Swimming Through the Dawn

by R. P. Rioux

  "Oh, Heather, what are you doing?" she asked herself as she waited for a traffic signal to change. She was being handed a free education on a silver platter. Other students would kill for such a gift. Why throw it away for a silly dream, especially one that relied so heavily on the whims of others? Were her members even serious about Made in Heaven? She had no way of knowing. True, they shared brief moments of triumph together, but those were outweighed by the disappointments. Would that be enough to convince them to commit? She wouldn't blame them one bit if they dropped the group for better opportunities. And if they did, where would that leave her?

  SIU's Financial Services office wasn't busy at that hour. She simply had to submit the paperwork at the desk. Before she could exit, her name was called. "Ms. Moon, you forgot to sign it." Heather returned to the desk and accepted a pen from the Latina staff member. When she hesitated, the woman pointed to the line requiring a signature. The office phone rang. "I have to get that."

  Heather stared at the document as she tapped her pen on the counter. The empty line gaped at her. When the phone call concluded, Heather still hadn't signed it.

  "What's wrong?" the clerk asked.

  "Could you please shred this for me?"

  The woman looked baffled. "You want me to shred this now?"

  "Yes, please."

  "You won't be able to qualify for financial aid then. Today's the deadline."

  "I understand." Heather winced as the voracious machine devoured the application she had spent so many hours preparing. Freed from that dilemma, she stepped outside.

  The alarm on her phone warned she had five minutes to go before the Philosophy final started. That was just enough time to text Grace.

  3:56 P.M. Heather: Let's cancel Thursday's rehearsal. Time for a road trip.

  43

  June

  June and her aunt Ye-jin sat in the living room watching a YouTube episode of Running Man shot at the Wolmi Sea Train. The popular Korean variety show featured a regular cast along with weekly guests who competed in a series of silly games until a winning team was declared. Situations were designed to maximize humorous interactions. June and her aunt liked the program because it allowed them to forget their struggles momentarily while at the same time become familiar with South Korea's points of interest. They had discovered the show years earlier on a smuggled USB drive of forbidden content. Deemed subversive and banned by the North Korean government, the program was now available for them to view whenever they wanted.

  At its conclusion, Ye-jin closed the laptop, which stood perched on a footstool in the living room. June could tell she was struggling. Her aunt hadn't reacted once. This was unusual behavior, as the program usually kept her in stitches.

  "What's the matter, Eemo?"

  "Jeong, I don't know how to say this." Her aunt broke into tears.

  "Take your time. I'm listening." June cradled her hand in support.

  "I know you've worked tirelessly to get settled here."

  "Yes, but I'll work harder if needed."

  "I've considered, but I want your input." June waited anxiously. The news would not be ordinary. "I'm thinking of moving to Korea this summer."

  The unexpectedness of it hit June hard. It took all her self-control to keep from getting upset. "Why now? After what we've been through."

  "I talked to a doctor. He says I have macular degeneration."

  After Ye-jin's glass incident, June had researched likely causes of deteriorating eyesight. She was at least somewhat familiar with that condition. "I'm sorry, Eemo. I was hoping it wouldn't be serious." She encouraged her aunt's tears to flow freely.

  "The doctor says it's treatable over the long term. But we can't afford it here. With the NHIS, I'd be able to get the same treatment in Korea for much less."

  "We have no family there."

  "Do you remember Eun-kyung, when we were waiting for visas in Thailand?"

  "Yes."

  "Her family invited us to stay there until we got settled."

  "Us?" But that would mean—

  "You'd have to uproot again."

  "Of course, I want to be with you. You’re my family." She was profoundly disappointed. Just as her new life was getting underway, this happened. "What would I do there? Where would I find work?"

  "It won't be easy, no matter what."

  "What city?"

  "Tongyeong-si, on the southern coast."

  "That's far from Seoul."

  "It is."

  "I wouldn't be able to keep modeling."

  "You could do other things. A more stable job locally." Ye-jin sensed her disappointment. She stopped crying and, in turn, rubbed June's shoulder to comfort her. "I know you have your heart set on modeling, but practical matters sometimes come before dreams."

  "I suppose." Deep down, she knew her aunt was right. "We'd still be in North Korea if we remained practical, though."

  "The odds against you are long, June. You've seen how much competition you have. What if it doesn't work out? What will you do then?"

  June shrugged her shoulders. It wasn't an outcome she spent much time considering. "I've dreamt this since I was little."

  "Think it over. You'll always have a place with me."

  As much as June hated the idea of abandoning her dream so soon after embarking on it, she saw little alternative. Her aunt was making a life-altering decision to preserve her health. They'd both struggle without each other's support and companionship.

  44

  Grace

  "Is this it?" asked Grace as she tapped the brakes of her Subaru at first sight of beachfront.

  "No, this is Zuma," explained Vanessa. "Point Dume is ahead."

  The driver of the tailing SUV honked impatiently.

