by Nicola Marsh
He raised a hand in greeting and stepped onto the stage and it wasn’t until he sat on a stool with the guitar on his knee that he realised he hadn’t baulked. He hadn’t hesitated a second when he had the support of these people and that buoyed him for the future.
He could do this, perform in front of crowds again. Not be terrified that something would go wrong at every concert and people would die. What happened in Wellington had been a freak accident and it had taken him a long time to accept that and get to this point. He wouldn’t waste time dwelling any longer. He’d give these people what they’d come to hear. The blues.
A hush fell over the crowd when he played the first chord and from that moment on he never looked back. He did covers by blues legends like B.B. King, Stevie Ray Vaughan, John Lee Hooker and Janis Joplin. He sang from the heart, from a place deep inside that had been locked away since Wellington, a place that Tash had helped crack open to set him free.
His voice soared and his fingers played and by the end of the longest set of his life, he almost keeled off the stool in relief. The thunderous applause rang in his ears as he took a bow and walked off the stage.
Into Tash’s arms.
He should’ve known she’d be there waiting for him, supporting him, holding him up when he was near collapsing.
If he’d changed over the years, she had too. This wasn’t the same woman who’d walked away from him thirteen years ago because she didn’t trust him to make the right choice. This was a woman who would stand by her man and he hoped to god he could convince her of that for however long they had left together.
She led him through the kitchen and out the back door to a wooden table and benches. ‘Wait there,’ she said, gently pushing him down onto the bench before trotting back into the kitchen.
She reappeared a few moments later with a carafe of a creamy drink and two glasses.
‘Is that what I think it is?’
She smiled, poured him a glass, and slid it across. ‘Remember those banana smoothies you used to guzzle after a gig? I thought one might hit the spot now.’
‘You’re incredible, you know that?’
He didn’t have the heart to tell her he’d stopped drinking smoothies when he left Melbourne because it was yet another thing that reminded him of her. Strolling down Acland Street in St Kilda after a gig at the Princeton, desperate for something smooth and icy cold to soothe his throat. Being a nursing student she’d been all about health and had insisted banana smoothies were packed with goodness so he’d humoured her, surprised to find they helped restore his energy after a draining night.
‘I’m not the guy who just made that crowd’s year. Heck, their whole decade,’ she said, pride in her voice. ‘You were amazing up there. Your voice …’ she choked up, and he gave her time to pull herself together. ‘It’s better than I remembered, a much deeper timbre, with the right touch of vibrato.’ She kissed her fingertips with dramatic flair. ‘Perfection.’
She made it sound like she hadn’t heard his music in years. Maybe she hadn’t?
‘When’s the last time you heard me sing?’
She took an inordinately long time to respond. ‘At the Princeton thirteen years ago.’
‘What?’
She grimaced. ‘I couldn’t do it to myself, listen to you after you became famous.’
‘Why?’
‘Because it killed me walking away from you and I didn’t need any reminders of what I’d lost.’
She sounded so raw, so pained, that he held out his hand to comfort her. But she didn’t take it. Instead, she backed away.
‘Tash, I’ve got feelings for you—’
‘Don’t, please,’ she murmured, clasping her hands together in front of her like a school principal about to deliver an unpleasant speech. ‘I’ve always had feelings for you, and they never went away despite what happened. Then having you back here, telling you the truth about everything, reconnecting …’ She shook her head, biting her lip. ‘I feel so much for you, Kody, but it doesn’t change anything. My life is here, yours is on the road and I won’t be a woman who pines, waiting for whatever scraps of affection you dole out if we happen to be in the same town for a day or two.’
The bluntness and logic he’d been admiring earlier now made his gut clench. She was right. There had to be a way, but damned if he could think of it.
‘Hey, you two.’ Alisha stepped out of the kitchen and headed towards them. Kody didn’t know whether to be annoyed at the interruption or grateful. ‘Sorry to interrupt but I have something really important I want to ask Kody.’
