Reaching Answers

by Erin R Flynn

  That was the moment I won. The bear gave a cry and ducked his head behind his arms.

  “You submit and will stop this shit?” I checked, glad when the bear nodded. “And your person? Will Lucca pull his head out of his ass?” Relief filled me when the bear nodded again.

  But it didn’t help the pain really. I wasn’t happy with Lucca and I was tired of all the issues. Being with someone shouldn’t be this hard and always so much drama. Fine, our lives weren’t calm or easy but still, it was too much.

  Plus, I was right in what I’d said. I didn’t know any woman who would have been fine with their man publicly siding with another woman, even if no one knew we were together. It was crap, and a crappy way to treat me.

  I turned on my heel to leave and locked gazes with Darby, unable to read what was swimming in his eyes. “Let me guess—you disapprove?”

  He glanced behind me to Lucca and shook his head. “What you do with your mate isn’t my business.”

  My heart broke. Which meant he did, but he was at least learning not to publicly say shit about what I did. I didn’t realize tears had fallen until he went pale.

  “Agra,” he whispered.

  “Don’t call me that,” I snapped, wiping my eyes. “You haven’t wanted to call me that, so now I don’t want to hear it.” I practically snarled when he tried to object. “I think you need some of what I just gave the bear, but for now, I’ll start with having you leave my house.”

  “What?” he gasped, his eyes going wide.

  I nodded, feeling better about the decision as my hurt and anger rolled. “Yeah, I don’t need you here.” I gestured back to Neldor. “I have enough disapproval and problems. I don’t need someone who swears he loves me adding to stress when I need to focus on saving my people and surviving.”

  “I do love—”

  “The several shifters who guard me, care about me, said I needed to smack him around. So it wasn’t even my idea and I didn’t want to do it. I would have just bailed.” I flinched as I realized it was the truth.

  And Lucca knew it was from the tension I felt from behind me, knowing he’d shifted back to a man.

  “So why don’t you go stay with Mel since you’re all on her side. You can go be on her team when I did it to save her life and she bailed on me too. She promised she was in this with me no matter what and bailed. So all of you can just fucking take her side and bail and I don’t care anymore!”

  “I’m sorry,” Lucca mumbled as he hugged me from behind, his voice sounding rough. “I’m sorry I was so harsh and—”

  “And judged me,” I bitched, elbowing him hard enough that I could get away with him healing still. I turned to face them both. “You both had lots to say about Craftsman judging me for what I did and bailing, but at least he didn’t get all in my face and run his mouth to everyone. I honestly don’t…” I shook my head, not wanting to put this in the same boat because it wasn’t.

  I also didn’t want to sound like I was defending Craftsman because I wasn’t.

  “I didn’t want to do this to Mel,” I whispered, trying to fight the tears. “Hudson was the only one who saw the truth. I hated to do this, but I was trying to save her life. Her clan’s lives because they would have gone for revenge as well. We would have all been dragged into this and apparently, I was going to lose her either way, but at least she’s alive.

  “I wouldn’t have stayed out of it and if I die, everyone in Faerie is frozen forever! That’s all on me. So if this world wasn’t so fucking corrupt and horrible, I wouldn’t have ever done it this way. I did the best I could because everything is fucked. But this is who I am. I will make the hard choices and go at the bullshit head-on. I will not change for a man or just fall in line obediently to any of you.”

  “That’s not what I wanted,” Lucca argued, scrubbing his hand over his head. “Magic is swirling around you, Tams. Get it out and we can talk later when you’ve chilled. I’m staying all week and—”

  “What?” I couldn’t even hide how annoyed I was then. “You just decide you’re staying at my house for a week without asking me?” They both winced which meant Darby had known. Lovely. “And we’ll talk later when I’ve chilled? Do you hear yourself, Mr. Von Thann?”

  Lucca reacted like I’d punched him in the gut, going pale as well as it sunk in what he’d just said, how he’d just treated me.

