Everlasting Flame

by Katelyn Anderson

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  It would take a long time for me to get over that torture, being alone in the dark, electrocuted by flares of white light. You’d think I’d be used to such things, considering what I had been through to get where I was now. That wasn’t the case. It wasn’t a sign of weakness. It showed me that I hadn’t completely lost myself to the darkness inside my soul. Being unsettled and afraid showed me that I still had a shred of humanity left; that I hadn’t turned into a monster. Monsters were numb inside and killed to sustain their thirst for blood. That wasn’t who I was. I wanted to make this world a better place, even if I had to sacrifice pieces of myself along the way.

  I stirred. I wasn’t too sure where I was. There was a soft mattress beneath me that I had sunk into. Warm blankets covered me. My clothes were no longer soaking wet. I was very confused. The room was barely lit, due to the pouring rain obscuring the sunlight outside.

  Panic automatically flooded through me at the thought of being alone in the dark. My muscles ached all over. I tried sitting up but struggled. I felt so heavy, like I was being weighed down by a ton of bricks.

  I swore loudly but kept trying.

  “You doing alright, sweetheart?”

  I jumped and that hurt a great deal. I didn’t know where Lorenzo’s voice came from. “Where are you?”

  “Couch. I didn’t want to be punched in the face for lying next to you without permission.”

  That made me smile. “Get in here. I need therapeutic hugs.”

  “Is that what they call it these days?”

  “I don’t need your crude comments. Just get in here and hold me, damn it.”

  “Yes, your majesty.”

  “If you keep that up, I might end up punching you in the face.”

  Lorenzo chuckled as he wandered into my room. He didn’t turn the light on for guidance. I heard his feet shuffle against the floor as he felt around for my bed.

  The bed creaked when he plopped himself down. He didn’t slip under the covers. He laid beside me and wrapped his arm around my waist, tucking me into him. My face was resting against his chest. His chin sat on the top of my head. One of my arms were wrapped around him, the other lay in front of me, holding Lorenzo’s free hand.

  I listened to the sound of his gentle breathing and his steady heartbeat, as well as the rain splattering against the windows. The warmth of his magic hummed against my skin. It always felt like a ray of golden sunshine, warm and inviting. His magic chased away the tightness in my muscles, soothing me.

  The pain faded with each moment that went by. The sensation of being weighed down by a thousand bricks was gone. I could move if I wanted to but I was quite content with where I was.

  “Need anything else?” Lorenzo asked me, voice soft, still holding me close.

  “No,” I murmured quietly. “Thank you for making me feel better.”

  “I’m glad I could help. The pain all gone?”

  “Mmhm.”

  I wasn’t sure how much time we spent cuddled up. I was incredibly comfortable. I didn’t want to move or leave his embrace. He was like a cuddly teddy bear. The scent of apple and cinnamon was calming, much like the warmth of his skin and magic. I couldn’t remember the last time someone held me this close. It was just the kind of support I needed to cope. I had been so close to falling apart. If Lorenzo wasn’t here, I would be a wreck. Waking up alone after being tortured wasn’t something I had wanted. I was glad he was here. He seemed to be the only one who was always there for me. He never said no. That’s what I loved about him the most.

  “Still need this hug? I don’t want it to start getting awkward,” Lorenzo said.

  “Shut up. I’ll tell you when.”

  “This is the kind of thing boyfriends are–”

  I smacked him on the back of the head before he could finish his sentence. “I said shut up.”

  “Alright, alright,” he said, laughing after he spoke. “I’m sorry.”

  I squeezed his hand and hugged him a little tighter. “Thank you for always being there for me. I’d be an emotional wreck right now if you weren’t holding me together.”

  “I didn’t have much of a choi–”

  I smacked him again. “Can you please stop ruining the moment. I’m trying to have a heart to heart here.”

  “You know I’m only teasing.”

  “If you don’t want my gratitude then fine.”

