The Hero Complex

by K. A Knight

  “Some Villain you are!” Peeper hackles just as my wrist buzzes. Glancing at it I see I now have minus points.

  “Son of a bitch! They can take them away?” No one ever told me they could take points away. Damn it, why am I so nice?

  “Right. I call this day a bust. Let's do something fun,” Ripper suggests, and I throw my arm around his waist as we start to walk away from the park.

  “That’s the best idea I’ve heard all day.”

  Chapter Eight

  “So, what you’re saying is that ice cream is better than donuts?” I ask, shoving another bite of my sandwich into my mouth. We are parked in a local Subway, stuffing our faces. After the disaster that was yesterday, we decided to have a down day. Maybe just explore the city, and I get to ask more questions, which apparently they deem ridiculous. We are playing the this or that game, Ripper didn’t want to play at first, but the longer it keeps going on, the more he keeps adding his answers.

  “It is,” Streaker adds, picking at his footlong—ha.

  “Heathen. Okay, here is another. Would you rather have three arms for the rest of your life or three legs?” I stuff the sandwich back into my mouth after. Peeper taps his chin debating his answer, while Ripper rolls his eyes, and Streaker just throws me a small smile. He definitely isn’t shy around me now, that’s for sure.

  “Three arms for sure,” Peeper answers. “More hands to touch with.” He wiggles his eyebrows, making me grin.

  “Good answer, you could have one on the tits, one on the—”

  “OH MY GOD!” Streaker mumbles, looking around in embarrassment.

  Peeper and me share a look before bursting into laughter, even Ripper joins in.

  “Okay, so where are we going next?” Streaker inquires, trying to change the subject.

  “Ooh, I have always wanted to have sex in a public place, we could try that.” I wink at Streaker as his cheeks flame.

  Peeper opens his mouth but a crash outside the shop has us all freezing before we turn to look outside the window. They forget their food, but I shovel mine in quickly knowing that can’t be good.

  A siren starts up and we hear gunfire and more shouts from outside, as well as some screaming.

  “Hero time!” I shout, standing dramatically, forgetting the half chewed sub in my mouth that lands on my shirt.

  “Er, Crusher?” Streaker reminds and I deflate a little.

  “Okay, Villain time!” I yell and rush from the shop, the grumbling Villains on my heels.

  Once outside, I take in the scene.

  “Er, we tend to not get involved in other Villain business,” Ripper adds, wincing when a cop goes flying through the air past us.

  “I guess pigs do fly,” I joke and no one laughs. Turning to them I pout. “That was a good fucking joke, I shall say it again and you will laugh, understood?”

  Another cop goes flying past and they look from me to him, or her, because you know, gender equality motherfucker. “Er, Crusher?” Ripper asks, looking past me and I sigh, glancing behind me I point at them. “We will finish this later.”

  Flicking my hair, and not hitting myself this time, I look at the chaos behind me. Police cars are pulled into a circle surrounding the bank just slightly down the road. Police officers are hiding behind the cars and doors, aiming their weapons towards the bank.

  The bank itself is a big, imposing grey structure. With stone steps leading up and big, grey pillars to the side. The double doors are thrown open, showing the robbery happening inside. A man stands on the steps, his arms outstretched towards the cops. He’s not particularly memorable or big, he’s forgettable in a way. Short brown hair and muscles, but not too many. Even his clothes are plain and well, boring. What a basic bitch, but the smirk on his face and the glee in his eyes when he lifts his hand, throwing a cop across the road as if on strings, marks him as Villain.

  I watch as the cop goes flying past, joining the others who are groaning and struggling to get up. “Should we like, help?” I question, confused.

  “No?” Streaker says.

  “What did I say about thinking so loudly? If you try to stop him, you will piss off the Villains and the Heroes won’t care,” Peeper adds.

  “Come on, let’s have some fun!” I yell as I dart into the fray, the Villains groaning behind me.

  “Are we going after her?” Ripper asks.