Tash backed away more. ‘I’ll leave you to it.’
‘No, stay, it’s fine,’ Alisha said, her eyes glowing in the darkness as she stared at him. ‘You were amazing, Kody, and I know this is a lot to ask, but if you’re around in two weeks, will you sing at my wedding?’
The smart thing to do would be to refuse. He’d be getting his walking boot off in a fortnight and he’d envisaged heading back to Melbourne for physio while rearranging what’s left of the New Zealand tour and perhaps coordinating an Aussie one, giving him time to spend with Isla. But Alisha looked so hopeful, and she was Tash’s best friend, so he found himself nodding.
‘Sure.’
Alisha let out a loud whoop, did a little jig and clapped her hands. ‘I can’t believe this. Thanks so much.’
‘No worries,’ he said, watching Tash for a reaction.
But she remained stony-faced and stiff, like she couldn’t wait to get away from him. And as Alisha prattled on about dates and venues and number of guests, he only half-listened, wondering how he and Tash could have such strong feelings yet still walk away from each other.
CHAPTER
40
As Jane approached the bar to order drinks for Louise and Bec, she ran into Tash.
‘Hey, that was some blues night,’ Jane said. ‘How on earth does Ruby know Kody Lansdowne?’
Tash grinned and crooked her finger. ‘I’ll let you in on a little secret. I’m the one who knows Kody and I used my substantial influence to get him to perform tonight.’
‘Good for you. You’re friends?’
‘Something like that.’
Jane didn’t understand Tash’s secretive smile. Maybe Tash had a crush on the rock star and wanted to be more than friends? Whatever the reason, it wasn’t her place to ask. They’d always been polite to each other over the years but Jane didn’t know the waitress that well. ‘I’m guessing you won’t tell me how you know him if I ask?’
Tash tapped the side of her nose and winked. ‘That’s on a need-to-know basis, I’m afraid.’
‘I figured as much.’ They laughed, and Jane hoped Tash would answer her next question, the one she really wanted to ask her.
‘Can I ask you something that’s not rock-star related?’
‘Sure.’
‘I know you got out of town for a few years, then came back. What was it like escaping?’
If Jane’s odd question fazed Tash, she didn’t show it. ‘I loved the freedom of not living in a fishbowl, of not having every action scrutinised, of not being judged. But you know something? There’s a lot to be said for a small town, because once people get past their hang-ups, they can be pretty damn supportive too.’ Tash’s gaze drifted over the crowd who’d stuck around for a few drinks after Kody’s performance and she smiled. ‘It took me a long time to figure that out.’
Jane mumbled an agreement and Tash shot her a glance. ‘Are you thinking of leaving?’
‘Yeah. Considering I’ve lived here my entire life, it’s time.’
Tash hesitated, as if she wanted to say more, before reaching out and patting her on the arm. ‘Do it. Who knows, you may end up like me and realise that time away from this place actually makes you appreciate it more when you return.’
Doubtful, as Jane had no intention of returning to Brockenridge once she escaped. ‘Thanks.’
‘No worries, and good luck.’
As Jane watched
Tash move between tables, chatting and laughing with patrons, completely at ease, she wondered if there would ever come a time she’d feel as comfortable in this place.
Considering she intended to flee and not look back, absolutely no way.
Jane raised her wine glass, waiting for Louise and Bec to do the same. ‘To renewing old friendships.’
‘To us,’ Louise echoed, and Bec added, ‘To moving forwards.’
They clinked glasses and sipped at their wines, yet another uncomfortable silence extending between them. It had been easier with Kody Lansdowne performing as the music had prevented any awkward pauses in conversation. Jane had organised this impromptu get-together at the roadhouse as a way of purging more of her past. Confronting her mother had been cathartic but not nearly enough. She’d once been best friends with these girls, not that she’d treated them well. Back then she’d emulated Gladys, expecting everyone to kowtow to her, and that’s what Louise and Bec had done. The three of them had never been equals; Jane had resided at the centre of her own universe and expected the other two to bask in her light. She’d been a bitch. But it was never too late to make amends and while she couldn’t change the past she could make an easier future.
