Kingdom of Salt and Sirens

by J. A. Armitage

  The fish paused and looked up to me. I knew they couldn’t understand, but in that moment I couldn’t be sure. “I’m sorry,” I said. “Here I am, complaining about my first world problems, and you guys have to swim in this pond all day,” I said sticking my hand in the water. The fish suddenly swam around my hand, hurriedly in circles. It was mesmerizing. Magical. I quickly pulled my hand back, “wow! What was that?” I said shaking off the water.

  “What was what?” A voice came from behind.

  Tina, my eldest sister. The bossy one since we didn’t have a mom, and because our dad didn’t remind her of her place.

  “Nothing,” I said, not ready for her start in on me either.

  “Well, from what I hear happened this evening, it isn’t nothing. Care to share?”

  I wiped my hand dry on my trainers, “no. Go back to whoever already shared and have them fill you in,” I said walking away.

  “Arya, stop. Please,” she begged.

  She said please, and I had a rule about politeness. If someone was displaying sincere politeness, they deserved my attention. I stopped, “what, Tina,” I said more softly.

  “What’s going on? Speak to me? You’ve been so angry lately. Just let me in. Help me understand.”

  Tossing my bag down, I sat across from her on the rockery again, the fish, I swore were staring, engaged, ready to hear it all.

  “I don’t understand what it is that no one is understanding. Unless I suddenly started speaking gibberish, I’ve been very clear about not wanting to pursue the Olympic team. Yet at every which turn, I find dad and Una conspiring against my wishes. Now you tell me if that wouldn’t anger you?”

  Tina inhaled deeply, “I hear you, but I also think they believe you are young and are acting out of rebellion and don’t want you to regret this later. They’re both Olympiads and they know what it takes to get there. They see you have it and they don’t want you to miss that window. Because we all know that window is a very small.”

  Now it was my turn to take a deep breath, “Tina, this is what is what is triggering me to no end. Just now you did it. No one is hearing me. You do realize it, don’t you?”

  “Yes, but…”

  I immediately cut her off, “no, you don’t hear me. You’re just like everyone else. See, this is what I hear when you completely dismiss me. You’re too young and stupid. You can’t possibly know what’s best for you. That’s cute, but no. And a load of other nonsense that is so far from my mind.”

  “I... I…” she hesitated. Of course, she did. Because I was right. They all claimed to have my best interest at heart, when truly, no one really did.

  “I’m going to bed,” I said, leaving my sister behind with the fish who remained seemingly engaged.

  Rushing through the house, I ignored my sisters and made my way to my bedroom, locking the door behind me. Finally! I thought. Some peace and quiet. I tossed my bag to the side, grabbed some clean pajamas, and ran a bath. A nice long bath was exactly what I needed, bubbles and all.

  The warm suds were a far cry from their salty counterparts of the ocean, still, they’d do, based on the evening I’d just had. I laid there in the tub, still, thinking, playing the conversations I’d had at the pool, in the car, and by the pond in my head, over and over.

  Was I wrong? Selfish? We have only one life to live, isn’t it our own to live?

  The stress was getting to me, and I was only seventeen! Surely it wasn’t normal to have so much pressure put on a person as I felt my father placing on me.

  I took a deep breath and dunked my head under the water, just lying there, welcoming the silence. It was soothing, understanding, as it lifted my worries away.

  For a moment, I thought I’d heard a thumping, but it had gone away, I closed my eyes and drifted back, holding my breath, completely unaware of time.

  “What the hell, Arya!” Lana said, as I surfaced through the water, gasping for air. Lana was my second oldest sister and Ella who was at her side, the third.

  “Don’t you guys know how to knock anymore?” I said, reaching for my towel, the bubbles had disappeared, the water was cold, but my skin wasn’t all shriveled up like a prune.

  Ella, tapping her foot on the ground, hand on hip, “we did, for like fifteen minutes, then we panicked and grabbed the master key.”