  “D’aw, don’t be like that. My day isn’t complete if I don’t tease you at least once.”

  “You can be a real jerk sometimes.”

  “Hey, come now. My playful flirting is for a reason, Joan. I didn’t spend this long cuddling you because I’m a jerk. I did it because I care about you.”

  My heart skipped a beat. “What?”

  Lorenzo’s hand slipped from mine and he pulled away, breaking up the hug. His chin was no longer resting on the top of my head. I could faintly see his golden eyes in the darkness, staring right at me. His nose was touching mine.

  “As intelligent as you are... you sure are dense sometimes.”

  “What are you trying to say?” I stammered.

  He leaned forward and kissed my forehead. “Nothing. I’ll go make you some breakfast.”

  “Lorenzo–”

  “It’s alright, Joan. I don’t expect you to feel the same way. This doesn’t change anything,” he murmured gently, shifting to the other side of the bed.

  I moved to where he was and wrapped my arms around his chest to stop him from leaving. My chin was sitting on his shoulder. The side of my face was resting against his. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”

  “You were under the impression that I was here out of obligation because Damian asked me to take care of you,” he said, holding my arms that were still around him. “I’m here because I want to be. You mean a great deal to me, Joan.”

  “You make me feel safe,” I admitted softly, hugging him tighter. “But I don’t want this to change. I don’t want us to be any closer at the risk of ruining what we have. I care about you, more than you know, but I’m in a dark place and I don’t want to drag you down with me. I appreciate everything you do for me. You take care of me, never say no when I ask you to spend time with me, and so much more. Sometimes I feel like I take advantage of your kindness and I’m sorry if that’s the case. I don’t mean to... I just enjoy your company. Having a friend like you really helps me cope with everything I’ve been through. If you weren’t a part of my life, I would be in a completely different headspace. You mean a lot to me.”

  “Don’t ever feel like you’re taking advantage of me. Like I’ve said before, I’m more than happy to help with anything you need. And I mean anything.”

  “Is that some kind of innuendo?”

  “Maybe,” he replied, tone innocent. “Not only am I gorgeous, I’m amazing in be–”

  I covered his mouth with my hands before he could finish. “Not another word.”

  Lorenzo’s shoulders shook with laughter. He pried my hands from his face and slipped off my bed, still chuckling quietly to himself. “You started it.”

  “I’m finishing it,” I declared.

  “Okay, sweetheart. I’ll behave myself.”

  “Whatcha gonna make for breakfast?” I decided a subject change was necessary to prevent any further awkwardness.

  “Pancakes. Want thin ones with filling or normal with syrup?”

  “Normal is fine. I’m not sure you can top Damian’s pancake recipe.”

  “Challenge accepted.”

  “Good luck. You’re gonna need it.”

  “Is that lack of faith I hear in your voice? I’m disappointed.”

  “Just do normal ones. I’m in the mood for something sweet, not savoury.”

  “I’m sweet,” he hinted. I’m sure the darkness was concealing his grin.

  “Shut up and go make breakfast. Turn some lights on. It’s too dark.”

  “Yeah. It sure is stormy outside. Doesn’t even feel like ten in
the morning.”

  “Ten? Crap! I’m late for work,” I said, leaping out of bed. “Dane’s gonna kill me.”

  “Hey, hey. Take it easy. Theo said to take the day off. You’ve earned a breather.”

  “I’m fine. I’ll be fine,” I mumbled, searching through my drawers for some clothes when Lorenzo flicked the light on. “Sitting at home doing nothing will make it worse. I need the distraction. You healed me. I’m fine.”

  “I healed you physically. You went through something pretty traumatic. One good nights sleep isn’t going to heal your emotional state,” Lorenzo called out from the kitchen, rummaging through the cupboards and banging pans. “Go have a shower while I make you breakfast. It might wash away that stupid urge to go to work. I’m not making a start on these pancakes until I hear the water running.”

  “You are such a nag.”

  “Just looking out for you, love.”