  “Fucking hell,” one of them mutters, as I hear their running feet behind me. Giggling, I hum the Jaws theme song under my breath as I sneak around the cop cars and dart to the side of the building. Sticking my head out, I grin when the Villain playing barbie with the cops doesn't see me. An out of breath Ripper, Streaker, and Peeper appear next to me and I grin at them. “Come on, slow pokes!” I yell as I run around the building and through the open double doors.

  When I get inside, I stop and whistle. This is swanky as fuck. No wonder they chose to rob this joint. High ceilings with paintings and gold accents. Deep wood for desks, and the floor is marble with a red looking carpet leading inside.

  Ah, and the people are lying on the floor with their hands behind their heads, with two more Villains patrolling around. One of them spots me and shouts, heading my way.

  Still grinning like a crazy person I hold my hands up. “Don’t mind me, just here to watch. This is awesome by the way, really like the whole control thing you have going on,” I reply, looking around in awe. “Ooo, I like the gun. Is that a prop or real?” I inquire as the man steps before me, a frown on his face. He darts a look at the other Villain who shrugs his shoulders.

  “Who are you?” the one in front of me asks in a heavily accented voice.

  “Oh, sorry, how rude! I’m Eden, code name Crusher. I’m new to the whole Villain shit, is there like a handbook or something because you guys seem to be killing it.”

  He blinks at me owlishly, still looking confused.

  “You see, these hotties behind me are training me, but as I found out yesterday they might not be the best Villains in the world. Care if we tag along, I can watch your back and do villainy things and we all can learn!”

  “Crusher!” Ripper warns.

  Holding my hand up in a one minute gesture, I turn back to the three Villains behind me. “What? I called you hotties, what more do you want?”

  Shaking my head I turn back to the guy with the gun. “Sorry ‘bout that, they can be super rude, am I right?”

  He jabs the gun at me, making me frown. “You want to steal our money?” he yells.

  “Er, no. You can keep your money, I just want to watch—which actually sounds way more perverted than I meant it to.”

  Laughter comes from behind me and I peer over my shoulder to see the thrower guy from outside standing there. “Let her watch if she wants, she can see how us real Villains get shit done.” He throws a scathing look at my three before striding past us all.

  “Rude,” I mutter, but I soon cheer up at the fact they are going to let me stay. Who knows, maybe I am cut out for the Villain malarkey.

  Swinging my legs back and forth on the payee desk, I suck on the lolly I found in the desk drawer. See, already a great Villain. Stealing. If I watch what they are doing, I can learn how to stop them. Maybe I can even befriend these Villains and get some of the big higher up Villains. They are sure to let me back in the Hero ranks then. So, Villain undercover it is.

  “So, what’s it like being a real Villain? Do you have a super secret lair? Cool cars? Secret identity?” I gush, watching the two men who are trying to break into the vault.

  They share a look, but ignore me as they go back to the vault. The guy who poked his gun at me has his hand up against the steel door, his face contorted in concentration.

  “Whatcha doing now?” I ask all cutesy.

  The guy who had thrown all the cops about looks back at me with an exasperated expression, why do people always look at me like that? It can’t be me right? I have a winning personality.

  “Shh, will you?” he mutters before turning ba
ck to the vault.

  I keep quiet for a whole minute before I get bored. Hopping down, I pop up next to them at the vault. “What’s he doing?”

  The man with his hand on the vault screams, stumbling back as the door swings open. They both throw me dirty looks and Ripper darts forward from his spot against the wall, and pulls me back against his chest, covering my mouth.

  I mumble against him but he shushes me again. Rolling my eyes, I watch as they pour inside and start bagging up the money. This Villain thing is kinda fun, especially if it means I can be rich. I could buy so many donuts and wine with that.

  I notice the cops edging through the front door, but all the Villains are too busy with the money to notice. I want to point it out but Ripper keeps me quiet, obviously not realising. Licking Ripper’s hand, I laugh when he lets go.

  Darting into the vault, I bounce up and down on my toes. “Guys, guys, guys, guys.”

  “Fuck, what the hell?” one of them asks, turning to me with a frown.

  “Cops are inside,” I supply helpfully.

  They swear, the man grabbing his gun as they leave the money and go to face the cops. “I’ll bag up the money and sneak out the back so you don’t get caught!” I add.

