Kingdom of Salt and Sirens

by J. A. Armitage

  19

  She looked like the kind of girl Griffin should be kissing. Tall, beautiful, with dark silky hair to the middle of her back and the cutest skirt and sweater combo in the school’s definitive purple and yellow. And they looked amazing, with her arms wrapped tightly around his neck, standing on her tippy toes to reach his full lips, while slowly twisting the knife that plunged into my chest the second I saw those two numbers. 62. The number of pieces my heart crumbled into.

  “Wait. Isn’t he your boyfriend?” Seth stood beside me, his jaw wide open. The same shock as mine but running much less deep. He pointed his finger toward them. “Hey, Griff, aren’t you the stud today.”

  Griffin pulled the girl off him and shook his head. “Arianna?”

  I didn’t respond. Instead I turned away, not willing to show him the tears threatening to fall. He didn’t get to take pleasure in my pain.

  He rushed up behind me and put his hand on my shoulder.

  “What?” I spat at him without turning around.

  “I don’t know what happened. I swear. She kissed me. Out of nowhere. You know I wouldn’t do something like this. Not to you, not to anyone.”

  “Do I? Maybe it was all just some line? Did you tell her the same lies to get her attention?”

  “No. There’s nothing with me and that girl. I don’t even know her name.”

  “Wow, that’s classy,” Seth said from the sidelines.

  “Why don’t you just get lost? This has nothing to do with you.”

  “It does when you think you can just hurt people like that.”

  Griffin rushed over to Seth and grabbed him by the collar. “I’m telling you, I didn’t kiss that girl. She kissed me. It’s all kind of fuzzy.”

  “Fuzzy? Isn’t that convenient.”

  “Why, I oughta—”

  “Enough!” I whirled around and Griffin let go of Seth. “I don’t know what to believe right now. Just leave me alone.”

  I ran off toward the parking lot. I needed to find Chloe. I needed to get out of there. A burning sensation started in the back of my throat as the chicken and potatoes we had for dinner threatened to come back for a second taste. The lot was a mass of cars, so I stood back and scanned the crowd, trying to find her. I looked for her bright purple scarf, but everyone wore some shade of purple, which didn’t help. I placed my hand on my forehead, heat bubbling in my blood. How could he do that? Had everything he’d said to me been a lie? Did he even care about me at all? No wonder our kiss didn’t send me back—he’d never felt it anyway.

  Seth ran up beside me and rested his arm over my shoulders. “Are you okay?”

  I wanted to shrug him off—I didn’t want anyone to touch me—but I couldn’t seem to get my brain to stop thinking enough to move my body.

  “I need to go home.”

  “Let me help you. I told you before, humans aren’t worth it. They are such a disaster.”

  “But I thought . . . I thought he was different.”

  “None of them are. But I can help. I know someone who can take away all this pain, all this misery. Someone who wouldn’t make you suffer like this.”

  “I don’t know. I don’t know anything right now. I can’t even think.”

  “Which is why you need to make this decision. Choose to come with me and I’ll show you. Make the choice to choose yourself over them. You don’t have to go back to Heaven. There are better options for people like you. Ones that don’t involve stupid tests.”

  “Wait.” My head throbbed as his words clicked together in my brain. Too many boys with their broken promises for one night. “I thought you said you would help me get back.”

  “I said I knew someone who could help you, but you don’t need to go back, Arianna.”

  “Enough.” I finally focused my energy enough to push Seth away. “I have just more than one day left to figure out what Raguel meant or I will be stuck on this stupid planet forever. I’m an angel, Seth. Wings, halo, fallen straight from the sky. You know that. I can’t just decide to do something else. I need to find a way to get back to Heaven where I belong.”

  “You’re a what?”

  I looked over to see Chloe standing beside us, her car keys dangling from her index finger.

  “There you are. I’ve been looking all over for you.” I walked toward her, but she stepped back, her hands held out in front of her, the color draining from her face as she shook her head at me.

  “Don’t come anywhere near me. Is it true? You’re not human, you’re an angel?”

  I nodded and stared down at the ground, kicking the tufts of grass with my sneaker. “I wanted to tell you, but I . . . I couldn’t.”

  “You couldn’t tell me, but you could tell him.” She jerked her head at Seth, her stare sharp enough to cut glass. “Real nice.”

  Seth shrugged and glanced at me, smart enough to push down his amusement, but just barely.

  “I didn’t tell him. He already knew.”

  The rage burning in her eyes faded into something darker. Something sad.

  “Chloe. I’m so sorry.” I reached out to touch her, to connect with her somehow and make things okay like she always did for me, but she stomped past and into the parking lot.

  “If you still need a ride, I’m going home,” she hissed. The harsh edge to her voice wavered.

  I followed quickly behind, but Seth grabbed my arm.

  “Let her go. You need to worry about yourself.”

  I tugged myself away. “Not right now. I need to deal with this.”

  I raced toward the car and jumped into the passenger seat as Chloe stomped on the gas, the door barely closing before she lurched forward into traffic.

  “I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you. I just didn’t know what to say. Or if you would have even believed me.”