  “Guess I don’t have to worry about the vampire in your life after all,” Neldor muttered, not even trying to hide his amusement. “The bear gone is a welcome addition as well.”

  I blew my lid, seeing red. The men in this world and around me were trying to take the last of my sanity.

  No. No way.

  I turned and let out a power clap to send him flying since he was on his feet again. He only went about ten feet before crashing into a huge tree that broke into pieces from being hit at that speed.

  But horror filled me as I realized I’d clipped one of the fae dogs who had been too close. I thought the fairy rune for speed and was there instantly. I dove to the ground and hurried to heal the poor dog.

  “I’m so sorry,” I rasped as I made her better.

  She wasn’t angry, turning and licking my face. Her thoughts were grateful I cared, accidents happened, and she shouldn’t have run in to give Neldor a warning snarl. She had been upset how all the men were treating me and wanted to back up a female.

  Nice someone did. I thanked her and kissed her head, making her promise to eat extra food and rest for the day in the cozy beds. She was already healed but I’d hurt her badly, so she got time to just recover.

  “She’s fine,” I confirmed for the others as I got to my feet and she jumped to hers. I watched as she went over to her pack and they all gave me happy barks or had their tongues hanging out to let me know they weren’t upset with me.

  At least my dogs didn’t judge me.

  I needed more of that and less problems in my life if I was to handle what I needed to. My anger started to build from my hurt and I couldn’t seem to put the bottle back in the stopper.

  Turning when I heard several people gasp, I saw a temp portal open up under Neldor and he fell through it. I didn’t understand why that would shock them. So he’d portaled somewhere?

  So what?

  “You did it,” White explained, shaking her head when I tried to argue. “We saw your magic flare, Tamsin. Apparently, you can open portals from a distance.”

  “And without thought,” I grumbled, glancing at my hands. “Well, that’s new. I don’t even know where I sent him.”

  Zack snorted. “He can handle it.”

  Ray couldn’t hide his amusement either. “What were you thinking?”

  I shrugged. “That he should take a long walk off a short pier.” My eyes went wide. “Did I send him to the ocean?”

  They were not the only people who burst out laughing. I thought Larson was going to fall off his chair.

  I glanced at Lucca and thought about sending him away. I did a double take when I practically saw the runes for the portal he’d arrived from in his aura. An evil smile formed on my lips. “I’ll send your stuff.”

  The portal opened up beneath him before he could even object, sending him back to… I assumed the portal at his family’s house, but honestly I had no idea.

  And I’d just sent him there naked.

  I didn’t really feel guilty about that with the way he was acting.

  I closed that portal and opened one under Darby, sending him to the Vogels’ castle… Completely bypassing their security. I didn’t send him through their portal, but to the Rothchilds’ wing, which shouldn’t have been possible.

  But it was and I knew why.

  I sighed as I glanced over at White. “Warn the Vogels and other royals not to let anyone else give crystals for their wards or glamours.”

  She frowned but still pulled out her phone. “Why?”

  “Because if my magic powers it, I can completely bypass their security, tap into it. I don’t know i
f that’s me or others can too.”

  She went pale so fast, I worried she might faint. “Others have offered. Dozens of powerful warlocks have been offering and more than you could give according to them as they’re older and, well, men.”

  “Shit, they have to know then and they used me starting it as the way in.” I bit back the smirk. “Make sure it doesn’t get to Alec. I want that loophole for that asshole.” I chuckled when I heard Ray and Zack’s thoughts. “Yeah, let’s do that for sure.”

  “What?” Larson asked, glancing between them.

  “You don’t need to know when you’re not on her side like we are,” Zack cut in.

  Yeah, that was probably best.

  White was though.

  “They want to use back channels to sell my crystals to Berman, not only charging the asshole out the ass for them, but giving us this way in when we’re ready.”

