by Rowan Shaw
I knew fucking him was a mistake. I wasn't ready for the consequences, but I didn't want to stop. I'd wanted him so much even when I tried to ignore my deep longing. All I could think about was him. All the time.
I rocked my hips, taking him deeper and faster until he came with a shout so loud, it made me shoot my load, the orgasm sending chills through my lower back.
I stayed inside him, kissing his shoulders, toying with his earlobe until I softened and was forced to pull out.
"I've missed you so damn much," I repeated for the third time and grabbed his hand to take him to the bathroom, where I washed him, the scorching water pouring over us. He brought me to my knees like nobody else. The thought of that scared the shit out of me. But I wanted more.
I took him to my room next and barely left him enough time to dry before I pushed him on his back over my bed. I'd missed the flavor of him, the smell of him, the feel of him. I teased, sucked, and fucked him until he couldn't take any more, but I only let him get dressed to answer the door when our take-out arrived after I'd placed a call.
Raphaël looked me up and down as he came back into the room carrying our pizza.
"You got us a large, right? I'm so hungry," he said, opening the box to check.
I let my gaze run over his entire body. "Please undress."
"We're about to eat."
"Yes, and I want to watch you while you eat naked."
"Weirdo."
I gave him the flirtiest smile and ogled him as he tossed the pizza box on top of the comforter and stripped down. Just watching him made me horny, but I was too tired to get it up at this point. I was still shocked he hadn't rejected me. I wasn't sure what that meant, but I was going to relish every second I got of him.
As he removed his last item of clothing, I thought of other people watching him undress before fucking him into oblivion. My insides twisted. I couldn't handle thinking of someone else caressing his skin, kissing his soft lips, and making him come—maybe come harder than I'd ever made him. The thought of losing him to someone else froze me to the core. Thinking of him potentially falling in love with another person and leaving me made me hurt too much to breathe.
The few days he'd been gone were agonizing. If that was the kind of heartache Raphaël experienced when I was with a client, I couldn't force him through such pain any longer. I had no fucking clue what to do. I couldn't think of anything that would pay well enough to provide the kind of financial support I needed to feel secure and safe. I'd saved a lot of money over the years, but that would melt like snow in the sun once I stopped working. A part of me knew I couldn't do that to Daniel either. His company would take a hit so big, he might not be able to keep it afloat.
I looked at Raphaël as he grabbed a piece of pizza and smiled at me, his dimples digging deep into his brown cheeks. When I grabbed his other hand, he startled under my touch and stared at me.
"Please don't leave me." The words came out before I could process them.
Raphaël tightened his fingers around mine. "I am not your family, Adrien. I won't betray you. You are worth so much more than you're willing to accept." He let out a deep sigh. "I can't promise I'll ever be fine with what you do for a living. Thinking of you with other people, it hurts. It hurts so badly, I can barely sleep. But I won't abandon you like you never mattered to me."
I had to look away as I bit into my pizza.
"I don't know what to do," I acknowledged after eating the whole slice.
Raphaël nodded, his fingers squeezing mine harder. "I think you do. But you're scared. And I understand that. I am willing to wait. I don't think I can wait forever, but I know it's selfish to ask you to stop working."
I sighed. "Isn't it selfish to force you through something that hurts you too?"
"I guess it is, yes. But it's not like you didn't warn me from day one. I was just too stubborn to take the hint."
"Things have changed, haven't they?" I asked.
"They have. I didn't want them to. But they did."
I nodded. I was too much of a coward to tell him how I felt, though I had a feeling he needed me to say the words first. They were caught in my throat, strangling me, and I couldn't. Acknowledging my feelings meant being vulnerable. I wasn't ready for that.
I simply watched as Raphaël ate, and when we finished the pizza, I dropped the box on the floor and asked him to cuddle. I was too exhausted for sex. I had barely slept while he was gone. I turned around for him to spoon me and fell asleep against his chest as he kissed the skin of my shoulder blades.
Chapter 55
RAPHAËL
I looked at my phone for over fifteen minutes before I decided to type my message. This was my one shot. If it failed, I didn't know how I could salvage what I had with Adrien. His distress when I came home last week was unexpected and alarming. I was worried about him, and the part of me that wanted to protect him couldn't let him go, no matter how much agony it brought me.
I wasn't supposed to fall in love with him. I wasn't supposed to get jealous. I wasn't supposed to want him for myself. But I did. I very selfishly did. I didn't even know if he would ever forgive me for what I was about to do, for what I had already done.
I swallowed hard as I typed the first words.
Me: Any news from Noah?
The reply came after a few minutes.
Daniel: Yes, he's still working on it, but he said everything should be a success. Marion has agreed to help.
I exhaled in relief and closed my eyes.
Me: Thank you so much for everything you did.
Daniel: I know you don't like me much, Raphaël. Adrien told me. Me and you, we didn't meet under the best circumstances, but Adrien is one of my boys. I will always do what's best for him. That day I met him, I promised him I would do everything in my power to help him, no matter what it cost me. I can't promise he'll be elated. He's stubborn, and he hates it when others do things for him. I guess we'll see.
