“Yeah, I have, I don’t run like you do. For fuck’s sake Jason, what in the ever-loving fuck is wrong with you?” Deck shouted at me making my head pound even harder than it was already.
Anger returned, heating my face. Who the fuck did this guy think he was? Barging into my house and telling me I had problems when he stuck his dick in my woman and got her pregnant with his kid. Okay, so she hadn’t been mine at the time, but that was not the point. That kid was supposed to be mine, not his. She should be wearing my ring right now and sitting here with me half comatose from days of blissful sex celebrating our engagement.
But the universe hated my guts because none of that was true, as usual Deck got it all.
“Oh, put a sock in it and stop whining like a spoilt brat,” Deck scolded me in his usual fashion.
Huh? I said that and not thought it.
Looking up I stared at my twin who was sitting across from me on the other leather recliner, one foot hooked over his knee. The look on his face was anything but friendly, not that it surprised me. Deck and I didn’t do friendly.
“What are you doing here Deck?” I asked sighing. I wasn’t in the right frame of mind for any kind of confrontation and certainly not with him, plus I was too drunk.
Drunk, tired and lost.
“I figured you’d want to beat the shit out of me about now,” Deck started and I went to agree with him when his hand slashed out in front of him motioning for me to shut up.
“But what I didn’t figure you for was a quitter. As far as I can tell you heard what you wanted to hear, said what you wanted to say, then just up and left.”
I grunted, shaking my head. “What would you like me to say? Congratulations perhaps? Hang around while you ask Zoe to marry you? Thanks, but no thanks.”
“Why the fuck would I ask Zoe to marry me Jason? She is your girlfriend not mine, she loves you not me.”
“She’s having your baby Deck, and you have to do the right thing. And let’s not forget the cosy scene at the compound you two got into after I left,” I demanded angrily. If he thought I was going to forget that nugget he was kidding himself; neither was Deck going to get away with letting Zoe go through this alone, he was going to get a shit-kicking if he didn’t step up.
“And I will. Being the father doesn’t mean I have to be the husband as well. That is your right, that is if Zoe still wants you after you walked away from her three days ago and have given her nothing but radio silence,” Deck accused, then he moved so quickly if I blinked I would have missed his hands coming out gripping me by the collar and dragged me halfway over the coffee table. His face was a mask of rage and pissed off, and I swallowed a small flicker of fear, this was a side of Deck, a more violent side I had never seen before he went off to the army.
“As for that shit about the kiss. Get the fuck over it! You two weren’t anything yet, Zoe and I go way back, we found ourselves in a bit of a habit. I’d had too much to drink and I kissed her, not the other way around. You say I take everything from you, how about you start fighting for what you want instead of being the victim. Fuck me, for a man you are pretty pathetic right now,” Deck shouted in my face then shoved me back over to the seat, my arse nearly hitting the floor.
Leaning back over the coffee table Deck grabbed my phone, he lifted it up and looked at the screen, “Fifteen messages from Zoe, one from Dad, two from your partner and oh look, five from your brother,” Deck drawled tossing the phone back onto the glass table.
“And before you ask, Mum didn’t message she called, several times. But, you would know that too if you bothered to pull yourself out of your pity party to give a shit.”
I scowled at Deck, one because he was still here and two because he was talking sense.
I was in the midst of a pity party, but I had good reason. My life was suddenly a shambles, my liver would need a major detox very soon, my heart hurt like a bitch, and mostly I missed Zoe more than I thought possible.
Those ten years when she was just a dream was nothing now that I had tasted her, felt her touch, heard her sweet husky voice say those three words to me. I. Love. You.
Fuck I was such an idiot, walking away like I did. What the fuck had I been thinking.
You weren’t thinking dickwad, you reacted without thinking, I berated myself, this time making sure to keep the thought silent and time not giving Deck anymore ammunition to get stuck into me.
Pushing myself back into my seat, I cringed at the stiffness in my muscles. Fuck I had barely moved from my spot in the recliner except for bathroom breaks for three days.
