by Trisha Grace
Cut it out, Hayley. She cleared her throat. He just feels he owes you. Don’t get any stupid ideas. “I won’t go anywhere without security.”
“Has Frank or Paula called or texted you this morning?”
She shook her head. “Why? Did they call you?”
“I went to see them this morning.”
“What? Why?” She pushed the chair back from the dining table. “They must be so angry.”
“Not really. They let me in when I showed them the annulment papers.”
She dropped back onto her chair. There. There it is. His kisses and words meant nothing. He wanted the annulment.
“When did you get the papers drawn up?”
“Last night. I texted my lawyer when we got home from the hospital. I think he stayed up all night to get it done, then brought the papers over to me this morning.”
“So where should I sign?” Why was her heart aching so badly?
“I hope you’ll never sign them.”
She frowned.
“I wanted to apologize and talk to them, but I knew they wouldn’t entertain me without enough incentive. So I got the annulment papers drawn up. I told them I’d sign the papers if they gave me five minutes of their time. It worked.” He pulled her chair closer and shifted it so they were sitting face to face. “From how you reacted, can I allow myself to hope that there’s a chance you’ll consider continuing our marriage?”
“Julian.”
“I know. I know you think I won’t want you around, but I’m going to prove to you that I do.” He took her hand. “I want you to be part of my life. I considered just delaying my progress so you’d have to stay by my side longer. I thought that perhaps if I dragged it out long enough, I could make you fall in love with me again.”
Hayley sighed and rubbed her chest. “Julian, don’t.”
“You don’t have to make up your mind now. I want you to know that you have a choice. Any time you decide, you can sign the papers and dissolve the marriage. But I want to make it clear that I’ll do everything I can to make you change your mind.” He tightened his grip on her hand when she tried pulling back.
“Hayley, I’m not saying it because you’re my strongest support. I’m saying I’m in love with the person you are. Yes, I’m thankful you’ve remained by my side to take care of me after how I treated you. But I also love how considerate you are of others. I love how you treat and protect Doreen. I love how you stand up for me to your own father. I love your faith and conviction.”
“Stop, Julian.” She stood and yanked her hand from his. “Stop. I don’t want to hear it.”
“Okay. I’ll stop.” He raised his hands. “I won’t pressure you any further. I just wanted you to know where I stand.”
She stared at Julian, her heart beating wildly within her. Hayley wanted to weep at everything Julian had said. If only he’d said those words to her before the car accident. “We’ll talk when you’re up on your feet.”
“So you won’t leave when I’m up on my feet?” Julian raised his hands again. “I’m sorry. I said I wouldn’t pressure you about it. Just think about staying, okay? That’s all I ask. It’s not too much to ask, right?”
Matthew arrived just then, so they didn’t have time to discuss it any further.
“Time for your physiotherapy.” She followed Julian to the rehabilitation room, her mind bouncing around what Julian had said. Think about staying. Could she? Did she dare to do so?
How was she going to pick up the pieces of her shattered heart when Julian realized he didn’t want her around?
No, she couldn’t stay. She couldn’t survive another heartbreak. Not from Julian.
“I don’t want to strap myself in,” Julian said when Matthew moved over to the harness that was attached to the ceiling.
“Are you sure?” Matthew asked, and his gaze flitted toward her.
Hayley was so caught up in her own thoughts she hadn’t heard what Julian had said to Matthew. “I’m sorry. What’s the problem?”
“No problem,” Julian said. “I just don’t want to be strapped into the harness.”
She knelt down next to his wheelchair. “Julian, don’t push yourself too hard. I don’t want you to get hurt. If you do, it’ll affect your recovery speed.”
“You said we’d talk when I’m up on my feet, right? I want to get up on my feet and start proving to you that I want you in my life—always.”
“Julian.” She sighed.
He cupped his hand against her face. “I’m confident I can do it. Trust me.”
It took everything in her to not lean into his hand. She should tell him to stop saying all these things and to stop touching her like he actually cared. “If you say so.” She stood and moved away from him. Space. She needed space.
She remained several steps from him as he repositioned his wheelchair, then pushed himself up to his feet.
Julian was getting better by the day. It wouldn’t be long before he could walk on his own. Where would they be when that day came? Did he really mean what he said?
No. Don’t be stupid, Hayley. She knew why he was saying everything she’d wanted to hear. Julian needed her by his side, and his need for her support had marred his thinking. He’d confused needing her support for wanting her. He doesn’t want you, Hayley. Remember that.
All this would be over when he was back on his feet. She dropped her hand when she realized she was once again rubbing her chest. She’d let go of her fantasy. She’d come to terms with the fact that she and Julian were never meant to be.
Then why did it still hurt so badly?
She released a deep breath through her mouth. She was driving herself crazy with stupid thoughts. Just focus on now. She’d promised to be his support as long as he needed it, so she would.
She cracked a smile when he turned to look at her. “You can do this.” She moved next to him and waited for him to take his first step.
His hands were on the supporting bars by his sides, and the corded muscles in his arms twitched as he shifted himself into a better position.