  “I’m glad someone is,” I mumbled, making my way to the bathroom with a bundle of clothes. “Hey, Lorenzo?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Thanks for before.”

  “Anytime. If you feel like you need some comforting while you’re in the sho–”

  “You’re unbelievable,” I interrupted him, glaring at him before slamming the bathroom door. There was no way he was setting foot inside the bathroom while I was in it. I locked the door just to make sure, even though I had a feeling that a lock wasn’t any hassle for a mage to unlock.

  “I’m just teasing, love,” he called out, laughing afterwards.

  “If you’re planning on interrupting my shower with your unwelcome presence, you’ll have another thing coming.”

  “Wouldn’t dream of it.”

  “I highly doubt that,” I muttered under my breath, placing my clean clothes on the vanity.

  I ran the shower to warm up the water and took off my clothes, chucking them into the washing basket. I stuck my hand under the water and flinched. It was freezing. The cold brought back flashbacks of my torture, soaked by icy water and being electrocuted more times than I could count.

  I switched the water off and let out several steady breaths to calm down. It was only memories. I was safe now. There was nothing to be afraid of.

  “Some jerk used up all the hot water,” I called through the door, resting my head against the wall.

  “The joys of living in a shared apartment block. I can fix that for you. Grab a towel if you’re not decent and I’ll come in. Just let me know when you’re good.”

  I wrapped myself up in a towel and made sure it was secure before I unlocked the door. “How are you going to fix it?”

  Lorenzo flashed me a gorgeous smile and gently pushed past me to get into the bathroom. He wrapped his hand around the shower pipe. The pipe glowed and slowly faded back to normal. He turned the shower on and held my wrist, guiding my hand towards the water stream. It was hot, borderline steamy, the kind of temperature I found comfortable in my showers.

  “Better?” he asked me, letting go of my wrist.

  “Much. Thank you.”

  “It’s a permanent fix. It turns cold water to hot. Is the temperature ok?”

  “It’s perfect.”

  “Good. I’ll leave you to it,” he said, resting his hand on my shoulder for a short moment. The warmth of his magic was still radiating from his palm. He left the bathroom and shut the door behind him.

  The sensation of Lorenzo’s hand on my bare skin lingered. I couldn’t decide if it was the softness of his hands or the warmth of his magic. Perhaps it was both.

  I stepped inside the shower when the towel fell to the bathroom floor. The water felt amazing and relaxed me. I closed my eyes and let my mind wander while I washed my hair.

  I felt conflicted. I was with Cyrus, to some extent, but Lorenzo was the one who was always there for me. Was it possible to be in love with two people at the same time? It wasn’t Cyrus’s fault that our relationship wasn’t normal. He was on the agency’s most wanted list. Being caught anywhere near me was an automatic death sentence. The only safe contact he could have with me was within dreams. He had risked a lot saving me yesterday. Surely that meant something? Or was it a mere coincidence that the people who caught us happened to be his targets? I didn’t believe in coincidences.

  Why couldn’t I shake the feeling that something was off? Anything I knew, Cyrus could find out by entering my mind. I would always be a liability. Perhaps that’s why Dane would never trust me. Then again, that entire building would be compromised if Cyrus knew the identity of everyone working under Dane.

  Cyrus told me he sensed that I was in trouble because we supposedly shared a psychic connection. What did that even mean? He didn’t stick around to elaborate. He left me on my own, like he always did.

  It made more sense that Cyrus got information about our targets out of my memories without telling me. Then again, the mercenaries who captured us weren’t on our list as far as I knew. I didn’t know what to think. It’s not like I could blatantly accuse Cyrus of scanning my memories without serious repercussions. Maybe it would be best to end what I had with him. Even if I did end it, I wasn’t sure that would stop Cyrus from entering my dreams. He was persistent. I didn’t know how to say no to him.

  “If you spend any longer in there, you’ll become a wrinkled prune. Your pancakes are almost done. Hurry up before I decide to eat them,” Lorenzo said through the door.

