Southern Sunshine

by Natasha Madison

  She stands, saying, “Okay, I’m done." I hold out my hand for her as she climbs out of the old tub. She stands on the little square rug while I pick up the big dry towel on my lap and wrap it around her. Pulling her to me, I squish her to my chest, blowing kisses in her neck until the sound of her giggles fills the room. "Momma, that tickles,” she says, and I finally dry her off so she can slip on her nightgown. I start combing her hair to braid it. "Momma, can I have a cookie?"

  "One cookie, some milk, and then bed,” I say, and she smirks at me, the same fucking smirk that Reed gave me when he was over. The smirk I forgot about until today.

  "Okay," she sings, knowing I’ll give her two cookies.

  We walk back downstairs to the soft light coming from the kitchen stove. She sits on the chair on her knees while she eats two cookies and then drinks her milk. "Let’s go brush your teeth,” I say, walking upstairs to finish her nightly routine. I’m trying to keep the same schedule for her.

  After she brushes her teeth, she jumps into the bed and slips under the covers. “Prayers,” she says, and I sit on the bed beside her. She takes her arms out of the covers and folds her hands, closing her eyes. “Now I lay me down to sleep." Her soft voice fills the room. The same room that I used to say these exact prayers. "God bless Mommy and Pops." I smile at her. “And all my friends." I bend down and kiss her nose.

  "Good night, sweet girl,” I say, and she turns. “Have colorful dreams."

  Standing, I walk out of the room and pull the door closed just a touch. I clean up the bathroom before walking back downstairs and turning on the kettle. Walking over to the kitchen table, I open my laptop, getting all the papers ready to go over again.

  I’ve been over it five times, and I still can’t figure out how the fuck I’m going to get out of this mess. The only thing that will help is if Billy buys the farm.

  The sound of the kettle whistling fills the room. I pick up the kettle and pour out the hot water, and I’m suddenly brought back to six years ago.

  I walked into the house after discovering I was pregnant. The television was on low, and Pops’ chair was empty. I walked into the kitchen, and there he stood, making his nightly tea. He looked over his shoulder, and the smile he had on his face quickly dropped when he saw my face. He put the kettle down and turned to look at me. He was wearing his jeans and flannel shirt with his suspenders that he always wore. “What in sam hill has you in that mood?”

  My heart beat so fast I thought it would come out of my chest. My stomach was moving like a lost boat in the ocean during a storm. “I have to tell you something."

  "Well, go on, then," he said, his voice tight as he waited to hear.

  "I’m," I started to talk, and my voice trembled. “I’m," I started over again, and that time the tears stopped me from talking. His eyes remained on mine the whole time; his face pure white as he held the counter.

  He stood at six foot four and was built like an ox, but he was as soft as a teddy bear. “Hazel Bernadette." He said my full name, and I knew he was one second from snapping.

  "I’m pregnant." The words left my mouth without a second thought. I watched his hand come up to his chest, and I thought he was having a heart attack.

  "Jesus, Mary, and Joseph." He laughed. “I thought you were going to tell me you were dying." He grabbed his tea and walked over to the table and sat down. He looked at me and then at the empty chair beside him. That was my cue to get my ass in the chair. I pulled out the chair and was suddenly thankful to be sitting down while I was doing this. “Now …" He looked at me. “Start over."

  I placed my hands on the table, and my eyes focused on my fingers instead of Pops because I wasn’t sure I could see the disappointment in his eyes. "I’m pregnant," I said softly, still in shock myself. How did this happen? I kept asking myself that over and over since I saw the two lines. We used protection both times.

  "So whatcha going to do?" he asked, and I finally looked up at him. Nothing was in his eyes but love.

  "I’m going to have the baby," I said, and he nodded.

  "It ain’t going to be easy." He placed his hand on mine now. “But if anyone can do it." Tears filled his eyes now. "You can."

  "I don’t know about that," I said. “I never expected this."

  "No one does really." He grabbed his cup now and brought it to his mouth. “Even when you know it’s coming." He placed the cup back down. “What about the father?"