As always, she took a step forward when he did. While she’d left him alone for the rest of his sessions, she’d always joined him for his physiotherapy, especially when he started training on his legs.
There were bound to be falls and disappointments, and she wanted to be there to push him through all of that.
She didn’t want to leave Matthew to take the brunt of his anger. She’d explained to everyone on the team about Julian’s condition and how Dale was trying to help Julian. She didn’t want to search for another physiotherapist and waste time explaining things again. She didn’t want to delay Julian’s recovery.
The toughest time of Julian’s physiotherapy had passed. In the beginning, he had bounced from dejection to ire. On certain days, he’d spiral into gloom and talk about how pointless everything was. What was the point of trying? He would never walk again.
Those days, Hayley would tell him that he would walk again, she was sure of it. He would always ask why she was so sure. She would shrug and reply, “I just am.”
Some days, he’d grow annoyed with her and blame her for everything—from the weather to making him go through painful and tiresome physiotherapy. Those days, she would swallow the urge to tell him how equally annoyed she was with him and how she’d like to blame him for all that was wrong in her life. Instead, she kept quiet and let him rant.
At times, his ranting grew cruel and she had to lock herself in the bathroom for a few minutes so she could sob quietly to the Lord and have a mini-breakdown if she needed to. Sometimes she would think she couldn’t take any more. It was too exhausting to be the optimistic one all the time, to be the one hanging onto faith.
But by God’s grace, those episodes dropped in frequency as he began to see how his sessions, especially the ones with Dale, were working.
“Almost there,” she said when Julian glanced up at her as he passed the halfway mark. “You can do it.”
Sh
e was genuinely glad for Julian. She’d always known he would be able to walk again. He was stubborn and determined. She knew that if she could convince him to set his mind to it, he would be able to do it.
Hayley ran through all the tough times Julian had put her through. Hang on to that. That was right. All she had to do was to cling onto the hurtful words he had thrown at her and she wouldn’t be swayed. He could say all he wanted, but the truth was that he’d never wanted her around. He hated her.
Taking a deep breath, she pushed her focus from the ache within her chest.
“You’re doing great,” she said to Julian. She brushed the back of her hand against his sweaty forehead, then brushed her hand off on her jeans.
“Don’t do that.”
“Your hands are occupied. If you can’t stand me touching you, then get better faster.”
Julian took another two steps.
“I’m sure you’ll be back hiking soon.”
“Yeah?”
She nodded with a knowing smile. “I told you you’d walk again.”
He moved another step, and Hayley took one herself. How thankful she was to take each step. She’d never given much thought to being able to breathe when she woke up or get herself out of bed each morning.
Seeing Julian struggle had made her realize how blessed she was.
Julian exhaled heavily, clearly exhausted from the short walk. But he could go further, she was sure of that.
“What will you do first? Rock-climbing? Hiking? Scuba-diving? Cave exploration?”
“Have you done any of that?”
She shook her head.
“Which would you like to try? I’ll take you.”
She laughed once. “I’m not really an outdoor kind of person.”
“Coral reefs are beautiful. I think you’d like that.”
Would she? She didn’t know. And don’t you dare start imagining what it would be like to do that with him. She’d dreamt of a life with Julian for over twenty years; she’d been stupid long enough. I won’t be going anywhere with him. Once he was recovered, he would continue with his life as he had before and he would forget all about her.
Before marrying Julian, she’d often imagined that marrying him was the equivalent of breaking free from her parents. Julian would be her knight in shining armor. He would take her out of her dungeon and show her an amazing new world on a magic carpet.
Okay, maybe not magic carpet. But a new world. One that Julian had been in. Rock-climbing. Hiking. Scuba-diving. She’d never done those things, and she would love to try them as long as she was with him.
Not anymore.
She wouldn’t enjoy those activities. She was never an outdoors person to begin with, and she’d only wanted to try them with Julian because she’d always felt safe with him—the him she’d imagined. She’d always imagined her husband would protect her no matter what.
But the month before the car accident had proved that she was on her own. What if he returned to that person after he’d recovered? What if she messed something up while scuba-diving? What if she got lost in the sea? She wasn’t tough enough to survive situations like that. Would Julian protect her then?
Though he’d arranged for the security team and seemed frustrated at Detective Miller’s lack of results, it was an altogether different matter when it came to him actually protecting her.
Julian stopped and shifted his hands again.
“Two more steps,” she said. Two more steps and he would reach the end of the parallel bars. “You’re doing great. You’re almost there. You can do it.”
Julian tightened his grip on the bars and forced himself to take another step. The beginning of therapy had been excruciating for him. He knew he couldn’t expect to be walking again instantly, but he couldn’t help but get frustrated after each session when he’d found himself back in his wheelchair.
He’d never thought he would yearn to accomplish a simple thing like walking.
In the beginning, there were days when he couldn’t believe what had happened to him, and he’d vented his anger on the only person around him—Hayley. But after all that he’d put her through, she was still here, smiling at and encouraging him.