  I switched the water off and wrung out my hair.

  “If you eat my pancakes, I’ll murder you,” I called back, stepping out of the shower. I grabbed the towel from the floor and dried off, leaving my hair until last.

  “Making murder jokes when you’re an assassin is kind of scary. I won’t touch your pancakes.”

  “Wise decision,” I said, wrapping my wet hair into the towel.

  I quickly got changed into a pair of denim jeans and short sleeved blouse. I fixed the collar and made sure all the buttons were done up. I had a bad habit of forgetting about the buttons and having a wardrobe malfunction. Thankfully I was usually in my apartment when that happened. I would be mortified if that happened at work. The entire team would give me grief for months.

  “Loving the new hair style. Very retro,” Lorenzo said, gesturing with the spatula he was using to flip the pancakes to the towel wrapped around my head.

  “You’re an ass.”

  He grinned, his face innocent. “Your pancakes are on the counter. The ones in the pan are mine. Didn’t know what syrup you wanted or if you’d like powdered sugar, so I’ve left everything to one side. I figured you’d want bacon as well so there are a few strips. You’re welcome.”

  “Such a good little house wife,” I said, patting his head as I walked past him; his hair was silky and soft.

  I sprinkled powdered sugar onto my pancakes and drizzled maple syrup over the stack, watching it dribble down the sides. I needed something other than Lorenzo to look at. He was gorgeous and staring at him wasn’t helping the butterflies in my stomach.

  “Maybe I should borrow Damian’s apron,” Lorenzo said, flipping his pancakes.

  “What apron?” I asked, nibbling on bacon strips. They disappeared quickly.

  “You haven’t seen it?”

  “Nope,” I said, plopping myself down on the couch.

  I made a start on my pancakes and sliced into the stack.

  Lorenzo was laughing so hard that he had to hold his ribs. “It’s hilarious. I bought it for him for his wedding anniversary. I don’t think he’s ever quite forgiven me for it.”

  “What’s so funny about it?”

  “It’s what it says...” Lorenzo’s voice trailed off in suspense. His golden eyes were glowing with amusement and he had the world’s goofiest grin on his face. “I wear the apron. She wears the pants.”

  Powdered sugar went everywhere when a sudden burst of air came out of my nose and mouth. I laughed more than I should have but it was totally worth making a mess.

  “Oh, that’s a good one. Price
less.” I snickered.

  “You should have seen the look on Damian’s face. It was camera worthy.”

  “You should have taken a photo and framed it.”

  “Probably,” he agreed, smirking. He turned off the stove and started to stack his pancakes. “You still planning on going to work after you eat?”

  “Yeah, why?”

  “You know that’s really stupid considering you’ve been given time off.”

  “I don’t want time off.”

  “You’d rather go to work than spend time with me? I’m hurt,” he said, putting his hand on his forehead like a fainting damsel in distress.

  I rolled my eyes.

  “Whatever shall I do?” he continued, voice high pitched and shrilly.

  “Please stop that before I throw my knife at your face.”

  “You don’t like my acting?” he asked, pouting after he spoke. He did a great job at being adorable. I wanted to give him a hug because he looked so sad.

  “No. That shrilly voice sounded an awful lot like Jacqueline’s when I broke Isabelle’s nose.”

  Lorenzo chortled and sat down on the couch next to me. “Do you miss those days?”

  “Not really. The only two people I miss are Damian and Jason. They were always kind to me. You’re the last person I have left from those days who makes time to visit.”

  “You know Damian would be here if he could. He’s trying to keep the peace. Marriage is hard.”

  “I thought marriage was about compromise.”

  “Not when you’re married to Jacqueline.”

  I laughed and almost choked on my pancake. I had to swallow it quickly before I started spluttering for breath. “Point taken.”

  Lorenzo sliced his pancakes into pieces. “If you’re wanting to go to work, you might need to call someone to let them know you’ll be coming in. I doubt you’d want to take the stairs.”