“How’s Zoe?” I asked.
“How do you think. Hurt, sad, broken, all while she tries to come to terms with the fact she is pregnant with the wrong twin’s baby. She didn’t do anything wrong, but you made her out to be a cheater,” Deck told me without any sugar coating, although it was precisely what I deserved. The grog was still clouding my mind, but there was a slither of common sense seeping through the fog.
Zoe was hurt, sad and probably crying all because of my fucked-up jealousy and jumping to conclusions — wait did Deck say—?
“You aren’t going to marry Zoe?”
Deck roared laughing, his head shaking back and forth.
“Jesus Jason, how is it we are twins? Of course I’m not, she doesn’t love me, idiot. Two people can be parents without being married. I won’t deny her news threw me for a loop, chilled my blood that I am going to be a father and responsible for another life other than my own. But brother,” Deck leaned forward further his elbows on his knees and his face suddenly very serious. “You are going to be this baby’s father as much as me. Zoe is yours not mine, you two will be sharing a life together, and that means the baby too. Sure, the situation is a little warped with you being my brother and technically the baby’s uncle, but you will be playing a father role too, and I could use the help. You were always the sensible one, I’m still in play mode and I’m not looking to get serious any time soon.”
I stared at Deck for long minutes in shock. Deck was never one to talk that much, and he rarely got deep and meaningful, not with me. So, to hear him admit all this, yeah it shocked me.
My muddled brain started to fire up. Was it doable? Could the three of us co-parent and still maintain a certain amount of separation from Deck. He was the father, and while it was a bitter pill to swallow, facts were facts. But if Zoe and I married like we wanted to, I needed to know I was to be the one there for her, not him. I couldn’t bare him being the one to do all the things she needed during her pregnancy. It wasn’t as if I hated the baby’s existence, that thought never crossed my mind when I first heard. I just wished that it was mine, but my blood flowed through that baby’s veins too and loving it wasn’t going to be hard.
“I need a plan,” I suddenly said getting up from the chair then promptly falling back into it, my head dizzy from the movement.
“Yeah you do, but first how about some coffee and a shower. I’d hate to guess what your blood alcohol limit is, but I bet it ain’t legal,” Deck said chuckling, his laugh sounding so much like my own.
“Why do we hate each other so much?” I blurted out without thinking. It was a question I had asked myself thousands of times over our nearly thirty-two years.
Deck stood up gathering rubbish off the coffee table as he did.
“I don’t hate you, Jason, I love you, you’re my brother. I just don’t like you all that much,” he said with a shrug his eyes narrowing as if he was trying to figure it out himself.
I nodded but didn’t say anything. He was right, hate might have been a bit harsh but I definitely didn’t like him all that much either.
Deck, I sensed had more to say on the matter.
“Maybe we should work on liking each other, you know for the sake of the baby and Zoe. I have known her for a long time, and without pissing you off, I know she can be a monster when shoved in a corner. She won’t take sides if she thinks it will bring disharmony, her stubbornness will prevail
and she will do something stupid like do this on her own.”
It did piss me off that he knew that about her and not me. It had been my choice to move fast with Zoe, and I didn’t regret that decision, I waited ten years and took the chance to make her mine as soon as possible.
I wasn’t going to slow down but I was going to learn more about the woman I loved so much. What made her mad, sad, happy all that crap. Know her like Deck did but even more.
We were never going to be best mates, but we did need to get along better, that much I agreed on.
“I reckon it wouldn’t hurt us not at each other’s throats all the time. There is a lot to work out Deck. Your role in Zoe’s life during the pregnancy being the first thing we should settle.” I conceded.
“Whatever you two want is fine with me. The club is busy with all the businesses we have on the go, and let’s face it I’m not one for rubbing a woman’s feet or shit like that. Just don’t shut me out on the important stuff. I want the sonogram pictures, and I will be paying all the medical costs. You can have the doctor appointments and the midnight runs for pickles and ice cream. And… I will be present at the birth,” Deck added firmly giving no room for negotiation. “She is your woman, but that is my baby too. And I take care of what is mine.”
