Finding Sky

by Cass Sellars

  “Well, I can’t be outdone. Sit and I will return with goodies.” Jess pushed her into a chair and Skylar relished the feeling of Jess’s hands on her shoulders.

  “Did you notice who came with Liz Manning tonight?” Yolanda glanced at Kyle and nodded across the room.

  “Opportunist,” Kyle said decidedly when they glimpsed Whitney pressing against the attorney.

  “Hey, you don’t know. Maybe they just fell madly in lust.” Yolanda shrugged.

  “And maybe I secretly want a female harem to have a plethora of my babies.” He shuddered and took a long draw of his cocktail.

  Yolanda laughed at him and eyed her boss’s former love interest suspiciously.

  Skylar couldn’t help but admire Whitney’s svelte figure and impeccably polished look and pictured for a moment what a dashing couple she and Jess had made. Skylar certainly wouldn’t consider herself the vogue arm candy that Whitney was.

  By the time Jess returned with two drinks, the speeches were beginning. Skylar couldn’t ignore the feeling of Jess’s body barely touching hers. She couldn’t wait for next weekend. She wondered what it would feel like one day when the world could know about them. It seemed years away. It felt impossible.

  * * *

  Yolanda drove back to the office, clearing her car of the late-night assembly and then driving away with a quick wave. Kyle rushed to drive out right behind her, barely waving good-bye.

  “What was that about?” Skylar watched in amusement as the taillights disappeared into the foggy night, leaving her and Jess alone.

  “Maybe they know I want to say good-bye properly and without an audience.”

  “I hope we weren’t that transparent.” She knew that they might have been. “I think Kyle just wanted to see bed before midnight.”

  “What would I have to do to see yours before midnight?”

  “Wait until next weekend, when no one has to be up early to impress the boss.”

  “Fine. I’ll wait for you. I’ll be thinking of you every minute.”

  She gathered Skylar’s hair behind her shoulders and brought her lips to meet hers. Skylar tried not letting her breath catch every time she felt Jess’s skin on hers, but she still couldn’t control it. She formed her body into Jess’s and relished the feeling only Jess had managed to give her in many years.

  Jess stroked a finger over her lips and Skylar tried to imagine what it would be like to wake up with her.

  “I guess I’ll see you Monday, but I’ll call you from the airport in the morning, okay?”

  “You better. I can’t wait until you’re back. Luckily, I’ll have old invoices to keep me company. I’m not convincing Brett about the inconsistencies, but I hope you trust me enough to know that there is something there, Jess.”

  “Please know that I trust your instincts and I guarantee that we will come up with an explanation. Don’t work too hard on it in the meantime, Sky. Let’s just plan for tomorrow, okay?”

  Skylar didn’t think she meant work. “Safe trip.” She stopped herself from saying that she would miss her, but she knew she would.

  Jess held Skylar until she felt her stifle a yawn. “Go to bed, sweetheart, sweet dreams.”

  “Sweet dreams, Jess.” The car sputtered to life and she tried to quell the embarrassment of her clunker. A newer car was definitely next on the list.

  Once she was home and in bed, Skylar pulled the covers to her chin and listened for the soothing city noises to comfort her. She wished she could feel Jess’s arms around her. She heard the text notification on her phone.

  Jess: Good night, I’ll miss your face.

  Skylar smiled and bit her lip. And I yours. Don’t be long, please

  Jess: I promise

  Chapter Fourteen

  By Monday morning, Skylar was grateful that she had managed an entire weekend undistracted and had accomplished real work. She was certain that she had been more productive because she’d needed a way to keep from missing Jess. She was unreasonably excited that Jess would be more than just a voice on the phone within the next hour. She heard the front door release and forced herself to stay in her chair. She heard her footsteps and counted the seconds before Jess shut Skylar’s office door behind her. Skylar didn’t wait for Jess to reach her. She looped her arms around her neck and breathed in the scent she could recall from memory now.

  “God, I missed you.” Jess spoke the words near her ear and sent shivers down her spine.

  “I’m so glad you’re home.” She felt Jess’s mouth melt over hers and she locked her body against Jess’s. “Why did you shut the door? I thought only crazy people came to the office at six a.m.?” She smiled happily and nuzzled Jess’s throat.

  “It occurred to me that I’ve seen you every day since all this started, and I wasn’t sure how long it was going to take to say hello.”

  “Very good thinking, boss.”

  “Right now, I’m your secret admirer and quite possibly your stalker if I don’t get you alone very soon.”

  “Four more days.”

  “We’ll see, if my head doesn’t explode by then.”

  “I’ll keep an eye on you.” Skylar held her lips over Jess’s for what seemed like ages, drinking in the sensation she could become addicted to.

  “How about you meet me in my office in ten minutes. I’ll make coffee and try to calm my nerves before you get there. I brought us poached eggs on toast and fresh fruit.”

  “Yum. You can stop bribing me, I’m already a fan, you know.” Skylar felt playfully confident. She could quell the feelings of dread she’d been having. She’d stopped herself from feeling like every minute something terrible would happen and make her regret the reckless decisions she was making. Sometimes you just have to close your eyes and trust, she told herself repeatedly. Jess could be trusted. Jess wasn’t every other person in her past that made her doubt people. Jess was different.