  Rista and Drina found their way in, Drina asked, “how long were you under water this time?”

  “No idea,” I answered honestly “but I think a few minutes.

  “Sweet,” Rista and Drina answered in unison.

  “Really, you two?” Lana scowled, causing them both to giggle and take their leave.

  “Are you two going to step aside so I can get out?”

  They moved.

  “Thank you,” I said.

  “What did you say to Tina? She was in tears when she came into the house,” Lana hissed blocking my way back to the bedroom. I didn’t care. I had my clothes in the bathroom, and I was used to changing in front of other girls. If they wanted to stay and watch while I put on lotion, night clothes, and brushed my teeth, that was fine by me.

  “Interesting that you chose to come and confront me about it, being that it was her that was doing the crying. Honestly, I was the one attacked. Just like right now. Ganged up on by two older sisters. Of course, I’m sure it’s all my fault, in some alternative universe. Right?” I said, dropping my towel, and slathering lotion all over my body.

  Lana heaved, “you are impossible. You know that? You should be grateful to have so many people who care about you. Instead, you run around like a pretentious little brat, cliff diving like some adrenaline junky, with something to prove, and making our poor father look bad to those who pay him to teach their children. Or did you forget that little detail? Hm? The aquatic center? Yeah, it helps keep a roof over our head and food on our table.”

  Okay, I’d had enough, “please! Don’t lecture me on what keeps food on our table and a roof over our head. In case you haven’t noticed, I’m not necessarily stupid. In fact, by all definitions of the word, I’m what is considered quite cerebral, and an honor student taking all AP classes.

  “The aquatic center has always been and will always be a pet project of dads, to relive his glory days. We all know what pays the bills and keeps everything afloat is The King’s Trident Fisheries. The family business. And how that place remains thriving is beyond me, considering he neglects it half the time. So please, take your theatrics and guilt trips elsewhere. Dad inherited a healthy fortune, and so did mom. Her passing only made him a wealthier man. He could split his wealth to each of us right now, and we’d all still be living the life of glamor. I know that. He can’t spend more than an allocated amount of money a year. I guess mom saw right through him and that pet project of his, and so did his own father.”

  “At least someone was watching out for us…” I mumbled the last part under my breath, as I pushed past my sisters to open my windows and let the night air in. I hated feeling confined.

  “You’re such a tool,” Ella said as she huffed out of my room.

  “Thank you,” I hollered back at her.

  Lana stood there, as if waiting for more, “what?” I said.

  “I don’t get it?”

  “What’s not to get? I ask of nothing of no one, only to not be pressured to make the Olympic swim team. That’s it. I wear everyone’s hand-me-downs. I don’t ask anyone for anything. When all of you are constantly shopping, doing things, needing things. Yet, I’m made out to be the bad one. So, you tell me, Lana? What’s not to get? Shall I start blowing money left and right? Shall I demand designer clothes and a car? Shall I start failing classes? Maybe even going a bit boy crazy? How about throwing in some skipping school and partying? Drinking? Recreational drugs?”

  The tears rolled down my face, the saltiness stinging my raw skin, my lips trembled more out of anger than anything else, “you know, I would expect my own sisters to understand, but you don’t. You don’t even try. And I’ve reached a p
oint where I don’t even care anymore. I don’t need any of your support, I realized that a long time ago. I’ve always been the odd one out, while the rest of you have been paired in twos. Don’t think I haven’t noticed,” I said turning back to my window. The palm tree wavered ever so slightly in a subtle breeze. I felt it on my skin. I also felt when my sister left my room.

  Crossing the floor, I closed the door, locking it again. I didn’t need any more unwelcome guests. I’d be eighteen in another year and graduating high school. Lilly and I had made plans after graduation to get the heck out of California. I was in desperate need of a change. More importantly, I needed distance between my family and me. I loved them, but I no longer had any interest in living with them.

  I crawled into bed pulling my sheet to my chin, adjusting my head comfortably on my pillow. A quick peek at the clock told me I was going to have a nice long night’s rest, which I needed.