  “Yeah. I’ll call Winters.”

  “Theo told me Winters cracked his ribs. I doubt he’ll be in today.”

  “You don’t know him like I do. He’s probably there, struggling on the inside but putting on a brave face.”

  “Male egos, huh?”

  “You’re male too, ya know.”

  “Well done, Captain Obvious. Would you like a gold star?” he asked, tapping my nose with a quick flick of his finger. “I don’t have an ego the size of an elephant.”

  “You’re vain. That’s basically the same thing as having an ego the size of an elephant.”

  “Joan, I’m gorgeous, funny, great company, and have golden eyes to die for. I’m allowed to be vain.”

  “Elephant ego,” I reiterated. “You forgot to add flirtatious and perverted into your spiel.”

  “You wound me.”

  “These pancakes aren’t half bad,” I added, close to finishing off my plate. “I’m impressed.”

  “You wound me some more.”

  “Stop being so melodramatic,” I said, giving him a gentle push. “My day wouldn’t be complete if I didn’t tease you at least once.”

  Lorenzo smiled, a smile that warmed my heart. “Something we both agree on. Joan, can you do something for me?”

  “What is it?”

  “Take some time to ease yourself back into missions. You might not feel it now but you’re fragile. What you went through isn’t something you can just dismiss and shake off. Being tortured like that is frightening and it will take a long time to get over it. The flashbacks will stop eventually.”

  “How did you know I was having flashbacks?”

  “You looked really spooked in the bathroom before I fixed the shower temperature. I didn’t want to do or say anything in case you took it the wrong way, considering there was nothing but a towel standing between you and me.”

  I felt my cheeks redden. “Yeah, well, whatever.”

  “You’re cute when you’re flustered.”

  “Shut up!” I exclaimed, smacking him.

  “So you do feel the same about me, huh?” he asked, tone serious.

  My heart fluttered and I was pretty sure that my stomach was doing backflips. “I don’t want to ruin what we have. I love the relationship we share already. I’m content with this level of intimacy.”

  “I’ll never push you out of your comfort zone. Don’t apologise because I wholeheartedly agree with you. You’re young and have a bit more growing up to do.”

  “I don’t know whether to be flattered or annoyed.”

  “Both. Definitely both,” he said, taking my empty plate and stacking it on top of his. “Call Theo instead of Winters. Winters will undoubtedly give you crap for taking time off, banter you don’t need first thing in the morning. The conversation with Theo will be chill.”

  Lorenzo knew a lot about my team members because I told him everything. He was the friend I couldn’t keep secrets from. He was the friend that was always there for me when I called him out of the blue for help, company, or just someone to talk to. He was the reliable secret keeper. I trusted him with anything.

  “Why are you looking at me like that?” Lorenzo asked curiously, head tilted, making his hair fall to the side.

  “What? I wasn’t doing anything.”

  Lorenzo pet the towel on my head and squished it down. “Cutie,” he said, making his way to the kitchen to clean up the dishes. “Your phone is on your bedside table if you were wondering where it was.”

  “Thanks,” I mumbled, still feeling embarrassed that he noticed I was staring at him a little love-struck.

  I unravelled the squished down towel from my head on the way to my bedroom. I grabbed my spare hairbrush and started to brush out the knots. While I was brushing my hair, I used my freehand to call Theo and put him on speaker.

  “Hello, Theo speaking,” Theo answered.

  “Hey, it’s Joan,” I replied. I’m sure he already knew who it was since I was saved in his phone. He had a bad habit of answering calls so formally. Maybe it was a British thing.

  “If you’re calling because you want to come into work, you’re going to be disappointed. I gave you time off for a reason. Go have a spa day, get your nails done, do whatever girls do to unwind. You can come into work tomorrow, just not today.”

  “But I don’t want time off.”

