Deliver Me

by Karen Cole

  Anyway, she tells herself, it’s not as if it’s really a date. It’s a fact-finding mission and that’s all.

  ‘Bit dressed up for the cinema, aren’t you?’ says Rob. ‘Who are you going with?’

  She’s saved by the doorbell.

  ‘Gotta go!’ Abby says, making a quick escape.

  Alex is standing outside. He’s wearing jeans and a green shirt, which is tight over his shoulders, and his hair is newly washed. She gets a whiff of musky shampoo.

  ‘You look nice,’ he says, smiling. Amused green eyes fix on hers and Abby feels heat rise in her cheeks. Stay focused, she thinks. Remember this isn’t really a date. Remember he could be a rapist.

  ‘What are we going to see?’ she asks.

  ‘Change of plan. There’s nothing good on at the cinema, so I thought we could go to eat somewhere. Do you like Thai food?’ he says as opens the gate for her.

  ‘Love it.’ Abby slides past, careful not to touch him.

  ‘Good. Hope you don’t mind walking. I thought it was a nice evening. Will you be alright in those heels?’

  ‘No problem.’ She smiles. She knows she probably should go back inside and change into flats, but she doesn’t want to risk bringing Alex into the house and subjecting him to an interrogation by Rob and Ellie.

  By the time they reach the centre of town, though, she’s regretting her decision. Her feet are killing her. The heels are starting to rub and she’s trying not to hobble.

  ‘Here we are,’ says Alex as they turn into a sort of open-air shopping arcade and stop outside an expensive-looking restaurant, boasting authentic Thai cuisine. Two large kneeling stone Buddhas flank the doorway. They are shown to a seat next to the window by a smiling waitress dressed in traditional Thai clothing. They order two green curries and, before she can stop him, Alex asks for a bottle of wine.

  ‘This is great,’ Abby says, looking around at the intricately carved wooden panels on the walls. ‘I’ve lived here a year and a half already and I had no idea this was here.’ She doesn’t say that she probably wouldn’t have come here even if she had – it’s way outside her usual budget.

  Alex shrugs but looks pleased. ‘It’s okay. Not up to London standards, I expect. This place must seem boring after living in London.’

  Boring’s the last thing it’s been recently, Abby thinks.

  ‘I like the peace and quiet,’ she says out loud. ‘This town must have been a great place to grow up.’

  ‘Not really.’ Alex stares morosely at his wine glass. ‘There was nothing to do. I always had big plans to get out. Never thought I’d end up here.’ He picks up his wine and drinks, and as he does, Abby notices a line of faded scars on the inside of his arm. She doesn’t have much experience of drugs, but guesses they’re track marks. Danny wasn’t kidding about him having a troubled past, she thinks, feeling a little shocked. She wonders if he’s really kicked the habit or if he’s still using.

  He puts down his drink and smiles at her, giving her one of those intense stares that makes the colour rush to her cheeks.

  ‘So, Abigail Brooke, what made a girl like you move to a shithole like this?’

  She laughs. ‘Well, mainly work. I got a job at the school here, and then my sister lives here too.’ She’d been in a mess after her break-up with Ben and had hated her job in London. Then Rob mentioned that there was a position at the school where he worked. Why not come and live with him and Ellie? It would do Ellie good, he said, to have Abby around. It would do them both good.

  ‘Aren’t there any schools in London?’

  ‘Well, yes . . . But that wasn’t the only reason. I’d split up with my boyfriend and I wanted a clean break.’

  ‘Ben?’ he says.

  She stares at him surprised. ‘Yes, but how do you know about Ben?’

  He grins. ‘You told me all about him New Year’s Eve – what a bastard he was, how he shagged your best friend.’

  Jesus. What else had she told him?

  ‘I wish I could remember more about Danny’s party,’ Abby says. ‘What else did I say?’

  ‘You showed me your biopsy scar. Told me you were worried about breast cancer.’ He leans towards her, his green eyes suddenly serious ‘You told me your mum had it, that she died when you were nineteen.’

  ‘God, I’m sorry.’ Abby cringes. ‘It sounds like I told you my whole life story.’

