are beautiful glass and wood gun cases that the girls will fill with some of the beautiful stuff they “acquired.”

  When the place was filled up with as
much as it was going to get, it looked beautiful, but I still felt funny about it, the whole world was scrabbling to stay alive and we were living in a beautiful home filled with salvaged stuff. But damn it guilty or not I loved it! And we were gonna do the same for anybody who wanted one.

  The last item off the truck was a beautiful Black Walnut bar with back bar and six stools, the booze I had to provide. If “they” haven’t traded it all off I have some good stuff. I looked at it and was so proud of them.

  The first night in our new house in our new bed was awesome! On the ridge there was a nice breeze blowing off the lake and the open windows let it flow thru the entire house. I think we all slept the best we had in who knows how long.

  With the new day came more work, the solar equipment was going in and surprise! Our newest resident was an expert on solar! How is it this happens? A cannon cocker and solar expert. God loves us. Or Buddha. Whomever, we thank you!!

  Brad said he got out of the army and looked for a field that had a future and figured solar power was it.

  I told him we had enough solar stuff to light the whole state but really nobody to set it up. We had used small individual Solar setups for the hobbit houses. He said he was our man and went to work that morning with a few of Harvey’s young men who were ready to learn anything and everything. The way they went at it and from what I saw of Brad’s teaching abilities I figured we would have a full solar crew in a short time.

  I looked for Beth and the girls and found them with the horses, of course. and admiring Beth’s horse. I asked her its name and she said, “Well she told me a bit ago. It’s Penny.” “Ok,” say’s I. “Penny it is. She’s for sure the color of a new penny!” I looked at May who said, “Not yet but I can feel it trying to break thru.” “Ok.. good ‘nuff,” says I. “What y’all wanna do today?”

  “Go riding what else?” Says them. I said, “Well maybe we should try working a bit, you know help out with the chores. They all smiled and said, “John get your mule saddled and don’t forget your rifle, our job is patrolling to keep everyone in these canyons safe and we are doing that today on horseback and tomorrow we are patrolling the lake.”

  Well good, coz I ain’t a farmer and Harvey won’t let me near the rock working and Brad said maybe I shouldn’t climb ladders at my age and no I didn’t shoot him.

  Patrolling is my idea of a good job and Bucks idea of a good job. We smiled all day, nobody tried to kill me or Buck or Beth. We road about 20 miles and saw nothing, well nothing amiss. We saw plenty of critters, snakes, lizards, a couple of some kind of turtle and a few Ki-youts. I wanted to shoot them but the girls said, “No!” Shit, they’ve shot so many people they are like the black plague but a “youte” oh hell no.

  Their logic was that the boys shot them enough when they came after our chickens and that out here they had the right to live in peace.

  I didn’t really plan to shoot one I just like to get them going, Beth is never fooled, and she just smiles and watches the feud go on.

  We saw some wild burros with babies which excited the girls, I said, “No, it’s not gonna follow you home.” Glares and a pair of tongues sticking out, so childish, so I stuck mine out at them, they flipped me off. Funner then a bleeding hang nail for sure.

  I will admit to any and all that my ass was sore and beat from the day. We made it back in time to eat. I simply fell down and leaned against a rock face and May brought out some cold beer, I drank two real fast and almost fell asleep in my bowl. But we were having stew and hot buttered bread with grilled veggies from Lyla which were awesome. Cake from somebody, it was a feast since lunch was a homemade granola bar which I complained about but was informed I was getting a bit of a belly.

  I hate them. (Do not!) I can! (Can not, so shadup!) Shit (Don’t cuss the baby can hear you!) Sigh. “Can it really?” I ask. Everybody looks at me knowing what’s going on but ignoring it, leaving me looking like a loon.

  I said, “If I say shit out loud can the baby hear me?” Every woman there all said “Don’t cuss! The baby can hear you!” Sigh, and stop sighing all the time! So, I got more cake, pot gut or no. As the imperial Grand Pooba of this cluster fk I have to have some rights, right? (HA!!) Ok! Power! (HA-HA!) It’s a circus; I live in a circus, surrounded by clowns, clowns with strange brain waves.