  She smiled, shaking her head as she talked to someone on her phone to get to the right people. “That also shows dissent in your camp and a chance for them to come at you in a way we can control and trap.”

  “Oh, I like that,” I purred in our minds, sharing the idea with Zack and Ray.

  Who were just as happy with it for sure.

  Nice.

  “Where is this new reservoir?” I asked, figuring I might as well take a shot at it with so much upset and emotion swirling at me.

  “You’ve used so much magic and—” Larson tried to argue.

  “Yeah, I know. I need to get this out and might as well start getting a feel as to how much this fills it. I need lots of examples if I’m going to do this right and safely.”

  “You’re right,” he agreed, Craftsman echoing him.

  I followed Larson inside and he took out the much larger reservoir from its custom padding in a fitted box. Honestly, it was wrapped as carefully as an expensive computer or electronics. Smart.

  It probably cost way more so yeah, smart to take care of it.

  I waited until Craftsman and White were touching it with me and then threw my power into it.

  “Just under a third,” Larson declared, giving me a seriously impressed look before cutting his glance to Craftsman.

  So his guess was mingling our magics and accepting we were mates—having a magical mate—might be the answer. He wasn’t sexist in the way most warlocks were who would think it had to do something with a man working with me or some bullshit masculine influence.

  He wasn’t that stupid to believe that and come around me. Honestly, I liked and respected Larson. I truly did. He was just a bit crotchety and acted like my boss sometimes. He came into that role naturally and he was a bit overbearing because I was a woman without family.

  I could handle that. I didn’t even judge him for it.

  Giving Neldor more respect than he did me wasn’t even something I cared about. He knew Neldor as the dark prince and in that role. He didn’t me as the light princess, and I couldn’t even wrap my head around it yet.

  The only time I had a problem with Larson was when he acted like he should be the final call. He was used to being that for people though, so again, I could forgive it and he had taught me a lot.

  In other words, he was worth his being a pain the ass at times. That was better than most.

  White finished her first call and snorted, focused on the terrace doors.

  I turned in time to see a pissed off Neldor come slopping into the house, not even able to curb my reaction.

  “Well, I guess we don’t have to wait long at all for your magic to destroy his by leaps and bounds as he would be doing the same to you if he could, based on his aura,” she commented, her amusement mocking him.

  I nodded I heard her. “I’m not apologizing because you did deserve it, but it was an accident.” I didn’t wait for his reply, glancing at Larson. “You’ll fill him in on the crystals and what we learned?”

  “Of course. We’ll start pushing your new level after lunch when you recharge.”

  “Good. Thanks.” I wasn’t sure what else I would have said or done next, my mind on the journals I’d been acquiring, but a different pissed off male came in from the garage.

  Still naked.

  And with his conduit?

  I raised an eyebrow at Lucca wearing it now. He wouldn’t have left it at home if he was planning to stay here a week, so it must have been with his stuff he’d left in the garage or hallway when he’d arrived?

  That was as far as my mind got before he was on me.

  And I was over his shoulder again.

  “This is getting old,” I drawled as he carried me off. “And it didn’t go so well last time you did it in this house, especially pissed.”

  He flinched but kept going. He ducked down when we reached my room so I was safe and set me on my feet.

  And knelt in front of me with his head hung.

  Huh?

  What the fuck was going on now?

  Fucking men.

  6

  “Would you please put up a barrier so no one hears us?” he asked softly.

  “I told you to—”

  “Please, kitten,” he begged. “Please.”

  “Don’t call me that,” I snapped even as I put up the barrier. “Just because I slapped you around doesn’t mean you’re forgiven or we’re okay.”

  “I know. I know that.” He let out a slow breath. “I was going to ask this morning after we all talked. I swear I was. I didn’t even know I could swing staying until late last night when Mother announced she was taking a break and going on a retreat since Father broke their vacation plans. He immediately changed everything to follow her and—whatever. I was going to ask.”

  “That’s not what you said,” I reminded him.