  Darting forward I bag up the remaining money, just as my three Villains dart their heads into the vault. “Crusher, we’ve got to go!” Peeper hisses.

  I nod, grabbing some bags and throwing some at them. “Come on!” I rush past them, looking at the chaos of the Villains facing down the cops. They are going to be so grateful that I snuck their money out for them. I dart down the back hallway, my Villains on my heels as we burst out of the already propped open back door and into the night. I hear gunshots behind us so we keep going until we stop, panting in a Dunkin’ Donuts car park.

  “Whew, I hope they know to meet us here. Come on, let’s go get some food.” I grin and they follow after me quietly.

  When we sit down with our coffees and sugary goodness, I look around with a frown. “Shouldn’t they be here by now?”

  “Er, Crusher?” Peeper points at the TV in the corner and my mouth drops open when I see the news report saying that the cops tackled and killed the bank robbers.

  “Oh,” I mutter, looking under the table at the stolen bags of money. “Erm, so did we technically rob the bank?”

  They all look at each other, as confused as me until our bands go off. Looking at mine, I groan. One hundred bloody points for robbery and police evasion.

  “I would say so,” Streaker answers.

  Biting my lip I glance at them, and we all share a look before bursting into laughter.

  “Oh my god, only you could accidentally rob a bank,” Peeper gasps out between laughs.

  When we have calmed down, I clear my throat. “Sooo, what do we do with the money? Now, I’m all down for like buying a mansion and cool toys and shit,” I comment, almost bouncing on my chair.

  “We should put it into our savings,” Streaker muses, looking serious, and I deflate.

  “What sort of Villains are you?” I glare.

  “Not very good ones.” Peeper toasts me with a donut and Ripper nods, devouring the five before him.

  How could I get stuck with three of the worst Villains in history? It’s then I realise that I didn’t try to stop the robbery. I could have, that would have got me in the good books with the big Hero bosses but no, instead I helped. Do I not want to be a Hero anymore? I’m definitely having more fun being a Villain, even if I’m not great at it, and it certainly comes with its perks. Namely three hot guys eating donuts with me. Maybe it's time I embrace my Villain?

  “‘Bout bloody time you realised it,” Peeper snorts, his mouth filled with sugar.

  Well if ya can’t beat them, fuck them—wait, no, that’s wrong. Join them? Ah fuck it, I probably will fuck them to. Villain style.

  Peeper laughs so hard the half eaten donut flies from his mouth and smacks Ripper on the cheek.

  “Food fight!” I yell, grabbing some and getting ready to throw as they all go wide-eyed and panicked, looking around for their own ammunition.

  Yep, I’m going to be good at the Villain stuff.

  Chapter Nine

  That night, we head back to our house to lie low. Yes, that’s right, our house. The guys may not know it, but I’m sticking around whether they want me to or not. Hell, I even ordered myself a personalised towel on Ripper’s Amazon account...and a shirt that says ‘Chillin Like A Villain.’ I always preferred the Disney Villains anyway!

  Anywhoo...we don’t think anyone saw us but you never know, so lying low it is. Seeing that we couldn’t decide what to do with the money, we just bring it with us. I mean, we could have donated it or some shit but...it’s a lot of fucking money. Think of all the funny Villain t-shirts and porn I could get with it.

  Ripper deposits the bags in the living room and we all stand there staring at them, before a wicked plan comes into my head. Peeper stumbles, staring over at me with a mixture of shock and lust.

  “Crusher,” he mutters, sounding pained.

  Grinning, I dart over to one of the bags and unzip it, and grabbing a handful of cash I turn back to them. Ripper looks confused, Peeper is torn between desire and laughter and well, Streaker appears confused as well. The norm with me.

  “You know what we should do? It will even get us some more points because it’s stolen money.” I wiggle my eyebrows and Streaker and Ripper share a look.

  “What?” Ripper asks, sounding concerned, almost like he knows what I’m going to say.

  “Have an orgy on it, I’ve always wanted to have sex on a big pile of money.” Whooping, I throw it in the air and let it rain down between us.

  Ripper and Streaker gape at me, where Peeper just stands there looking like he doesn’t know what the hell to do.

