Finally, my letter's purpose is to do in death what I couldn’t do in life–let you go and help you let me go. I know you’re angry, but when that dissipates, please don’t allow your loyalty to me to prevent you from moving forward. Please don’t carry the guilt of not being in love with me haunt you. You’ve always had a little trouble dealing with things when they didn’t go according to your carefully crafted plans. But know this . . . you’re going to be an amazing mother, and Carter will be an incredible father.
I pray that one day you will both forgive me. My intentions were pure, and if I had to do it all over again, I’d do it differently. I only wanted you both to live and thrive. But . . . wouldn’t it be wild if you and Carter did fall in love and raised the baby together?
Harlem Denise Thomas, I will always love you. Always.
Damian
Harlem was shocked. Damian dropped several bombs in that letter. The biggest of all was that he knew. He knew that she wasn’t in love with him. He also planned this clusterfuck. “Damian Jamal Fox, you will not get the last word!” Tears rolled down her face as she crushed the letter to her chest.
Carter couldn’t hear exactly what Harlem was saying. Still, he could see by her posture that she was definitely having a come to Jesus moment with Damian. Carter didn’t know what to do. He wasn’t sure if he should get out of the car or stay put. For now, he decided to stay put.
“I am pissed!” She roared. “I mean PISSED PISSY to the highest levels of PISSIVITY. You left me to raise this baby without you, only for me to find out that you never intended to raise this baby with me!” Harlem released a scream that came from the depths of her soul.
That was it. Her wail was Carter’s cue, and he got out of the car and walked toward her. He stood a few steps behind, just in case she needed him.
Harlem continued on with her rant. “I can’t even yell at you.” Her voice broke. “What the hell are you talking about regarding Carter and me?” Harlem pressed her lips together as she rubbed her forehead. She took several deep breaths as she continued to try to calm herself. “I had a plan for today, and I’m going to fulfill it. I have three things I wanted to say to you, Damian Fox.” Harlem held up a finger. “Number one, you’ll always be my family even though I want to hurt you so bad right now! As angry as I am, I have to take some responsibility. It’s not entirely your fault because deep down, I knew why you wanted to have a baby–it was for the same reason I wanted to get married. I should have never let things go as far as they did. Number two, I forgive you. I have to. I can’t carry all of this. It’s too heavy.” She dropped into the snow onto her knees.
Carter was just about to reach for her but froze at Harlem’s last declaration.
“I loved you so much, but I’m so so sorry that I wasn’t in love with you. I tried. I tried so hard.” Her tears fell like a waterfall.
Harlem wasn’t sure how long she knelt in the snow. Her coat was starting to get wet. Slowly, she lifted her head and placed the palm of her hand on the headstone. She whispered. “I will never forget you. Thank you for sharing your time on earth with me.”
Harlem started to get up, and Carter was right there to assist.
He helped her rise from the cold ground. Carter knew that something was off when it came to their relationship, but he never would have guessed her revelation.
They walked back to the car. He opened her door, and Harlem slid inside. Carter then walked around and got in himself. As Carter put the car in drive, Harlem had to ask. “How much did you hear?”
“Probably more than you would have liked.”
Her voice was filled with pain. “Did you know about Damian’s plan?”
Carter had no idea what Damian put in her letter and didn’t want to share anything Damian didn’t want shared. “We had a conversation before he died. He wanted us to raise the baby together.”
“That’s not what I’m asking!” Frustrated, Harlem pressed her palm against her forehead. “Did you know that he planned this?! Were you aware that Damian knew he was dying before we started in-vitro?”
Carter shook his head and sighed. “No. I didn’t know that until today.”
“I can’t imagine why he would think we could be a couple.”
Carter responded. “Damian was brilliant, but he definitely saw things differently than most.”
“Aren’t you the least bit pissed that we were manipulated?”
Carter was doing his best to keep his emotions in check. Of course, he was angry. “I don’t exactly have the luxury of being able to have that argument with him considering my best friend is dead.”
Bullseye. His words hit Harlem in the chest. She calmed. “I did love him.”
“How you two felt about one another is none of my business. At the end of the day, I made promises, and I intend to keep them.”
Harlem sat back. They drove in silence for a little while. “I’m sorry to take my frustrations out on you.”
“You don’t need to be sorry. You’re the one who’s pregnant. You have every right to feel how you feel.”
“I am a woman who likes order. I don’t know how to plan for this. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.”
“Maybe that was the point. Maybe that was his gift?”
“What?”
“There is no plan for something like this. You have an amazing family that loves you and support from many of your friends. One lesson I’ve learned is that life is short. Shit can change at the drop of a dime. We need to not only be present for every moment but learn to find the joy in it. I won’t sit here and tell you that I’m not struggling with doing that today, but I have to make an effort. Like it or not, in less than six months, you and I are going to be parents. We don’t have much time to get our shit together.”
Harlem listened to his every word. He was right. In very short order, they were going to have a baby. Damian’s words had rocked her very core and shifted her thinking. It was no longer her child with him.
Harlem was having a baby with Carter, and they were going to be parents.