I dropped my phone on my bed and inhaled all the courage I could gather before leaving my room to find Adrien cooking us lunch in the kitchen. I had two hours left before meeting Charlotte at the library. I didn't have the luxury to screw this up. The whole place smelled delicious like every time he cooked for us, the appetizing scents making my mouth water.
Adrien turned to me, smiling as he pulled on my waist hard and dropped a kiss on my lips. "You're fine with a mushroom omelet?"
"Yes, of course." My insides squeezed. He always spoiled me with food. Though we weren't a couple, Adrien acted like we were. He treated me like I was his boyfriend, and a part of me loved that too much. This past week had felt so good; I was scared to let myself believe it would last.
"I need to talk to you about something," I said and sat down at the table.
"Yeah?" His smile never fell as he filled my plate with half the omelet.
"How much food do you think I can ingest?" I asked.
He laughed as he served himself, then put the pan away and sat down. "I can help you burn the calories if you want."
I shook my head at him, though I sincerely hoped he would. All he had to do was ask. I never said "no" anymore.
"Is that what you wanted to talk about? How much food I make for you?" he asked.
I wished it were. It would be so much simpler.
I cleared my throat and grabbed my fork to toy with the mushrooms while he ate. "Remember how you asked about your art missing?" I didn't look at him as I spoke.
In my peripheral vision, I saw him pause, his fork raised in the air. "Yes?"
"I know where the art is."
He dropped the fork on his plate, his darkening eyes zeroing in on me. I forced myself to look at him and sustain his gaze.
"I... You're not going to like it."
"I bet I won't. I hate it when people touch my stuff. I think we both know that."
I nodded and swallowed hard. "I gave your art to Noah."
Adrien tilted his head and raised his hand to stop me. "Wait a minute!
How did you even get in touch with Noah?"
"The day you invited him and Hugo over, Noah gave me his phone number. He told me to call him if you ever needed anything, and so I did."
"I don't need anything," Adrien replied curtly.
I sighed. This was not going to end well. It was all my fault if he got upset.
"I asked Noah to help me because I know your art is spectacular, and I know you could make a living off of it, maybe even more than you're making being an escort."
Adrien burst out laughing, but it wasn't a happy laugh. "You're kidding, right? Artists starve, Raphaël. There's no way to make the money I earn now just from selling art. If I could, I would."
I didn't fail to hear the message under his words. If he could, he would. That brought me hope.
"Unless you get sponsors," I replied, perking up.
He furrowed his brow before his eyes widened. "Wait! Is Daniel in on this? Marion told me something weird about Noah. Please, tell me you did not contact my clients about this."
I shook my head. "I didn't."
His shoulders sagged, his relief slamming me with guilt.
"Daniel did."
"What?" His eyes bulged out. He stood to his feet, his face turning white. "What the fuck, Raphaël?"
"You didn't let me finish."
"I don't need to let you finish. You and Daniel went behind my back to contact my clients to ask them for favors? That's so unprofessional. My clients don't do favors for me. I'm the one servicing them. That's how it works."
"You said they were your friends."
"It doesn't matter. I still need to maintain some kind of professionalism between us," he exclaimed, his fists propped against the table.
"Please sit down and give me a chance to explain."
Adrien shook his head and leaned against the counter, his arms crossed over his chest.
"Daniel thought Noah could use his YouTube channel to promote your work. Noah also has access to celebrities through Hugo. Those people could be your sponsors. Imagine having someone famous buying your art, the career you could have."
"What kind of a fairy tale do you live in, Raphaël? Those things just don't happen. And Hugo also needs to keep a professional front. He can't just go around asking his rich clients to sponsor me."
"Hugo thought differently. Also, Noah has millions of followers on his channel. Most of them are queers."
"So what?"
"So I had a talk with him, and he offered to make a video about you."
Real fear filled Adrien's eyes. "Do you realize how much you’re invading my privacy?"
"He didn't give your last name," I reassured him, baffled by his reaction. "Nobody knows it's you. He only used your first name."
"The video is already out?" Adrien nearly shouted.
"Not yet. We wanted to ask for your permission first."
"The answer is no."
My heart dropped. "You won't even give this a chance, will you?"
"A chance to be ridiculed? No, thanks."
"Ridiculed? Do you even realize how talented you are? Your art is gorgeous. And so unique."
He rolled his eyes, which forced me to stand face to face with him. "Please, give it a chance to work."
"Why? Why should I give this a chance?"
I cupped his face, and in spite of his fury, he leaned into my palm, closing his eyes. "Because if this works and you could live off your art, you wouldn't have to escort anymore."
His eyes shot open and burned into me as he pulled away. "So that's what this is all about, isn't it? It's about you and your need to have me quit my job."
