by Nicola Marsh
Heading back 2 Melbourne 4 band meeting.
I’ve let Isla know.
Will be back in a week.
A pain so swift and sharp it made her gasp lodged in her chest. Silly, to have a physical reaction to news she’d been expecting all along. But after last night surely he could’ve said goodbye in person, at least to his daughter?
Though it wasn’t Isla that Tash was concerned about and she wished she’d accepted one of his calls today. Now she’d never know what he’d wanted and once again she’d be stuck in this town, mulling what might have been with the man she loved.
Loved?
Oh no. No, no, no. She shouldn’t love him. She couldn’t.
But what if she did?
Reeling from the realisation, she couldn’t muster an appropriate response to the text so she shoved her mobile back in her bag and focussed on her breathing. She needed to calm the hell down because Isla would be here any minute and her daughter would take one look at her and know something was up.
Yet she couldn’t ignore that pesky L word. When did she fall back in love with Kody? They’d hardly spent enough time together for it to happen. And most of that time had been fraught with resentment and anger on his part, guilt and self-recrimination on hers.
That’s when an even more startling realisation nudged its way into her conscience.
Had she never fallen out of love with him?
She’d devoted the last thirteen years to raising Isla and hadn’t been interested in relationships with other guys, when many single mums had a healthy dating life and made it work despite the demands of motherhood. Kody had been it for her and she never could’ve anticipated that he’d still be rocking her world all these years later.
The door opened and Isla slid into the car, shoving her bag under the console. ‘Hey, Mum.’
Pasting a smile on her face, Tash turned. ‘Hey, sweetie, how was school?’
‘The usual. PE and drama rocked, the rest sucked.’
This response was nothing out of the ordinary and Tash would usually give a gentle lecture about the importance of all subjects for a good VCE score in order to further her education. But she didn’t have the heart for it today.
‘Everything okay, Mum?’
‘Sure.’
Isla studied her face, her astute gaze way too mature for an almost-thirteen-year-old. ‘Are you sad because Dad’s leaving?’
‘No, I understand he’s got work to do in Melbourne,’ Tash said, sounding brusque. She softened it with, ‘But we’ve worked out the custody agreement and you’ll be spending heaps of time with him.’
Isla’s eyes lit up. ‘Really? When?’
‘All the school holidays and he’ll try to squeeze in weekends here and there when he can.’
‘Awesome.’ She grinned, before surprising Tash by reaching over and hugging her. ‘Thanks for sorting all that out, Mum. I know it must be hard on you seeing an old boyfriend, but I’m glad you and Dad can be friends now.’
‘Yeah, we’re friends,’ Tash parroted, sounding idiotic but struggling to keep her composure. Because ‘friends’ conjured up visions of just that: Tash having to hear about his latest girlfriend, more than likely from Isla, who would think nothing of enthusing over her father’s newest glamorous, model-thin babe. She’d hear all about his decadent life and how he lavished Isla with treats, while she’d be stuck in Brockenridge lamenting decisions of the past.
She needed something to focus on, something to take her mind off the fact she’d lost Kody and for too many months of the year she’d be losing Isla too. The obvious choice would be to finish her nursing degree. She’d have the time and throwing herself into study while maintaining her job would guarantee she’d have minimal downtime to dwell and stress.
Oblivious to her whirling thoughts, Isla released her and snapped on her seat belt. When Tash made no move to start the car, Isla waved a hand in front of her face.
‘Mum, you’re really spaced out.’
‘That’s because I’m thinking of finishing my nursing degree,’ she said in a rush, knowing that confessing to Isla made it real. ‘How do you feel about that?’
‘I think it’s fantastic.’ Her daughter’s nose crinkled in the same cute way it used to when she was three. ‘But all that study. Yuck.’
‘I’ll let you in on a little secret.’ Tash crooked a finger at her. ‘I’m actually a nerd at heart who loves studying.’
Isla rolled her eyes. ‘I always knew you were an alien from another planet,’ she said, and laughed.