  “Got to be sure to keep you a fan.” Jess tapped a kiss along her collarbone and Skylar reluctantly opened the door, grateful for the fresh air.

  Between bites of breakfast and kissing, they had managed to place a lot of formerly unplaced invoices with the projects based on the invoice dates and whittled the pile down to twenty-five instead of nearly a hundred.

  “This doesn’t prove that these invoices belong to these projects,” Skylar warned.

  “I know. But at least we can hand them over to Brett to verify and do an audit report on the projects.”

  “I also plan to look at the files for Banner Lane. I think we might be able to match a few of the stragglers that way.” Skylar was pulling new pages from the most recently completed project file. “Perhaps some of the invoices belong to that project?”

  “How about I go down to the storage room and grab the project file box while you pull up what you can from the image files on the network. Use my computer and put it on the projection screen.”

  “Good, yeah. That should help.” Skylar tidied the breakfast refuse and shifted to stand.

  “Be right back. Don’t miss me too much.” Jess passed a kiss over her mouth.

  Skylar sat in Jess’s chair and clicked into the program. She searched the desktop screen for the projector icon. She moved the mouse too far and, in the process, knocked a stack of papers from the desk, despite a desperate grab to save the flutter of papers from reaching the carpet. She pushed the pages into an irregular pile on the floor and caught her own name in bold at the top of one page. She didn’t stop herself from reading the document. Her stomach clutched once she knew what it was.

  Dear Ms. Ivan,

  Per your request, the extended background investigation on Ms. Skylar Addison has been completed. Please see the attached including all known addresses, possible relatives and associates. There are two court cases where the named was the subject of or party to legal proceedings. There does not appear to be any criminal history, but I have scanned an article below which I believe is related to your employee.

  Please do not hesi
tate to reach out when our services become necessary in the future. Per your request, we have not added this to Ivan Associates general file to maintain your requested confidentiality.

  Sincerely,

  Dan Baker

  President

  Baker & Haithcock

  The top of the letter had many handwritten notes, including the words “Greenway House” and “basement.” Skylar wanted to be sick. Every fear of betrayal she ever had was slapping her in the face. It was the moment when she realized she hated Jess for making her trust and hated herself for allowing Jess to make a fool of her.

  After these many years of expecting people to disappoint her, she had forgotten to be true to her own internal warnings. She built the walls to protect herself. Why had she let Jess waltz in through the door? Her past was hers, and she had made that clear. What else would she do in her own self-interest? Did Jess do it to gain an advantage? To know what would make Skylar fall for her? How could Jess search for private information about her? The violation of privacy was a needle piercing her heart.

  She put the document where Jess would see it, grabbed her bag, and ran for the exit, nearly crashing into Yolanda headed up the stairs.

  “Where are you headed in such a hurry, Skylar?” Yolanda’s smile was coated in concern at what Skylar was sure was a distressed expression.

  “I have to go. I feel like I’m going to throw up. I don’t think I’ll be back.”

  * * *

  Jess walked back into the office and found the floor clean of files and Skylar missing. She set two fresh cups on the conference table as she saw the document taped to her computer screen.

  She felt sick when she realized what Skylar had read. That she would think it had anything to do with the way Jess saw her or what they were building. Jess knew she’d had a valid reason to order the run on Skylar at the time, but now she had to wonder how much of it was motivated by the need to protect her business and how much might have been to get to know Skylar better. She looked down into the bullpen and saw that Skylar’s office door was shut and the lights were out.

  Jess found Yolanda in her office. “Have you seen Skylar?”

  “Yeah, she just left. She said she felt nauseous, like she might throw up. She said she was leaving for the day.”

  “Damn it.” Jess rubbed her hand along the back of her neck, a symptom of the guilt she felt for hurting the only woman who now mattered in her life.

  “Something happen?”

  “Yeah. Can you cover me today?”

  “Of course. Go fix whatever this is. She looked like she saw a ghost.”

  “I think she did.”

  Jess drove directly to Skylar’s apartment and found her car missing from its assigned spot. She drove the entire shore of the lake and couldn’t see her or her car near the water. She drove to Navigation House and then to her own place, calling repeatedly in between. The messages she left begged for five minutes and time to explain. The texts were similar.

  Please, Sky, it’s not what you think. I wanted to be sure you were okay. All before the 5k. Nothing to do with us. Please let me see you.

  Jess drove back to Oakland again, hoping she would see Skylar’s car. She noticed the bank of the lake near Skylar’s apartment, where there was a lone figure wearing the same patterned shirt Jess recognized from their morning meeting. She jerked the car into a space and jogged over the hill behind her.

  “Sky, please listen.” Jess reached out when Skyler moved away from her.

  “You don’t need me for your conversations, Jess, you have people for that, right? If you don’t get what you want, you take it.” Skylar stared over the water and blinked back tears. She rubbed at her already bloodshot eyes.

  “I do. I do need you. Please let me explain.” Jess seemed to know that any explanation for her actions would sound weak and wrong.