  “You never planned on staying, did you? You were just here for a few days to take what you wanted and then you’d be gone.”

  “I never wanted to hurt you, Chloe.”

  “Well, how did you think I was going to feel when I opened your door one morning and you were just gone? Were you even going to say goodbye, or were you just going to disappear?”

  “I hadn’t really thought that far ahead.”

  “Well, how long did you have then?”

  “Until tomorrow.” I hung my head and stared at my fingers twisted in my lap. The disappointment rolled off Chloe’s skin and filled the air between us.

  “So, just a week. And everything you told me, everything you said, I can assume is all lies?”

  “No, I meant what I said. I interfered with humans when I wasn’t supposed to. It’s the number one rule of angels, but I did it anyway. I was sent here to learn how to be human. To learn how to love.”

  She stared out the windshield, her knuckles white as she gripped the steering wheel, her braking too heavy and her turns too sharp to be okay. But I much preferred her yelling at me. At least then I knew what she was thinking.

  We pulled into the driveway. She jammed the car into park, turned off the engine, and jumped out, slamming the driver’s side door behind her. I slowly crept out of the car, unsure of what to say next, knowing that nothing would make her feel better. Nothing would make up for my lies.

  “I think I’m going to take a walk. Will you come with me?” I stuffed my hands in my pockets, hoping she would take the invitation. Let me have a chance to explain.

  She rushed up the front steps, the screen door in her hand, then she paused and hung her head. “Why? Clearly you have bigger issues to deal with that don’t involve me. It’s probably better if you said goodbye now since you’ll be leaving soon anyway. You’re just like everyone else. I should’ve known you’d just leave.”

  “That’s not—”

  But there was no point in arguing. Chloe slipped inside the door and disappeared.

  20

  I dug my toes into the gravel and pushed myself forward on the swing. The weathered chains creaked loudly and shrilly in the dark. Back and
forth. Back and forth. Swinging into the night breeze, as I replayed the events of the night over and over again.

  That girl’s arms wrapped around Griffin’s neck, his lips pushed against hers.

  Kiss.

  The cold, disappointed shadow that fell across Chloe’s face as she clicked the front door shut, leaving me in the driveway.

  Click.

  Each image crashed over me. Dangerous waves on a distant shore. My body reacting to each blow, every muscle tightening, every breath a labor.

  Cringe.

  Over and over, just like the swing, in a constant loop of never getting anywhere.

  Kiss. Click. Cringe.

  Tears escaped my eyes, plastering against my cheeks as I sailed through the air. A murder of crows flew in and perched on the top of the slide, staring with their red beady eyes as I pumped my feet and rose higher and higher into their sky.

  Kiss. Click. Cringe.

  One last big push and I jumped from the swing at its highest peak, my eyes closed, urging my wings to open and carry me away. But instead I fell to the ground and a jolt of pain pierced through my ankles, knocking me to my knees.

  Half the crows scattered, cawing at the moon about the crazy angel who couldn’t fly. One of the larger crows sailed down to the ground and hopped toward me, closer, his tiny head cocked to the left as if I were the strange one.

  I slammed my hand against the ground. “Get out of here. Go away.”

  It didn’t listen. Just hopped slower, pausing in its movements but not changing course. I grabbed a rock from the ground and chucked it in the bird’s direction, just to the right, but close enough. It startled, its stare searing into my head. Blaming me. Knowing I’d been the one to throw it. As if to mock me, it extended its onyx feathers and squawked, then burst into the sky with a flap of fury.

  I pushed myself up to my feet and stared after it. But it was gone.

  Kiss. Click. Cringe.

  The loop began again. And the tears began to flow.

  “I’m done,” I yelled into the sky, my arms open at my sides. “Did you hear that, Raguel? I’ve done everything you’ve asked. I’ve come here, I’ve been human, I fell in love. I get it now. No need to keep punishing me.

  “These people. They hurt each other. They hurt themselves. I don’t know what more you want from me. You need to take me back. I want to go back.”

  I wiped my eyes with the back of my sleeve, but it made no difference. Tears poured down my face as I struggled to breathe between gasps. If love was simply a trick—a tool that people used against each other—then I was done.

  “I won’t do it again, I promise. I’ll let them destroy each other. Let them live their lives without interfering. I don’t care what they do anymore. Just please, Raguel, please take me back.”

  Whispers. The sound of rustling leaves. The wind whipping through empty fields. No Raguel.

  “Do you even hear me?” I screamed, the words ripping themselves up my throat, echoing in the open air.

  “I doubt they’ll listen when you talk like that,” a voice said behind me.

  I whirled around as Margaret stepped into the playground. James stood guard on the sidewalk, his hands thrust deep into his pockets.

  “How did you know to find me here?”

  “I saw you.” Her thin lips curled into a mischievous smile. “And I doubt you really want to be remembered as the girl who tried to yell at Heaven.”

  “I don’t know what to do.” I buried my face in my hands and walked toward her.

  “There, there, dear.” She wrapped her arms around me, her limbs shaking as she pulled my wet face into her shoulder. “Few of us ever know what we’re doing. That’s part of the magic.”