“Of course, I wouldn’t do that to you mate,” I said quietly seeing for the first time how hard this was on him too. Deck didn’t plan on this happening, but it did and no one should be blamed, and especially not the baby. It was also wrong of me to accuse him of not doing the right thing by Zoe or the baby. Deck was an honourable man, loyal and fucking honest. Too honest sometimes.
Zoe’s beautiful face flashed before my eyes, her curly blonde hair fluffed over my pillow like a white cloud. Her soft red lips swollen from my kisses, pale green eyes shining back at me with so much love, so much trust. And I rewarded that gift by kicking her in the teeth then left her scared, alone and pregnant.
What kind of arsehole was I?
Making another attempt to stand, I used the arms of the chair for support, giving myself a minute for my legs to get used to my weight.
If I have to get down on my knees and beg for Zoe forgiveness then I will. Anything it takes to get Zoe back in my life and my ring on her finger.
With that resolved, I turned to walk out of the lounge room to take a shower and maybe a sleep before I called Zoe and hopefully get her to agree to meet me.
“Jason?” Deck called out quietly, making me stop in my tracks but I didn’t turn to face him.
“Yeah?”
“I have never been sorry that you are my brother,” he told me seriously. Without seeing his face, I knew he meant it.
“Me neither,” I lied to him, ashamed that it wasn’t the truth because there had been a handful or more times I’d wished that very thing.
Deck’s and my relationship was another thing I had to fix, how I went about that — Zoe first then everything else will hopefully fall into place.
Raising my hand over my head in a goodbye I continued out of the room.
Deck and I had come a long way tonight. It felt good, unfamiliar but good. Hopefully it will get better.
Chapter 15
To say that I was nervous didn’t cut it, in fact I was shitting myself.
After Deck came to my place and pulled me out of my drunken stupor, and after I showered the beer out of my pores and slept for close to nine hours, I made a lot of phone calls.
The first one was to Zoe, which she justifiably sent to voicemail after only two rings.
I conceded she was entitled to do that to me, so I left a message and asked her to meet me at our spot. Well, I begged her to meet me, begged her to let me explain then pleaded her to forgive me. After that, I called work, squared things with my sergeant and partner, luckily, I had over thirty weeks of annual leave up my sleeve so all I got yelled at for was taking time off during an active investigation.
One person I didn’t ring was Mum. My behaviour with Zoe and Deck that afternoon had been deplorable, but what I said to Mum I meant every word. The difference in the way she treated us boys was painfully obvious whether she liked to admit it or not. Just the way she assumed Zoe was Deck’s, not even contemplating another scenario. Then to ignore me and ask if Zoe wanted Deck to take her home, especially after she found out I was Zoe’s boyfriend.
I simply wasn’t ready to talk to her. Dad rang me to ask if I could come around and have dinner so they could chat with me, I said maybe, not sure if talking would change anything.
My main focus right now was Zoe.
She left me hanging for three hours after my voice message. Even the texts I sent her, showed they were read though stayed unanswered for hours.
Not that I could blame her, I hurt her badly by taking two and two and coming up with eighty.
I paced the small grassy knoll, the very place we had our first picnic together, and waited impatiently for Zoe to arrive.
Her message didn’t give any hint that she was happy to meet with me, all she sent was a ‘K’ nothing else. This was why I hated texting, had she answered my calls I would have a better indication as to how much trouble I was in with her and just how much grovelling was needed.
An unhelpful ‘K’ left my mind reeling with nothing but bad notions and sweaty palms.
I had heard from Deck again since he forced his way into my house, a quick call to tell me he saw Zoe, and I better make things right between her and I or Darth was gonna come calling at Vegas’ request, and something about Rainn wanting my balls on a dinner plate. Rainn, I found out was a dancer at the club’s strip joint and friends with both Vegas and Zoe. I didn’t answer Deck’s threat with much more than a thumbs-up emoji, I mean what else could I say? Zoe was loved by all at the club, and why wouldn’t she be, the woman was the perfect friend. Kind, caring and above all loyal, and I deserved a beat down for forgetting that about her and instead immediately thought of only myself and presumed the worst.