  I shook my head. “He doesn’t know," I answered him honestly.

  "Are you going to let him know?" The question lingered in the air.

  "He left town," I said, and without saying Reed’s name, he knew. "So I don’t know."

  "He’s got a big family," he said. “One of them might know how to get ahold of him."

  "I’ll try," I told him and then looked at him. “Are you disappointed in me?"

  He put his big hand back on mine and squeezed as tears filled his eyes. "Not in a million years. Couldn’t be more proud of you." He took his handkerchief out of his pocket and dabbed his eyes. “In my whole life, you are the only thing I am most proud of." I got up and kissed his cheek. “Now go try to get ahold of that man of yours."

  I stood there in front of him with tears rolling down my face. “What if he doesn’t want the baby?" Reed couldn’t wait to get the hell out of town, so the last thing he would want is a child.

  "Then he’s a damn fool," he said as he got up. “And it’ll be his loss. We’ll figure it out."

  I sit at the table now. “We’ll figure it out,” I say to the empty room. “We always do." I smile, ignoring the pain in my chest. He made sure I was always okay. He made sure we were always okay.

  I’m going over the bills again when I hear the soft knock. The paper in my hand doesn’t move because I thought I might have been hearing things. I look over at the front door when I hear it again, and my hand slowly lowers to the table. I think about ignoring it for a second, but then the knocking starts again.

  I walk softly to the door, and the knock sounds again. “Fucking hell.” I look upstairs and see that she is still asleep. I unlock the door and pull it open. I knew he would come back. I knew it, yet I was in denial.

  "Hey, Hazel." He stands where his father stood this morning. "You busy?"

  I step out and pull the door closed behind me. “What do you want, Reed?" In the dark of the outside, I can’t see his eyes.

  "I thought, you know, we could catch up,” he says, and I fold my arms over my chest.

  "Did you?" I ask, rolling my eyes. I really hope he can see how fucking annoyed I am that he’s here. The last thing I want to do is catch up with Reed Barnes. What he needs to do is be on his way and pretend he didn’t see me.

  "What’s it been now?" He mirrors my stance and folds his arms over his chest. “Six years."

  "I don’t know. I’m not keeping track." I shake my head. “If that’s all,” I say, turning and putting my hand on the door handle.

  "So you’re a mom?” His words have me stopping in my tracks and ice goes through my veins. I close my eyes, and I’m happy that my back is to him so he can’t see how shaken I am. "Yeah, I was over at my grandparents’, and my grandfather said he met your little girl." My heart is beating so fast and so fucking hard I don’t think I can even handle turning around. "Sofia,” he says her name. “Said she looks just like her momma."

  I turn now to face him, anger filling my whole body. He doesn’t get to do this. He does not get to come in here and claim her after not even bothering to answer me. She’s mine, and she will always be mine. "She does,” I say. “She looks just like me. So if that’s it, Reed, I have other things to do." I turn around this time, ready to go back into the house and hoping like hell he just lets it go.

  Chapter 11

  Reed

  "Why are you so pissed?" I ask, and for the second time tonight, she stops in her tracks and turns back to glare at me.

  I sat at home the whole night, wondering if I should come see her or j
ust leave it. After talking myself out of going to her, something big pushed me to get off my ass and walk over to her house. The house was pitch black with just a small light coming from the kitchen. I thought about throwing some pebbles at her window like old times, but I didn’t know where she would be in the house. I also didn’t know if she was in that room or if it was Sofia’s, so I knocked on the door. I was about to give up when she came out, closing the door behind her, and I hated that I couldn’t see her face properly. The only light I had was from the moon, and it didn’t do her justice. Nothing could.

  "I’m not pissed,” she huffs out. “I’m busy dealing with stuff I can’t control. I don’t have time to go down memory lane with you." I want her to tell me all the things she needs to do. I want her to tell me what I missed in six years. "Good night, Reed,” she says, ending the conversation, and I finally let her walk back into her house. I wait until I hear the sound of the lock before I hang my head.