  “Trust me, you do. If you want to know the situation right now, I just stepped out of an interrogation room to answer this phone call. Dane and Winters are in there. Winters is giving Dane a verbal report of everything that happened yesterday and using me as verification. You don’t want to get dragged into this. Stay away from work.”

  “That sounds riveting,” I mentioned, voice overflowing with sarcasm. “Yeah. Ok. I’ll take the time off.”

  “Good choice. I need to go. See you tomorrow.”

  “Bye,” I said to the empty line. Theo had already hung up.

  I sighed and sat down on the edge of my bed, putting my phone and hairbrush on the bedside table.

  “Fine, Lorenzo. Seems like you’re getting your wish after all. I’m staying at home. But I don’t know if being alone with you is the best thing right now. I’m trying to sort out my feelings and you being here is making it harder to switch everything off.”

  “Switch what off?”

  “I’m not spelling it out for you.”

  “You want me, don’t you?”

  My heart sped up and my lips suddenly felt dry. “Yes,” it came out in a whisper.

  “Speak up, sweetheart,” he said, stepping into my bedroom.

  I glanced up at him, getting lost in those golden eyes. “Yes. But I’m with Cyrus. I’m not a cheater.”

  “Joan,” Lorenzo started, sitting down beside me. He held the hand closest to him and squeezed it gently. “You can’t have a relationship with someone who’s only there for you in your dreams. Yes, he saved you yesterday, but didn’t stick around to make sure you’d be ok. He left you on your own like he always does. The only thing he’s committed to is his line of work, killing people for fun and money,” he s
aid, pausing for thought. “Your relationship isn’t going to work when the agency wants him dead. He’s only there for you in the safety of your dreams. He’s not a risk taker. He won’t risk it all to be with you because he values himself above everyone else. I don’t know what it’s like to be hunted and having to look over your shoulder at every waking moment, but if I was truly in love with a girl, I’d give it everything I had to make it work.”

  I leaned my head on Lorenzo’s shoulder. “You’re right,” I murmured, my voice an emotional choke. My eyes were already leaking silent tears.

  “We don’t need to rush anything. Figure out what you want and come back to me once you’ve sorted things out with Cyrus. I don’t want to make you feel guilty for cheating. I’m not that kind of person who crosses that line with someone who’s already taken. If you need more time, I’ll give you all the time in the world that you need. If you want to spend the rest of the day alone, then I’ll respect your wishes.” His hand slipped from mine and he made the move to get off my bed.

  I caught his arm before he had the chance to get up. “Stay with me, please.”

  “Alright,” he said, patting my hand. “Want to play video games or watch movies?”

  “Movies sound good. We’ll have to go out and rent some. I don’t have Internet to stream.”

  “A teenager who lives without Internet. You really are a weirdo.”

  I snorted. “Shut up.”

  “I don’t know how you survive without social media.”

  “It’s quite easy when the only people I socialise with kill others for a living. You’re the only normal friend I have, and that’s saying something considering you’re magical.”

  “You make me sound like I’m a unicorn.”

  “You’re a very pretty unicorn.”

  “Shut up. You might want this,” he said, handing me a jacket. “It’s quite stormy outside.”

  “It’s perfect weather to cuddle up in,” I mentioned quietly, slipping into the jacket sleeves and zipping up the front.

  “Let’s go,” he beamed, holding out his hand for me to take. “Hand holding is not cheating, nor is friendly cuddling. It’s innocent contact. Don’t overthink it, just do it.”

  “Okay,” I said, taking his hand.

  I didn’t know what it was about Lorenzo. I always felt better when I had physical contact with him. I think it was the soothing pulse of his warm magic, or maybe it was the sense of security he gave me when we were close to each other. Perhaps I loved him more than I’d like to admit. When I was with him, nothing else seemed important. If that wasn’t love, then I didn’t know what love was. All I knew was that I didn’t want to lose this feeling. It was too significant. It made the darkness inside me become overrun by the light. I wasn’t sure if that was a good or bad thing. I didn’t care.