Chapter 25
Carter was exhausted. His weekend trip with Harlem was emotionally draining and almost took him out. He had just dropped her off at home and was now pulling up into his driveway. As the garage door crept open, Carter spotted Elaina’s red Lexus.
“Shit.” Carter hoped to just chill for the rest of the night. He was in no mood to entertain. However, he had given Elaina a key. Carter wondered if all couples had moments where they just didn’t feel like being bothered.
He parked his car and reached into the backseat for his leather overnight bag. He got out with his bag in hand and slung it over his shoulder. Then, walked into the kitchen through the garage door.
“Carter?” He heard her voice.
“Yep. It’s me.”
“I thought I heard you pulling into the garage.” Elaina walked up to him and wrapped her arms around his neck. She kissed him hard on the lips. “I missed you.”
“I missed you too.” He didn’t, but Carter figured it was probably best not to let her know that.
“Did you?” She raised a perfectly sculpted brow. “I would never have known since you didn’t call while you were gone.”
Carter rolled his head around his shoulders. “Really? We’re going to do this as soon as I walk through the door? I was only gone for a day and a half.”
Elaina could tell he was irritated, and as angry as she was, that was not the mood she wanted to set. Not if she hoped to put her plan in motion. Elaina glanced up at him with puppy dog eyes. “I just really missed you, that’s all.”
Carter felt terrible that he didn’t feel bad. Elaina had every right to be a little irritated. He sighed. “I should have called. There was a lot to deal with.”
“Want to talk about it?” Elaina held his gaze.
Carter leaned into Elaina and kissed her hard on the lips hoping to distract her. Talk? About Harlem and Damian? It was the last thing he wanted to do. Carter pulled b
ack slowly. “What I want is a hot shower, a cold drink, and to watch the football game with you.”
Elaina almost melted in his arms at his words. She smiled up at him. “I can certainly accommodate that.”
“Good. Let me put my bag away and grab a quick shower. I’ll meet you in the theater room.”
“Okay.”
“Cool.” Carter stepped away and headed straight for his bedroom, wishing he had his house to himself.
*****
Carter was towel drying his hair that was still wet from the shower when he came out of the bathroom and into his bedroom. He was wearing nothing but a dark blue towel around his waist. His body was still covered with droplets of water.
When Carter glanced up, he was surprised to find Elaina in bed waiting for him. She was wrapped in a satiny white sheet and nothing else. She smiled sexily. “I figured you could have a cold drink and watch the game with me without ever leaving your room.”
That was not his plan at all. However, Elaina didn’t deserve to be treated like a booty call. She was now his girlfriend and deserved his attention. Carter had been gone the entire weekend with Harlem. If the tables were turned, he wouldn’t deal with this crazy ass situation. Therefore, Carter decided to muscle up some energy for a few more hours. “That’s an offer I can’t refuse.” Carter went over to his dresser, searching for a pair of pajamas. He dropped his towel.
Elaina’s breath caught in her chest. She never got tired of seeing a naked Carter. She caressed the back of his body with her eyes from head to toe. “It would be a shame to cover up that body.”
Shit. Carter wasn’t sure he could fake it. Not convincingly anyway. He had to try. Carter pasted on a smile, then slowly turned.
Elaina bit her lower lip. His chest was a work of art. How on earth does he have such defined muscles? And the largest one hanging between his thighs was no joke. Even flaccid, it was damned impressive. Elaina rubbed her thighs together in anticipation. It had been much too long since they’d made love. She had stopped taking her birth control pills a couple of weeks ago and wondered how long it would take to get pregnant.
Carter got into bed and underneath the sheets. Never in his life had he ever not been up to having sex. Could he perform? Yes. Did he want to perform? Not really. He just wasn’t in the mood. Elaina’s body had always proven to be a good distraction. Tonight, Carter felt like being with her was more of a chore. He lay flat on his back with one arm behind his head. He gave her a half-smile. “I thought we were going to watch football?”
Elaina dimmed the lights on the nightstand. “Would you really rather watch the silly old football game than have a little fun with me?”
Actually, I would. Carter didn’t say what he was thinking. Instead, he kept it light. “What do you think?”
Elaina wasted no time trying to get him aroused. She leaned over into his body and mashed her lips against his. Elaina hungrily pushed her tongue into his mouth. The stubble from his newly grown beard scratched against her face as she gripped his head firmly, as if to keep him from escaping. She worked her mouth against his, not realizing that Carter was only going through the motions. Elaina pulled away and decided to take a trip down Carter body. She began to place wet kisses down the side of his neck.
Carter yawned as he allowed Elaina to do her thing.
There was a roar from the television. Carter’s football team had just scored a touchdown. He began debating if he should just take over as Elaina took forever to make her way down his body. He could go ahead and give her an orgasm or two and be done.
Carter yawned again, and his eyes began to drift low.
Elaina was doing her best to work her magic. Just as she arrived at her destination, she heard a small snore. When she glanced up, Carter had fallen asleep. Elaina couldn’t believe it. She wanted to scream, he doesn’t deserve me. Angrily, she climbed back up to the head of the bed and snatched the sheet, wrapping it around her body and leaving him butt naked.
Her night was a bust.