  He nodded. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I’ve handled so much of this like shit. Fucking Neldor drives—”

  “How can you blame this on him? Your behavior on him? I have no problem blaming everything on him that’s his fault, but I’m fair and—”

  “Not a man, Tamsin,” he snarled, shaking his head to try and chill. “He pushes buttons, and us, in ways you don’t get. You ignore a lot of it, but it’s harder for us to.”

  I lost some of my anger and stopped to listen. “Sometimes it’s not ignoring it, but not getting it, and admitting that to him is dangerous. I don’t understand what I’ve missed. I’ve shut him down when he’s tried to get me break up with Darby.”

  Lucca lifted his head and thick rage was in his eyes, but I didn’t think it was for me. “He’s made it clear several times that you were promised to him and you will be his as his mate and we’re just the harem he’ll allow you if you behave as you should. That’s all the value we have and—”

  “Lucca,” I sighed, moving to kneel with him. “You should ignore that, you stupid bear. Why the fuck are you listening to him about what I’ll allow or my life?”

  “You were betrothed—”

  “No, we weren’t,” I declared firmly. I grabbed his arms when he gave me a look that I was being silly. “Listen to me! I didn’t agree to shit. Someone made a promise on my behalf that had no right to. Hear me when I say they sold me for peace or whatever else and I cannot—I will not be a whore who is sold to that asshole. I don’t care who said what; I never gave consent and it’s not anything.”

  He couldn’t hide his shock as I finally unleashed the full depths of my disgust at being promised to someone as a baby like I was property by my family who I had dreamed of my entire life who clearly had never loved me. “Oh, kitten.”

  “Why are you letting him win? You stupid bear! You’re supposed to be on my side. You care what he’s doing and saying like it matters, and it’s driving a wedge between us. You’re destroying our barely anything relationship by choosing Mel and listening to that piece of shit I loathe. Why? Why are you doing this to us?”

  “I’m—”

  “Do you hate that fate picked me?” I choked out, finally asking what I’d been too scared to for weeks now.

 
; “No, no, Tamsin,” he rasped, trying to pull me into his arms, but I fought him. He didn’t care, taking the hits and my struggles.

  “Stop accepting I can be sold!” I sobbed, admitting what else had been hurting me so much. “I’m worth more than that. I thought my mate of all people would agree.”

  Hudson did. We’d had a long talk about maybe my parents had agreed to the betrothal for peace, but had planned to never go through with it or give me the final decision as his parents had. They were never going to mate him to someone he didn’t love or couldn’t be with, simply making alliances when he was younger.

  That had honestly been the most comforting conversation I’d had about the whole thing and had helped me the most.

  “I’m sorry, kitten,” he whispered as he kissed my temple. “I want you. I’m scared we’re so young but I want you. I’m scared I can’t make you happy, be what you need like a fairy. I’m terrified I can’t be what the fucking heir to the light fairy realm needs. I’m… I’ve been a shit mate and I didn’t see it. I kept thinking you would—I didn’t see the thing with Mel like that.”

  “You didn’t ask,” I bitched, getting an arm free and slugging him in the shoulder. “You just judged. You announced I was wrong and you were on her side. Pissed I didn’t talk to you or ask your fucking permission first.”

  “You talked to him first,” he snarled.

  “The fuck I did!” I bellowed, hitting him again before he got my arm tucked back against my body.

  He leaned away and blinked at me. “He knew. He didn’t lie when he told me he knew and you guys had talked about it. He knew the plan and—”

  “He didn’t lie, but he certainly wasn’t telling you the truth, Lucca,” I grumbled. “He busted me that I’d told Councilman Brooks and put pieces together. He wasn’t even right what I told him, and that was the night Craftsman saved me and you guys found us in bed. I didn’t tell anyone before I did it. Zack and Ray knew I was going to admit I was a fairy, but not why. I did this all on my own. I carried this burden alone and—”