The crunching of gravel caught my attention, whirling around I looked through the thin birch trees and made out Zoe’s black bug parked next to my GT. She was yet to get out of the car, and I could see her blonde hair, her head looked to be facing down.
Fuck is she having second thoughts about talking to me?
The very notion that Zoe might not want anything to do with me spurred my legs into a fast jog down the small incline.
Like hell I was losing her now, or ever.
Just as I reached the clearing to the start of the parking area, Zoe pushed open her door and I noticed the slow way she pulled herself from the car. She looked so tired, black circles under both eyes, her body posture dejected.
I did that to her.
My unwillingness to accept the truth about her and Deck, was the reason my beautiful Nymph’s spark and light was gone from her face.
Picking up my pace, I hurdled the log barrier that stopped a car from going too far off the gravel area and onto the grass.
Seconds later, I reached Zoe, and without another thought, I gathered her up into my arms, holding her off the ground and close against me. Her body tensed in my arms, but that didn’t deter me from banding them tighter, refusing to let go.
“I know you must hate me right now baby, but please hold me, let me know that I haven’t fucked up that bad that you don’t want to touch me anymore,” I begged her, my face in her neck, the smell on her soft skin calming me slightly.
All I needed was for her to hold me back and let me know there was hope.
Tense seconds passed before I felt her arms come up and wrap around my neck, relief swept over me, even more, when she dug her fingers into the hair at the back of my neck and stroked me. My eyes squeezed tightly shut, as I savoured the blissful feeling of Zoe’s tender touch. A river of promise pooled in my belly, her willingness to calm my panic had to mean something, right?
“Zoe—”
Zoe’s fingers stopped their exploration and she pulled out of my arms, her eyes fired a da
rker green as they narrowed at me. “No Jason, this time you are going to listen while I talk,” she demanded in that sexy, husky voice I loved so much.
The fixer part of my personality wanted to argue with her, let me explain myself, demand she forgave me and put my ring on her finger.
But, I knew if Zoe and I were going to have to get back to where we were before my mouth got me into trouble. Deck’s advice rang in my ears, so instead, I grabbed her hand, because the need to touch her was overpowering, and gave her a slight nod to speak.
Her forefinger played over my thumb, the small gesture meaning more to me than I could put into words. Her face was still pensive, not to mention that fire in her green eyes.
So fucking beautiful.
“Jason, I am so mad with you. You walked away and left me at your mother’s place all alone to explain to her and to deal with Deck,” Zoe snapped, not unkindly because that wasn’t Zoe but she wasn’t one to roll over and forgive bad behaviour.
“You presumed so much without asking. To think that Deck and I are going to marry is so preposterous. The last person that should marry is Deck, and especially not to me,” she spluttered then shivered visibly at the thought.
“I know I jumped to conclusions baby,” I offered but Zoe wasn’t done with me, her hand whipped out and slapped me on the chest.
“You didn’t just jump Lawman, you pole-vaulted and missed the mat.”
My lips quirked at her imagery but I was careful not to laugh outright. I feared my balls might be in peril if I did.
“I picked you, not Deck. I told you I loved you, not Deck. I gave you my heart, not Deck,” Zoe said angrily. “And you did exactly what you promised you wouldn’t do anymore. You let your bitter history with Deck take over again, only this time you made me feel like crap.”
“I am not a cheater. Granted, kissing Deck was a huge mistake, and I am not going to blame alcohol or him. He laid a few kisses on me and I let him. It was — a goodbye kiss. Not sex, just kissing and dancing. He and I have history, you and I hadn’t even started, not really. Then we did, and I didn’t think that much of Deck and me after that.”
Love Hurts: The Love Duet Page 12