  "Well, that didn’t go as planned," I tell myself and turn to walk back to my house. The sound of an owl hooting fills the darkness. The ground crunches and snaps under my boots as I walk in the forest, replaying the whole conversation with her in my head. I knew that she had a full plate. Seeing the debt Kaine left her and then seeing what the land was worth, it didn’t take a rocket scientist to see she was up shit creek without a paddle. I also knew there was no way I would let her sink. I didn’t give a shit how pissed she was at me. She saved me all those years ago when I thought I would drown. Those last couple of months were the worst, and I got the escape I needed with her. I told her my deepest darkest secrets, and not once did she judge me. Not once did she look at me like I was crazy. Not once did she see anyone but me. All of me.

  Walking up the back porch, I open the door and head straight to the bottle of whiskey. Taking it out, I pour a shot and put it on the counter, turning and getting my laptop. I’m going to go down memory lane, and I might need help doing it. I sit at the counter and wait for it to boot up.

  My leg moves up and down as I wait. It may take just a couple of minutes, but to me, it’s the longest fucking time in the world. Opening the browser, I type Facebook and wait for the page to load. I add in my email address and the password to access my account. I spot Harlow right away on my news feed. Looking up at the red numbers staring at me, one says nine hundred and ninety-nine with a plus sign, and the inbox shows me six hundred and ninety-five messages.

  I don’t bother scrolling. Instead, I open my messages and then look at the shot of whiskey. My stomach is a fucking mess. I go down one at a time, ignoring all of them, and wonder if it would even be there six years later. Maybe messages are deleted after a certain time, but then I see her name—Hazel.

  I click to open the message, but her picture doesn’t show up. Instead, it’s just an outline of a person. I see her message there, and my stomach burns just like it did all those years ago. It was the worst day of training. I had woken up and felt like I was missing something or someone, and I just couldn’t shake it. I ignored it all day long, only to have it hit me again when I was in the shower. I closed my eyes, and all I saw was my family. My mother and father sitting at the table laughing. My grandfather on his horse, and Hazel laughing with her head back and her hair blowing in the wind.

  I read the message and then deactivated my account. I thought about answering, but I knew if I did, I would just string her along, and she deserved better.

  My hands touch the keyboard when I type Hey and press enter. As soon as I do it, a red exclamation mark appears. "What the fuck does this mean?" I put the mouse cursor next to the red dot and see the mark of error. I enter another message, and the same thing happens. I go back to my home page and type out her name in the search bar. The five people who come up I don’t even know. "What the fuck?” I grab my phone and call Harlow.

  "What’s up, big brother?” she says, answering right away.

  "Hey, can you give me your Facebook login?" I ask, signing out of my account.

  "Um, no,” she says right away. “Why would you want my login? Use your own." I close my eyes and pinch the bridge of my nose. Of course it wouldn’t be this easy.

  "Fine, bye,” I say, hanging up the phone and calling my mother.

  "She’s not going to give you her login," Harlow says, picking up my mother’s cell phone.

  "Why do you still live at home?" I ask. “Isn’t it the time you left home?"

  "I just ate dinner. And now I’m lying on the couch. Know who cooked me dinner?” she says. “Mom. Now I’m going to go and soak in the tub that the cleaning lady cleaned today."

  "You are a spoiled brat,” I say. “Now, can I speak to my mother, please?” I say, shaking my head.

  "Well, you can’t. She and Dad went out on a date,” she says. “And she forgot her phone."

  "Fine, thanks." I hang up and think about calling my father, but I don’t want to interrupt them on their date.

  Instead, I shut down the computer. Tomorrow I’ll go back and ask her what she wanted to tell me all those years ago. Tomorrow.

  I lie in bed most of the night, sleep not coming to me. The last time I see the clock, it’s a little past three o’clock in the morning. The knocking wakes me up, and it takes me a second to come to realize what the noise is when the knocking comes again. I get out of bed and run to the door when the knocking continues. “Hold your horses!" I shout. Unlocking the door, I see Ethan standing there with his hands on his hips and his glasses on.

