I hung my head, not denying one word she spoke, how could I, it was the truth.
“I was afraid to tell you because you always make such a big deal about Deck’s and my relationship. Like you are waiting for me to slip up so you can say ‘gotcha’. Your issues are with Deck, not with me.”
Damn I am getting a full dose of humble pie this week. I think I’d rather a beat down from Darth.
“Zoe,” I tried again but this time I was cut off not by narrowed eyes or that husky voice tearing into me, but by a punch to the gut. Now it didn’t hurt, in fact it was more like a swat but the meaning behind it hit its mark.
“This is how it is going to work. One, we aren’t moving in together. Two, we aren’t getting engaged, and three no make-up sex… at least not until I say so. When I think you have gotten over your bullshit with Deck, we will revisit these further. Understand?” Zoe was breathing fire but I needed some clarification before I agreed to anything.
“Does this mean you aren’t breaking up with me?”
“Correct, but only by the skin of your teeth buddy,” she said with a cute growl.
“And you will marry me?” I pushed ignoring the euphoria building in my blood stream.
“Possibly, it depends on how well you beg and behave yourself where your brother is concerned. Whether we like it or not Deck is this baby’s father. I, for one, am not upset that there is a baby. Do I wish it were yours? Of course, I do, but it isn’t the baby’s fault his or her mum made a wrong decision. The only thing we can do is move forward and make the best out of the situation.”
Mentally I broke down everything Zoe just told me; there was nothing I couldn’t deal with as long as she was by my side and eventually, sooner than later, my wife.
One thing that stood out, other than her admitting she still wanted to marry me, of course, was the innocence of the baby. My Zoe would never regret the existence of this child, no matter how he or she came to be. If I could fall in love with her all over again, now would be the moment. Her strength and determination to go this alone if needed made me weak at the knees. I wasn’t going to let that happen, today right now all the shit stopped, Deck and I were going to learn to get along whether it killed us both.
“Baby, I promise nothing like that is ever going to happen again. I don’t want to live without you for another second. Deck and I have talked, it’s not completely mended but we are on the right track,” I said to her begging her with my eyes to believe me. She wasn’t touching me yet, but I could see the fire diminishing in her.
“You and Deck aren’t ever going to be best buddies, drinking partners or having sleepovers, or anything.”
I raised my eyebrows at her ‘sleepover’ comment.
A small smile appeared on her pouty lips, then she continued. “Deck asked to be part of the pregnancy, I agreed. He also said you know the terms of his involvement. Are you sure you can handle it, Jason?” Zoe asked, her hand reaching out to lace her fingers with mine. I blew out a long, slow, relieved breath and tightened my fingers around hers, gently pulling her into me. I folded Zoe into me, savouring the shiver that ran through her body when it made contact with my chest.
Standing next to her black girlie car, we stood locked in an embrace not saying anything for a long time, just enjoying the pardon our relationship just went through.
Kissing the top of Zoe’s head, I hummed in the pure pleasure of holding her.
“I can handle anything baby as long as you are beside me, underneath me or on top of me,” I answered her question with some of her own words, earning me a giggle and a pinch on the arse.
“You piss me off Lawman, but I do love you,” Zoe muttered, there was no heat in her words, but I wasn’t that much of an idiot that I didn’t know I just dodged a major bullet. My nine lives were just about used up, it was time to act like the man that got me through the academy and more than a few hairy situations on the job.
Pulling back so I could see her face, I looked deeply into the prettiest eyes in the world.
“I love you too, Zoe. I won’t fuck up again, well… yeah I might, okay probably will but not like this.” I pressed my lips to hers in a slow wet kiss, forgetting all the worry and drama of the last few days just from kissing Zoe.
Second after second ticked by before the need for air broke us apart, my lips stilled centimetres off hers.
“You know you have to talk to your mum, right?”
Groaning, I dropped my forehead to hers. “Whatever you say darlin,” I agreed wisely.
“Seven more months or so of answers like that and this pregnancy will be a breeze,” Zoe sassed, then started to laugh.
I stopped her with the best way I could think of, my hand inched down her back disappearing into the back of her nurse’s scrub pants. My fingers met the crack at the top of her arse but stopped from going down any further. Pushing my luck and ignoring her request for time was not a good option. I would do things her way… until I couldn’t.
Chapter 16
I parked my car off the street in front of my parent’s place for the second time in just over a week.
Zoe hadn’t pushed me to speak with my mother again after her first request four days ago. My woman was not a nagger, she had better ways of guilting me with looks and knowing lifts of her eyebrows.
She kept to her word about the no sex thing which was just about doing me in.
My balls were blue and my cock was permanently hard, but still I went to bed alone every night. Zoe came around to my place or me to hers, we had tea together and sat on the couch and watched movies. My chick flick knowledge was embarrassing, and Twilight was ruining my life. Tonight, we are looking at the final movie, thank fuck, but I tell you now after we see Edward turn his woman into a vampire I am going to bed my woman.
Four days of having cuddle time on the couch was enough. If speaking with my mother meant my punishment or penance or whatever it was, Zoe was putting me through, was over then so be it.