  My eyelids grew heavy, I yawned thinking of my mother, and the only picture I had of her holding me. We were in Hawaii on the beach playing in the sand. I had a bucket upside down in between her legs, pounding it with the shovel, and off to the side, in the sand, she’d sketched the most perfectly detailed image of a mermaid. Every detail of her fin, her scales, her long flowing hair, looked alive. I had the picture on my nightstand. But my father took it away, claiming he was going to take it in to get it poster sized for me. Except, it’d been a few months. I wanted it back. I thought drifting to sleep, dreaming of the ocean, swimming in the open waters, so fast, deep below.

  3

  Sunday before the first day back to school. It also meant no swimming and by default, most of the family would be home. And after the blow up the night before, I wasn’t feeling particularly in the mood to join my family and pretend like nothing had happened. Instead, the beach was calling to me and it was early enough that the chances of almost everyone in the house would still be sleeping, were pretty good.

  I grabbed my cell phone from my bag, surprised it still had any life to it and sent Lilly a quick message, asking her if she had any plans for the day.

  She was up. Of course, she was. She was Lilly, and she was the only person I knew who didn’t sleep, “hey, Sorry I’m whispering. I don’t want anyone to hear me.”

  “Ugh. So, you’re fighting with your family, again? Why am I not surprised? Anyway, I can’t do anything today. I’m sorry. My parents. They are forcing me to go to this thing, and I don’t want to, but you know how it is,” she whined.

  I laughed, visualizing her expressions, “that’s totally okay. I’ll figure something out.”

  “I rather be with you, if that makes you feel any better.”

  “Go have fun. Besides, I’ll see you tomorrow. School, remember?”

  “Oh, yay!” she said sarcastically, “I wish I could talk more, but I’ve got to go. My dad has us on a timeline.”

  “Have fun!” I said but she’d already hung up.

  The phone needed juice if I was going to take it with me, so I put it on the charger as I packed a day bag. I needed a plan.

  Half hour later, carefully tiptoeing down the stairs, I knew I needed to stop by the kitchen and grab some snacks.

  Money wasn’t something I ever had on me. Unlike my sisters, I never asked for it. In fact, I never asked for much, yet more was expected of me. I really needed to calm down is what I needed to do, I thought. I slipped into the kitchen, laying my bag on the kitchen island while digging through the pantry. There was plenty to eat in the house, so there was really no need to buy anything out on the street.

  When I was satisfied with my treasure hunting, I surfaced with my arms full only to come face to face with my father, who was drenched in sweat from a morning run, “need any help there?” he politely asked.

  I shook my head, stepping around him to fill my bag with my treasures, figuring at that point, it didn’t matter. There simply was no reason to pretend. Just go with the flow, I told myself.

  “Are you going somewhere?” He said, proceeding to guzzle from his bottle of water.

  The sound of the water reminded me that I hadn’t eaten dinner and now I was hungry, but I really needed to leave, “headed to the beach.”

  He didn’t protest but the complete and utter look of disappointment he bore on his face was very telling, “Arya, sweetheart. Please, talk to me.”

  There was no way I was doing it again. No way. What he wanted was a very one-sided conversation in which I agreed to everything he said, and that simply wasn’t going to happen.

  “Dad, I’m sorry,” I shook my throwing my bag over my shoulder, “you don’t want to talk. You only want me to listen, and when I don’t all hell breaks loose and that’s not fair,” I said biting my bottom lip, trying to keep it from quivering. My heart was racing, I kept my composure by taking very deep calculative breathes and thinking of the calming waves of the ocean.

  “I just wish you could see the potential you have, Arya. You know you only get one shot at this and I don’t want you to make a mistake and regret this later. Because there is no going back.”

  “You think I don’t know that?” I breathed, “you remind me of that window every single day. For crying out loud, I live, eat, breathe that window. And I’m done! I’m slamming it shut. And if you can’t figure that out, that’s on you, not me.” I just stood there, wondering if my father would ever really understand that my dreams were not his dreams for me. “I’m sorry.”