  "All right. I'm moving, jeez."

  Heather, in the front passenger seat, turned the radio down to a conversational level. Grace had suggested Malibu for their outing after Heather proposed a heartfelt discussion on the group's future. Along the way, they stopped at a Korean BBQ restaurant for takeaway. The plan was to eat an early dinner and watch the sunset from the beach.

  "You better park soon, or there won't be any fries left," complained Mindy.

  "I was hungry," protested Erin.

  "You're always hungry."

  Grace watched in the rearview mirror as Erin made a face at Mindy before presenting a fry as a peace offering. Mindy readily accepted the gift with an open mouth.

  Since it was a weekday, parking at Point Dume was abundant. Grace backed her Subaru Tribeca into a superb spot steps away from the beach, at which point the seven members of Made in Heaven spilled onto the sand. Heather spread a blanket as the girls gallivanted in the sunshine. Grace left the SUV's rear hatch open to access supplies as needed.

  The members claimed spots along the edge of the blanket as Heather arranged the food. The feast included Korean fried chicken, popcorn shrimp, kimchi fried rice, and a remarkably small number of sweet potato fries.

  "I thought three orders of fries would be plenty. They were huge," said Heather.

  "You didn't plan on Erin," said Mindy.

  "Seriously," exclaimed Vanessa. "How can you eat so much and stay so skinny? It's not even fair." Erin smiled guiltily.

  "Thank you for the food," they said in unison. The meal disappeared rapidly. As they ate, they teased each other mercilessly over the flirtatious guys they'd encountered since the video debuted. Satiated, they split into groups and wandered off to explore the beach.

  Grace stayed with the SUV, stretching her legs on the blanket. She enjoyed the scene unfolding before her. The DJ on the radio promoted an upcoming concert, but the roaring surf drowned out most of what he was saying. She watched Sun-hee, June and Vanessa splash in the ankle-deep water nearby. Erin and Mindy climbed rocks a short distance to the south. Heather took a solitary stroll along the beach to the north, evidently lost in thought. At times she would let the incoming water advance to her toes, but would go no further. A light but warm breeze k
icked up as the intensity of the late afternoon sun diminished. Grace took a deep breath of the salty ocean air as she reflected on the events of the past year and the girls who had become like sisters to her. What did the future hold for Made in Heaven? Had their time together come to an end?

  Once Heather returned from her walk, she gathered the group together. Grace suggested a photo for posterity. It could be the last opportunity they'd ever have for one. Seven cheerful faces assembled in a tight circle. Heather sat in the middle, basking in the warmth of camaraderie. The California coastline, magnificently lit by the sun's golden rays, trailed off in the distance. Grace scanned the three images she took and selected one to show the others. The photo was the best they'd ever taken.

  "I hope years from now we can recall this day with fondness," said Sun-hee.

  Grace invited the girls to sit in a circle on the blanket. They'd soon know the group's fate. "We need your input," she said simply.

  Heather took a moment to elegantly spread her knee-length skirt over the blanket. She folded her hands on her lap, looked at her cohorts, and spoke. "I'll get right to it. I'm thinking of leaving school."

  Everyone but Grace gasped at the news. "Why?" asked Erin.

  "Nothing's certain yet, but I want to hear your thoughts on Made in Heaven before I make my eventual decision."

  "Why ask us?" asked Vanessa.

  "The reality is I can either continue my studies or pursue an idol career. I can't do both. The finances are not there." Heather didn't need to elaborate on the situation. Heads nodded in understanding. "Being an idol remains my dream, but I can't do it alone."

  "You carried us this far, Heather," said Sun-hee to the agreement of the others.

  "I believe in you all, but I'm afraid we've hit a wall." The girls fell silent and listened intently to her next words. "My question is, how committed are you to taking this to the next level?"

  "What's wrong with what we're doing?" asked Erin.

  Mindy didn't wait for Heather to respond. "We've been living off the charity of others. That'll only carry us so far."

  "That's right, Mindy," said Grace. "Steve's been making our videos for his class projects. Danya and Marielle worked for free. Same with the film crew and the recording crew. Even Arnie, bless his heart, didn't get paid a cent for what he did. Nobody has mentioned legal issues and contracts, and all the boring but important stuff. The cost of promotions, traveling, albums."

  "That's true," said Vanessa.

  "Two singles and a few shows. The sum of our hard work," said Mindy. "That won't make much of an impact, I'm afraid." The members looked somewhat distraught at this realization.

  "How are the videos doing?" asked Erin.

  "Last I looked, 'Have No Fear' reached 600 YouTube views in four months. 'Feel the Heat' cracked 1,500 yesterday." Grace winced as she delivered her report. "We've made a grand total of $12.14 from streaming, and have no physical CD sales to our credit because we only printed enough to give away as promos."

  "That's humbling," said June.

  "BTS videos hit 100 million views in two days," Mindy added.

  "Thanks for setting a high bar there, Mindy," said Grace.