Tash joined in, feeling lighter than she had a few moments ago. ‘On that note, let’s head home and I’ll whip you up a batch of my famous outer space oatmeal cookies.’
‘Deal.’
Tash managed to make small talk with Isla all the way home, inserting the proper ‘uh-huhs’ and ‘no ways’ at appropriate points in the conversation. But her mind was elsewhere, dwelling on a sexy rock star who’d stolen her heart yet again without trying.
CHAPTER
42
Nostalgia swamped Kody as he strolled along Beach Road in the direction of the Princeton. He’d traversed this route countless times as a teen and later in his early twenties, when he played nightly gigs. The Princeton had been the band’s first gig and their last in Australia. He’d been a fool for avoiding his home city because of a failed relationship. Then again, considering Tash had been avoiding his calls and texts, maybe he’d done the right thing.
What had she expected him to do, sit around and wait for her to come to her senses? He’d laid his heart on the line, and she’d sliced and diced it and handed it back on a platter. He knew there’d be obstacles to them getting together. Hell, the last thing he wanted was a long-distance relationship but he’d been willing to take a risk because it was her. His Tash.
The kicker was, his yearning to be with her had nothing to do with her being the mother of his child and everything to do with his own selfish needs. Namely, she was the only woman who’d ever really got him. And the years apart hadn’t eradicated that. If anything, the older, wiser versions of themselves seemed to meld even better than before.
He understood her reservations. He had the same himself, especially about what would happen to his relationship with Isla if he started something with Tash and it all went pear-shaped. But he hadn’t got this far in his life without taking risks and he believed this one was worth it. Why couldn’t she feel the same?
As he turned into Fitzroy Street, familiar aromas thrust him back in time. Sautéed onion and garlic from the best pasta restaurant in Melbourne, cumin and garam masala from a spicy Indian café, and lush cinnamon and vanilla from a gelateria. He’d sampled them all with Tash by his side and being back here without her seemed … wrong.
Shaking off his nostalgia, he pushed through the main door of the Princeton. Yanni would be in the back room near the pool tables and as he wound his way through the bar, empty save for a few bar staff cleaning up after patrons who’d probably stumbled out of here only a few hours earlier, Kody wondered what would have happened if he’d never taken a chance and gone to LA. Would he still be here, performing gigs, wishing for something more? Would he be in a relationship with Tash? Married? Regretful and bitter that he hadn’t chased his dream?
That’s when he realised she’d given him the ultimate gift.
Freedom.
Because she was right, damn it. If she’d told him about keeping the baby, he wouldn’t have abandoned her. Considering his upbringing, when he’d yearned for a stable family and parents that loved him, he never would’ve left. But he would’ve stayed for the wrong reasons. Obligation didn’t make for a good relationship long term and his regret may have turned him into a shitty dad too.
It was time to let go of his lingering resentment towards Tash and move forwards. Who knows, maybe she sensed that in him and that’s why she’d shot him down when he mentioned a relationship?
Only one way to find out.
Once he’d wrapped
up business in Melbourne, he intended on heading back to Brockenridge to sort out his future.
As Kody entered the small back room reserved for bands to chill between sets, he spied Yanni scrolling through his phone and emotion tightened his chest. Yanni was the brother he’d never had and he’d stood by him through so much. He hoped he would understand the decision Kody had made.
‘Hey, bozo,’ he called out, and Yanni’s head lifted, a goofy grin spreading across his face.
‘Hey, putz.’ Yanni stood as he approached and they embraced, slapping each other’s backs, before releasing. ‘Apart from the limp, you look good. Country air suits you.’
‘It does.’ He sat and rested his forearms on the table. ‘It’s weird being back in Melbourne after all this time.’
‘Yeah, especially considering it’s your home city.’ Yanni slugged him on the arm. ‘So tell me everything.’ He shook his head. ‘I can’t believe you have a kid. What’s she like? How are you getting on? How’s Tash?’
‘Isla’s great. And she’s into music, which is fantastic. She asked me to teach her guitar so I’ve been doing that. She’s a quick study.’ His throat tightened and he cleared it. ‘And she’s accepted me like I’ve always been around, which is pretty damn amazing.’