  A waitress brings their food. Abby is glad of the distraction because she can feel tears welling up at the thought of her mum. There’s a short silence as she takes a forkful of green curry.

  ‘That’s something we’ve got in common,’ he says once the waitress has gone. ‘I lost my mother too . . . when I was eighteen.’ His eyes darken.

  ‘That sucks,’ Abby says lamely. No age is a good age to lose a parent, but she knows from experience that when you’re starting out, trying to make your own way in the world, it’s particularly difficult. Was that why he’d gone so badly off the rails? She could have so easily gone off the rails herself if it hadn’t been for Ellie. It was Ellie who’d really got Abby through that year after Mum died. Even though she was busy grieving herself, Ellie had been a constant visitor at uni, dragging Abby out on long walks in the countryside, making sure she wasn’t drinking too much and, when she wasn’t with her, skyping her every day to check she was okay.

  ‘Yeah.’ Alex waves his fork in the air. ‘People think because you’re an adult you should be able to cope. But I don’t know if it makes it any easier.’

  Abby nods. ‘And there’s all the things in your life they’ll miss, like your graduation, your wedding . . .’

  ‘Exactly.’ Their eyes meet. Something like understanding passes between them.

  His eyes are deep green and beautiful – especially now they’re full of emotion. He reaches out and touches her hand across the table. Oh, crap. She’s always had a thing for bad boys. Now with this added connection between them she’s in real danger of falling for this guy. This is not part of the plan. She mustn’t let it cloud her judgement.

  ‘So, it looks like I told you my whole life story on New Year’s Eve,’ she says, trying to bring the conversation back on track.

  ‘Pretty much,’ he says. If he’s annoyed or surprised by the sudden switch in topic he doesn’t show it.

  Abby runs her finger over the edge of the wine glass. ‘How long did we talk . . . ? I mean, I know I was talking to you on the stairs but after that I don’t remember much.’ She needs to fill in the gap between being on the stairs and winding up in Mark’s room.

  ‘Um, I don’t know. For a long time. You went to the toilet and didn’t come back. I looked for you for a bit, but I couldn’t find you, so I just hung out in the living room. After that, I didn’t see you until twelve o’clock when we all went outside to watch the fireworks.’

  He shrugs. Again, she remembers lying on frosty grass, holding someone’s hand. Whose hand?

  ‘Who was I with? Outside?’ she asks.

  ‘I’m not sure . . . Why all the questions about New Year’s?’

  ‘No reason.’ She flushes. ‘I just don’t like not remembering. That’s all.’

  ‘Is that why you’re not drinking tonight?’ He nods at her still full glass of wine. She hasn’t touched it. ‘You think I want to have my wicked way with you.’

  ‘Maybe.’ She tries to laugh, and takes a couple of sips so as not to arouse suspicion.

  ‘Well, you’re probably right.’ He grins, reaching out and touching her hand.

  ‘I didn’t thank you,’ she says as he pays the bill. ‘For the flowers you sent. The carnations.’

  ‘What carnations?’

  Abby feels a twinge of unease. ‘The flowers you sent the other day. They were beautiful.’

  He gives her an odd look. ‘I didn’t send you any flowers.’

  Eleven

&n
bsp; They head outside into the chill night air.

  ‘Where to now?’ says Alex. ‘The night is young.’

  ‘I’d better get home. I’ve got work in the morning.’

  ‘Really?’ Alex puts his head on one side and smiles.

  ‘Yes, really.’ She says firmly.

  Alex shrugs. ‘Okay, if you insist, I’ll walk you home.’

  It starts to rain, a light drizzle, as they make their way back up the hill. The conversation flows surprisingly easily and soon Alex starts talking about Ben. ‘What was he thinking of, your ex? He must have been crazy to cheat on a girl like you.’

  ‘Well, I know. But there’s no accounting for taste . . .’ Abby laughs, flattered but slightly embarrassed by the corny compliment.

  ‘That’s another thing we’ve got in common. My ex-wife cheated on me too.’ Alex glares at the pavement. ‘People kept telling me she was bad news, but I didn’t listen.’ He trips a bit and steadies himself by grabbing Abby’s shoulder.