  They break out in song.. “Clowns to the right of me, Jokers to the left, here I am, stuck in the middle again.” Then everybody was singing it, God hates me! (Does not!) Sigh…

  Down side to a great house on a hill, climbing up to it sux, I may sleep in the trailer tonight. Now I have two pulling and one pushing. Where did I go wrong? I lived a good life, quiet, honest (HA!) Quit it.

  (Nope!) We made it. I could have done it at a run (shit!) Stop cussing! The baby can hear! (So? the baby already knows that word) (Yeah, thanks to potty mouth daddy). I give up (bout time hahaha).

  Great news!! The shower works!! And it’s big enough for a party! It is a wonderful shower with two of those rain forest shower heads that rain on you side by side, so it’s one shower space.

  Why am I complaining with three wonderful naked slippery wives in here with me? I don’t know, Old? I guess, Cantankerous? (Yes!!)

  We gather on the big bed and talk about the day and most everything else, we are going on a lake patrol tomorrow which scares the crap out of me because I don’t drive boats and guess who does? But I’m hoping with Beth along she will keep them calm.

  I think I passed out first and slept like a wintering bear. Between the cool breezes thru the house and the seemingly extra room in this bed it’s wonderful!

  First up makes the coffee, and they will lay there till hell freezes over before they will open an eye, their bladders will resemble a whale blowing before they will admit defeat.

  So I do the right thing and get up to make coffee, and of course let the beer out from the night before, just saying.

  While I’m outside taking care of morning issues they, of course, got up and using their gigantuous coffee cups, drained the pot, well there was an inch of coffee and grounds.

  And they smile with no sign of shame. Then Beth pulls a cup from behind her back and laughs at me as I tremble with wild desire…for the coffee.

  We make our plans to patrol the lake and visit with anybody we meet. Then off to breakfast, bumming as usual. I should add here that when I say bumming it’s just a joke, the clan gathers for breakfast in the communal cooking area either bringing food or help with cooking or clean up.

  The girls usually did some of all of it. They would take something and help out,

  no slackers in this family, my job is to control them (Hashanah) and to eat everything in sight. Or maybe I should say everything they leave.

  I wanted to take a pontoon boat for the lake patrol but they wanted to play plus cover the lake faster, so we took some kind of jacked up flying water bullet somebody found and brought in.

  I’m waiting for them to mount a machine gun on it. (Working on it buddy boy!) Sh… (Good boy).

  This damn thing burns way too much fuel which ain’t gonna last much longer although the recovery crews put a goodly batch of Stabo in it. But we don’t do this very often so WTF as they say.

  We loaded up and headed out, well-armed as usual and the girls did hold it down somewhat. We didn’t need an upset baby making Beth lose her breakfast.

  We slowed down when we came to one of the sail boats plying their trotlines and just passed the news as we knew it. All was well on their side of the lake and they had heard nothing to worry about. I passed on the word about a plague in the cities but they weren’t worried since their settlements were far more isolated then ours.

  We moved on to the other boats which all had the same word. Things were settled good on the lake since the first spat of trouble that ended right on the water when the wanna-be king had had a heart attack compliments of Sandy and her fast .45, but not before he killed one of his own people.

  We went quite a ways but it would take more fue
l and time then we have to do the entire lake so we bagged it and made it home for lunch, of course.

  With nothing pressing we went home and cleaned our weapons out under the one nice tree near the house, that took an hour or so and after showering the gun crap off I headed for a nap, Beth joined me while the girls headed off to see who needed help with something.

  They must not have had luck helping because in an hour they were back and said everybody was taking siestas which had caught on with us. We were up early and stayed up late so a nice long siesta made it a perfect day.

  Time passes at its own pace here in the canyon. I believe I’ve said it before and will again. Nobody works hard, no reason to.

  We grow or hunt our food and we have all we need. We aren’t building a retirement; we are retired, from the old rat race. It’s just not important anymore.

  Like the cells full of gold, silver and jewels in the fort, who cares? Nobody even guards the stuff, the doors are open. We don’t need it in our community, maybe in outside towns we might but that’s fine, we can spread the wealth and get some commerce going where the people want it.