I left Mum a voicemail, knowing exactly when to call her when she wouldn’t pick up. Thank you, Days of our Lives.
Unfortunately, Zoe didn’t see this as talking with Mum, although she did give me points for trying. So, here I was sitting out front of my childhood home working up the courage to go toe-to-toe with the woman that gave me life.
Absently looking out my window, I saw a lanky teenager walking up the driveway of Kelsey’s place. Something about the teen had the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end.
Fuck he looked familiar.
Pulling the baseball cap lower on my head using the peak to cover part of my face. Being a cop in a suburb this size didn’t give me much anonymity.
Getting up the camera app on my phone, I snapped a few pictures not only of the kid but the crappy car in the driveway. I remembered it had been there the day I lost my shit with Deck and Mum.
Why the fuck was Kelsey’s mum subjecting her innocent daughter to such lowlives?
A feeling of dread suddenly filled me. Kelsey better not be in any danger because of her mother’s poor life choices. That kid had seen enough, been through enough in her young life.
The front door to the house opened, and a man aged in his early to mid-forties came sauntering out in just a singlet top and a pair of filthy jeans. He looked a lot like the teen, a father or brother maybe?
Snapping another round of photos of the older man, I was about to send them to my partner when I heard my name yelled from the front porch of my parent’s home.
The cop in me disappeared and the angry son returned.
Time to get gritty with Mrs Johnston.
Mrs Johnston was playing dirty.
I took in the smells of the kitchen and the table covered with homemade sweets and desserts. Mum was really pulling out all the stops, all the treats were all my favourites and not one Tim Tam in sight. Hell, if Deck’s obsessions weren’t getting a look in then maybe, just maybe she was sorry.
I stood at the entry of the kitchen and watched
the woman who gave me life bustle around at the sink filling two mugs with steaming hot water from the kettle.
“Hey Mum,” I greeted her, scaring a scream out of her.
Whirling around Mum faced me, her hands at her chest. “Good grief, Jason, you scared the crapola out of me,” Mum scolded me, but there was a warm smile on her face. She was a beautiful woman, at fifty she looked in her late thirties, and not a grey hair in sight.
“What’s all this?” I asked with a sweep of my arm at the loaded table.
A blush covered Mum’s cheeks then she turned and busied herself with finishing the two cups. One thing I learnt over the years about my mother, she wasn’t one for confrontation. She spoke without thinking, jumped to conclusions, and tended to say the wrong thing at the worst times, but arguing was not her forte. Neither was admitting that she got things wrong.
“Um, let’s sit, shall we?” I suggested deciding to make this a little easier on her. Getting the upper hand and giving her a mouthful suddenly lost its appeal. Zoe told me how bad Mum felt after I accused her of only loving Deck and not me.
I did feel bad that I hurt my mother’s feelings, although I had no regrets that my true feelings were out there now.
Mum settled herself in the chair directly across from me, placing my mug of coffee on the coaster in front of me.
“May I say something?” she asked quietly. I could tell she was having a hard time and I only nodded.
“Jason, I am so very sorry about my behaviour the other day. I have no excuse, so I am not going to insult you by making one up. I assumed some things and didn’t listen when you tried to correct me. As usual, I took Deck’s side and never considered to take yours.”
My hands froze with the cup of coffee I was in the process of lifting to my lips. This I was not expecting, not from Mum.
“I can see from your expression I have shocked you, and that makes me feel even worse than I already do,” Mum admitted sadly. “It’s true I favour Deck, but it was not a deliberate choice to hurt you, sweetheart.”
“Then why?” I asked quietly.
“Oh Jason, I was nineteen when I gave birth to twins. Your father, although a wonderful man and the love of my life, was quite useless when it came to knowing how to pamper his young pregnant wife. You know your Dad, when the going gets rough, he takes off for the pub.” I laughed because it was true. Dad was the least sensitive man I knew, and when his feelings came into it, he solved the uncomfortable notion of dealing with them by going to the local watering hole and getting pissed with his mates.
“Yeah, I think Deck takes after the old man there,” I joked lightly, attempting to ease the tension between us.
“Yes, he does, and you take after me sweet boy. As a young mother when I went into labour I had no idea what was in store for me, Deck came out first and they put him in my arms while the doctors went about getting you to come out. Even in the womb, you were chill and calm, waiting in line for your turn, for a bit there the doctor was concerned about getting you out.” Mum’s smile was wistful as she recounted the time in her life when everything changed for her.
“I remember lying in the operating theatre thinking that having two babies was going to be so hard, I would never sleep ever again, and more than likely would fail to raise my two babies.”
I dropped the cup to the coaster then leaned over and grabbed Mum’s shaking hands.
“Mum—”
“No let me get this out, okay?”
I sat there stoically and let her go on with her story, but keeping her small hands cradled in mine.
“Your father wasn’t in the room with me, he went out and got so drunk, my uncles brought him to the hospital, and while I was getting a C-section, your dad sat in the waiting room where he was force-fed numerous cups of black coffee. He sobered up enough to get in the room and stop me from naming you Humphrey but he wasn’t there to stop me from bonding with just one baby.”