  “Are-are you serious?” Streaker inquires, his voice kind of high.

  “Totally, question though. You can turn invisible right? Can you do that during sex, cause I bet that’s wild. Be like ‘oh my god where is he?’ Boom, penis to the face!” I blow my hands apart dramatically and he blinks slowly at me as his face reddens.

  “Crusher,” Ripper grumbles, sounding pained.

  “Come on, get your dicks out. Ain’t nothing you don’t all have! Unless there’s something you need to tell me…” I grin, waggling my eyebrows before grabbing the bottom of my shirt and whipping it over my head.

  I hear them mutter something, but the shirt gets stuck in my hair and I have to stand in just my bra and trousers, with my stolen shirt wrapped around my head.

  “Er, a little help?” I call out, my voice muffled behind the shirt.

  Someone snorts—I bet it’s that ass, Peeper—before hands tug at the shirt, freeing my head. Wow, I wonder if that’s what giving birth looks like.

  “Dear god, please stop,” Peeper complains, rubbing at his temples.

  Throwing my hair back, I grin at them. “I’ll get the money ready!” I turn around and unzip the bags, before throwing the money everywhere. I have to spread some of it out so it makes a money blanket on the living room carpet. Once I’m happy, I turn back to see them all standing there, gawking at me.

  “Really? I know some men get off on women undressing them, but there are three of you and I can think of better uses for that time.” I wink and they choke again.

  “I think she’s being serious,” Streaker whispers.

  Frowning, I prop my hands on my hips and glare. “Of course I am. What’s the hold up? We all know you all want me, and I want you all too, as Peeper knows.”

  “True,” he adds, and I nod at him in thanks. Finally, we are on the same page.

  “What’s the issue?”

  “Erm, it’s just…we just met you, and I guess we didn’t know you felt that strongly?” Streaker hedges, looking at the others for help, but they just shake their heads and step back.

  “Dude, I don’t have strong feelings for you—okay, lie. I have strong feelings about wanting to bone yo
u all, but sex doesn’t mean feelings. Now, who wants in on the money sex?” I ask again, deflating a little. I was so excited with this idea. I was hoping to pop my Villain cherry.

  “You had me at sex,” Peeper quips, reaching back and pulling off his top in that move only men can do. He’s ripped—like, really ripped. Licking my lips I drag my eyes back to his face.

  “Fuck it, she’s right,” Ripper adds, and the sound of a zipper has me looking over to see him kicking off his jeans. Tree trunks, holy moly, his thighs are bigger than my face. Why is that so hot?

  “Screw it,” Streaker mutters, and I swing my eyes his way to see him still blushing, but he unbuttons his shirt and lets it fall to the floor. My mouth drops open when I spot the piercing through his left nipple and the beautiful, intricate mandala and tribal tattoo curling around his chest and shoulders. Well, who would have fucking guessed it? All he needs now is a kinky side.

  “If you guys could only hear what I can at the moment...” Peeper groans, looking at me, pained.

  “Hush, I said you looked pretty, didn’t I?” I wag my finger for good measure.

  “I think the word was lickable.” He smirks like an asshole, cause only assholes smirk. Still, he’s right, he looks good enough to eat.

  Standing in the middle of a pile of money, I look at the guys in front of me, all in various states of undress, which is fucking hot, but they are still so far away from me. Right, it’s obvious that none of them are going to take the lead. Picking up a handful of cash I throw it at them.

  “Come on guys! Get busy!” I shout. They are totally ruining my fantasy right now, what happened to scooping me up and stripping me and fucking me hard on the money? Bloody men in my brain are better than them.

  I’m met with more blank looks before Peeper shakes his head and strides towards me.

  “Fuck it.” The words are growled as he wraps his arms around me and picks me up, bringing my face to his in a fierce kiss. I automatically wrap my arms and legs around him, holding on tight as we kiss. His hands tightening on my ass and I lose myself in the feel of him. He tastes like sugar and man, and I can’t help the groan that slips out. He swallows it down, kissing me hard and fast as his hands massage my ass. At least, until I hear the sounds of the others.