  When I went to walk away, Tina my eldest sister was standing there, witnessing it all. I didn’t bother to acknowledge her, after her reaction toward me the evening before, I’d about had it with my sisters as well.

  Lucky for me, the gated community we lived in had an hourly shuttle to the beach. Even luckier? I seemed to be right on time. I arrived at the shuttle stop just outside the main entrance with a few minutes to spare. The weather was perfect, and it was early enough for me to find a great spot before everyone went flocking to the oceanside.

  The salty ocean water welcomed me into its embrace as I dove in from the beach; swimming from the shore with a doggone determination, cognizant of my limitations, yet willing to push the limit even if for a bit on that day.

  The beach goers were slowly making their presence known, lucky for me, the lifeguards and I had a great rapport and they kept watch over my belongings. It also helped that I’d packed more than enough snacks to share.

  I broke through the waves, taking a moment to look back a time or too, deciding to dive under for the fun of it, just to see how long I could go without coming up.

  Turquoise blue water had never looked so beautiful on that day, when everything looked so clear, and I was sure to be breaking my own record of holding my breath underwater. I kept going, ignoring how reckless it was.

  Can I reach the bottom? I wondered? Maybe if I’d just gotten air. But how about now? I went for it.

  There was coral and fishes, and when I smiled, a few air bubbles escaped me, reminding me just how dangerous what I was doing was.

  “Arya”

  I heard a singsong voice in the water, as I whipped my head around, wondering what on earth was happening.

  From my peripheral vision I saw something dart past me, and I turned quickly, but there was nothing but vast open ocean water and sea life. And still, I’d been holding my breath.

  “Don’t be afraid, child.”

  I turned again, frightened now. It couldn’t be a mistake. That was a clear sentence. I quickly swam back to the surface, and back to shore.

  Standing on the beach I looked to the ocean, I swore I saw a woman looking back at me from about where I’d been diving. She was still, in the water. Surely, I was seeing things. So, I rubbed my eyes, wondering if I’d held my breath too long, and by the time I looked again, she was gone.

  Confused with what had happened, I didn’t go back in the water that day. Instead, I laid out on the beach wondering if what I had heard and seen had been real, or delirium?

  The family was
all home when I arrived late in the afternoon. A couple of my sisters looked worried, of course, as long as Tina didn’t show signs of peace, they wouldn’t dare show me any mercy. They were too scared of her.

  Our dad wasn’t in the living room with the rest, he was waiting for me upstairs when he’d heard me arrive, “can we talk?”

  I sighed, “again, dad? Really?”

  “Yes, really. Because I’m your father and I’m not giving up on us.”

  He looked more tired than usual. Maybe even worried.

  “I’ll put my bag down, but I don’t want to talk around them,” I said pointing downstairs.”

  He shook his head, “we’ll talk in my room.”

  “Okay, I’ll meet you there.”

  After tossing my bag on the floor, I followed him into the master bedroom. He waited for me to go in and closed the double doors behind me. He had a little T.V. area setup, with a couple of comfortable arm chairs. I sat on one and he took the other.

  “I hear what you are saying to me, Arya. You don’t want to swim competitively anymore. And while I think it will be the biggest regret of your life, I will support your decision,” he said. And saw it. What I thought was him looking a little tired was worry. Maybe he’d even cried? Was it possible? “I’m worried about you. I’m scared if I’m being honest.”

  “Worried? Scared? Why?” I asked a bit taken back. What on earth did he have to worry about me for?

  “You are nothing like your sisters. Nothing. With most of them, I know how to handle them. They usually want money. To go shopping. Or they are boy crazy. Worried about their grades. You know, things like that. With you? I don’t know anything about you. But what I do know is that you are damn great swimmer. Probably one of the best I’ve ever known. Yet, you don’t want to have anything to do with it?” He said, his voice barely containing itself.