Elaina remembered she’d brought up two glasses of wine. She glanced over at the nightstand and then picked up her glass. She then proceeded to drain it.
*****
Elaina couldn’t sleep, so she was up early. She had run her situation with Carter through her mind over and over. Elaina wasn’t accustomed to losing anything, and she had no plans to lose Carter to Harlem. She was mulling over ways to get Carter to stop seeing her as St. Harlem. Elaina figured getting pregnant would at least put her on even footing.
Elaina was pouring herself a cup of orange juice when Carter walked into the kitchen. He walked up behind her and attempted to kiss her on the side of the head. Elaina was still seething from his rejection. She couldn’t control herself and blurted out her thoughts. “Are you fuckin’ her?”
Carter had no intention of starting his day with this bullshit. “I’ve got an early meeting. I’ll call you later.” He turned to walk away, but Elaina grabbed his arm. Now that she had brought up the subject, she was not about to let him leave without discussing it. “I need to know what I’m up against so that I know how to fight for you.”
“Fight for me? What the hell are you talking about?” He yelled. “Harlem and I are not sleeping together!”
“What am I supposed to think? We’ve never had a problem in the bedroom. You spend a weekend with her, and now I can’t even get you hard?”
Carter ran a frustrated hand down his face. “Elaina! I just fuckin’ put my best friend in the ground barely two months ago, and Saturday was his birthday. You’re accusing me of already sleeping with his girlfriend? What is wrong with you?”
“What’s wrong with me? I’ve been more than patient and supportive.” She glanced heavenward. “It probably didn’t even occur to you that I should have been there with you this weekend!”
Elaina wasn’t entirely wrong. As a matter of fact, she was much closer to the truth than she even realized. “I am not sleeping with Harlem.”
Elaina pressed her hand against her chest. “I’m your girlfriend. Yet, I can’t seem to get close to you because she occupies the space that should be mine. Every time I turn around, it’s Harlem this and Harlem that. I’m sick of it!”
Carter took a breath. He spoke calmly. “I told you that Harlem is pregnant. She is my priority.”
“And, I’m not?” Elaina asked pointedly.
“I didn’t say that.” He ran a frustrated hand through his hair. “Look . . . if we are going to work, you must figure out how to deal with the facts as they are, not how you want them to be. I would certainly understand if you wanted to walk away from all of this. It’s a tough situation, especially for you. I don’t know why you’d even want to put up with it.”
“You don’t? Then, let me spell it out for you. I’ve fallen in love with you. It’s as simple as that.”
Her words hit him hard in the chest. He wasn’t expecting it. They hadn’t uttered those kinds of feelings for one another. Carter liked Elaina, but he for sure knew he wasn’t in love with her. Her words made him want to be a better man and to work harder at their relationship. He owed Elaina that much. “I’m doing my best to figure out how to balance everything. I’m bound to make mistakes. I won’t get it right every time.”
Elaina held his gaze. She shook her head. “I won’t give up on us, and I will not let Harlem win.”
Carter was thrown by her choice of words. “Win?” The hairs on the back of his neck stood up. “This isn’t a game.”
Elaina began to backtrack. “I-I know, and I didn’t mean it like that. It’s just that . . . I want us to work so badly, and I don’t want to always feel like I’m always taking a backseat to her.”
Carter could understand that. He needed to step it up and really go all out if he wanted this relationship to work. He placed his hands on her shoulders. “How about we clear our schedules this weekend and go up to Door County? We can spend all of our time reconnecting.”
“Just us? No work, no cell phones and no .
. .” Her words trailed off.
Carter was frustrated. “C’mon, Elaina. I’m trying. I can’t be completely inaccessible.”
“You mean, you can’t go anywhere Harlem can’t reach you.”
“You know what. Fuck it. I’m going to work.” Carter turned and started to walk off.
“Wait!” Elaina called after him.
His own guilt stopped him from walking out the door. However, he didn’t turn around. “What, Elaina.” He glanced at his watch. “I have a meeting, and I won’t be late.”
She spoke to the back of his head. “I can be ready to leave by three on Friday.”
He nodded. “Good, I’ll set it up.” Without a backward glance, Carter strode out of the door.
Elaina had a lot of work to do between then and now. The first item on her agenda was to make sure to grab an ovulation kit. She sipped her orange juice and mumbled to herself. “One way or another, I will even the playing field.”
Chapter 26
Harlem was just about to get ready for bed. However, she caught her reflection in the mirror. She turned to her side and stared at her body. A smile began to tug at the corners of her lips. She was barely showing, but there was a small baby bump.
Her phone rang, and she picked it up from the dresser. It was Carter. The past couple of months, he made a habit of calling her multiple times throughout the day and before bed. “What do you want, Carter?” Harlem tried to sound as if he was on her last nerve, but the truth was that she had grown fond of his phone calls.
He was working late. “You’re such a great actress. But not good enough to act like you don’t want to talk to me.”
“You’re so full of yourself.” Harlem’s grin widened as she got into bed.
“What are you doing?”
“I’m doing what most people are doing at this time of night. I’m winding down.”
Her Baby His Gift (The Slow Burn Duology Book 1) Page 13