  "Good afternoon," he says, pushing me and coming into the house.

  "What time is it?" I ask, confused.

  "Nine thirty,” he says, and I stare at him in shock. “Jesus, why didn’t my alarm wake me?" I walk back into the house, going to the kitchen to see my phone on the counter. "I must have been in a deep sleep not to hear my alarm."

  He slaps me on the back. “Means your body needed the rest." He sits on the stool while I make some coffee. “You have to learn to listen to your body."

  "Give me five minutes,” I say. “I’ll be ready to go then." I grab the coffee and then go get dressed.

  I push myself in the gym. My whole body burns when I walk out and head back home for a shower. That night, I get into the truck, and my vehicle leads me to drive by Hazel’s place. The lights are out again, and I stop the truck and think about ringing the bell again. But instead, I press the gas and make my way over to the bar.

  After parking and getting out, it feels like I just did this yesterday. I pull open the door and step inside, looking around at the bigger space. The back goes far back, and to the side, what used to be the sports bar is now open. I head to the bar, and I stop when I see Harlow behind the bar. She looks up and smiles when she sees me. “Holy, holy,” I say when I see her behind the bar, and she just shakes her head. I look in front of her and see Christopher and clap my hands together. “Talk about bringing back memories." I walk over and slap his back as I sit down next to him.

  "This is crazy," Christopher says, bringing the bottle of beer to his mouth. “Never did we sit on this side of the bar."

  "Didn’t think I would see you here,” I say honestly.

  "On the one day a week I get off, I decided that I deserved to have a cold beer served to me by a beautiful woman,” he says, looking over at Harlow.

  "That’s still my sister." I glare at him. “Which means she’s off-limits."

  "What can I get you?" Harlow interrupts us with a huge smile on her face.

  "What are you doing here?" I ask, and she walks to get me a beer.

  "Besides serving a gentleman." She winks at Christopher, and he blushes. "Have you seen Amelia?" She looks at me, turning to the side and motioning with her hand on her stomach. “Her feet have swelled up as big as watermelons. So, I did what any good cousin would do,” she says. “I’m going to work the bar."

  "You?" I ask. “Work the bar?"

  "A lot has changed in six years," she tells me. “I may live at home, but I do work."

  She wal
ks to the end of the bar, and I pick up my beer and hold it out to Christopher. “To old times."

  "Fuck, I hope not,” he says, laughing while he clinks his bottle to mine, then brings it to his lips. “God, we were sad."

  "We weren’t that sad,” I say, putting the bottle back on the bar.

  "We were horny and sad,” he says. “Two things that don’t go together."

  I laugh. “We went on dates." He nods now and looks over at Harlow. “You were dating Jenny when I left."

  "Yeah,” he says. “Best thing she could give me was my daughter and a divorce." I put my hand to my mouth.

  "You married her?" I ask, shocked.

  "She was having my kid,” he says. “What was I supposed to do?" I look at him. He’s got a point.

  "Hey, do you remember Hazel?" I bring up her name, and he looks over at me, smirking.

  "Hazel, who you chased for two months?” he asks, pushing my shoulder. “God, I thought for sure one day she would catch you with a boner. I used to follow you around waiting."

  "Fuck you." I shake my head and bring the beer to my mouth. “She has a kid."

  His eyes go wide. “No kidding."

  "I guess she didn’t hook up with anyone when I left?" I ask, and he shakes his head.

  "No, we worked side by side for two months before we both left, and she said maybe five words to me,” he says. “How old is her daughter?"

  "No idea,” I say, turning the beer bottle in front of me. I don’t add that I’m going to find out.

  Chapter 12

  Hazel

  "I want to see you at all times," I tell Sofia as she walks away from the front porch.

  "Okay, Momma,” she says, and I look over at her. She has always loved to go to the park, but seeing her here in my element is refreshing. Every day, she wants to put her overalls on and her Rubber boots. She doesn’t care that her hands get dirty or that there is nothing to do but run freely. "Are you going to make it pretty today?"