  He’s quite drunk, Abby realizes, and she wonders if he’d been drinking before he picked her up. He didn’t drink enough in the restaurant to be this drunk.

  ‘Well then,’ he says, outside her house. He looks down at her and smiles. Even drunk, his eyes are hypnotic, and Abby finds herself gazing back at him, unconsciously drawn towards him. He touches her cheek gently and then suddenly they’re kissing. He tastes of wine and something else, something unfamiliar but not unpleasant.

  This is probably a bad idea, she thinks, but it’s been such a long time since she’s kissed anyone and there’s a pent-up longing inside her that she hadn’t even known was there. Alex’s hands snake around her waist and he pulls her against him. She tenses. Surely now he’ll notice the tell-tale bump under her top, but if he notices he says nothing. He breaks away for breath and then kisses her again, harder this time, pushing his tongue in her mouth, his hand sliding downwards around her bum. She pulls away.

  ‘Have we done this before?’ she says.

  He holds her at arm’s length, smiling. ‘You’re kidding me, right?’

  Abby tenses ‘What happened exactly at Danny’s? We didn’t . . .’

  He laughs. ‘No nothing like that. We kissed, that’s all. Like this . . .’ He kisses her again, softly. ‘It was fucking lush, actually.’

  Abby breaks away. ‘Where did we kiss?’

  ‘Just on the lips. Don’t worry. Though I could kiss you somewhere else if you like.’ He grins at her cheekily.

  Abby smiles back uncertainly. ‘No, I mean where were we?’

  ‘On the stairs.’

  Abby thinks she remembers the smell of his aftershave, the feel of his lips on her mouth.

  Feeling suddenly like this is all a big mistake, she turns and fumbles with the key in the lock. ‘Well, goodnight,’ she says.

  ‘Hold on a second. Can’t I come in?’ He sways drunkenly.

  She shakes her head firmly. ‘Not a good idea.’

  ‘Why not?’

  ‘Well for a start, I live with my sister and her husband.’

  ‘So?’ He pulls her back towards him, tugging gently at her coat. ‘We’re all adults. What do they care?’

  ‘Get off me.’ Abby pushes him sharply away and he falls back against a bush.

  ‘Fuck me,’ he says, pulling leaves from his hair. ‘Okay, no funny business, I promise. I’ll just come in for a drink.’

  Abby shakes her head. ‘No, sorry,’

  His eyes darken for a second. Then he smiles. ‘Okay,’ he says. ‘How about another date? Tomorrow?’

  ‘I can’t.’

  ‘The day after, then.’

  ‘Look, there’s a lot going on in my life right now.’

  ‘Your loss,’ he slurs, stumbling backwards as she shuts the door in his face.

  Abby switches on the light inside and tickles Hector behind the ears. She wonders how well Danny really knows Alex. He said that there was no way Alex would have taken advantage of her when she was drunk and out of it, but he seemed pretty pushy just now, and if she hadn’t been really clear, where would he have stopped?

  *

  ‘Please help yourself.’ Jenny waddles in and deposits half a huge, cream-covered cake on the table in the staff room. ‘Left over from our silver wedding anniversary.’

  ‘How many years is that. Twenty-five? You get less for murder. Poor Jim,’ Chris says.

  Jenny laughs. ‘Cheeky monkey,’ she says, wagging a finger at him, then bustling back to the office.

  It’s the day after her date with Alex, and Abby is slumped in the corner of the room. She feels tired and slightly nauseous.

  Danny cuts two large slices of cake and hands one to Abby.

  ‘That’s too big. I can’t eat all that,’ she protests, pushing the plate away.

  ‘Why not? You’re eating for two now, aren’t you?’

  ‘Shhh,’ Abby hisses and looks around the staff room to see if anyone heard him, but no one’s listening. Thea is giving a massage to Jess, a Biology teacher, and Chris is subjecting the new Maths teacher to a long monologue about his holiday in Italy last year.

  ‘So how did it go with Alex?’ Danny asks, mouth full of cake. ‘What did you find out?’

  Abby’s face grows hot. ‘Not much,’ she admits.

  ‘Oh my God. You’re blushing. What happened? Go on, dish the dirt.’