‘I can’t believe we got to see Kody Lansdowne perform live tonight,’ Louise said. ‘Choosing Ruby’s place for us to catch up is a nice touch too.’
Jane searched for any sign of sarcasm and found none. Maybe they’d all changed for the better. ‘Yeah, his performance was phenomenal, and Ruby’s been great, considering how awful I was to her in high school.’
‘We all were.’ Bec grimaced. ‘Why did we do that?’
‘Because we were young and stupid and ten foot up ourselves.’ Louise’s dry response made them laugh. ‘And we thought Jane walked on water so we did everything she said.’
‘You’re right.’ Jane shook her head, mortified she’d been so awful back then. ‘I was a horrible person and I’m sorry for dragging you two down with me.’
‘Hey, we weren’t blameless, not by a long shot.’ Sadness clouded Louise’s eyes. ‘Though a small part of me does wonder if karma is real and all that bad shit we did back then is coming back to haunt us.’
‘Don’t believe in it.’ Bec snorted, but her gaze shifted away. ‘Though considering you’ve got a cheating arsehole for a husband, I’ve got four kids and no money, and Jane’s single and stuck in this dead-end town, maybe karma really is a bitch.’
‘Hey, I chose to stay here.’ Jane lifted her glass.
‘Why?’ the other girls asked in unison, and the three of them laughed again.
But Jane couldn’t give them an honest answer, not when her rationale had been petty and hadn’t worked anyway. Making the decision to leave now might be impulsive but it felt right and she couldn’t wait.
So she changed the subject. ‘Should we get Ruby over here for a drink?’
Louise and Bec hesitated, before nodding.
‘Be right back.’ Jane stood and scanned the diner. She couldn’t see Ruby so she headed towards the bar to ask Aldo, the bartender. However, she’d only made it halfway across the room when an arm snaked around her waist from behind and she jumped.
‘Miss me, hot stuff?’
She spun around, dislodging the possessive arm, and glared at the bleary-eyed guy staring at her with a wolfish grin. She couldn’t remember his name but she recognised him, some smarmy salesman she’d flirted with a few years ago when he’d passed through town. He’d have to be forty-something but dyed his hair too dark, had a fake tan and whitened teeth. A city guy, fake and sleazy, the kind of man she’d deliberately targeted in the past because it would piss off her mother. He made her skin crawl.
‘I have a boyfriend,’ she said, her tone firm. Not that she could class Mason as such, but what he didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him.
The man leered at her, before shrugging. ‘Too bad.’
She breathed a sigh of relief when he lurched away, in search of another clueless woman like she’d once been. But she’d barely taken three steps when another guy waylaid her.
‘Hey there, Janey-Jane.’ He slung an arm across her shoulder. ‘How are you?’
Jane suppressed a shudder. This guy was older and possessive. A sheep farmer from New South Wales, he came through town every few months. She’d liked him because he lavished attention on her. He made her feel special in the same way her father had. Considering his age, no prizes for guessing she had daddy issues and that’s what had attracted her to him in the first place.
‘I’m fine, thanks, but I have a boyfriend now.’
She shrugged off his arm and he looked her up and down, sceptical. ‘Last time I saw you, you were single and loving it.’ He leaned in too close and she gritted her teeth against the stench of his woodsy aftershave. ‘What happened to fun-loving Jane?’
Annoyed he hadn’t got the message, she took a step back. ‘Already told you, I’m seeing someone, so back off.’
He must’ve heard something in her tone because he held up his hands in surrender. ‘Don’t be so touchy, love. See you round.’
‘Not if I can bloody help it,’ she muttered to his retreating back, only to turn and see Mason standing behind her. How long had he been there? Had he heard that exchange?
By his thunderous expression, he had. Great.