  "600, though. That’s basically friends and family, isn't it?" said Vanessa.

  "Pretty much. What Heather is saying is we need to take this more seriously if we hope to make it as a professional group. That means practicing more, getting, and staying in shape, and perfecting our technique. Not to mention committing to more live performances, promoting ourselves, and raising money to pay for it all. It's not all sunshine and unicorns."

  "I, for one, want to stay in school. I'm not losing my scholarship," said Vanessa.

  "That's completely understandable," responded Heather. I don't expect anyone to follow my example."

  "Image too," Grace said. "We'll have to agree on a code of conduct. It doesn't have to be as severe as what agencies demand in Korea, but we must cover the basics. We must set an example of how to act in society. That includes no foul language."

  All eyes darted to Mindy, who feigned surprise. "Why are you all looking at me?" Her question provoked general laughter. "It was one time," she said defensively with a guilty smile. "Even monkeys fall from trees."

  Sun-hee raised her hand as if in class. "Can I speak?"

  "Of course," Grace responded.

  "Of the many reasons I'm doing this, money is not the biggest one." Her comment was greeted by a chorus of support.

  "I understand," said Heather. "That's how I feel too. I imagine there are better ways to make money. Grace is right, though. Until we have a hit, we'll have to spend money first."

  "Remember," Mindy said, "we're doing this alone. No agency, no connections, and no expertise. That's the price of independence. We can't expect miracles."

  "We're not in Korea either," added Sun-hee.

  "And let's be clear. The chances of us succeeding beyond having a bit of fun is tiny. We're small fish in a vast sea."

  "What does success mean, though?" asked June.

  "To me, it's when people tell us they like what we're doing," said Sun-hee. "That makes the hard work worthwhile." Others agreed enthusiastically.

  Before matters became disorderly, Grace wrangled the conversation back to her agenda. "Here's another idea. If we continue with the group, would you be interested in sharing a house together?" The girls fell silent as they contemplated this new possibility.

  "It would save money," said June.

  "We could practice more, too," noted Heather.

  "I could sleep in my own bed again," said Erin.

  "We'd probably kill each other," cracked Vanessa.

  This triggered a torrent of opinions. Grace sensed they had enough to consider. She let the discussion take its own course. All formalities, by this point, had broken down. Members sometimes spoke in small groups, and sometimes shouted over each other. They argued, traded compliments, and expressed a wide range of views on their experiences together and their possible futures. They shared their fears and dreams. In the end, it was difficult to discern from the conversation, whether they had settled on a single course of action. She could tell from the way Heather was biting her lip that her primary concern remained unanswered. Was Made in Heaven as meaningful to them as it was to her?

  The sun had set, and technically the beach was closed. Nobody had come to shoo them away, however. As Mindy was sharing another entertaining story about idol life, Grace noticed a curious look come over Sun-hee's face. She was turning her head to the side as though a sound in the distance beckoned.

  "What's the matter?" Grace asked, a hint of alarm coloring her voice. The chatter of the girls continued.

  "Do you hear that?"

  "What?" An immense wave thundered into the nearby rocks before subsiding back into the sea.

  "I thought you said your phone couldn't connect to the stereo."

  "It can't. The socket's broken."

  "Then how are you playing our song?"

  Nobody else was paying attention to this exchange, but Grace caught onto Sun-hee's point. Standing purposefully and gesturing with her arms outstretched, she shouted. "Quiet!"

  The girls, startled by this outburst, immediately stopped talking to behold her.

  At that moment, two sounds could be distinctly heard: the crashing of waves on the shore, and the iconic whistling of "Feel the Heat," barely audible from the car stereo.

  Sun-hee bolted from the blanket and dashed to the nearby Subaru. She tore open its door and climbed into the front seat. "It's on the radio! Our song's on KIGN!" she yelled, increasing the volume as loud as it could go without distorting.

  The rest of the group sat wide-eyed for a moment. Suddenly, they realized what was happening. All at once, shrieks of ecstasy. They jumped around in sheer joy, tears flowing. Hugs abounded. Laughter. Whenever the excitement lapsed, even for a second, they'd hear another phrase of the song and burst into more screams and squeals of delight.

  Grace's rap s
tarted. "That's me. I'm on the radio." She vaulted in place like a baby girl, not caring one bit if it diminished her reputation as a level-headed leader.

  June, Mindy, and Vanessa resumed their dance routine midway through the song but erupted into laughter so often it soon went awry. Heather, meanwhile, overwhelmed by the emotions pouring forth from everyone, dabbed tears from her eyes with a leftover napkin from the takeout bag. She tore it in half and shared it with Erin, who was also sobbing.

  During the commotion, a middle-aged white man in a faded red tank top and camouflage baseball cap ran to where the Subaru was parked. He was soon joined by two teenage boys dressed in similar beach attire. They were alarmed and ready to fight. "Are you okay?" he asked hurriedly as he struggled to catch his breath. "We heard screaming."