  “I thought I had it figured out. I looked for love just like Raguel said, and I thought I had found it. But now everything is ruined. Griffin kissed someone else, and Chloe . . . Chloe hates me.”

  “Well then, you’re lucky, aren’t you?”

  “What?” I pulled my face from her sweater; the faint wisp of lavender filled the space between us.

  “It sounds as though you’ve made some good connections here. Been impacted.”

  “Didn’t you just hear me? Nothing is working out. I’m running out of time and everything is falling apart.”

  “But, maybe you don’t quite understand. People can only hurt us if we care for them. If we love them. When you don’t care, it doesn’t hurt. If the reason you are truly upset is because you can’t return to Heaven, then you have learned nothing. But if these tears are for the friends you’ve made, then maybe you still stand a chance.”

  “But what if I don’t? What if all this was for nothing and I ruined my chances of going home?”

  “Then I guess you need to spend more time seeing what’s right in front of you. Or, you need to start accepting the fact that you may never be an angel again.”

  “I don’t think I can do it.”

  “Some days, neither do I, but I do. And you will too. Now, dry those eyes, stop blaming the heavens, and get back out there. People may still surprise you. You might even surprise yourself.”

  She straightened my hair behind my ear and down my back, then gave my shoulder a quick squeeze before James appeared at her side and took her hand.

  “What do I do now?” I asked as they slowly walked up the street toward their car.

  Margaret turned around. “Stop trying to act like a human and let yourself be one.”

  I watched the car disappear around the corner and took one last look up at the bluish light of the moon filtering through the clouds. Heaven seemed farther away than ever.

  21

  All the lights were dark when I opened the front door to the house. I glanced at the clock on the microwave in the kitchen. 12:52. I crept down the hallway to Chloe’s room and peeked in at her purple comforter with the large body-shaped lump in the middle, her soft blond hair splayed out in waves on her pillow.

  “Chloe?” I said to the moonlit room.

  No answer. Either she’d fallen asleep or still didn’t want to speak to me. I tried again, but she didn’t flinch.

  I quietly closed the door and headed back down the hall. In my periphery, I noticed the lamp still on in the living room. I snuck in and clicked it off, leaving Stephen sleeping in his favorite chair.

  “Good night,” I whispered to the air.

  “You’re home?”

  I froze, not expecting a response. “Yeah. Just going to bed.”

  “The Carlisle boy was here for you, and then he called about ten times.”

  “Thanks.”

  Bile rose in the back of my throat. The thought of Griffin. Here. All of the horrible thoughts came flooding back. The pretty girl with her pretty lips.

  “Just one thing. I don’t know what happened tonight, and I doubt I really want to know, but if you do anything to make my Chloe cry like that again, I think you will need to find a new place to stay. Understood?”

  The room spun and closed in around me, my breathing getting difficult as I choked back my own tears. I’d hurt her. I knew I had. But hearing it made it real. “Understood. I didn’t mean for—”

  “I don’t want to know. I just want to know that you are looking out for my daughter.”

  “I am, sir. She’s the best friend I’ve ever had.”

  “Then you’re a lucky person. Now go get some sleep.”

  I sprang up in bed as the door creaked open. Through my sleepy haze the image of Chloe standing in the doorway became clear, her long hair draped over her shoulders like a ghost standing guard over my bed.

  “Are you awake?” she asked.

  I rubbed my face, still unsure if I was talking to a spirit or if it was really her. “Yeah.”

  She slipped in quietly, the near silent footfalls whispering until she reached the side of the bed and sat down.

  I moved upright and pulled my knees toward my chest. “Are you still mad at me?”

  “A little. I don’t like that you
lied to me, but I understand why you had to.”

  The weight that had been pushing against my rib cage since the second she had stormed away from me lifted, if only a fraction.

  “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

  “I know.” She tilted her head toward the window, and the blue moonlight fell across her face. Glassy, glistening streaks of tears tainted her cheeks, hidden before in the dark, now highlighted for me to see. “But can I ask you a question?”

  I linked my arm in hers, hoping she wouldn’t push me away, wanting to be close to her. Help her forgive me. “Sure.”

  “What’s it like?” she whispered, her voice wavering.

  “What do you mean?”

  “In Heaven. Is it nice up there?” She coughed on her words, her voice finally breaking. “Do you think she’s happy? My mom? Do you think my mom is happy up there?”

  A fresh stream slid down her left cheek. My heart broke in my chest as her spirit did before my eyes.

  I wrapped my arm around her shoulder, and she let me. “It’s wonderful. I think she would be very happy. There would be no pain. No more hurt. But I’m sure she misses you every day.”

  “Have you met her? Do you know for sure?”

  “I haven’t. There are millions of people there. But if she’s anything like you, I can guarantee that she’s among them.” I clutched tighter on her shoulder, as if to hold her together, as stray tears spilled onto my leg.

  “Can you do me a favor?”

  “Anything. Whatever you want.”

  “When you get back, can you find her for me? Find her and tell her that I’m sorry I blamed her. Sorry that I was angry that she died.”

  “I’m sure she already knows.”

  She turned her face to me, her destroyed look ripping me apart. “But can you tell her anyway?”