‘I’m happy for you, mate. Do you have any pics?’
‘Yeah.’ Kody slid his mobile out of his pocket. He hadn’t taken a lot of photos of Isla because he hadn’t wanted to creep her out, but he’d snapped a few when she’d been practising guitar, and a couple when they were watching some crappy reality show. Different angles, different lighting, but all highlighting how damn lucky he was to have a kid like her. ‘Here.’
He held out his phone and Yanni’s eyes widened. ‘Shit, man, she’s the spitting image of Tash, but she has your eyes.’
‘Yeah, I know, freaky.’
Kody scrolled through a few more pics, resisting the urge to puff out his chest with pride at how amazing his daughter was. When he pocketed his phone, Yanni pinned him with an astute stare.
‘You’re not coming back to the band, are you?’
He should’ve known his best mate would read his mind.
‘It’s more complicated than that.’
‘And does this complication have anything to do with Tash, considering you haven’t mentioned her despite me asking?’
Kody huffed out a sigh. ‘I’m in love with her.’
‘And have you told her that?’
‘Sort of.’
Yanni punched him on the arm again. ‘Bozo, you already screwed up with her once before.’
‘But that wasn’t my fault. She lied to me.’
‘Yet you walked away when she told you she was going to abort your baby?’ Yanni sounded incredulous, and slightly judgemental. ‘Come on, man, you had a choice back then even though you’re probably telling yourself you didn’t.’
Kody held up his hands. ‘Hey, I know, okay? And I’ve come to terms with it. But things are more complicated now.’
‘Because of Isla?’
‘And you. You and the guys are my family, I don’t want to let you down.’
‘You’re thinking of quitting the band completely?’
‘Hell, no. But the changes I want to instigate will affect you all, which is why I wanted to run a few ideas past you first.’
‘Okay, shoot.’
‘Rock Hard Place is still on top. We’re selling out concerts, our downloads and streaming are through the roof. Because of this popularity I reckon we can pick and choose gigs, when we record, that kind of thing. We don’t have to do the manic tour thing anymore. And this way we all get to explore what’s beyond the band, you know?’
Yanni didn’t answer for a few seconds and Kody braced for his idea to be shot down. Then Yanni said, ‘I think it’s a great idea.’
‘Yeah?’
‘Hell, yeah.’ Yanni thumped his chest. ‘I’m sick of being a bachelor. I want a family. Seeing Daz with his kids … anyway, I’d love to chill out in Brockenridge more often, see what’s out there for me beyond the band. That town gets under your skin a little, you know?’
‘It has a unique vibe, that’s for sure.’ The quiet country town had crept under his guard in a way he’d never expected and if he had his way, he’d be spending a lot more time there.
‘With a little luck, we might be neighbours?’ Yanni’s sly wink made Kody roll his eyes.
‘Considering Tash doesn’t want a bar of me I don’t think I’ll be moving in with her any time soon.’
‘You’ll sort it out. Love makes us do crazy things.’
‘Speaking of crazy, I kind of promised the owner of the roadhouse where Tash works that the band would perform a gig there.’
‘What the—’
‘Tash and Ruby, the owner, helped me out.’ Kody realised he was fiddling, tracing gouges in the worn wooden table, and interlocked his fingers to stop. ‘Those concert deaths messed me up real bad, man. I couldn’t even look at a guitar let alone touch it. But I worked through my shit with professional help—’ he held up his hand, ‘—don’t say I told you so, because we both know you were right. Anyway, it was hard getting up on stage again but I did it, and I thought doing a low-key gig in front of a hundred might help me face my fears, which it did. But to maintain my privacy, Ruby got everyone to keep their mouths shut with the promise we’d do a gig.’
‘Consider it done,’ Yanni said with a brisk nod. ‘The boys have been worried about you, so I’ll invite them all up to my place for a weekend, we’ll chill, have a barbie and play this gig.’