Julian looked up when he managed to reach the end of the short walk by himself, and Hayley was there to beam at him. “I did it.”
“You did.” She came over and put her arms around him.
For a moment, he thought she was giving him a hug, but she was only helping him into his wheelchair that Matthew had brought around.
“I knew you could do it.”
Despite how he’d treated her, Hayley had been next to him, telling him over and over that he would walk again. Initially, he’d been annoyed by her optimism. “If anyone is stubborn enough to defy the doctors and walk again, it’ll be you,” she’d told him over and over.
When he took his disappointment and anger out on her, she merely kept quiet. When his ire subsided, she would be there to encourage him.
He’d lost count of the number of times he’d been dazed by her smiles, of the number of times he’d been distracted by thoughts of kissing her. These four months had opened his eyes like never before.
Other than Colin, no one in the office came by until they were sure his position would not be handed off to someone else. And if Colin hadn’t told him, Julian wouldn’t have known that Hayley was the reason why his father hadn’t just disowned him.
When the office staff started coming by, Julian wasn’t interested in entertaining anyone.
And Hayley would play the good host for at least half an hour before getting Doreen to tell her that she was needed elsewhere.
He wasn’t sure why he’d thought Hayley to be weak and submissive. While still injured, she’d pulled herself together to save his job, then endured his abuse and melancholy while remaining upbeat and supportive the whole time.
If the roles had been reversed, he certainly wouldn’t have been there for her the way she had been for him. Hayley deserved better, and he would be better for her.
“I want to try it again,” he said.
Hayley’s brows drew closer. “How are you feeling? Don’t push yourself too hard. You’re already making a lot of progress.”
“I’m okay.” The company’s annual dinner and dance was coming up in a month’s time, and he wanted to walk in there on his own. He wanted to prove to his parents and everyone else that he was capable of defying the odds. And he wanted to walk in with Hayley on his arm. He wanted her to be proud of him.
She nodded and helped him up. When he was on his feet, she let go of him but remained close by.
As with every session, every step he took, Hayley took one too.
The muscles in his arms were burning by the time he was halfway across the short distance flanked by the support bars, and he tipped his head back.
“You can do it. Just a few more steps.” She grinned at him as their gazes met. “I know you can do it.” Again, she wiped his sweat off with her hand.
He frowned. He didn’t like her doing that. He didn’t want her dirtying her hands, but she shot him a what-are-you-going-to-do-about-it look.
He laughed and shook his head.
Nothing. He wasn’t going to do anything about it. Besides the fact that his hands were occupied, he’d come to realize that he would let Hayley get away with whatever she wanted for the rest of their lives.
He owed her that much, and he wanted her happy.
He wanted to give her everything he could. Flowers, jewelry, vacations. He would take her to the most beautiful places and give her whatever her heart desired.
Julian had never really thought much about God. But each night, after he had gotten into bed, Hayley would take a long shower. When she came out, he always pretended to be asleep.
Then she would gently put her hand on his chest and whisper a prayer over him. She always prayed for God to give him strength and courage both physically and mentally, prayed that God would heal his legs so he could walk
and run again, so he could go on all the adventures he so loved.
And here he was.
“A few more steps,” Hayley’s words pulled his thoughts back to reality, and Julian pushed forward. There must be a God, and he must have somehow scored some amazing points to get Hayley as his wife.
Chapter Eighteen
HAYLEY LAUGHED AND took another mouthful of the decadent chocolate cake. This was the kind of dinner she’d imagined having with Julian, and she thought God was somewhat cruel to make it happen after she’d decided to leave. Lord, I hate your timing.
This was what she wanted right from the start. Hayley swallowed the sigh bubbling up her throat. She could always change her mind again, or she could perhaps wait and see. She didn’t have to leave immediately.
No. That wasn’t an option. She wasn’t going to be stupid anymore.
She closed her eyes as the chocolate cake melted in her mouth. “I love this cake.”
“Miss Hayley.” Doreen came over with a black box. “You have a package.”
Hayley glanced over at Julian.
“It isn’t from me.”
She looked at the black box with bright red ribbon tied into a gigantic bow on the top. Something in her gut stirred, and she wanted to tell Doreen to throw it away. What if Ted Shears had sent her some mutilated body parts? She rubbed a hand down her arm.
Julian pulled off the card attached to the ribbon. “Happy belated birthday.” He showed her the card. “Did Ted Shears know when your birthday was?”
“I don’t know.”
“Maybe this is Frank and Paula’s present for you.”
“They got me a pair of boots.” They had given them to her before leaving. Hayley took a deep breath and tugged at the ribbon, then opened the box.
By the time Hayley figured out what was staring back at her, the creature was lunging toward her, its fangs bared. She screamed, then felt herself thrown back onto the floor.
She heard another scream. Doreen’s? Hayley wasn’t sure.
Her eyes were squeezed shut as she braced for the pain of the snake’s fangs plunging into her. But other than the weight on top of her, Hayley didn’t feel anything else.