  ‘Nothing happened,’ Abby lies. ‘We had a meal, we talked. He told me about his mum, that’s all.’

  ‘You like him though, don’t you? I can tell,’ says Danny. ‘Are you going to see him again?’

  ‘No, I don’t think so. I mean, it’s not exactly a good time. My life is complicated enough.’

  ‘It’s probably for the best.’ Danny nods.

  ‘I thought you liked him?’

  ‘I do. It’s just, like I said before, I’m not sure Alex is relationship material. In any case, as far as I know he’s still hung-up on his old girlfriend. Did he tell you he’s got a kid?’

  ‘No, he didn’t.’ Abby is astonished. ‘How old . . . ?’

  She breaks off because Thea, Jess and the new Maths teacher have gone back to their classrooms and so Chris comes over to talk to them.

  ‘Don’t you know it’s rude to whisper?’ he says. ‘What are you two plotting?’

  ‘Oh, nothing,’ replies Danny smoothly. ‘Abby went on a date last night, that’s all.’

  ‘A date. Abby? Really?’ Chris’s eyes widen. ‘I thought you were celibate. Well, come on then, Abigail. Tell us all about it.’

  Abby shrugs. ‘It was nothing.’

  ‘Oh, okay.’ Chris grins. He looks around and leans forward. ‘Anyway, while Thea’s not here I’d like to invite you two to dinner for her birthday. I want it to be a surprise. I’m going to cook her some traditional Greek food. I don’t need to invite this new bloke of yours, do I?’

  ‘No.’ Abby sighs impatiently. ‘It was just a date, that’s all. Nothing serious.’

  ‘So, what’s his name?’

  But Abby is spared from more questions about Alex because the bell goes for lessons.

  Outside it’s raining, a steady downpour. Danny and Abby rush to the shelter of the nearest covered walkway.

  ‘So, you didn’t find out anything more about New Year’s?’ Danny asks as they skirt the inclusion building.

  ‘Not really. He told me we kissed but apparently nothing else happened.’

  ‘Well, this is me,’ he says outside the large, grey, Stalinist English block. ‘Wish me luck. I’ve got Nine Yellow.’

  Abby smiles. ‘Good luck,’ she says, and heads for the Art Room. As she’s walking through the door her phone beeps. Alex, she thinks. Despite what she said earlier, she feels a small thrill of excitement. It’s been ages since she’s been attracted to anyone. Even so, she’s not sure
how she will respond if he asks her out again. She opens the message.

  It certainly isn’t from Alex.

  Abby reads it through twice to make sure she hasn’t made a mistake. But the message is clear and simple. And it makes her blood run cold.

  Stay away from Alex Taylor.

  MAY

  Your baby is about 6–7 ounces now, and growing fast, which explains why you probably feel so hungry! Your baby’s eyelids and eyelashes are now formed, and fine hair might start to grow on their head. The nervous system is already working, and they can yawn, stretch and even suck their thumb. This month you may start to feel your baby kick.

  Twelve

  The life inside Abby is growing by the day. It flutters inside her, making small stammering movements that constantly remind her of its presence. Her waist is thickening, and she’s been forced to buy maternity clothes. Pretty soon it’s going to be obvious to everyone that she’s pregnant.

  It’s time to tell Ellie. She can’t put it off any longer. But it’s difficult to find the right moment. Rob is always around, or else Ellie is tired and stressed from work.

  It’s a week into May before Abby finally plucks up the courage. They’re walking Hector in Ashridge Wood. The sun is shining through the leaves and a sea of bluebells covers the forest floor. Ellie is happier than she’s been in a long while. Things are going well for her at work. It looks like she’ll become a senior partner in the practice when Dr Samuels retires next year. Right now, she’s striding along recounting an amusing story about a patient who mistook suppositories for pills.

  She cracks up laughing, doubling over and clutching her belly. ‘He didn’t suffer any ill effects, thankfully,’ she says. Abby laughs too, and soon the two sisters are giggling away until there are tears streaming down their faces. It’s a long time since Abby’s heard Ellie laugh like that, and she wonders if she is finally on the road to real recovery. If you can ever recover from the loss of a baby, that is.

  If there’s ever going to be a good time to break the news, now is it.