‘You okay?’ He touched her arm and she nodded.
‘Fine.’
‘Who were those guys?’
‘Mistakes.’
She expected him to push the issue, and was relieved when he didn’t. The last thing she wanted to do was rehash her crappy taste in men before he came along.
‘Am I the guy you’re seeing?’
She blushed. ‘That was an excuse I used to fob them off.’
‘But what if you were? Seeing me for real, that is?’ He slipped his hand into hers, intertwining their fingers. ‘I know I said I’d be leaving town once I got Mum up to speed with the French side of the baking, but I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and I want to stick around.’ He leaned down to whisper in her ear, ‘See if we can make this thing between us work. What do you say?’
Jane wanted to say ‘hell, yeah’ but she couldn’t. He wanted to stay; she wanted to leave. Brockenridge held nothing for her anymore. She’d confronted her mother, she’d learned the truth about her father and she needed a clean start. Having those two sleazes approach her sealed it. Unless she got away and created a fresh start in a place where nobody knew her, she’d always be misjudged in this town.
Mason obviously took her silence as consideration, because he continued, ‘I’ve given up my lease on my apartment in Paris. So I’m officially homeless, unless you fancy a roommate?’
Her heart gave a funny twang and she clutched onto his hand like she’d never let go. But she had to. She’d wasted enough of her life doing things for other people: making her dad proud; making her mum mad; making herself miserable. Time to start living her life, even if part of her had already fallen for Mason and walking away from him would be the hardest thing she’d ever had to do.
‘I’m leaving,’ she said, giving his hand a squeeze and releasing it. ‘You’re a great guy, Mason, and I like you a lot, but it’s my time now. You’ve done so much. You’ve travelled and lived abroad and become successful in your career, while I’ve done nothing. Our timing really does suck, but I have to do this, for me.’
‘I understand,’ he said, but the gruffness in his tone told her he wasn’t happy.
They stared at each other for an interminable moment before she said, ‘I’m here with friends and I’m looking for Ruby to join us, so I better get back to them.’
‘So that’s it?’
She didn’t warrant his hint of bitterness. They hadn’t been in a relationship. She owed him nothing. But as she nodded and walked away, she couldn’t help but wonder if, after all the stuff-ups in her life, she’d just made the biggest mistake yet.
CHAPTER
41
It had bee
n late by the time Tash got home after her shift last night and Isla had been asleep, then up early and on the school bus before Tash had waken. The sitter had said she’d gone to bed early, listening to Rock Hard Place’s greatest hits. Of course; her father was all she could talk about these days. Which would make the news Tash was going to deliver when she picked her up from school shortly very welcome.
After Kody had declared his feelings for her last night at the roadhouse and she’d articulated why they couldn’t be together, Tash knew she had to get things between them back on a platonic level. So first thing this morning she’d signed the custody papers and dropped them off at the lawyer. Kody had texted her a few times and called twice; she’d ignored him. No point rehashing the hurt. They couldn’t be together and she needed some time and space from him, otherwise she’d be tempted to renege on her stance to not date him if he tried to sweet-talk her.
And he would. He’d always been good at that. She’d been powerless to resist Kody at his charming best and, last night, she’d come close to throwing caution to the wind and agreeing to a relationship, whatever that may entail.
But she couldn’t be some rock star’s groupie, not at her age. She had responsibilities and a good example to set. What would Isla think if Tash fell into Kody’s arms whenever he came to town? It would definitely send her impressionable daughter the wrong message: that it was okay to wait around for a man, to put his needs first, to be passive rather than proactive in a relationship.
No, she’d never do that to Isla. And she wouldn’t do it to herself either. Which is why she had to set clear boundaries, starting today.
She pulled up outside the school gate as her mobile beeped. Turning off the engine, she slid the phone from her bag and glanced at the screen. Kody. Again. She was on the verge of ignoring him when the first two words of his message caught her eye.
I’m leaving.
She sucked in a breath and read the rest.