‘Knew I could count on you, mate.’ Kody reached across and slapped him on the back. ‘I know the boys will be here soon and we have to break the news about our cut-back schedule to Tony, but do you think you could keep all that stuff about Tash and Isla private?’
Yanni nodded. ‘Our illustrious manager is going to have a coronary but he’ll have no choice but to accept our decision. As for the rest …’ He shrugged. ‘News is going to get out about you having a kid. Then the paparazzi will descend. If you don’t give them something, they’ll make shit up and that’ll be worse for all of you.’
‘Yeah, I know, I’ll discuss a plan with Tony, then I’ll get Tash onboard.’ The last thing Kody wanted was for her life to be disrupted because of him. That would do him no favours when he had every intention of convincing her how good they were together.
‘So back to my original question: how is Tash?’
‘As stubborn and gorgeous as ever.’
Yanni chuckled. ‘Your grin says it all, putz. She’s the one.’
‘Yeah, she is, and it fucking terrifies me.’
Yanni hesitated, a flicker of worry in his eyes. ‘Just make sure you get everything sorted before the news breaks, because being in this biz can be tough on the families.’
‘Daz has managed to shield Bess and the kids well, and they’re divorced.’
‘Yeah, but it takes work, which is why I’m advising you to put things into place to protect Tash and Isla.’
‘Thanks, mate, for everything.’
‘No worries.’ Yanni stood. ‘I’ll go rustle up drinks before the boys get here.’
‘Thanks,’ Kody said, waiting until Yanni left before sliding his phone out of his pocket again.
Still no missed calls or messages. He wanted to badger Tash to listen to him, but he’d already done enough of that and she’d ignored him completely. Besides, the news he had to deliver would be best done face to face.
The sooner he wrapped things up in Melbourne and headed back to Brockenridge, the better.
CHAPTER
43
Having one too many wines with Louise and Bec last night hadn’t been a good idea considering Jane’s head still throbbed after midday. But she’d needed the numbness that came with alcohol oblivion because if she hadn’t drunk after walking away from Mason she would’ve blurted the whole sorry tale to the girls and that would’ve been poor form considering they’d only
just re-bonded.
She’d enjoyed spending time with them, and regretted not doing it sooner. She couldn’t believe she’d wasted a decade of her life wrapped up in a stupid vendetta against her mother trying to prove a point. Then again, Louise and Bec had their fair share of problems, so she didn’t blame them for letting the friendship lapse. And considering their very real difficulties, hers would’ve seemed trite and selfish. Besides, divulging her dilemma about Mason would’ve made it real and she didn’t want to admit to herself let alone others that she may have made a mistake.
When a guy like Mason Woodley was interested in a relationship, you shouldn’t dismiss it. But that’s exactly what she’d done and she’d been second-guessing herself ever since. Which explained why she’d taken the drastic step of listing her house with the real estate agent first thing this morning and had booked a week in a fancy hotel in Melbourne, giving her enough time to source a rental property in person.
She had to get out of Brockenridge. She had to leave the past behind. Even if it felt like she was abandoning a possible future before it had begun.
To make matters worse, Mason had texted her, asking her to meet him at the patisserie to do a last-minute check on her work before the grand opening in a few days. She could’ve refused but that would be unprofessional and he’d done nothing to warrant that kind of behaviour. So she’d do this final check, bid him a civilised goodbye, and head back home to start packing. A simple plan that came unstuck when she arrived at the patisserie to find the windows covered in opaque sheets. Weird, considering the windows hadn’t been covered while the renovations were being done. Maybe Mason wanted to make the opening extra exciting by doing a big reveal on the day with all his fancy-schmancy baked goodies on display?
She tried the doorknob. Locked. Her mobile beeped with an incoming message.
Come around the back.
Annoyed he was playing games with her, Jane trudged around to the rear entrance. She knocked and the door swung open, revealing Mason in chef’s whites. They should’ve made him look dorky; she’d watched enough reality cooking shows on TV to know this outfit did nothing for the wearer. But of course Mason rocked it, the crispness of the white jacket accentuating his tan and making him look more delectable than the pastries he created.