  Skylar stared ahead, never looking at the woman she thought she had wanted in her life.

  “After Navigation House, I wanted to be sure not to put you in a position like that again. I didn’t know what had happened and you wouldn’t say. I’d just been through the thing with Pam and I was a little gun-shy. I needed to know what triggered you so I could understand. But you weren’t talking—”

  “Because it is none of anyone’s business. People are allowed to have a past. A personal life that you’re not entitled to.” She barely growled the words.

  “Sky, I just wanted to understand, to help.”

  “Here is what I understand. You did exactly what I thought you would. You used your position as my boss to manipulate the situation and insert yourself where you weren’t invited. You did a background check on me not for the business, but for your own curiosity, instead of just accepting that I have a right to my privacy.”

  “No, Sky, please listen.” Jess’s words sounded desperate.

  Nothing could stop the firm ground Skylar thought they were building on from falling away. She could feel the chasm open between them. “What do you want me to hear? What do you want me to say? You get the answers despite never having to ask the questions. You take what you want without any thought to whether or not you’re entitled to the information or how it would make someone feel.” Skylar had imagined exploring their pasts together, not hearing Jess defend the fact that she already knew too much. “You took liberties with your position, your authority. You have no idea about me. That paper doesn’t tell you anything.”

  “You’re right. I can’t be more sorry.”

  Skylar felt the blood rise in her face in the wake of the weak apology. “You had no right,” she repeated in a tone that frightened even her.

  “You’re right. I didn’t.”

  “My private business, my past, is, or was, mine. You took everything and made it about you. You think because we kissed that you have the right to my past and my personal business?” Skylar seethed, angrier by the second. She could barely speak the words between clenched teeth and tightly clenched fists. She’d never felt so exposed, so taken advantage of, or so manipulated.

  “I don’t think I had a right. I just wanted to know you better.”

  “Then we sit and have a conversation. We go have a drink. You don’t have me investigated like I’m some sort of common criminal or your latest charity case.”

  “Damn it, Sky, that’s not what I was doing.”

  “I don’t know that. You stepped far, far over the line, Jess. I can’t forget or forgive that level of betrayal. I’ve had enough of that in my life.”

  “Skylar, I know. I just wanted to understand why sometimes you felt so far away. It seemed like the demons were eating at you that day and I couldn’t just stand there and watch. I just wanted to help.”

  “Again, Jess, I am not your charity case. I am not your child and I am not someone who needs to be rescued by you. If you wanted to know, you could have waited and asked me.”

  “I know that.” Jess barely spoke above a whisper, clearly ashamed of herself. “I shouldn’t have—”

  “No, you shouldn’t. You absolutely shouldn’t. I made a mistake when I allowed there to be anything between us. It was against my better judgment and I knew that this would bite me in the ass.”

  “Nothing has bitten you in the ass, Sky, please don’t shut me out.”

  “I accept your apology, Ms. Ivan. I have a job to do and I expect to continue to do it. Do you have any problem with that?” She wouldn’t bow again. She should have known better in the first place.

  Jess stared at her. “No, I don’t.” Her shoulders dropped and she shoved her hands in her pockets as she stared at the grass.

  Skylar walked down the hill and toward her apartment without looking back. She didn’t care if Jess was watching her go. Let her. She cleared the missed calls and unanswered texts from her phone without reading them.

  She couldn’t remember feeling angrier or more deceived. Betrayal had happened on many an occasion, but Skylar was extremely careful who she let into her world and who she gave an opportu
nity to hurt her. She had been careless, and it wouldn’t happen again. She would maintain a death grip on the last remnant of her dignity for her own survival.

  The tears didn’t burn down her cheeks until she lay in bed. She cursed Jess for getting under her skin and for making her feel something that ultimately destroyed whatever progress she had made in the past few years.

  “How could you?” she said under her breath before the tears fell in earnest.

  “Why did you do this?”

  * * *

  Dino found Jess nursing a whiskey on the balcony.

  “What’s up?” She pulled the Waterford tumbler bearing Billy Ivan’s initials from Jess’s hand and took a healthy swallow. “I heard your footsteps pacing over my ceiling. I guess the Whitney saga didn’t die quickly enough for you?”

  “Bad day.” Jess’s voice was barely audible.

  “I thought the boss never had bad days.”

  The joke didn’t budge the desperate feeling plaguing Jess. “Whatever. You accused me of many when we were together.”

  “True.” She took another swallow. “What happened today?”

  “I finally acted on my feelings and then I did something stupid and now I’m paying for it.”

  “Whitney?” Dino shook the ice in the glass as if doing so would produce a larger swallow. She reached for the bottle to refill the glass.

  “No. Sky.”

  “Pretty blonde from the race? That was fast.”

  “Yeah. And not really. I fought it for as long as I could.”

  “Well, what could you have possibly done that makes you look like that?” Dino poked affectionately at the corner of Jess’s mouth.

  Jess frowned and turned her face away. “Well, I guess developing feelings in the first place, but I thought that would be okay.” Jess stared over the rooftops and the water in the distance.