“When we got home, life was a flurry of feedings, laundry and sleepless nights. Decker was my independent baby, after a bottle he would go back into his cot or on his bouncy chair happily. Cuddles weren’t necessary for him and it allowed me to get on with the housework,” Mum explained, then her fingers tightened around mine and she sighed.
“But you, my sweet baby boy liked your cuddles. You were a snuggle bunny and didn’t like to be left alone like your brother. My head told me I had to be the perfect wife and mother, keep the perfect house, make every meal. You… needed too much of that time, and I pegged brother against brother without realising what I was doing. It’s my fault you boys grew up fighting and hating one another.”
Tears rolled down my mother’s cheeks, killing me with each one. Up on my feet in seconds I made my way around to her side of the table, dropping to my knees.
“Mum, this is not what I wanted to do to you by saying those things I did. I was pissed off with Deck and myself more than you. I acted like a petulant child and said things out of anger,” I implored, hating that I distressed my mum with my callous words and that she had hidden her fears for so long. It made more sense to me, didn’t hurt any less, but I understood where she was coming from now. This wasn’t something that couldn’t be resolved, glad that it was out, I was certain Mum and I could work on our relationship and come out better than ever.
Standing up I brought Mum with me, wrapping her in my arms.
“I love you Mum, Deck and I are working things out. We may not be best buds but I assure you I don’t have the deep burning need to kill him every time I see him now,” I said telling her just a little white lie. Maim might be a better word to explain the way I felt when I saw him now, and maybe I still wanted to chop off his dick. But all in all, things were more sedate.
“You are going to be a wonderful father Jason. You have a huge heart and so much love to give.”
My breath suddenly hitched in my throat.
“Deck is the father, Mum,” I reminded her with a gravelly voice. I could say how much it meant to me to hear my mother acknowledge me as if I were the father of Zoe’s baby.
Zoe and I had discussed it a lot during our couch cuddle session, with no sex involved.
I was now at the stage where I was handling the whole situation better, less aggro, and with a more open mind. Zoe insisted we add a night-time ritual of placing our hands on her belly and talk to the baby. I liked the idea that the baby was going to hear my voice more than Deck’s. Okay, so I wasn’t totally there as far as accepting my brother into the fold of Zoe, the baby and me. He was still a prick, just not as annoying.
“Deck might be the biological father, and I have faith that he will step-up like he has promised and shoulder his brunt of the responsibility that comes with being a dad. But you, my boy, will be the father that will teach my first grandchild about love and kindness. You will love this child as your own without resentment of his or her parentage.”
I barely had time to absorb what Mum just said when the back door banged open and my idiot twin and my father walked in.
“Ma, I’m hungry — hey what’s going on?”
“I will feed you in a minute Decker, first get over here and join me and your brother in some mummy and son time,” Mum mumbled against my chest, shimming her hand out from between our bodies and waving Deck over to join us.
I watched Deck shrug his massive shoulders in answer and swaggered over behind Mum and wrapped a big arm around her.
I turned to see my dad look stunned at the scene in front of him, seeing his two sons in the same room and not throwing insults or fists at each other was shocking enough but to see tears on Mum’s face and my eyes shining with unshed tears was obviously too much for the man.
“I’ll be at the pub love,” he muttered hastily before backing away and out the door.
Mum and I both burst out laughing, enjoying the secret joke just between ourselves.
“Why aren’t there any Tim Tams on the table?” Deck asked over our laughter, making Mum and me laugh harder
.
Yep, it was time for the healing to start.
Chapter 17
The punching bag swung back at me and again I launched my fist at it hitting it like it was the enemy.
For the last hour, this was all I had done. My arms felt like limp noodles but I didn’t stop pounding at the stuffed leather bag.
Zoe was at month five, and now into her second trimester, the first trimester over thank fuck.
I don’t think anything could have prepared me for the slap of reality pregnancy gave me. My beautiful, sassy Nymph turned into a raging ball of hormones with a sharp tongue added for good measure, just to balance the hell I found myself in.
The crying started from the minute she woke up to the minute she finally fell into a comatose sleep. A sleep that, for some reason, developed loud snoring.
The weeping and snoring I could deal with, it was the mood swings and the Jekyll and Hyde persona that scared the crap out of me.
The grounding I found myself on only lasted a week longer after we got back together, she moved in with me but still refused to take the ring or let me propose to her. I figured at the time that I won one battle, and the rest would fall into place once we got the living arrangements sorted. How fucking wrong, I was!
What we did discover was pregnancy and Zoe did not mix. Morning sickness hit her hard at week ten, and fuck did it hit her with a bang.
Just after week fifteen, I rushed her to the hospital in the middle of the night after six hours of vomiting. When we got to the ER, they rushed Zoe off then hooked her up to a drip, took blood and all the while I stayed glued to her side shitting myself and praying to God I would do whatever Zoe asked me to do from then on if he saved her and the baby.
It turned out she was severally dehydrated and suffering from extremely bad morning sickness or hyperemesis gravidarum. She stayed in hospital for seven days on an IV of medicine to help with the vomiting, and another one to give her fluids because she had trouble keeping down solid food and liquid of any kind.
Love Hurts: The Love Duet Page 13