"You begged me not to leave you last week when I came home, Adrien," I reminded him, trying hard not to snap. "You're the one who told me you need me in your life. You're the one who asked me not to abandon you. And I won't, but you need to help me here. I can't... I can't be with you knowing you're fucking other people anymore. I tried. I really tried.
"You're not here to see the damage for yourself. When you're with them, you don't know how agonizing it is for me. I'm here alone while you're out there buried deep inside somebody else, making love to them, making them come until they grow feelings for you. Do you understand how that makes me feel?"
He gave a nod. "Yes, I understand how it makes you feel." He inhaled a long breath. "If it means so much to you, I'm willing to try. But if it fails, I just don't know what to do."
I nodded. It had to work. We had no other choice.
Chapter 56
ADRIEN
I managed to calm down a bit under Raphaël's touch. He caressed my cheek and gave me a smile, his eyes pooling with affection and other emotions I had tried so hard to ignore. I wrapped my arms around his waist, my ass pressed against the kitchen counter. "What does Marion have to do with all this? How did you even get Daniel to agree?"
"Let's just say Daniel cares more about you than I'd given him credit for. He firmly refused at first. He blew a fuse when he realized you and I were sleeping together. But I explained the situation and told him he could make a percentage off the sales if this worked."
I was surprised Daniel hadn't called to chew me out after finding out I was doing Raphaël.
"He offered to take care of the website. I mean, he's already running the one for the escort agency. He could do the same for your art. You could work for him, but instead of selling sex, you'd be selling art."
Raphaël must have been truly persuasive to win him over like this. I bit my lower lip and ran my fingers along his face. I was scared things might not work out between us. Even if the art sold well, I'd never been in a monogamous relationship before. Even with Kevin, we both kept fucking our clients on the side or together as a team. I didn't know if I could even handle the pressure of being with only one person. What if I missed being with other people? I was used to having a lot of sex. I wasn't sure Raphaël realized how he'd have to compensate for that.
"Would you miss your job?" he asked as if reading my mind.
"I probably would. I've been doing this for ten years, fucking various people every day of the week. I have habits. I don't know how easy it'll be to break them."
I remembered what Marion had said about me being distant during sex and things being different. Maybe I wasn't as into it anymore as I liked to believe.
"Is it something you might consider, though?" he asked, his beautiful hazel eyes filling with hope.
I sighed. If there was another way to make that much money, then yes, I would consider quitting my job. For him, I would.
I gave a faint nod, and his shoulders relaxed.
"I wish there was something I could do in return," Raphaël said. "I feel like you would sacrifice a huge part of your life for me, and I have nothing to give back."
I stroked the soft skin of his temple with the side of my hand. Him being there for me was him giving me more than most people ever had.
"You'll have to make up for me not fucking other people every day. I hope you're aware of that," I teased.
He let out a chuckle. "I'm pretty sure I can keep up."
"I guess we'll see about that."
He pursed his lips, almost vexed. "Trust me. I can keep up."
"If you say so." Riling him up was too fun for me to stop sometimes. "So, you never answered my question: what is Marion's involvement in all this?"
Raphaël lowered his eyes in embarrassment and looked to the side, out our kitchen window. "Daniel wouldn't have contacted some random client for a service, but Marion and Noah care about you. Marion is into marketing, so we figured she could give us some information to help us sell your work. Daniel thought it'd be less awkward if it was Noah calling her."
"I still can't believe you went behind my back."
"I didn't know what else to do," he replied, raising his gaze to mine.
"You could have asked me, first of all."
"And what would you have said?" he replied.
"I would have said 'no.'"
"Exactly."
"Daniel said Noah and Hugo could get you sponsors and fans first. He thinks you should open a gallery downtown and host a vernissage where we would invite a few famous people. Daniel would work on the website. If that works, you could become famous quickly. You could sell your originals for a high price, and the rest online as prints. Maybe Noah could even help you open your own channel to advertise your art?"
I still had a hard time believing this would work.
"Just think about all the money Noah makes on YouTube," Raphaël explained. "It is possible to become famous more easily nowadays if you know the right people."
I clicked my tongue, not truly convinced. "Do you realize how much it will cost to rent a gallery downtown? And what am I supposed to do in the meantime?"
"If Noah's video gets views and good reactions, he would like to invite you for a second video."
I shook my head, my heart racing at the thought of my family tracking me down. Besides the emails, I'd managed to prevent them from invading my life. "I don't feel comfortable knowing my family might see me out there on YouTube. I've tried hard to remain invisible. They don't even know where I live. What if people find out what I do for a living? There's a lot of stigma associated with it. I've already told you that."
Raphaël caressed my face, his eyes roaming my skin. "Au contraire. It would probably entice people even more. Many people wonder what the job of escort consists of. It's not like you're going to sell art to kids. Everything you draw is erotic." His eyes darkened. "And screw your family. They have no rights over you. Don't let them take this chance from us. Please."
When he begged with both hands in front of his chin, I let out a long sigh. "I'm still upset you contacted my clients behind my back."
"How long will you be mad about that?" he asked.
"A while..."
